# Passionate and companionate love

In psychology, a distinction is often made between two types of love. Elaine Hatfield & G. William Walster define them as:
* Passionate love, "a state of intense longing for union with another. Reciprocated love (union with the other) is associated with fulfillment and ecstasy; unrequited love (separation) is associated with emptiness, anxiety, or despair."
* Companionate love, "the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined."
Passionate love is also called "romantic love" in some literature, especially fields of biology, but the term "passionate love" is most common in psychology. Academic literature has never universally adopted a single term. Other terms compared to passionate love are being "in love", having a crush, obsessive love, infatuation, limerence and Eros.
Companionate love is commonly called "attachment" (sometimes in relation to attachment theory, but not all authors agree) or compared to strong liking, friendship love or Storge.
Passionate love feelings are most commonly measured with a psychometric instrument (a questionnaire) called the Passionate Love Scale (PLS); however, a study by Sandra Langeslag and colleagues found that the PLS has some questions which measure companionate love. This led the team to develop the Infatuation and Attachment Scales (IAS), measuring what they call:
* Infatuation (similar to passionate love), "the overwhelming, amorous feeling for one individual that is typically most intense during the early stage of love (i.e., when individuals are not (yet) in a relationship with their beloved or are in a new relationship)."
* Attachment (similar to companionate love), "the comforting feeling of emotional bonding with another individual that takes some time to develop, often in the context of a romantic relationship."
The IAS is designed for more refined measurements than the PLS, but infatuation and attachment can otherwise be considered synonymous as a concept with passionate and companionate love.
Evolutionary theories of passionate and companionate love suggest these two types of love exist for different purposes and thus follow different mechanics. Passionate love is said to usually only be present in the early stage of a relationship with companionate love often following after; however, in a phenomenon called long-term romantic love, intense attraction can remain much longer than is typical for passionate love, but without obsessional elements.
Both passionate and companionate love contribute to relationship satisfaction. Passionate love is associated more with satisfaction in the early stage of a relationship. Companionate love is associated with satisfaction in the long-term more than the short-term.
Passionate and companionate love can also be further distinguished from a third important type of love, compassionate love, which is love focused on caring about others.

## Passionate love

In the Passionate Love Scale (PLS) form, Elaine Hatfield & Susan Sprecher define the components of passionate love as:
   * Cognitive Intrusive thinking; preoccupation with the thoughts of the partner.Idealization of the loved one and the relationship.Desire for knowledge: to know and be known by the partner.
   * Emotional Attraction to the other; pleasant feelings for the other when things go well.Ambivalence or negative feelings (emptiness, anxiety, despair) when things go awry.Longing for reciprocity.Desire for "complete union," permanency.Physiological (sexual) arousal.
   * Behavioral Actions aimed at determining the other's feelings.Serving and helping the other.
Passionate love is linked to passion, as in intense emotion, for example, joy and fulfillment, but also anguish and agony. Hatfield notes that the original meaning of passion "was agony—as in Christ's passion."
In contemporary literature, the original components of passionate love are seen to some degree as being a mixture of things. For example, it's been determined that the PLS has questions which measure companionate love, and the PLS measures an obsessional element which is separable. Also, while Elaine Hatfield originally described passionate love as having a component of sexual attraction, contemporary authors generally agree that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are distinct types of attraction. People are motivated to initiate and maintain a pair bond in a way that's different from the sex drive.

### Infatuation

Langeslag et al.'s Infatuation Scale (analogous to passionate love) has items asking about:
* Staring into the distance while thinking of the beloved.
* Getting shaky knees while in the presence of the beloved.
* Feelings for the beloved reducing one's appetite.
* Thoughts about the beloved making it difficult to concentrate.
* Being afraid that one will say something wrong while talking to the beloved.
* Getting clammy hands while near the beloved.
* Becoming tense while close to the beloved.
* Having a hard time sleeping because of thinking about the beloved.
* Searching for alternate meanings in the beloved's words.
* Being shy in the presence of the beloved.
Langeslag et al. found that infatuation is more associated with negative emotion than attachment, and tends to decrease after entering a relationship. Participants who were not in a relationship scored the highest on infatuation.
The word "infatuation" is also sometimes used colloquially in contrast with "love", but Elaine Hatfield has argued that the difference between infatuation (in this sense) and passionate love is only semantic. Albert Ellis and Robert Harper conducted interviews and concluded that the only difference is that people use the word "infatuation" in hindsight to refer to a relationship after it ends and "love" to refer to a relationship still in progress. Hatfield suggests that when parents and friends say somebody is "just infatuated" they are just saying they don't approve of the relationship.

### Romantic obsession

Passionate love is described as having an obsessional element characterized by intrusive thinking, uncertainty, and mood swings. Intrusive thinking (or obsessive thinking) is a component of early-stage romantic love. One study found that on average people in love spent 65% of their waking hours thinking of their loved one.
Studies and a meta-analysis by Bianca Acevedo & Arthur Aron found that the obsessional component of the Passionate Love Scale (PLS) can be separated from the non-obsessional component. The PLS contains items which measure obsession, for example, "Sometimes I feel I can’t control my thoughts; they are obsessively on my partner," "I sometimes find it difficult to concentrate on work because thoughts of my partner occupy my mind," "An existence without my partner would be dark and dismal," and "I get extremely depressed when things don’t go right in my relationship with my partner."
Non-obsessional romantic love items on the PLS are, for example, "I want my partner—physically, emotionally, and mentally," "For me, my partner is the perfect romantic partner," "I would rather be with my partner than anyone else," "I sense my body responding when my partner touches me," "My partner can make me feel effervescent and bubbly," and "I possess a powerful attraction for my partner."
In Acevedo & Aron's analysis, passionate love with obsession was associated with increased relationship satisfaction only in short-term relationships. Romantic obsession was associated with slightly decreased satisfaction in the long-term. Another meta-analysis by James Graham found a strong association between romantic obsession (using the Mania love attitude—similar in concept to the PLS obsession factor described by Acevedo & Aron) and decreased satisfaction over time.
These authors (Acevedo & Aron, Graham) have speculated that continued romantic obsession within a relationship could be connected to attachment style. Attachment style refers to differences in attachment-related thoughts and behaviors, especially relating to the concept of security vs. insecurity. This can be split into components of anxiety (worrying the partner is available, attentive and responsive) and avoidance (preference not to rely on others or open up emotionally). The formation of attachment style is complicated, for example it has been suggested that attachment style forms during childhood and adolescence, but twin studies have also suggested a heritable component and attachment anxiety is substantially correlated with the personality trait neuroticism. There is also a person-situation problem where people have different attachment styles with different partners, implying attachment style is not just a trait, for example an avoidant partner could cause a secure partner to feel and act anxious.
Study results reported by Victor Karandashev found correlations between the Mania love attitude and attachment anxiety of 0.19, 0.24 and 0.52. In psychology, correlations below 0.3 are considered weak, and correlations between 0.4 and 0.6 are considered moderate.

### Long-term romantic love

In long-term romantic love, couples remain 'in love' much longer than typical estimates for the duration of passionate love. Typically passionate love is said to have a limited duration, estimated to be 12–18 months. However, a brain scan experiment by Acevedo et al. which looked at couples reporting to still be 'madly' in love after more than 10 years confirmed activation in brain areas associated with intense attraction, similar to early-stage romantic love. Similarly, Acevedo & Aron's analyses of psychometric scores showed that people can stay in love (as measured by the PLS) in the long term.
Long-term romantic love is associated with increased relationship satisfaction; however, long-term romantic love couples generally report low levels of obsession. As noted above, obsession is associated with a decrease in satisfaction over the long term.
Those who scored highly on marriage satisfaction in Acevedo et al.'s brain scan experiment also showed more brain activity in regions linked with empathy and controlling one's emotions.

### Positive illusions

Idealization (perceiving the beloved in the most positive way, or overlooking their faults) is a form of positive illusions. A 1996 study of couples who had been dating for 19 months and couples who had been married for 6.5 years found that "Individuals were happier in their relationships when they idealized their partners and their partners idealized them." A brain scan experiment also found that couples who were still in love after four years (as compared to those who weren't) showed activation in a region associated with suspending negative judgment and over-evaluating a partner.
Note that while Elaine Hatfield and others have traditionally associated idealization with passionate love, studies on positive illusions have looked at couples in varied stages of their relationships, including long-term couples.

## Companionate love

Companionate love is said to be felt less intensely than passionate love, consisting more of gentle affection which is felt when things are going well. Elaine Hatfield writes that companionate love is "a steady burning fire, fueled by delightful experiences but extinguished by painful ones" Companionate love is more about long-term relationships, and Hatfield emphasizes partner compatibility as being important. Ellen Berscheid comments that companionate love "may be the 'staff of life' for many relationships and a better basis for a satisfying marriage than romantic love."
Companionate love is linked to intimacy and Hatfield suggests that intimate relationships have these characteristics:
   * Cognitive. Intimates are willing to reveal themselves to one another. They disclose information about themselves and listen to their partners' confidences. [...] As a result, intimates share profound information about one another[.]
   * Emotional. Intimates care deeply about one another. In passionate love, people usually long for intimacy; in companionate love people usually have it. It is in intimate relationships that people feel most intensely; they love their intimates more than anyone else. [...]
   * Behavioral. Intimates are comfortable in close proximity. They gaze at one another [...], lean on one another [...], stand close to one another [...], and perhaps touch.
Companionate love is usually considered the same as Storge, although James Graham has argued on the basis of a meta-analytic factor analysis that the Storge love attitude most corresponds with a practical friendship factor which lacks qualities of companionate love (such as intimacy and commitment).

### Attachment

Langeslag et al.'s Attachment Scale (analogous to companionate love) has items asking about:
* Feeling that one can count on the beloved.
* Being prepared to share one's possessions with the beloved.
* Feeling lonely without the beloved.
* Feeling that the beloved is the one for them.
* The beloved knowing everything about them.
* Hoping one's feelings for the beloved never end.
* Feeling emotionally connected to the beloved.
* The beloved being able to reassure them when they are upset.
* The beloved being the person who can make them feel the happiest.
* The beloved being part of their plans for the future.

### Relation to attachment theory

Companionate love is sometimes considered the same as the "attachment" referred to by attachment theory. John Bowlby's original concept of an "attachment system" referred to a system evolved to keep infants in proximity of their caregiver (or "attachment figure"). The person uses the attachment figure as a "secure base" to feel safe exploring the environment, seeks proximity with the attachment figure when threatened, and suffers distress when separated. A prominent theory suggests this system is reused for adult pair bonds, as an exaptation or co-option, whereby a given trait takes on a new purpose.
However, companionate love has also been characterized as being more like strong friendship, and Ellen Berscheid suggests that it's unproven whether all adult relationships are attachments in the sense meant by attachment theory. Berscheid writes that the assumption that romantic partners are each other's attachment figures is "in dire need of empirical scrutiny."

## Falling in love

While passionate love is sometimes associated with the phenomenon of love at first sight, not everyone falls in love quickly or suddenly. In one study of Chinese and American participants, 38% fell in love fast and 35% fell in love slowly, and in another study of Iranians, 70% fell in love slowly or very slowly.
A popular hypothesis suggests that passionate love turns into companionate love over time in a relationship, but other accounts suggest that while companionate love takes longer to develop, it is important at the beginning of a relationship as well. Companionate love might also precede passionate love sometimes.
There is some reason to think attachment takes about two years to develop, for example one study found that participants who had been in a relationship for about this long named their romantic partner as an attachment figure, while other participants named a parent.

## Duration

One estimate for the duration of passionate love is 18 months to 3 years, which comes from survey data collected by Dorothy Tennov, for her 1979 book Love and Limerence. Another estimate comes from a 1999 experiment performed by Donatelli Marazziti and colleagues which found a difference in blood serotonin levels between newly in love people and controls, and found these levels had returned to normal after 12 to 18 months. Intense attraction can also last much longer in rarer cases, as in the phenomenon of long-term romantic love.
Companionate love is thought to build over time as a relationship progresses, but then decrease very slowly over the course of several decades. In the past, some have thought companionate love to be stable after it develops, but for example one study of new marriages found a decline after a 1-year period.

## Causal conditions

A number of theories exist about the causal conditions surrounding these types of love (i.e. who people feel a certain love towards and when), but authors generally agree that passionate and companionate love follow different mechanics.
Companionate love generally increases with liking and familiarity, but the circumstances surrounding passionate love are more complicated. Studies show that love and conflict can sit side-by-side in a relationship, and passionate love in particular is even said to be amplified by negative emotions.

### Liking

According to Ellen Berscheid, companionate love "follows the pleasure-pain principle; we like those who reward us and dislike those who punish us." Examples of factors include similarity, familiarity, expressions of self-esteem and validation one's self-worth, physical attraction and mutual self-disclosures. Also, while passionate love is often said to come before companionate love, Berscheid suggests that companionate love can also be a component in the development of passionate love.

### Sexual desire

Authors disagree on the role sexual desire plays in the development of romantic love.
Passionate love is often associated with sexual desire, for example Ellen Berscheid suggests that one possible account of passionate love is "a felicitous combination of companionate love and sexual desire." However, Lisa Diamond has suggested that while sexual desire is often a causal component, passionate love can occur outside the context of sexual desire. Diamond's argument rests on various reports and historical accounts, as well as an evolutionary argument that the brain systems underlying romantic love evolved independent of sexual orientation. Diamond thinks that time spent together and physical touch can act as a "stand-in" for sexual desire and facilitate romantic love between partners regardless of their sexual orientation.
Helen Fisher has argued that passionate love is related to the phenomenon of mammalian courtship attraction, or mate choice, and that people have certain preferences for choosing a preferred mating partner that determines who they fall in love with. However, Fisher argues this type of attraction is distinct from the sex drive, although they are interrelated.

### Emotional arousal

Ellen Berscheid writes that emotional arousal, such as happy surprises, contributes to eliciting passionate feelings. Surprise and uncertainty tend to be more of a characteristic of new relationships because more established partners tend to behave as expected, thus rarely generating this sort of arousal.
Helen Fisher recommends doing novel and exciting things together to ignite passion. In an experiment by Arthur Aron & Christina Norman, couples doing an exciting task (as opposed to a boring one) experienced increased feelings of relationship satisfaction and romantic love.
Elaine Hatfield has even suggested that negative or mixed emotions can amplify feelings of passionate love. In A New Look at Love, she writes "Passion demands physical arousal and unpleasant experiences are just as arousing as pleasant ones." Hatfield cites animal studies, such as one study in which puppies that were inconsistently either rewarded or maltreated were the most attracted to and dependent on their trainer. People who behave consistently generate little emotion, she says, and "What would generate a spark of interest, however, is if our admiring friend suddenly started treating us with contempt—or if our arch enemy started inundating us with kindness."

### Intimacy

Another theory is that passion occurs when a rapid increase in intimacy occurs. A similar theory, by Arthur Aron & Elaine Aron, states that passion occurs in the context of a rapid self-expansion of the self and the inclusion of the qualities of the beloved into one's self-concept. With both of these theories, it's predicted that passion wanes in a relationship as partners get to know each other and the increase in intimacy tends to stabilize.

### Love regulation

Love regulation is "the use of behavioral or cognitive strategies to change the intensity of current feelings of romantic love." In some cases, love feelings may be stronger than desired such as after a breakup, or love feelings may be weaker than desired such as when they decline throughout a long-term relationship. Sandra Langeslag notes that it's a common misconception that love feelings are uncontrollable, or even should not be controlled; however studies have shown that love regulation is possible and may be useful.
For example, looking at pictures of the beloved has been shown to increase feelings of infatuation (i.e. passionate love) and attachment (i.e. companionate love).
In another technique called cognitive reappraisal, one focuses on positive or negative aspects of the beloved, the relationship, or imagined future scenarios:
* In negative reappraisal, one focuses on negative qualities of the beloved ("he's lazy", "she's always late"), the relationship ("we fight a lot") or imagined future scenarios ("he'll cheat on me"). Negative reappraisal decreases feelings of infatuation and attachment, but decreases mood in the short term. Langeslag has recommended distraction as an antidote to the short-term decrease in mood. Negative reappraisal can be useful, for example, to those who want to ameliorate heartbreak or put an end to an abusive relationship.
* In positive reappraisal, one focuses on positive qualities of the beloved ("he's kind", "she's spontaneous"), the relationship ("we have so much fun together") or imagined future scenarios ("we'll live happily ever after"). Positive reappraisal increases attachment and can increase relationship satisfaction, which could, for example, help stabilize a long-term relationship.
Love regulation doesn't switch feelings on or off immediately, so Langeslag recommends, for example, writing a list of things once a day to feel a lasting change.

## Biology

Passionate and companionate love are thought to be interrelated but involve different brain systems and serve different purposes. Passionate love is thought to have evolved for mate choice or to initiate a pair bond, while companionate love is for maintaining a pair bond, maintaining close proximity and affiliative behaviors.
Passionate love is primarily associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine. Companionate love is primarily associated with the neuropeptide oxytocin, and sometimes vasopressin and endogenous opioids.
Passionate love is sometimes compared to addiction, although there are differences. People in the early stages of romantic love share similar traits with addicts (for example, feeling rushes of euphoria, or craving for their beloved), but this tends to wear off over time, while the condition of a drug addiction tends to worsen. Helen Fisher has suggested romantic love is a "positive addiction" (i.e. not harmful) when reciprocated and a "negative addiction" when unrequited or inappropriate.