# Never Mind the Quality, Feel the Width

Never Mind the Quality, Feel the Width is a British television sitcom first broadcast in 1967 as a single play in the Armchair Theatre anthology series, later becoming a series of half-hour episodes, which ran until 1971. A total of 40 episodes were made; along with a mini episode that was featured in ITV's All Star Comedy Carnival in 1969.
It was originally made by ABC Weekend TV for the ITV network, with its production being continued by Thames Television from the 1968 Christmas special onwards.

## Plot

The plot revolves around two tailors in business together. Manny Cohen, played by John Bluthal, is Jewish, and Patrick Kelly, played by Joe Lynch, is Irish Catholic. Above their shop works Lewtas (Bernard Spear), who is also Jewish and imports cloth. Two further prominent characters in the first three series are Rabbi Levy (Christopher Benjamin in the pilot, thereafter Cyril Shaps) from the local synagogue, and Father Ryan (Denis Carey in the pilot, thereafter Eamon Kelly) from the local Catholic church.
One episode features Manny and Patrick trading the rights to display their pictures around the shop. Patrick has two pictures of the Pope on the wall, while Manny has one of Moshe Dayan. Manny's comment is "It's the going rate. Two Popes to one Moshe." Another episode, "The Not So Kosher Cantor", has Patrick, a talented singer, filling in at the synagogue for a sick cantor, on the occasion of a visit by the Chief Rabbi. Coached to sing phonetically in Hebrew, Patrick performs, every moment milked for comedic value. Finally, the Chief Rabbi congratulates Patrick but reveals he knows something is up. When asked how he knows, he replies that at the end of the service, "you genuflected and made the sign of the cross!"

## Cast

* John Bluthal as Manny Cohen
* Joe Lynch as Patrick Kelly
* Bernard Spear as Lewtas (16 episodes; series 3 to 6)
* Cyril Shaps as Rabbi Levy (9 episodes; series 1 to 3)
* Eamon Kelly as Father Ryan (7 episodes; series 1 to 3)
* Jim Norton as Father Ignatious (2 episodes; series 5 and 6)
* Meier Tzelniker as Israel Bloom (2 episodes; series 3 and 5)
* Rose Power as Mrs Critchley (2 episodes; series 3 and 5)
Notable guest artists include film actors Dennis Price as a Savile Row tailor and Rupert Davies as a Roman Catholic bishop, Fred Emney, Harold Bennett, David Kossoff (playing himself), Jack Smethurst, Frank Williams, Bill Pertwee, comedian Dick Bentley, Roy Marsden, Victor Maddern, Barbara Knox (credited as Barbara Mullaney), Roy Barraclough, George A. Cooper, Rita Webb, Michael Robbins, and Ellen Pollock as Manny's mother Ruby.

## Film adaptation

In 1973, Bluthal and Lynch reprised their roles in a film spin-off.

## DVD release

A 4-disc set of the show, containing the Thames TV series, was released on DVD in 28 June 2010, by Network. An episode from the ABC era (Man Shall Not Live By Bread Alone) was featured in a boxset titled ABC Nights In, which was also released by Network on 22 December 2020.

## Episodes

The pilot and the first two series were produced by ABC; however, the second series (of six episodes) did not air until just after Thames Television launched on 30 July 1968, which initially aired the six episodes from that series over August and September that year. Of the 40 episodes made, 11 are believed to no longer exist. These are the pilot, five of the six episodes from Series 1, and five of the six episodes from Series 2.

### Pilot (1967)

| No. overall | No. in series | Title | Archival Status | Original air date |
| 1 | 1 | "Never Mind the Quality, Feel the Width" | Missing | 18 February 1967 (1967-02-18) |

### Series One (1967)

| No. overall | No. in series | Title | Archival Status | Original air date |
| 2 | 1 | "Cohen & Kelly" | Missing | 25 November 1967 (1967-11-25) |
| 3 | 2 | "Not So Much A Sanctuary, More A Penance" | Missing | 2 December 1967 (1967-12-02) |
| 4 | 3 | "Remember That Thou Keep Holy" | Missing | 9 December 1967 (1967-12-09) |
| 5 | 4 | "Man Shall Not Live By Bread Alone" | Exists | 16 December 1967 (1967-12-16) |
| 6 | 5 | "Leopards Can Change Their Spots" | Missing | 23 December 1967 (1967-12-23) |
| 7 | 6 | "A Flower of Israel" | Missing | 30 December 1967 (1967-12-30) |

### Series Two (1968)

| No. overall | No. in series | Title | Archival Status | Original air date |
| 8 | 1 | "And a Yamulka to Match" | Missing | 13 August 1968 (1968-08-13) |
| 9 | 2 | "A Madonna For Manny" | Missing | 20 August 1968 (1968-08-20) |
| 10 | 3 | "And Leave the Rest of the World Behind" | Missing | 3 September 1968 (1968-09-03) |
| 11 | 4 | "A Suit Fit for a Prince" | Missing | 10 September 1968 (1968-09-10) |
| 12 | 5 | "Hello Mother, Hello Father" | Exists | 17 September 1968 (1968-09-17) |
| 13 | 6 | "All That Glitters is Not Gelt" | Exists | 24 September 1968 (1968-09-24) |

### Christmas Special (1968)

| No. overall | No. in series | Title | Archival Status | Original air date |
| 14 | 1 | "I'm Dreaming of a Kosher Christmas" | Exists | 26 December 1968 (1968-12-26) |

### Series Three (1969)

| No. overall | No. in series | Title | Archival Status | Original air date |
| 15 | 1 | "Old Soldiers Never Die" | Exists | 21 August 1969 (1969-08-21) |
| 16 | 2 | "Situations Vacant" | Exists | 28 August 1969 (1969-08-28) |
| 17 | 3 | "David Kossoff? He's a Friend of Mine" | Exists | 4 September 1969 (1969-09-04) |
| 18 | 4 | "Arrividerci Roma" | Exists | 11 September 1969 (1969-09-11) |
| 19 | 5 | "It's the Thourght that Counts" | Exists | 18 September 1969 (1969-09-18) |
| 20 | 6 | "And a Brother a Priest" | Exists | 25 September 1969 (1969-09-25) |

### Christmas Special (1969)

| No. overall | No. in series | Title | Archival Status | Original air date |
| 21 | 1 | ""All Star Comedy Carnival" (mini episode)" | Missing | 25 December 1969 (1969-12-25) |

### Series Four (1970)

| No. overall | No. in series | Title | Archival Status | Original air date |
| 22 | 1 | "Blood is Thinner than Water" | Exists | 25 June 1970 (1970-06-25) |
| 23 | 2 | "Without Prejudice" | Exists | 2 July 1970 (1970-07-02) |
| 24 | 3 | "New Worlds for Old" | Exists | 9 July 1970 (1970-07-09) |
| 25 | 4 | "What You've Never Had, You Never Miss" | Exists | 16 July 1970 (1970-07-16) |
| 26 | 5 | "Miracles to Measure" | Exists | 23 July 1970 (1970-07-23) |
| 27 | 6 | "Only Four Can Play" | Exists | 30 July 1970 (1970-07-30) |

### Series Five (1970–71)

| No. overall | No. in series | Title | Archival Status | Original air date |
| 28 | 1 | "And Ecumenicals to You" | Exists | 15 December 1970 (1970-12-15) |
| 29 | 2 | "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen" | Exists | 22 December 1970 (1970-12-22) |
| 30 | 3 | "Twenty Years On" | Exists | 29 December 1970 (1970-12-29) |
| 31 | 4 | "A Question of Policy" | Exists | 5 January 1971 (1971-01-05) |
| 32 | 5 | "The Not So Kosher Cantor" | Exists | 12 January 1971 (1971-01-12) |
| 33 | 6 | "And Nobody Knew They Were There" | Exists | 19 January 1971 (1971-01-19) |
| 34 | 7 | "You Will Go To The Ball, Manny Cohen" | Exists | 26 January 1971 (1971-01-26) |
Episodes 1, 3, 4 and 7 of Series 5 were made in black-and-white due to the ITV Colour Strike.

### Series Six (1971)

| No. overall | No. in series | Title | Archival Status | Original air date |
| 35 | 1 | "Manny Cohen R.I.P." | Exists | 3 August 1971 (1971-08-03) |
| 36 | 2 | "Romeo Cohen and Juliet Weinberg" | Exists | 10 August 1971 (1971-08-10) |
| 37 | 3 | "Holiday with Kosher Strings" | Exists | 17 August 1971 (1971-08-17) |
| 38 | 4 | "There's No Smoke Without Fire" | Exists | 24 August 1971 (1971-08-24) |
| 39 | 5 | "Weavers to Wearers" | Exists | 31 August 1971 (1971-08-31) |
| 40 | 6 | "Daylight Robbery" | Exists | 7 September 1971 (1971-09-07) |
| 41 | 7 | "Mix Me a Marriage" | Exists | 14 September 1971 (1971-09-14) |