and had been in the thought it likely that he had been knocked overboard by the flapping of the sail while putting about and that he had not known how to swim but though they were near their attention had been first arrested by a cry which seemed like that of a man in distress and while they were hastening with their oars they heard a shriek from the lady and saw her jump in on re entering the hotel was told that had risen and was desiring to see him he was shown into a room darkened by blinds and curtains where she was seated with a white shawl wrapped round her looking towards the opening door like one waiting uneasily but her long hair was gathered up and carefully book � the and the son and through all the blue stars in her ears had kept their place as she started to her full height in her white shawl her face and neck not less white except for a purple line under her eyes her lips a little apart with the peculiar expression of one accused and helpless she looked like the unhappy ghost of that whom had seen turning with firm lips and proud self possession from her losses at the table the sight pierced him with pity and the effects of all their past relation began to revive within him i you to rest � not to stand said as he approached her and she obeyed falling back into her chair again will you sit down near me she said i want to speak very low she was in a large arm chair and he drew a small one near to her side the action seemed to touch her peculiarly turning her pale face full upon his which was very near she said in the lowest audible tone you know i am a guilty woman himself turned paler as he said i know nothing he did not dare to say more he is dead she uttered this with the same decision daniel yes said in a mournful suspense which made him reluctant to speak his face will not be seen above the water again said in a tone that was not louder but of a suppressed eagerness while she held both her hands clenched no not by anyone else � only by me � a dead face � i shall never get away from it it was with an inward voice of desperate that she spoke these last words while she looked away from towards something at a distance from her on the floor was she seeing the whole event � her own acts included � through an medium of excitement and horror was she in a state of delirium into which there entered a sense of concealment and necessity for self such thoughts glanced through as a sort of hope but imagine the conflict of feeling that kept him silent she was bent on confession and he dreaded hearing her confession against his better will he shrank from the task that was laid on him he wished and yet the wish as cowardly that she could bury her secrets in her own bosom he was not a priest he dreaded the weight of this woman s soul flung upon his own with im book vii � the mother and the son dependence but she spoke again hurriedly looking at him � you will not say that i ought to tell the world you will not say that i ought to be disgraced i could not do it i could not bear it i cannot have my mother know not if i were dead i could not have her know i must tell you but you will not say that any one else should know i can say nothing in my ignorance said mournfully except that i desire to help you i told you from the beginning � as soon as i could � i told you i was afraid of myself there was a piteous pleading in the low murmur to which turned his ear only her face afflicted him too much i felt a hatred in me that was always working like an evil spirit � things everything i could do to free myself came into my mind and it got worse � all things got worse that was why i asked you to come to me in town i thought then i would tell you the worst about myself i tried but i could not tell everything and he came in she paused while a shudder passed through her but soon went on will tell you everything now do you think daniel a woman who cried and prayed and struggled to be saved from herself could be a great god said in a deep shaken voice don t torture me you have not murdered him you threw yourself into the water with the impulse to save him tell me the rest afterwards this death was an accident that you could not have don t be impatient with ma the tremor the in these words compelled to turn his head and look at her face the poor quivering lips went on you said � you used to say � you felt more for those who had done something wicked and were miserable you said they might get better � they might be into something better if you had not spoken in that way everything would have been worse i did remember all you said to me it came to me always it came to me at the very last � that was the reason why i but now if you cannot bear with me when i tell you everything � if you turn away from me and me what shall i do am i worse than i was when you found me and wanted to make me better all the wrong i have done 