had told her she ought had she not with a folly which no tongue could express prevented her marrying the young man who would have made her happy and respectable in the line of life to which she ought to belong all would have been safe none of this dreadful would have been how could ever have had the presumption to raise her thoughts to mr � how she could dare to fancy herself the chosen of such a man till actually assured of it but was less humble had fewer scruples than formerly her inferiority whether of mind or situation seemed little felt she had seemed more sensible of mr s being to stoop in marrying her than she now seemed of mr s vol n � alas was not that her own doing too who had been at pains to give notions of self consequence but herself who but herself had taught her that she was to herself if possible and that her claims were great to a high worldly establishment if from being humble were grown it was her doing too chapter xx till now that she was threatened with its loss had never known how much of her happiness depended on being first with mr first in interest aud affection satisfied that it was so and feeling it her due she had enjoyed it without reflection and only in the dread of being found how important it had been long very long she felt she had been first for having no female connections of his own there had been only whose claims could be compared with hers and she had always known exactly how far he loved and esteemed she had herself been first with him for many years past she had not deserved it she had often been or perverse his advice or even opposing him insensible of half his merits and quarrelling with him because he would not acknowledge her false and insolent estimate of her own � but still from family attachment and habit and thorough excellence of mind he had loved her and watched over her from a girl with an endeavor to improve her and an anxiety for her doing right which no other creature had at all shared in spite of all her faults she knew she was dear to him might she not say very dear when the suggestions of hope however which must follow here presented themselves she could not presume to indulge them smith might think herself not unworthy of being peculiarly exclusively passionately loved by mr she could not she could not flatter herself with any idea of blindness in his attachment to her she had received a very recent proof of its how shocked had he been by her behavior to miss how directly how strongly had he expressed himself to her on the subject not too strongly for the offence but far far too strongly to issue from any feeling softer than upright justice and clear sighted she had no hope nothing to deserve the name of hope that he could have that sort of affection for herself which was now in question but there was a hope at times a slight one at times much stronger that might have deceived herself and be over his regard for her wish it she must for his sake � be the consequence nothing to herself but his remaining single all his life could she be secure of that indeed of his never marrying at all she believed she should be perfectly satisfied let him but continue the same mr to her and her father the same mr to all the world let don well and lose none of their precious intercourse of friendship and confidence and her peace would be fully secured marriage in fact would not do for her it would be with what she owed to her father and with what she felt for him nothing should separate her from her father she would not marry even if she were asked by mr it must be lier ardent wish that might be disappointed and she hoped that when able to see them together again she might at least be able to ascertain what the chances for it were she should see them with the and as she had hitherto misunderstood even those she was watching she did not know how to admit that she could be blinded here he was expected back every day the power of observation would be soon given � soon it appeared when her thoughts were in one course in the mean while she resolved against seeing it would do neither of them good it would do the subject no good to be talking of it further she was resolved not to be convinced as long as she could doubt and yet had no authority for opposing s confidence to talk would be only to she wrote to her therefore kindly but to beg that she would not at present come to acknowledging it to be her conviction that all further confidential discussion of one topic had better be avoided and hoping that if a few days were allowed to pass before they met again except in the company of others � she objected only to a a � they might be able to act as if they had forgotten the conversation of yesterday submitted and approved and was grateful this point was just arranged when a visitor arrived to tear s thoughts a little from the one subject which had engrossed them sleeping or waking the last twenty four hours � mrs who had been calling on her daughter in law elect and took in her way home almost as much in duty to as in pleasure to herself to relate all the particulars of so interesting an interview mr had accompanied her to mrs and gone through his share of this essential attention most handsomely but she having 