my dear madam is much beyond my power of doing justice to you will soon i earnestly hope know her thoroughly yourself no description can describe her she must tell you herself what she is yet not by word for never was there a human creature who would so suppress her own merit since i began this letter which will be longer than i foresaw i have heard from her she gives a good account of her own health but as she never i dare not depend i want to have your opinion of her looks i know you will soon call on her she is living in dread of the visit perhaps it is paid already let me hear from you without delay i am impatient for a thousand particulars remember how few minutes i was at and in how bewildered how mad a state and i am not much better yet still from happiness or misery when i think of the kindness and favour i have met with of her excellence and patience and my uncle s generosity i am mad with joy but when i recollect all the uneasiness i occasioned her and how little i deserve to be forgiven i am mad with anger if i could but see her again but i must not propose it yet my uncle has been too good for me to i must still add to this long letter you have not heard all that you ought to hear i could not give any connected detail yesterday but the suddenness and in one light the with which the affair burst out needs explanation for though the event of the th as you will conclude immediately opened to me the happiest prospects i should not have presumed on such early measures but from the very particular circumstances which left me not an hour to lose i should myself have shrunk from anything so hasty and she would have felt every scruple of mine with multiplied strength and refinement but i had no choice the hasty engagement she had entered into with that woman here my dear madam i was obliged to leave off abruptly to recollect and compose myself i have been walking over the country and am now i hope rational enough to make the rest of my letter what it ought to be it is in fact a most for me i behaved and here i can admit that my manners to miss w in being unpleasant to miss f were highly she them which ought to have been enough my plea of concealing the truth she did not think sufficient she was displeased i thought so i thought her on a thousand occasions scrupulous and cautious i thought her even cold she was always right if i had followed her judgment and subdued my spirits to the level of what she deemed proper i should have escaped the greatest i have ever known we quarrelled do you remember the morning spent at there every little dissatisfaction that had occurred before came to a crisis i was late i met her walking home by herself and wanted to walk with her but she would not suffer it she absolutely refused to allow me which i then thought most unreasonable now however i see nothing in it but a very natural and consistent degree of discretion while i to blind the world to our engagement was one hour with objectionable to another woman was she to be tlie next to a proposal which might have made every previous caution useless had we been met walking together between and the truth must have been suspected i was mad enough however to resent i doubted her affection i doubted it more the next day on box hill when provoked by such conduct on my such shameful insolent neglect of her and such apparent devotion to miss w as it would have been impossible for any woman of sense to endure she spoke her resentment in a form of words perfectly intelligible to me in short my dear madam it was a quarrel on her side abominable on mine and i returned the same evening to though i might have staid with you till the next morning merely because i would be us angry with her as possible even then i was not such a fool as not to mean to be reconciled in time but i was the injured person � injured by her coldness � and i went away determined that she should make the first advances i shall always congratulate myself that you were not of the hill party had you witnessed my behaviour there i can hardly suppose you would ever have thought well of me again its effect upon her appears in the immediate resolution it produced as soon as she found i was really gone from she closed with the offer of that mrs the whole system of whose treatment of her by the bye has ever filled me with indignation and hatred i must not quarrel with a spirit of forbearance which has been so richly extended towards myself but otherwise i should loudly protest against the share of it which that woman has known jane indeed you will observe that have t ot yet indulged myself in calling her by that name even to you think then what i must have endured in hearing it between the with all the vulgarity of needless repetition and all the insolence of imaginary superiority have patience with me i shall soon have done she closed with this offer to break with me entirely and wrote the next day to tell me that we never were to meet again she felt the engagement to he a source of repentance and misery to each she dissolved it this letter reached me on the very morning of my poor aunt s death i answered it within an hour but from the 