making great progress toward a comprehension of the but mere vanity would not have to induce you to undertake the labor of writing at such a length there is another motive indeed you admit as much you say that one of your reasons for writing me this letter is to put before me the pleasures that await me if i can be from you wish to meet me in rome this request me again into all my former why should you wish to meet me in rome how can my presence add to your pleasure you are clearly enjoying every moment of your life my presence could only prove a an obstacle unless perhaps your is such that you are willing to sacrifice your pleasure for the sake of my education i grant you that to walk behind mr and to listen to every remark that may fall from his lips whether he be speaking of michael or or the architecture of st peter s would be a privilege that could not be your object in asking me to meet you in rome cannot be because you think that anything i might say would be of the slightest interest to so superior a person as mr i said in a former letter that perhaps you wrote to me with a view to the of my life in and perhaps this is one of the reasons that inspired your last letter if so i think it might have the lake been more for not the least odd are the passages in which you speak with marked of our divine lord and if a desire to please me any part of your motive in writing this letter you would have avoided saying things which you knew would wound me in my most intimate feelings but no you seem to go out of your way to say things which you know must shock me � indeed you admit as much you refer to a letter in which i the license of your speech nevertheless you go on to speak with still further of him whom you know i hold as divine the only interpretation i can put upon your manner of writing is that you are unable to restrain yourself from writing anything that you for the moment i am willing to think that you are unable to restrain your levity of mind if this excuse were not available it would be impossible for me as a priest to reply to your letter the passages i refer to were written more or less unconsciously in obedience to an impulse to be witty to be but i cannot help thinking that if you had really wished me to meet you in rome you would have written me a different letter however this may be the result would be the same i cannot leave this year however much t stand in need of a holiday and i stand in great need of one but i shall not leave certainly not for a long while and my reasons for remaining here will not appeal to you they are entirely conscientious i am passing through a difficult period there is no reason why i should disguise this fact from you or from anyone there are times in every life when life seems a burden even my sister sometimes of her and no one ever had a more distinct religious than she but for all that she would not leave it i must wait till my present mood has passed before i go abroad if i left now i might never have courage to come back the best way not to fall into temptation is not to put yourself in the way of it for the flesh is always weak i might grow interested in what you call ideas i might linger abroad until it was no longer possible for me to return and then what a scandal would arise if i remained away think of the shame i should cause my poor people they would be pained to find that the priest they had looked up to was unworthy of the confidence they had placed in him there are material reasons also which will appeal to you i have accepted and i still accept the money of these poor folk you will say that i can gain my living elsewhere � in london you gained your living in london and it would be disgraceful if i could not succeed where you succeeded but that has nothing to do with what i am thinking now i entered the of my own free will i chose a path and i shall follow it through life till the end i have not ceased to believe in my i am as convinced of it as i ever was more than i ever was for were it not the most real thing in me i should have gone away for a holiday long ago and left it to chance whether i should ever return to this mood of discontent which i do not hesitate to admit which has i the lake its origin perhaps in the great error of judgment i committed when i spoke about you in church will pass away as i said in a previous letter i have only got to bear my discontent for a while and i shall come out at the other side a stronger and a better man sincerely yours after his letter he walked home himself that he had made it plain to her that he was not a man she could she had written that long letter in order to annoy him and the more he thought of her letter the more plain did it seem that it had been inspired by but what could s reason be for wishing � well to make a of him was he jealous of him there was a moment s satisfaction in the thought but it 