live and what do they do when they live i asked what do they call living oh having a nice country house within a short distance of london or paris and being able to dine at the best and visit the best once or twice a week to go to paris or or or two or th� or four or as many times a year as they please to wear good clothes and to be thoroughly comfortable that is not a bad standard i said and then i added and what else do they do and what else should they do isn t that enough and there you have the european standard according to miss x as contrasted with the american standard which is or has been up to this time something decidedly different i am sure we have not been so eager to live our idea has been to work no american that i have ever known has had the idea of laying up just so much a moderate amount and then retiring and living he has had quite another thought in his mind the can � the average american � i am sure loves power the ability to do something far more earnestly than he loves mere living he wants to be an officer or a of something a poet anything you please for the sake of being it � not for the sake of living he loves power authority to be able to say go and he or come and he the rest he will mere comfort you can have that but even that according to miss x was not enough for her she had told me before and this conversation brought it out again that her thoughts were of summer and winter exquisite in the way of clothing miss x open of commanding charming gambling tables at les and elsewhere to say nothing of absolutely un j sex relations english conventional women were and fools they had never learned how to live they had never understood what the joy of freedom in sex was morals � they are built up on a lack of imagination and physical vigor tenderness � well you have to take care of yourself duty � there isn t any such thing if there is it s one s duty to get along and have money and be happy chapter iii at while i was lying in my berth the fifth morning i heard the room steward outside my door tell some one that he thought we reached at one thirty i packed my trunks thinking of this big ship and the fact that my trip was over and that never again could i cross the atlantic for the first time a queer world this we can only do any one thing significantly once i remember when i first went to i remember when i first went to st louis i remember when i first went to new york other there were but they are lost in but the first time of any important thing sticks and lasts it comes back at times and haunts you with its beauty and its sadness you know so well you cannot do that any more and like a clock it and tells you that life is moving on i shall never come to england any more for the first time that is gone and done for � worse luck so i packed � will you believe it � a little sadly i think most of us are a little silly at times only we are cautious enough to conceal it there is in me the spirit of a lonely child somewhere and it to the hand of its big life and cries when it is frightened and then there is a coarse vulgar exterior which fronts the world and bids all and sundry to go to the devil it and and bitterly at times and and and has a joyous time laughing at the follies of others then i went to hunt to find out how i should at do how much was i to give the deck steward how much to the bath steward how much to the how much to the dining room steward how much to boots and so on look here observed that most efficient of all souls that i have ever known i u tell you what you do no � i u write it and he drew forth an ever ready envelope deck steward � so much it read room steward � so much � etc i went forthwith and paid them my soul of a great weight then i came on deck and found that i had forgotten to pack my ship blanket and a steamer rug which i forthwith went and packed then i discovered that i had no place for my hat save on my head so i went back and packed my cap then i thought i had lost one of my which i had n t though i did lose one of my finally i came on deck and sang songs with miss x sitting in our steamer chairs the low shore of ireland had come into view with two faint hills in the distance and these fascinated me i thought i should have some slight emotion on seeing land again but i did n t it was gray and misty at first but presently the sun came out beautifully clear and the day was as warm as may in new york i felt a sudden of spirits with the coming of the sun and i began to think what a lovely time i was going to have in europe miss x was a little more friendly this morning than heretofore she was a creature � uncertain and hard to please she liked me and thought i was able but her physical and so far as men are concerned did not include me we 