I thought the walk back to my dorm would clear my mind a bit but… fdjaslk;fjads;ldlfldajfldaldlkvnloi. What? She called me her wife . She said that we are— were wives. Francois-san was my wife in a past life! She kept calling me Rei…. Rei… Oh God, even just recalling it makes me blush. I need to get this under control before I see Misha. Am I going to tell her? Francois-san said it’s fine… How do I even explain it without sounding crazy? I’m not an idiot for believing her, right? There’s no way she could have known all of that stuff about me, and she does seem like she is genuine. Right? I’m not just rationalizing it ‘cause I want it to be true… God, how did my one college crush turn out like this? This is actually insane. Like, what are we? Actual soulmates? Just being reborn over and over? Together forever…. Oh God, why am I doing this to myself? It’s way too warm and Misha is going to take one look at my face and know something’s up. And then she is going to grill me and I need to not let that happen!. Cool it, Rei! Last week Francois-san didn’t even look my way. She was so haughty and cool, and now she’s so kind. It feels like my emotions have been thrown into a jet engine. And I think she was even teasing me a bit too?! I want her to tease me more — REI! I slap my face, both cheeks. I need to focus. First things first. Either tell Misha everything, or tell her something… or nothing. Nothing is easier, right? She doesn’t need to know right now, after all. Right? Like, maybe I can tell her later when I get myself more under control. Right now I feel like a mess because of Francois-san. Francois-san made a mess of me — STOP! Okay, let's get home first. The room I share with Misha is small, just two beds and a shared desk, cramped but doable. Especially on our budget. Not like Francois-san’s luxurious grand room that would put some entire apartments to shame. Misha is on her bed, busy working away at something on her laptop. She has earbuds in, but pops them out when she notices me. “You’re a bit late.” She states. Something about the way she looks at me makes me feel like I’m being analyzed. I give a laugh, hoping to throw her off and not sound nervous. Not at all. “Yeah, just got caught up in something with a new friend.” Okay, good cover. Not really lying, good start. Misha narrows her gaze. Fuck . “What did you do?” Seriously? “I didn’t do anything! Why are you looking at me like I did something?” “Reeeeeiiii…” Misha just draws out the vowel and doesn’t let up with her withering gaze. Dammit. . “Okay, fine, I was with Francois-san.” God, I can’t believe I caved in already . “Rei…” Misha takes a breath and pinches the top of her nose. “That bitch? Seriously? Rei, you should stay away from her. I don’t care if she’s your silly crush. She’s bad news.” “Hey, that’s not true!” I can’t help but blurt out. “Really? You're just going to hurt yourself, and anyone who's paying attention knows you have no shot. She hasn’t been exactly keeping it a secret that she’s gunning for Thane-san, you know.” I know Misha is just looking out for me, but that doesn’t make this feel any less patronizing. “Well, she thinks I’m her wife .” Which is probably why I just said that. God, this is why I didn’t want to bring this up now. Misha’s jaw drops. Okay, this really wasn’t how this was supposed to go. “ What ?” God, I wish we had AC in this room. “Okay, this is going to sound insane, but she has memories of a past life where we were married and she sorta said that the version of me in that life had memories of my previous life and it sounds like some sorta loop….” God, I’m rambling. Misha’s eyes glaze over pretty quickly, and then she just shakes her head, pops her earbuds back in and turns back to her laptop. “Miiiiishaaaaaa, don’t abandon me!” I dash over to her bed and kneel beside it, shaking her leg. “Christ, Rei, do you even hear yourself? You’re a lost cause.” She tries to pull her leg away. “Misha, it’s true.” “Bullshit.” “She knew things, Misha.” Misha’s eyes narrow again. “So she’s stalking you too? Rei, she’s playing you. Get away from her—she’s just setting you up for some sort of cruel joke. Or worse.” “She couldn’t have known about this stuff. You weren't there.” Misha just stares, waiting for an answer. God, if I had just held it together and kept this all to myself for at least one night. ONE NIGHT. I take a deep breath. “She knew about Misaki.” “So? She probably just found some articles. Suicides make the news.” Misha tries to sound nonchalant but I can see she doesn't like the direction this conversation is going. “She didn’t just know about the suicide. She knew why he did it.” I have to take a hard swallow. God, today has made a mess of my feelings. Misha stares at the wall for a moment. Then she sighs and closes her laptop, pushing it to the side and storing her earbuds. “Explain.” “She said our past life took place in, like, a different world, and I found her there and we got married. In that life I think I had memories from this life, or some version of this life? She told me I told her about my previous life, and that's how she knew all these things about me. She knew about that awkward love square from middle school and she knew that Misaki was trans and that's why he… she even called him him . Only a few of us knew about that, and you're the only person I talked to about this. She just knew , it was like we had talked about it so many times already…I…” “You’re being serious.” It’s not a question so much as reluctant acceptance. “Yes, trust me, I know it sounds insane but I don’t have any other way to explain it. She doesn’t remember anything from this life. She didn’t even know what a phone was.” “Oh Christ, Rei, are you sure? Are you sure you aren’t both just… I don’t know, is it amnesia or something?” Misha sounds like she is trying to come up with some rational explanation, but I can see she’s just grasping at straws. “She didn’t know about phones?” “Yeah, I’m telling you, she has no idea about technology. I had to get directions from her roommate to get her home, and even her roommate seemed to believe her explanation after she talked to her. And they know each other well. Francois-san is like a completely different person. We were working on a plan to get her up to speed.” “Wait, we ?” “...yeah?” Wait, why does Misha look disappointed in me? “Rei….” … “Rei!” “ What ?” I huff. “She isn’t your responsibility! This is insane—you can’t be the one to fix this, it’s way too big. She needs to go home and get tutoring or something.” “And what, completely derail her life?” And worse, leave me behind right when I finally have a chance? I can make this work. “Rei, her life is already derailed. How is she supposed to get anything done? Classes? Homework? Hell, how is she even going to act normal around people? Her social life is going to be thrown out the window, and she was quite the little socialite despite being such a bitch.” “Hey! She remembers some people from her past life! She still knew her roommate. She remembers you, too.” Misha pinches her nose again, “Are you telling me we all knew each other in our past lives?” “I think so? I don’t know who else she knows from back then. It seemed like some stuff sorta lined up for her. She mentioned an accident… and okay, I don’t think I should mention too much, but she asked if you were my roommate, by name, and she was relieved when I said you were. She even said I could tell you about this if I thought it was a good idea. She trusts you.” “Rei, you know how insane this sounds, right? Even if what she’s saying is all true, you can’t do this by yourself. This is way too much for you to take on.” Misha sounds concerned, but it’s not like I don't understand how big this is. It’s just, who else is going to help Francois-san and not just lock her up until they ‘fix’ her? “Misha, she needs help from someone who won't think she’s crazy. Her roommate is going to help, too. I’m going to go pick her up tomorrow and take her to class. We share quite a few of the same classes. I think we’re both in the business track so there’s a lot of overlap.” “This doesn’t feel like it can work, Rei.” Misha tries one more time. “I’m not going to give up on her,” I respond. I’m not sure where the stubbornness comes from, and it seems to surprise Misha as well. Maybe that’s why she just sighs in resignation. “Ok, fine. Save your crush, or wife, or whatev—” Misha pauses as she says that part out loud. “Wait, God, we just skimmed over that and how crazy it sounds. This is worse than those manga you read. She was your wife ?” Does Misha really have to act like that’s the most egregious thing about all of this? “That’s what she said.” Why is it so warm in here? Misha snickers. “Oh wow, and let me guess. She still loves you?” I try to glare at Misha but she just stops holding back and lets herself laugh until she’s doubled over. This is violence, Misha. How are you my best friend? “Miiishaaa, pleeeease.” She eventually settles down and wipes her eyes, a smirk still on her face. “So you finally got yourself a girlfriend?” “Oh, laugh it up. I see how you get around Yu-san.” She has no business making fun of me when she’s just as bad. “Answer the question, otaku.” “Fine! She said she’ill wait ‘till I’m ready.” Misha snickers viciously again. “How much more ready do you need to be? You literally haven’t been able to shut up about her.” Misha sits up and puts her hands together like she’s praying. “Oh Misha, how can Francois-san look so perfect and pristine? It’s like she’s a princess from a fairy tale, or even better, the evil queen. Sure she can be so cool, proper and detached, but that glare of hers says that she wants to step on her unworthy minions, I just know it I’ll bet she has a hidden fiery side if only—” Thwak! I hit her square in the face with one of the pillows from her bed, knocking her down. I ready the pillow for another strike if needed, but Misha just smirks and doesn’t say anything, as though she’s already won. Damn her. I let out a huffy sigh and get up from her bed to sit down on my own. “Let me know if any other crazy things start happening. Otherwise I have a paper to finish.” Misha disappears back into her laptop and earbuds, though she does give the occasional glance my way. I fall back into my bed and let my bag fall on the floor. Before real thoughts can percolate into my consciousness I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Oh, Francois-san sent me a text. Never mind, she sent a letter. Hello Rei, I hope this finds you well and you made it to your abode safely. I must thank you again for taking the time to help me as you have. I’m very grateful that you listened to me and took me at my word. I would have been lost without the help you have given me thus far, and for the further help you have offered in the coming days. I hope one day I can make this all up to you tenfold and I am sorry if I may have made you uncomfortable with the implication I made about our previous lives together. I understand and will respect your wishes if you do not want to pursue such a relationship, but I will not lie either. I do hope I can share this love with you once again, and you will always hold a place in my heart regardless. Sincerely yours, Claire Francois. I need to crack open a window. I can hear Misha snicker at me, again. Dammit, I’m blushing. Great. Laugh it up Misha, I’ll remember this. Hi Francois-san, Thks np Sorry, I mean thanks, no problem. texting is pretty informal and we tend to shorten words a lot Thks is thanks. I will try to avoid using abbreviations too much, but just ask if something comes up that you don’t understand We use acronyms a lot too, like imo is in my opinion, but just text however works for you. oh but maybe avoid sounding too formal with people who don’t know. You can probably even see some of your old texts to get an idea about how you used to text. And I’m not uncomfortable About a relationship With you I mean It's just that a lot happened in the last 8 hours and I don't want to move too fast. And I’m not out. I don’t think you were either. (being out means being open about being queer) sorry, I’m rambling, and I can see you are trying to type something back. I’ll pause Now Sorry, I am quite slow at this and you are very fast. It's a thing you get better at over time Thank you for your patience, Rei. I might have had to stop and rewrite my sentences several times. Lol Lol = laugh out loud I see. This feels more like a conversation than I thought it would be. It’s a pleasant ability to have. That said, I would like to try to call you if that is all right with you . Of course It doesn’t take too long for my phone to ring. I quickly hit accept. “Hello?” I try to say it clearly for her. “Hello!” Francois-san sounds very proud of herself. Oh God, it’s adorable . She must be beaming on the other end. “Thank you again, Rei. Phones are incredible. Are you sure this isn’t magic?” I laugh. “Yes, it’s not magic. I don’t think I could explain it very well right now. It’s very complicated how they work, but it’s just a machine. How are you settling in?” “Excited, also a bit nervous, but otherwise well, I think. Catherine was showing me a few other things before I wrote to you. Did you know about TVs? She also showed me her computer laptop. Apparently I have one as well.” I curl up in bed while listening to her voice. Something about this feels right. Just a day ago it was wishful thinking to imagine I could ever even talk to her. While this is pretty different from what I imagined, in many ways this side of her feels right. Like I was right about her all along. “Yes, TV’s are everywhere, and most students have a laptop. They’re very useful. We can get into it tomorrow after classes.” Francois-san hums in agreement on the other end, “Rei, I have a question.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “Are you still able to hear me?” “Ah, yeah. Though if you’re trying to not be heard you could try pocketing your hand over your mouth and phone. Or just leave the room. What’s up, are you okay?” “Oh, yes.” It still sounds like she’s trying to whisper but her voice is coming through a little bit clearer now. “I just would like it if Catherine didn’t overhear this. You may have heard when she talked about how I am to blame for the state of her prosthetic leg. It got damaged a bit at some point and it seems to be a pain to use but I don’t know how to go about replacing it. I would suggest repairing it, but she said it’s cheap and was poor quality to begin with. I think I have the monetary means to get her a better one but well, as you have seen, I am quite ignorant about how anything works here.” “Oh yeah, we can look into that. I think at some point you’ll need to let her know though, so she can get it fitted properly. But that sounds like something we should look into soon. I’m sure she would appreciate it.” “Thanks, Rei. I’m getting the sense the other me was… well, probably insecure and immature in the ways I was before I met you. And she probably made some poor choices. I would like to remedy those if I can.” Francois-san doesn’t sound ashamed, but there’s a sympathetic sort of softness to her voice. A sense of responsibility, even if she herself isn’t to blame. “I did steal her life, in a way.” “That’s quite a big assumption,” I can’t help but retort. “We don’t know exactly what’s happening, but from what you said it sounds like we might be reliving our lives over and over again? Maybe something just slid in a little wrong when you got here, and your other memories will come back in time. Maybe this version of you was just dormant this whole time.” I’m rambling again. Francois-san just chuckles, and wow, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. “Thank you, Rei. You're right, as usual. It does no good to ruminate on conjectures with no information. Still, I will honor my responsibilities.” “What was it like? Your… our old life?” I ask her. “Us? Early on, very chaotic and turbulent.” She laughs pleasantly. “We met at the Bauer Academy, a school for raising the brightest and most talented. I was a high-ranking, noble-born daughter of the house Francois and you were a very cheeky commoner.” The emphasis she puts on that last part causes a pleasant shiver to run down my body. “The first thing you said to me was that you loved me, and that I should bully you.” She laughs again and the room suddenly feels several degrees warmer. I said that? Oh God, what was wrong with me? It’s not like I didn’t imagine- “Rei, are you still there? Hello?” “yES.” Oh, that was too squeaky. I cough. “I’m still here. Sorry.” “Rei…” She slowly draws out my name in a husky voice. I shiver again. “Yes…?” I hold the phone close to my ear. “Would you like it if I teased you?” Her voice is so low and smooth. I huddle up into a ball and press my face into my pillow. I feel like I am about to explode. “Yes.” The sound that comes out of my mouth is a whimper. Oh God, what am I saying? “ Good girl. ” I can hear her smile as she says it. I let out a groan and Francois-san just laughs. I might have heard Misha telling me to shut up, too. “Rei? Sorry, was that a bit much?” Yes. “No.” Francois-san hums contentedly. I love the way it sounds. God, I’m so fucked. Who am I kidding? I’ve already got it so bad for her. “Well, back to your question….” Oh, that is so unfair. “We went through a lot together, you and I. You taught me so much and saved my life when the revolution came. We became teachers at the Academy, raised two daughters and lived a good life, I would say.” “Daughters?” Oh right, she did say something about that before. Wait, how did we- “Adopted twins. May and Aleah.” The way she says their names, so softly, I can almost imagine her with them. It’s a lot harder to imagine myself, though. “I can’t see myself as a mother.” “You were wonderful, Rei. I couldn't have done it without you.” I wish I could share in her confidence. She yawns. I guess it’s been a long day hasn’t it? “It’s getting late, Francois-san. We should probably get to sleep.” “Aww,” Francois-san pouts. “I’m enjoying this so much, but you are probably right.” She yawns again. “Goodness, fine, you are right, as usual. ” “I liked this too, Francois-san. We’ll do it again soon. Oh, before we go, I wanted to tell you to make sure Achard-san shows you how the alarm on your phone works. You probably have one that will wake you up for classes.. She would know if anyone would.” “I’ll ask her. Thank you, Rei. Good night—I will see you in the morning.” “Good night,” I softly say back to her. I wait on the line until the call ends. God, I feel so restless now. I can’t help but fidget in place, rolling back and forth in my bed— “Wow, you are such a simp,” Misha’s voice comes from across the room. I freeze in place and hazard a glance in her direction. Misha is still working on her paper, eyes only occasionally glance my way. “Enjoy your call, much?” “It’s rude to eavesdrop.” “It’s hard to not hear you when you sqwee so much.” Misha states, deadpan. Wow, rude. Fine. I’ll remember this next time Yu-san is around and you get all sappy and starstruck. It’s late and I will probably have to leave quite a bit earlier to rendezvous with Francois-san tomorrow. I could go to sleep, but maybe I’ll look up prosthetic legs for a bit before I pack it in.