wicked but i hardly know � the misery that you have inflicted � i hardly know what could have made it worse will you repeat to your sister when she is recovered what i have been telling you let me be a little lightened too in her opinion as well as in yours you tell me that she has forgiven me already let me be able to fancy that a better knowledge of my heart and of my present feelings will draw from her a more spontaneous more natural more gentle less dignified forgiveness tell her of ray misery and my � tell her that my heart was never to her and if you will that at this moment she is dearer to me than ever i will tell h all that is necessary to what may comparatively be called your justification but you have not explained to me the particular reason of your coming now nor how you heard of her illness last in lane i ran against sir john and when he saw who i was for the first time these two months he spoke to me that he had cut me ever since my marriage i had seen without surprise or resentment now however his good natured honest stupid soul full of indignation against me and concern for your sister could not resist the temptation of telling me what he knew ought to though probably he did not think it would vex me as as he could speak it therefore he told me that was dying of a fever at � a letter that morning received from mrs sense and sensibility declared her danger most imminent � the are all gone off in fright i was too much shocked to be able to pass myself off as insensible even to the sir john his heart was softened in seeing mine suffer and so much of his ill will was done away that when we parted be almost shook me by the hand while he reminded me of an old promise about a what i felt on hearing that your sister was dying and dying too believing me the greatest villain upon earth me in her latest moments � for how could i tell what horrid projects might not have been one person i was sure would represent me as capable of any thing what i felt was dreadful i my resolution was soon made and at eight o clock this morning i was in my carriage now you know all made no answer her thoughts were silently fixed on the injury which too early an independence and its consequent habits of idleness and luxury had made in the mind the character the happiness of a man who to every advantage of person and talents united a disposition naturally open and honest and a feeling affectionate temper the world had made him ant and vain � extravagance and vanity had made him cold hearted and selfish vanity while seeking its own guilty triumph at the expense of another had involved him in a real attachment which extravagance or at least its offspring necessity had required to be sacrificed each in leading him to evil had led him likewise to punishment the attachment from which against honor against feeling against every better interest he had outwardly torn himself now when no longer governed every thought and the connection for the sake of which he had with little scruple left her sister to misery was likely to prove a source of to himself of a far more nature from a reverie of this kind she was recalled at the end of some minutes by who rousing himself from a reverie at least equally painful started up in preparation for going and said � there is no use in staying here i must be off are you going back to town no � to i have business there from to town in a day or two good by sense and he held out his hand she could not refuse to give him hers he pressed it with affection and you do think better of me than you did said he letting it fall and leaning against the mantel piece as if forgetting he was to go assured him that she did that she forgave pitied wished him well � was even interested in his happiness � and added some gentle counsel as to the behavior most likely to promote it his answer was not very encouraging as to that said he i must rub through the world as well as i can domestic happiness is out of the question if however i am allowed to think that you and yours feel an interest in my fate and actions it may be the means � it may put me on my guard � at least it may be something to live for to be sure is lost to me for ever were i even by any blessed chance at liberty again stopped him with a reproof well he replied once more good by i shall now go away and live in dread of one event what do you mean your sister s marriage you are very wrong she can never be more lost to you than she is now but she will be gained by some one else and if that some one should be the very he whom of all others i could least bear � but i will not stay to rob myself of all your compassionate good will by showing that where i have most injured i can least forgive good by � god bless you i and with these words he almost ran out of the room chapter for some time after he left her for some time even after the sound of his carriage had died away remained too much oppressed by a crowd of ideas widely in themselves but of which sadness was the general result 