it mattered not what i did nor scarce whether i was in her presence or out of it i had caught her like some kind of a noble fever that lived continually in my bosom by night and by day and whether i was waking or asleep so it that after i was come into the fore part of the ship where the broad bows into the i was in no such hurry to return as you might fancy rather prolonged my absence like a variety in pleasure i do not think i am by nature much of an and there had come till then so small a share of pleasure in my way that i might be excused perhaps to dwell on it when i returned to her again i had a faint painful impression as of a slipped so coldly she returned the packet you have read them said i and i thought my voice sounded not wholly natural for i was turning in my mind for what could ail her did you mean me to read all she asked i told her yes with a drooping the last of them as well said she i knew where we were now yet i would not lie to her either i gave them all without i said as i supposed that you would read them i see no harm in any i will be made said she i thank god i am differently made it was not a fit letter to be shown me it was not fit to be written i think you are speaking of your o vn friend grant said i there will not be anything as bitter as to lose a the voyage into holland fancied friend said she quoting my own expression i think it is sometimes the friendship that was fancied i cried what kind of justice do you call this to blame me for some words that a of a has written down upon a piece of paper you know yourself with what respect i have behaved � and would do always yet you show me that same letter says she � i want no such friends i can be doing very well mr without her � or you this is your fine gratitude says i i am very much obliged to you said she i will be asking you to take away your � letters she seemed to choke upon the word so that it sounded like an oath you shall never ask twice said i picked up that bundle walked a little way forward and cast them as far as possible into the sea for a very little more i could have cast myself after them the rest of the day i walked up and down raging there were few names so ill but what i gave her them in my own mind before the sun went down all that i had ever heard of pride seemed quite that a girl scarce grown should resent so trifling an allusion and that from her next friend that she had near wearied me with of i had bitter sharp hard thoughts of her like an angry boy s if i had kissed her indeed i thought perhaps she would have taken it pretty well and only because it had been written down and with a of up i he must in this ridiculous passion it seemed to me there was a want of penetration in the female sex to make angels weep over the case of the poor men we were side by side again at supper and what a change was there she was like milk to me her face was like a wooden doll s i could have indifferently smitten her or at her feet but she gave me not the least occasion to do either no sooner the meal done than she herself to attend on mrs which i think she had a little neglected heretofore but she was to make up for lost time and in what remained of the passage was extraordinary with the old lady and on deck began to make a great deal more than i thought wise of captain sang not but what the captain seemed a worthy man but i hated to behold her in the least familiarity with anyone except myself altogether she was so quick to avoid me and so constant to keep herself surrounded with others that i must watch a long while before i could find my opportunity and after it was found i made not much of it as you are now to hear i have no guess how i have offended said i it should scarce be beyond pardon try if you can pardon me have no pardon to ve said she and the words seemed to out of her throat like i will be very much obliged for all your and she made me an eighth part of a but i had myself beforehand to say more and i was going to say it too there is one thing said l if i have shocked the voyage into holland your by the showing of that letter it cannot touch miss grant she wrote not to you but to a poor common ordinary lad who might have had more sense than show it if you are to blame me i will advise you to say no more about that girl at all events said it is her i will never look the road of not if she lay dying she turned away from me and suddenly back will you swear you will have no more to deal with her v she cried indeed and i will never be so unjust then said i nor yet so ungrateful and now it was i that turned away p chapter xxii the weather in the end considerably the wind sang in the the sea swelled higher and the ship began 