assured state than when i left it my hopes are much weaker � you are probably aware of this � so very fond of you as miss is it is most natural that she should tell you enough of her own feelings to furnish a tolerable guess at mine � i will not be prevented however from making my own our confidences in you need not dash � i ask no questions � there is something soothing in die idea that we have die same friend and that whatever unhappy of opinion may exist between us we are united in our love of you � it will be a comfort to me to tell you how things now are and what are my present plans if plans i can be said to have � i have be i returned once i was three weeks in london and saw her very often i had every attention from the � era that could be reasonably expected i dare say i was not reasonable in carrying with me hopes of an course at all like that of it was her manner rather than any of meeting had the been mt when i did see her i should have b b pause no complaint but from the very first she was altered mj first reception was so unlike what i had hoped that i had almost resolved on leaving london again � i need not you know the side of her and may imagine the sentiments and expressions were me she was in high spirits and by those who were giving all the support of their own bad sense to her too lively mind i do not like mrs she is a hearted vain woman who � married entirely from convenience and though evident � ly unhappy in her marriage places her disappointment not to faults of judgment or temper or of i hut to her being after all less than many of her acquaintance especially than her sister lady and is the determined of every thing and ambitious provided it be only and enough i look up m her intimacy with those two as the greatest misfortune of her life and mine they have leading her astray for years could she be detached them � and sometimes i do not despair of it for affection appears to me principally on their side they are fond of her but i am sure she does not love them as she loves you when i think of her great attachment to you indeed and the whole of her judicious upright conduct as a sister she appears a very different creature capable of � every thing noble and i am ready to blame myself for a too construction of a play manner i cannot give her up she is the only woman in the world whom i could ever think of as a wife if i did not believe that she some regard for me of course i should not this hut i do believe it i am convinced that she is not with out a decided i have no jealousy of any individual it is the influence of the fashionable world altogether that i am jealous of it is the habits of that i fear her ideas are not higher than ho own for tune may warrant but they are beyond what our united could there is comfort here i could better bear to lose her because not rich enough than because of my profession that would her not equal to sacrifices which in i park am scarcely justified iu asking and if i am refused that think will be the honest motive her prejudices i are not so strong as they you have my thoughts exactly as they arise my dear perhaps they are sometimes contradictory but it will not be a less faithful picture of my mind having once begun it is a pleasure to me to tell you all i feel i cannot give her up connected as we already are and i hope are to be to give up mary would be to give up die society of some of those most dear to me � to banish myself from the very houses and friends whom under any other distress i should turn to for consolation the loss of mary i must consider as the loss of and of were it a decided thing an actual refusal i hope i should know how to bear it and how to endeavour to her hold on my heart � and in the course of a few years � but i am writing nonsense � were i refused must bear it and till i am i can never cease to try for her this is the truth the only question is what may be the means i have sometimes thought of going to london again after and sometimes resolved on doing nothing till she returns to even � she speaks with pleasure of being in in june but june is at a great distance and i believe i shall write to her i have nearly determined on explaining myself by letter to be at an early certainty is a material object my present state is miserably irksome considering every thing i think a letter will be decidedly the best method of explanation i be able to much that i could not say and shall be giving her time for reflection before she on her answer and i am less afraid of the result of reflection than of an immediate hasty impulse i think i am my greatest danger would lie in her consulting mrs and i at a distance unable to help my own cause a letter to all the evil of consultation and where the mind is any thing short of perfect decision an adviser may in an unlucky moment lead it to do what it may afterwards regret i must think this matter 