Nikhileshh/Mental-Health-1 huggingface dataset:
Question: My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Response: This suffering and clinging to the past, especially a troubled past or a past that we dont like, may be  amplified due to the Christian framework that may be built into your life. I am not averse to religion, i just think that many times it puts unreasonable expectations on us and helps us to form a guilt complex or perhaps even insecurities, we are humans and humans make mistakes. you mention the straight and narrow, this is a notion that you must give up on and let go, humans can never travel the straight and narrow for their whole lives there are bounds to be mistakes, we are the most fallible species on the planet and please tell your fiance to have some mercy on himself, he is not perfect. Here is a story about clinging on to things you may find useful to mediate on:Once
there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal
river. The current of the river swept silently over them all -- young and
old, rich and poor, good and evil -- the current going its own way, knowing
only its own crystal self.
Each creature in its own
manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging
was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned
from birth.
But one creature said
at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes,
I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let
it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom."
The other creatures laughed
and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled
and smashed against the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!"
But the one heeded them
not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed
by the current across the rocks.
Yet in time, as the creature
refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and
he was bruised and hurt no more.
And the creatures downstream,
to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves,
yet he flies! See the messiah, come to save us all!"
And the one carried in
the current said, "I am no more messiah than you. The river delights to
lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this
adventure."
But they cried the more,
"Savior!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again
he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior.
Question: My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Response: Your patience with his pace of accepting your past, is the factor most in your control in this situation.Everyone accepts a new understanding at their own particular rate.  Yours may be faster than his pace.Since it is possible he may accelerate his pace of accepting your past if he knows that this is a priority for you, tell him about your own discomfort .Even if knowing how you feel does not motivate him to a quicker pace of accepting your past, you will have the peace of mind to know you gave him all the information you possibly had to give.
Question: My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Response: Sometimes we have difficulty keeping the past in the past. The best way to build a great relationship and have a great future, believe it or not, is to be firmly placed in the present. That means that when we stay in the moment with our partner and can notice what we are experiencing in the here and now we reap the best benefits of that relationship. We notice the good things that are happening in the moment. We are reacting to what we are experiencing in the moment, not reacting to a worry about the past. We notice, especially, who the person is right now and not who they were in the past.  We can connect with the things we love about them, too.I think it is great that you want to help him and the choice to stay in the present and move forward in the relationship will mostly be up to him. We cannot change another person. It sounds like couples counseling might be a great step for you because you can both learn the skills you need to stay in the present and also learn some helpful "active listening" skills so that you can really listen to one another and understand each other. Communication skills can really be helpful. You can both have the opportunity to hear each other and support each other. We cannot change the past, but we can create the future we want.Best of luck to you both!
Question: My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?

Response: One of the sometimes difficult things about being in a relationship is the fact that you can make goals for yourself, but you can't make goals for your partner. If your fiancé wants to learn to live more in the present and learn to let go of the past or move in a different direction, you can certainly assist him, but you can't independently make it happen.I wonder if both of you would be willing to have a discussion where he is able to explain to you what he is experiencing and you are able to listen for five, 10, 15 minutes in a way that is not blaming or pointing fingers or asking him to change, but just listening (kind of like an investigative reporter) so you can have more details and ask questions that you may have about what certain things mean, when it feels like to to him when this is discussed, etc. At that point, maybe he would willing to listen to your thoughts on the subject as well.Also, if he wants to make a change, it may be helpful to see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. Sometimes changes such as these require a great deal of personal awareness and there can be quite a bit of emotions attached, so it is often helpful to have someone there to assist.It may also be nice to have a discussion where you consider what makes you feel valued, appreciated, special, or loved, and also consider what makes your fiancé feel that way.
Question: Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Response: There are an infinite number of ways to look at this. Spirituality, religion, God, higher power, and many other parts of this discussion mean different things to different people. My question for you is what does "real" actually mean to you? Often, the concept of God has to do with what you believe in. If you ask 1000 different people, you'll probably get almost that many different answers.Consider talking with friends or family about this. I would suggest, though, that you have the discussion initially with people who you trust and who you feel are willing to listen to your questions and beliefs and perhaps offer an opinion without trying to make you believe as they do. You may also consider speaking with a pastor or another religious figure. The local Salvation Army may have a link to a religious or spiritual person that leads nondenominational church services. There may be able to help you to sort through this if your friends and family do not provide a comfortable environment for you related to this discussion.Just a word of caution. In my experience, ideas of religion and spirituality can be lead to very deep discussions with some people who are very strongly connected to what they believe. Some people do not easily separate their own beliefs from those of others. When initiating conversations about this, try first asking whether someone would be comfortable discussing religion or spirituality. A second question may be whether it is okay with this person you are talking to if you have different beliefs or opinions.As far as whether God is real or not, consider trusting yourself and what you learn, feel, and believe as you work through this process.
Question: Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Response: Thanks for posting.  This is a significant issue for many people and can make us feel helpless; among other emotions due to the uncertainty.  You said that, at times, you feel like everyone is lying. Ask yourself some of these questions.  What is it that makes you feel so strongly that they are lying?  Where is the concrete evidence that they are lying? How could I test my thoughts about this? What if things are not what they seem on the surface? Am I any lesser of a person as a result of this person's behavior or opinion?  Our beliefs about ourselves and the people and our world  and how we interpret information and experiences have a significant effect on how we feel and how we behave.  It is important to objectively challenge the beliefs that contribute to negative emotions.  You can start this process by answering some of the above questions.  We are unfortunately influenced by what and who we associate with.  As it pertains to if God is a lie; be honest with yourself and question your beliefs that tell you that God is or is not real.  It may be helpful for you to speak to a preacher or chaplain of some sort and they can help you with a lot of that.  Hope this helps at least a little bit.
Question: Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Response: The way that I see it is that Humans have always been afraid of life and death, historically we have always tried to understand life, we try to organize it, categorize it, explore it, and we've built up this system, our system and societies system around us to help us define what life and (death) is, this system or way is not real but only a perception of our own value judgements, it is, no matter how you try to argue it, a false system of conditioning, humans have a finite mind and a finite mind cannot ever hope to understand an infinite mind of which a god would be. God has been developed over time as a security blanket for our child-like selves, the world is a beautifully brutal place and what is more reassuring than a master that will take care of us and show us the way. On Earth alone there are thousands of gods and even many more systems of thought, economics, societal structures and so on, it is almost as though it were a supermarket with so many choices, we have more choices in gods than we do flavors of ice cream at Baskin-Robbins, so then I ask you, "which one is real?, and "what is real?"
Question: Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Response: It is not a stupid question, it is very basic. To help answer your question, let me begin with the premise that you will never have absolute proof. With that being said, one can look at different phenomena in nature and history and figure what is the statistical probability that they happened randomly. If one comes to the logical conclusion that many are quite improbable, then there must be a guiding force and plan.  May you be successful in your journey.
Question: Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Response: Your question is actually thoughtful and reflects a true interest to know more about life.No one knows if god is a lie because "god" is a concept in which people either make up their own definition of this concept, or believe one of the concepts of what god is, handed down by religions.All the religions exclude the other god concepts, and expect loyalty to believing in their particular version of "god".Probably god is real in the sense that most people want to believe there is guided purpose to what goes on in life.This is as definite as what we can know about "god"."God" is not a lie because it is not a fact.  Beliefs aren't provable.
Question: Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?

Response: Believing in God is a matter of faith.  There are many opinions out there for and against God’s existence.  But the real question is not if God is real or not, but, do you want to have faith and decide that he exists?  This is a personal choice.  Reading scripture may help to learn more about those who struggle with believing, but again, you decide if you believe that scripture is true or not.   Praying and asking for a revelation or a confirmation may help as well, but again it is another act of faith. Estoy teniendo dificultad con la idea de: ¿Dios es real o no?Tal vez es una pregunta estúpida, pero algunas veces no sé que es real o no.  Siento que todo el mundo miente. ¿Cómo se si Dios es una de esas mentiras?Creer en Dios es una cuestión de fe.  Hay muchas opiniones en favor y en contra de la existencia de Dios.  Pero la verdadera pregunta no es si Dios existe, pero si tu quieres creer que existe.  Esto es una decisión muy individual.  Leer la Biblia te puede ayudar a conocer sobre algunas personas que han dudado, pero de nuevo, tu decides si las escrituras son reales para ti. Orar y pedir una revelación o confirmación es otro acto de fe, que te puede ayudar.
Question: I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much.

Response: Having sex with your boyfriend is and was a mistake. Mistakes can be forgiven and you can make amends.But it is not the end of your relationship or God's will for you.Have a serious talk with your guy and get back on track with where you want to be. Talk to a counselor or your priest/pastor. Get someone to be your guide and mentor. Check in with them regularly.Getting back to square one could actually strengthen your relationship.Have a plan for the future where you will not be put into a place of temptation. Group dates, public places and no alone time where temptations might arise.Forgive yourself and move on.
Question: I'm a Christian teenage girl, and I have lost my virginity. My boyfriend is a Christian teenager too, but things just got out of hand between us in a sexual manner. I planned to abstain from sex but I guess I wasn't clear about this because I was also tempted and led him on. We continued to have sex. Does it mean that he isn't the one God planned for me? We're so young, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a potential future together. I really do feel like he is in my life for an important reason. I'm incredibly happy for I was able to escape from several abusive relationships because of him. I love him very much.

Response: I'm not a super religious person... But I can't imagine that if you love him that much and you want him that much, that he wouldn't be the one for you because of something small like that. Sex is an act of love and commitment. If you feel that you want to be with this person for the rest of your life, want to marry them, then why should you have to wait until marriage? If you truly feel that this is the person you want to be with, then why would you need to wait until marriage if you're just showing commitment to each other?
Question: In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs.

Response: I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction. There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial. Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues. Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential.
Question: In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs.

Response: You have an opportunity, but you haven't described a problem.  (Are you creating one?)  Many families have various members who have different spiritual beliefs and religious practices.  Accepting the idea that those with whom we are close may be different from us is the only way to create a world of peace.   This may be a wonderful opportunity to practice tolerance and love.  If mutual decisions need to be made in religious contexts, you may also get to practice boundary setting, assertiveness (without aggression), communication skills, and loving kindness.  This is a great problem to work through!  It is indeed a very spiritual question.  Blessings to you all, ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)
Question: There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
   I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
   Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
   How can I get my life back?

Response: You already are doing that! You are reaching out (virtually still counts!). You are accepting your past, you are not denying what happened to you, you are talking about the past. You are already doing a great job of starting this journey. You get your life back by doing things differently.I would think about how you would like to process your past. Do you want to talk to someone? Do you want to write about it? Do you want to pray about it? Do you want to read and research books about trauma? Take some time and think about what you want to do. Think about what would work for you and dive in. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, so I am biased - but I really believe that counseling works. Having an objective, professional voice that can guide you on this process is so valuable. But please choose what makes you feel comfortable - not what everyone else says. I think you are very brave for reaching out and wanting to work on this. That takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength.
Question: There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
   I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
   Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
   How can I get my life back?

Response: I'm so sorry you had that horrible experience! It's common for those who've experienced childhood trauma(s) to not disclose the events until later in life. Sometimes it doesn't feel safe enough to share the information until the person who hurt them is far away, or even dead.  Trusting and vulnerability are difficult, especially when we've been hurt. So, it's not uncommon for clients to share that their desire to be close to their loved one (emotionally, physically and/or sexually) doesn't match the reality of what they are able to actually experience.But, there is hope!You have met a loving and caring man, and you have a self-awareness that you did not experience before. I am confident that the help of a licensed professional counselor (preferably trained in trauma recovery) can help you navigate this healing journey and help you gain the tools needed for the life you want.
Question: There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
   I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
   Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
   How can I get my life back?

Response: Have you explained to your prospective partner about the feeling of vulnerability which you've got?Disclosing one's truth to a trusted person will improve your sense of feeling safe and loved.  It may also take off the pressure you feel to complete your own trajectory of making peace with your past burdens of ilife.If you find your possible new partner is patient and understanding, then you've both removed pressure off yourself and will feel validated and loved for speaking your plain truth and finding it well accepted.If you continue to hide your deeper complexity, or if you explain yourself and ask for the person's patience and understanding, and he avoids giving this to you, then you're better off knowing sooner than later the limits of understanding which this potential partner has.