Nikhileshh/Mental-Health-1 huggingface dataset:
Question: I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago.    Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

Response: First off, I want to acknowledge the emotional pain you must be experiencing about not being able to experience an erection -- you're not alone. And, it took a lot of courage for you to post your query here. Below you will find excellent advice from skilled clinicians regarding your question and concern. If you haven't done so already I'd encourage you to checkout the Mayo Clinic's website on this very topic (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047).Once you've ruled out any medical-organic issues with either your PCP or Urologist I recommend you work with a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and/or Certified Sex Therapist (CST) and do some psychotherapy around attachment/family-of-origin, intimacy, self-image, trauma history, sex history, pornography, etc. ). There is hope.
Question: I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago.    Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

Response: This is something I have
had to address with individuals often since working with couples is one of my
practice's focuses.  The answer can depend upon several reasons all which
tend to be explored while in session.  If you or your counselor utilizes
an integral approach, in which one of the main premises makes sure to check the
four irreducible perspectives (subjective, intersubjective, objective and
interobjective – also known as the four quadrants) in determining where the
challenges are, it then becomes possible to identify what might be contributing
to or causing the challenge as well as offering up ways to address the
situation.In this case, from the upper-right
or behavioral and physical perspective, we would want to make sure there is no
physical limitation or ailment meaning that you would need to visit your doctor
and have the basics checked (such as blood pressure.  We would also look at particular behaviors to
see if you are doing something with is effecting performance (such as
masturbating often or being influenced by pornography). Next we would look at the
upper left quadrant (thoughts, cognitions, identity, feelings) to look at what
is going on here both during sexual activities and at other times.  If you are worried about your job, your
family or under immense pressure to perform at work or while intimate, this can
contribute to your situation.  From there
we would turn to the lower left quadrant (cultural rules and tools) to see who
you have learned to interpret challenges that come up during sex and look for
ways to shift, update and/or reshape the way you view sex and its
challenges.  It would be here that we
would see whether one is even comfortable using a service like counseling based
upon how your family/culture of origin views the profession. Finally, we would need to
account for challenges that show up in the lower right quadrant (systems, laws,
rules of society) such as your economic ability to try services and products as
well as whether such services and products were even available.  Once we have rolled through these areas it
then becomes possible to look at which aspects might need to be looked at
further in a more meaningful way to help you change a perspective or if just
getting a blood pressure medication is all you need.To sum your question then
of why you can’t keep an erection we would need to look at your thoughts (look
at your actual thoughts during the act as well as before and after), look at
your behaviors, look at your physical body for issues, look at where you picked
up your rules and tools (culture) and look at your ability to access goods and
services.  They all contribute equally
and need to be taken into account.  So - as you can see, there is no one possible answer to this, but several.  I hope this helps.
Question: I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her. But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection. We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago.    Why this is happening and what can I do about it?

Response: Sexual desire seems to be straightforward - I like someone and I become aroused at the thoughts of being intimate with them - but that idea does not always take into account other factors. Stress can have a huge effect on our body and how it performs.  When we are overstressed, for example, we often find ourselves ill at the same time.  Can you think of any part of your world that may be causing you some additional stress? Additionally, focusing on your erection may also be increasing the level of stress you feel about being intimate, which could also effect your ability to get and maintain an erection.  While this may seem counter intuitive, it makes sense in the word of stress!Finally, it's never a bad idea to follow up with your doctor, as well. You did not mention your age or sexual history outside of this relationship, but it is always a good idea to check in with medical staff to make sure there is nothing physically responsible for changes in our body, as well.
Question: My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business.

Response: When "threats" of leaving, such as what you described in your question ("kicking you out, wanting divorce") are continuous in your marriage, it can start to erode at the foundation of your relationship, impacting both partners. And, if you're concerned about the influence of another male in the relationship, and are unable to express your concerns or fears to your wife, it's extremely difficult to build a secure functioning relationship. From the information provided in your question, it seems as if there is some avoidance evident in your relationship. Avoidance of being able to express yourself and have honest communication about your relationship. If your wife is willing, I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor to help you both during this time. Or, for you to talk with an individual therapist, if marriage counseling isn't an option.
Question: My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business.

Response: This has to be very confusing.I wonder if the two of you would be able to have a conversation about what it is that she would like you to know about what happened yesterday and the day before so you know what message she wanted you to get out of all of that.I would also recommend seeing a local mental health professional. If you go yourself, you could at least discuss your marriage and your own thoughts and feelings about it. If you go together, I would suggest you see a therapist who specializes in couples.
Question: My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business.

Response: Divorce is a serious, life altering decision.It is best to decide any serious matter through reflection and discussion.Start by knowing what you want from the marriage and why you are willing to move in or out of your own house because your wife tells you to do this.Each of you would benefit from more clarity of what you expect and would like from each other.Does your wife want a boyfriend in addition to the marriage to you?Is she willing to drop the male contact?Does she care how you feel about her contact with the other guy?You need answers and knowledge about the definition of your marriage.Since there are many areas to open, all of which are filled with emotion, including pain, if you're not able to make satisfactory progress then a licensed couples therapist may be useful to you and your partner.
Question: My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive.     I love him so much. Why do I do this?

Response: I sympathize with you! It is actually quite common for one partner to have a higher sex drive than the other, and can lead to discord in the relationship. The good news is, there are ways to deal with this.You may have already answered your question. There are many medications that can alter one's sex drive. If your birth control pills are the cause of this, talk to your doctor about switching to a different brand. You may even consider alternate methods for birth control, such as condoms.However, there are some other things to ask yourself. First, you used the term "affection" but then talked about sex. They're not the same thing. There are different kinds of intimacy, and many different ways to show love for someone. A book you might find useful is "The Five Love Languages".Defining what "affection" means to you, and to him, and discovering all the ways you both can show this towards each other, may help lessen some of your anxiety over this.Humans are hard-wired to need appropriate physical touch. In fact, studies have shown that newborns/premies who can receive skin-on-skin contact with their parent can recover faster than babies who don't receive this touch. It's called Kangaroo Care. Children who have grown up in neglectful environments where they're not hugged and kissed and shown appropriate physical contact can often be unable to show this to their partners and children when they're adults. One question to ask yourself is, were you having intimacy issues before starting the medication? If so, there may be other, deeper issues at play here.For someone who has received the wrong kind of sexual/physical touch (sexual abuse, physical beatings) it can be difficult to allow someone to be physically close to you. A therapist could help you work through this.Sometimes, a person may lose their sexual feelings for their partner due to issues in the relationship. Once those issues are resolved, the sex drive comes back. Examine your relationship and see if either of you are unhappy, if you've been arguing a lot, or if there are any problems in your relationship that need to be addressed.Finally, look for the other ways that the two of you may be intimate in a non-sexual way. You may be doing things for each other that you don't even realize, and noticing these will help you appreciate it more. Take the stress off of the sexual gratification and focus on showing your love in other ways. Some people like to give gifts, do the other person's chores, or do other things they think the person will appreciate.If, after all of this, you still have a discrepancy with one of you having a higher sex drive, there are many articles online that offer advice for couples dealing with this situation that you may find useful. It is a very common issue for a lot of couples.
Question: My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive.     I love him so much. Why do I do this?

Response: There could be many reasons that you push your boyfriend away. It could be part of how you were raised, it could be because of culture, it could even be your own insecurities about yourself that are then outwardly manifested in you "pushing" him away. What is important in all this is that you both find a way to connect. So what if you aren't a hugger, a kisser, or a toucher you have to find what works for the both of you and your relationship. There are many ways to show affection that aren't physical (words of affirmation, giving of time and/or gifts, etc). If your boyfriend wants the physical attention then work on ways that are comfortable for the both of you making sure to start out slow and to work your way up to more physical touching.
Question: My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away. Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive.     I love him so much. Why do I do this?

Response: Are you sure it is only the birth control pills which has changed your sex drive?My guess would be that possibly due to the hormonal changes of the pill, your own awareness and understanding of yourself in this relationship, is what is actually changing.Birth control pills control ovulation.   They don't directly prevent people from all desire to express affection.Allow yourself some time to reflect on how you feel toward your BF.   It is possible the birth control pills triggered a change in your attitude toward him.And, maybe independent of the pill, maybe you just are done with the relationship.
Question: I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Response: Do you want to be upset about a girl that he forgot about?  Think about it for a minute.  Do you want to measure your trust based on knowing how many female co-workers your husband has?  And if so, what does that say about your marriage?  Trust is something that we earn based on our actions and the actions of people we interact with; it’s also based on our ability to communicate and understand what we value and have in common.  If you are focused on every little detail around your relationship, it may turn into an unhealthy obsession and it may harm your relationship more.   If instead you focus on opening the lines of communication, let him know what you expect from him, and discuss how you could both build trust again, you may become closer and give your relationship the opportunity to grow.  ¿Debería este molesta porque mi esposo me mintió de nuevo?Estoy tratando de hacer que mi matrimonio funcione después de una separación.  Antes de separarnos el mentía mucho y rompía todas sus promesas.  No creo que me haya sido infiel.  El mes pasado, le pregunté cuantas mujeres trabajan con él, y él me dijo.  Ayer, me enteré que se olvido de una muchacha.  ¿Debería estar enojada?¿Quieres estar molesta porque se le olvido con cuantas mujeres trabaja?  Piénsalo por un momento.  ¿Quieres determinar la confianza que le tienes en tu esposo basándote en su capacidad de reportar la cantidad de mujeres que trabajan con él?  Si tu respuesta es sí, ¿qué refleja eso sobre tu matrimonio?  La confianza es algo que se gana basado en nuestras acciones y las de aquellos con quienes interactuamos; también en nuestra habilidad de comunicar y entender los valores que tenemos en común. Si practicas estar preocupada por cada pequeño detalle en tu relación, esto se puede convertir en una obsesión que potencialmente dañara tu relación.  Si en cambio te enfocas en abrir las líneas de comunicación, le dejas saber lo que esperas de él y discuten cómo pueden trabajar juntos para recuperar la confianza, pueden volverse más cercanos y darse la oportunidad de que la relación crezca.
Question: I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Response: Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way. You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it? A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it.
Question: I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Response: Let's look at your question and break it down. It begins with the word should. As a first reflection, it implies that there is a right and a wrong way to feel, in this case, feel upset. I think I would like to ask you the question in a different way: are you feeling upset? If you are feeling upset or if you are feeling another emotion : insert worried, ambivalent, scared, angry, insecure, confused that is likely reasonable if the relationship has undergone some breaks in trust followed by distance (seperation). The first step is to recognize what you are feeling, and accept it for what it is-- an emotion. A feeling. You are entitled to feel a range of emotions as you are in the process of repairing or rebuilding the marriage. It is what you  do with that feeling that matters-- how you act, how you think, what you say,  and the impact the emotion (likely emotions) have on your relationship and in turn your quality of life that matters. If you want to discuss the impact of your feelings on you or on your marriage, I suggest you consult with a mental health professional with expertise in couple therapy/ relationship issues. I hope you find this information helpful.
Question: I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Response: In response to your answer. Yes because he broke a boundary of yours that he knew was important to you. The question that should be asked is are you able to go forward with your husband with his behaviors not changing for the better in regards to your feelings and emotions?
Question: I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Response: Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.There's no easy way to know.If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it,  consider these things:Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to youMaybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other personMaybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about itIt may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.
Question: I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Response: I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you?  I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now.  Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it?  Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST.  I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem.  Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation.
Question: I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?

Response: Are you upset, is the more pertinent question.Everyone has their own tolerance for lies and their unique reasons for being married.  Trust your own answers to the question you ask here.Also, think over the value of your marriage in your life and whether you are able to live with the unstable sense of trust that you have in your husband.Remember too, that if you are the only partner who is trying to make the marriage work, then your job is much harder than if your husband actively participated in making the marriage happier for the couple.
Question: My fiancée is always letting me know how I am a horrible/evil person, or I just don’t care enough when it’s about her feeling or when she is having an off day.

Response: I don't know much about the dynamics of your relationship, but I want to say that you cannot possibly be responsible for anyone else's happiness.  If you are interested in a good read on this topic, I highly recommend The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Question: My fiancée is always letting me know how I am a horrible/evil person, or I just don’t care enough when it’s about her feeling or when she is having an off day.

Response: One thing you could try is to have a conversation when neither of you is upset so that you learn what makes each of you feel cared for and valued. It could be that you are showing caring in a way that doesn't quite match what she is really looking for in that moment. For example, having an in-depth conversation could be something that you want, but she may just want a hug in that moment. I don't know if you heard of Gary Chapman's book about love languages, but it may be helpful.