# Counting The Cost (memoir)

Counting The Cost is a 2023 memoir about Jill Duggar, which was also written by Derrick Dilliard and Craig Borlase. The book describes Jill's childhood and her experiences as a wife, mother, and missionary. She also describes growing apart from her parents and letting them have less control over her life.

## Summary

Jill describes her childhood growing up as a family affiliated with the Institute in Basic Life Principles. At first, her family attended a church with more progressive Christians in addition to being taught these principles, which ended when the children were shown a Christmas dance. She had many expectations growing up as a result of the family's religious beliefs such as not watching television or dancing. She also explains many Duggar family sayings such as "Nike" (a warning that someone dressed immodestly was nearby), not "stirring up contention among the brethren", and having a "window of opportunity". The family gained prominence after their father's failed Senate run and filmed five documentaries. After those became hits, TLC began filming 17 Kids and Counting. This allowed them to move to a bigger house and not have to worry about the cost of groceries.
She begins a courtship with Derik, who she is introduced to by her father on a phone call. He is serving a mission trip in Nepal. She meets him for the first time in a trip covered by the TV network. Eventually, they get married, but she should still follow her parents' authority under IBLP beliefs. This causes tension, as Jill realizes she doesn't like her most private moments becoming entertainment and Derik advocates for receiving some amount of financial compensation, while Jim Bob refuses to negotiate. Jill has to push back against network demands, like wanting to film their honeymoon and the birth of their first child. When details of her childhood abuse are released to the media, she experiences a secondary victimization through it becoming a public spectacle. TLC cancels the show and replaces it with Jill and Jessa: Counting On. The couple live in El Salvador as missionaries and they decide not to go to a Houston film shoot promoting the new show, which creates further family tension. Her parents organize a family meeting where they offer to give each of their adult children $80,000, but only if they sign a contract. The couple are skeptical of the contract and decide not to sign it and are later gifted the money instead. They encounter difficulties trying to leave the show, but are ultimately successful.
Jill experiences a uterine rupture while having her second child. While there were concerns about brain damage to the child as a result of oxygen deprivation, he was cleared as healthy by a neurologist at three months old. Jill struggles with guilt stemming from her childhood beliefs about large families being a blessing from God and uncertainty about whether to have additional children. The couple start attending a more mainstream church. Jill decides that it is okay for her to wear pants, consume alcohol in moderation, and get a nose piercing. Derick starts attending law school. The couple starts attending therapy together and hires a lawyer to advocate on their behalf. Jill finally receives the income that her father claimed she made on her tax returns. After Josh Duggar is arrested for child pornography, Jill is interviewed by Homeland Security. She is relieved that they have enough evidence to not need her to testify against him. However, her case against In Touch is dismissed shortly afterwards. She also gives birth to a third child through a cesarean section.

## Reception

The memoir was reviewed by the Los Angeles Times, which stated that it described "a critical — if also loving — portrait of family patriarch Jim Bob Duggar". An article by People concluded that the memoir dropped many "bombshells" such as Jim Bob misleading his daughter into signing a contract on the day she got married, that she had to wait a month to tell her family about her pregnancy to work around the show's filming schedule, and that she had not initially received compensation for her role on the show. Another reviewer stated that the book was required reading for people who were fans of 19 Kids and Counting.