could not interpret and she could not confide her secret and there was an sadness in these last kisses and s heart seemed to stand still when he said � her last wish was our marriage she would be glad if she could see us hid her face on his shoulders several times he thought she was weeping but her eyes remained dry he came to her room that evening and now that they were lovers again it seemed to him impossible that she could refuse to marry him but she stood looking at him absorbed in the presence of her future life her eyes full of a strange farewell he could no word from her and her eyes retained their strange melancholy till her departure his last memory of her visit was their melancholy chap xxv the forces within her were at she was conscious of a of the moment was one in which she saw as in a mirror her poor vague little soul in its hopeless wandering through life she drew back not daring to see herself and then was drawn forward by a curiosity she felt towards them so differently that she could not think of herself as the same person when she was with as she was when she was with she remembered what she had heard the say and she remembered the sin bat apart from the deception she practised upon both men there was the wrong doing her conscience did not her now but she knew that she would suffer to morrow or next day that sense of sin which she could not from her nature would rise to her lips like a salt wave and poison her life with its bitterness and she asked herself vain questions why had she left her father why had she two lovers why did she rise to seek things that made her unhappy she thought of yesterday s journey to see a dying woman and of to night s performance of and what an unhappy the bitter wave of conscience which rose to her lips and poisoned her taste forced from her an that she would mend her life she foresaw nothing but deception and easily imagined that not a day would pass without lies all her life would be a lie and when her nature rose in vehement revolt she looked round for means to free herself from the and chains in which she had locked herself thinking of she vowed that it must not happen again but what excuse would she give should she tell him that was her lover that was the only way only it seemed so brutal even so she would have a lover and strictly speaking she ought to send them both away very probably that is what she would do in the end in the meantime she would keep them both on her face contracted in an expression of terror and disgust had her then ended in such miserable selfishness as this to escape from her thoughts she looked out at the landscape hoping it would her but she could take no interest in it yesterday it had seemed so beautiful but to day it was all reversed and the light was different she preferred to remember it she thought that they must be the river and she remembered how in one place it ran round a fields making a silver in the green land they had crossed it twice in the space of a quarter of a mile then it followed the railway placid reflecting the trees and sky then like a child it was soon taken with a new idea it ran far away out of sight and thought it would never return but it came hack again turbulent and shallow and with woods on the steep and by a beautiful stone bridge a little later its wanderings grew still more and she was not sure that it had not been joined in some strange way by another river but flowing round a low lying field coming suddenly from behind a bend in the land it had seemed in that place like a pond one bank was lined with bushes the other lay open to a view of a plain divided by three ladies had held their light boat in the deep current and she had wondered who they were and what was their manner of living and their desires and though she would never know these things the image of these ladies in their boat had fixed itself in her mind for ever soon after the train began to speed and nervously she awaited her destiny for she was uncertain whether she would send a telling him to come to park lane or whether she would drive straight to his lodgings at the bottom of her heart she knew that when she arrived at st she would tell the queen s square and an hour later nervous with expectation she sat in the cab seeing the streets pass behind her she was beginning to know the characteristics of the neighbourhood and in the afternoon light they awoke her out of a trembling she recognised the old iron the open space the thirsty fountain and the troop of neglected children she liked the forlorn and rusty square she experienced a sort of sinking anguish while waiting on the lest he might not be at home but when the servant girl said mr dean was upstairs she liked her good smile and she loved the stairs and � it was all wonderful and she could hardly believe that in a few moments more she would catch the first sight of his face she would have to tell some part of the truth and since lady was dead he could not fail to believe he would never think of asking her � she put the ugly thought aside and ran up the second flight in the pauses of their 