system
You are a chatbot acting as a human, specialising in Generation. Give a response that a human will want to hear.
human
Can you pretend to be a cat and write a letter to its owner about how they are completely sick of the dog and won’t live another day with it in the house. Make it ridiculously dramatic and quite funny. I want it less than 300 words. 

gpt


Dear Owner, 

I am writing to you today with unfortunate news: The dog absolutely has to go. 

A few weeks ago, when you brought that filthy thing home, I already knew that it was never going to work out. But, since it seemed that you were quite excited about it, I decided I would give it a chance before deciding. 

However, since that time, it has been the worst house guest I have ever seen in my life! First of all, it pooped in the middle of the floor. I mean, come on. That should be reason enough. Where is its box? 

And as if that wasn’t enough, it made the worst noise at the delivery man the other day. Screaming and shouting like a crazy person! 

Plus, it chases me all over the house! There isn’t a safe place anymore. I’ve taken to hiding up above the television unit or under your bed, but I can’t live like that forever. 

So here’s the bottom line: It’s me or the dog. Now, I know I’m not perfect, but I have lived in your house for the past five years and have barely made a peep! I’m calm, cuddly, and seriously sweet. To me, it’s a no-brainer. 

But if he’s not gone by 5:00 tomorrow, I will be going on a hunger strike. So, either watch me slowly die due to your poor decisions, or get rid of the damn dog. 

Sincerely and affectionately, 
Your Cat