that i fear that i cannot make you feel how these things came upon me in the course of a few weeks reading and left me my fears as to the le disorder and nt y ver i felt as low and hopeless et times as a beggar of the streets there was of course this ther matter of necessity i al to i had to respond whether i would or no i was daily facing a round of which now more than ever all that i had suspected and that these books proved with a gloomy eye i b an to watch how the � and their i the mechanical � forces through man and outside him and this under my very eyes seemed since there was no care for them failures the same one of those t out in with the care of prisoners in some local or state jail i saw how self interest the hope of pleasure or the fear of pain caused or or a to on prisoners feed them rotten meat torture them into silence and and then politics interfering the hope of pleasure again and the fear of pain on the part of some the whole thing hushed up no least measure of the sickening truth breaking out in the a book about papers life could or do nothing for those whom it again there was a poor section one street in the east h district off by a railroad at one end the latter s high fence to protect itself from and by an property owner at the other end those within were actually left without means of and yet instead of either or both the being so powerful and the citizen prosperous and within hia ri ts i was told to write a article but not to hurt anybody s feelings also before my eyes were always those r of indescribable poverty and indescribable wealth mentioned which were always kept separate by the local papers all the and compliments and commercial and social going to those who had all the and and going to those who had not and when i read i could only sigh all i think of was that since nature would not or could not do anything for man he must if he could do something for himself and of this i saw no prospect he being a product of i� � r t l ff an bo i went on from day to day reading thinking doing fairly acceptable work but always withdrawing more and more into myself as i saw it then the world not understand me nor i it nor men each other very well then a little later i turned and said that since the whole thing was hopeless i might as well forget it and join the narrow indifferent scramble but i not do that either lacking the temperament and the skill all i do was think and since no paper such as i knew was interested in any of the things about which i was thinking i was hopeless indeed finally in late november having two hundred and forty dollars saved i decided to leave this dismal scene and seek the of the great city beyond hoping that there i might succeed at something be and rested by some important of kind chapter t mt departure was bj a i had day with the political of whom i have spoken but whose name i have by now i had come to be on b social terms with all the men on our staff and at midnight it was my custom to drift around to the press where might be found a goodly company of men who worked on the different papers i found this political man here one night he said i can t understand why yon here now i wouldn t say that to any one else in the game for fear he d think i was to get him out of his job but with yoa it s different there s no great chance here and yoa have too much ability to waste your time on this town they won t let you do anything the steel people have this town op t the papers are all you can do is to write what the people at the top want yon to write and that s very with your talent yon could go down to new york and make a place for yourself i ve been there myself but had to come back on account of my family the conditions were too uncertain for me and i have to have a regular income but with you it s different you re young and apparently yon haven t any one dependent on yoa if you do strike it down there make a lot of money and what s yoa m ht make a name for yourself don t yoa think it s foolish for you to stay don t think it s anything to me whether you go or stay i haven t any ax to grind bnt i really wonder why yon stay i explained that i had been drifting that i was on my way to new york bat taking my time about it only a few days before i had been reading of a certain english newspaper man fresh oat of india with his books and stories who was making a great stir his name was and the enthusiasm with which he was being received a book made me not jealous but for a career for myself the to his were so and he vas a mere youth as yet not more than twenty seven or eight he was coming to america or was even then on his way and the wonder of a filled my mind i decided then ind there that i go go and y gave notice of my intention my city editor merely 