till this moment what i was like it is time you saw me as i am gray shocked measure the husband drew him love gone astray self away from her protesting that she had forgotten herself wholly and must come to her senses i have not forgotten myself she answered vehemently though her lip shook it is you who forget you are seed that may into a harvest you may not wish to gather look at me i am not yet twenty and all the warm blood of health flows in my veins i am already a mother to my shame if you wish it so but a mother i am why was i led into that awful path was it from love my child s father i hated him at the moment i received his caresses what then why the impulse to be kissed to be to be told that i was beautiful and sweet do not interrupt me i must have this out it has burned in my heart too long he could not speak for astonishment and she continued for that sin i suffered the of hell cannot exceed those i passed through and then i was told that a man had been found so generous so noble that he would forgive that error and take me for his wife as if it had never occurred i had seen his face and my heart still virgin in its affections went out to him i knew it would require time to make him love me and i wanted time as much as he i anticipated a struggle with him perhaps the need of prayers and that he would wait for proofs of my love until the first fault had been in some sense when he began to treat me like a brother i blessed him in my heart for what i believed his consideration and i loved him more and more but months have passed and it is my husband s what i took to be i find was only a subtle cruelty a refined torture to which he has compelled me to submit and which i begin to think he means to carry out to the end i warn you gray you are on dangerous ground i cannot be driven too far so rapidly were these sentences delivered and with such vehemence of utterance that the husband hardly l understood their full purport the had fallen upon him without warning the most he realized was that this woman whom he had esteemed for her modest bearing had thrown decency to the winds and was delivering a of abuse in a costume in which he had never imagined she would allow herself seen on the other hand it was plain that would not have done these things unless driven forward by some extraordinary emotion he had seen her silent weeping in the reflection of the mirror and was ready to make what he could i am sorry for anything i have done to you he said and when we meet again i will talk it over with you and see wherein we differ to night you must remember is the last i spend near you for present and my head is too full of your father s errands to think of anything else so if you will calm yourself and go to bed she interrupted him fiercely then you intend to drive me away f see i am on my knees begging for your love she fell at his feet as she spoke to his consternation i am here your wife praying for the kisses the caresses are mine by right what do you me love gone astray when i lower myself like this will you not me in your arms for one moment will you not press your lips for the first time to mine she had thrown those bare arms around his neck and was trying to drag his face down to hers in the fury of desperation it was all he d do to her clasp and when he succeeded and rose much disturbed to his feet she fell a limp heap of loveliness across his i am astonished at you was all he could articulate but she did not answer lying there in perfect carelessness as to her appearance and giving vent to a flood of tears that he could for some time do nothing to arrest this has gone on long enough he said at last raising his voice if you do not cease i shall send for your father she sat up on the rug and brushed her long hair back from her swollen eyes send for him she said send now let tell him what kind of husband he gave me let me tell him that in eight months you have never offered me a caress except in the presence of my mother ask him if he thinks a girl like me should be contented with a man of ice and snow he knows what i am to his sorrow ask him if he believes you the man to trust my future with she was pretty rosy round sweet and fair had she not been his wife he might have been unable to resist her but her conduct had outraged his feelings of propriety his sense of what mrs gray should be and he remained firm it is my husband s boom you put me in an awkward he answered if i send for your father i shall give pain i would prefer to spare him on the other hand it is very certain you cannot remain here all night why not she retorted it is my husband s room i have been a true and faithful wife in spite of his coldness and neglect by what law can he drive me forth she cried changing her defiant tones to pleading ones again help me there is no one else that 