ne. It's hard to stand out, and yuri is niche . It's not all bad, I think I'm close. Some publishers are actually looking for stuff like mine, and those talks have been better. But it feels like I would need to have a viral hit for some of them to really take me seriously. Blah.” It's been rough for her, but she's been determined to make it work. I wish I had the confidence to do that.

“It’s good that you have been making it work so far, I really do think you have talent for it. Rei, have you thought of doing something like it? Writing, I mean?”

“Huh? What? Why would I try to do that?”

Claire scoffs in turn, “Because your writing is excellent of course.”

What? “No… it’s not.”

“Yes it is, mostly… I thought you said you didn’t read her fics Claire-san?” Shiko interjects and quirks her brow. Wait what?

“Oh, well I haven’t.” Claire gives me a stink eye. Oh come on . “She won’t let me see it, but I have read some of the prose she has written. You are very talented at it, Rei. I’m not just saying it.”

Prose I haven’t written though. Prose Rae wrote. “Look, I just write my stupid stuff. It’s not good.”

“Yes it is!” Claire is just shy of raising her voice.

“Rei, I wouldn’t be reading your stuff this long if I didn’t enjoy it.” Shiko sounds annoyed.

“Look, just cause it’s fun doesn’t mean it’s good.”

“It is, and I think you would enjoy it if you made it a career like Shiko does with manga.” Claire crosses her arms, are we fighting?

“But… that’s so hard to do, to make a living off… it sounds nice but I don’t think it’s realistic.”

“Realistic? But…” Claire doesn’t finish the thought, instead she glances down and sighs. “Fine, I’m sorry if I’m pushing you too much. I just think you do have a talent for it. I just want you to… to enjoy what you do.”

“It’s a nice thought… but I’m already enrolled in classes. It would be dumb to bail on them and switch into something completely different wouldn’t it? I’d lose my scholarships and I don’t have that kind of money and…”

“I would help.” Claire says, it sounds so vulnerable. Tantalizing. A part of me wants to just say yes.

God what do I say to that. I can’t? I don’t want to disappoint her. But I don’t think I can do this. She has to know I’m not her Rae right? I’m not anything like her. Rae the hero. Rae the master chef. Rae the author. Rae her… wife.

I’m going to fuck this up…

Claire surprises me, she nestles her head into my shoulder. Oh wow. “Just think about it.”

I just nod. That’s easier than saying the wrong thing. Feels like I do that a lot.

“So you enjoy today then Claire-san?” Thank god Shiko. Thank you for taking the heat off of me.

“It was fun honestly. I wish I could help again sometime, but I expect school will be keeping us very busy.” Claire wraps her arm around mine as she really settles into the nook she has carved out.

“Don’t worry about it, it was an emergency and Ami didn’t exactly give me a heads up either… bitch.” Shiko sighs, and scoops up a bit of her leftover food. “I have to say, you two are cute together. Rei you seem too worried-”

“What?”

“-but you two have a good vibe honestly.” Shiko smiles, not one of her grins either. It’s just… genuine.

“Thank you Shiko. It really was good to finally meet you too.” Claire responds, and she just hums softly on my shoulder.


“Hey Claire, you should take a break now, go wander about, Rei and I should be good for a bit.” Shiko says after she puts away the money from the last purchase.

Claire looks a little hesitant. “Oh are you certain? I would enjoy another perusal but I don’t have to.”

“Nah it’s good, go take another sweep of the floor, it’s winding down anyways, and most of my stock is sold too. We got a couple hours left before we pack it in and grab dinner.”

Claire nods, “Okay, well take care of Rei for me, I’ll return back shortly.” She then turns to me, I feel her take my hand squeezed under the table by her and she gives me a wink. “I’ll see you soon Rei.”

I can feel my mask shift as a smile forms underneath it, “Have fun, I’m sure I’ll survive.”

“You better .” She grins, collects herself and slips out from our booth. She gives one last turn and a wave and disappears into the aisles.

“Wow she has it bad for you.” Shiko sounds somewhere between surprised and impressed.

“Really?”

“Are you for real?” Okay, now she looks unimpressed.

“What? I mean… I… I’m the one whose... Aren’t I the hopeless one?”

“Never said you weren’t but she is too, have you seen how she looks at you?”

Yes, doesn't mean it makes sense.

I gulp… “Yeah… I…”

“And the way she talks to you, or about you. Girl likes you.”

“Yah, but like it’s… I don’t know… complicated?”

Shiko gives me a side eye, “Is it really?”

Yes . God I can’t just tell her that she didn’t fall in love with me first, she fell in love with a different version of me first. “Okay, fine yes, I know she likes me. I can be stupid but I’m not an idiot.”

“Are you worried…?”

“No… I don’t know. It feels too good to be true, and there’s stuff I can’t really talk about…”

“You can’t talk about it with me ?”

“I shouldn't talk about it, it’s a privacy thing.”

Shiko’s eyes draw tight. “It’s not a bad thing is it… like the thing you can’t talk-”

“No, it’s not. I don’t know how to talk about it without explaining it, and I can’t do that.”

Shiko loosens up, “Fine, but you know I’ll keep a secret if I have to, right?” She would.

“I know, I trust you Shiko, but Claire trusts me. And I’m not going to ruin this.”

“You’re not going to ruin anything Rei, she loves being around you.”

But like… why? I don't feel like I've done anything to warrant it. I'm not saving her life… I'm showing her how to play video games.

“Fine, we don’t have to talk about that. You two have moved fast, it’s only been a couple weeks now? If I didn't know it almost seems like it’s been years, you sure you two just hooked up?”

I know she is joking but… “I like her… a lot.”

“Yah, I know. It’s very obviously mutual you dork.”

“Yah but what if I’m not what she thinks I am, what if she thinks I’m better than I am and then I just turn out to be a disappointment? I don’t feel like who she thinks I am. I feel like a creep, I feel like I’m always playing catch up, I don’t know what I’m doing.” Please shut up me.

“Whoa, Rei relax, come on. No one really knows what they are doing… have you talked to her about this?”

“Sorta… I don’t know, it’s hard… I should just… but…”

“Hey Rei, calm down, look you trust her right?”

“Yes…?”

“So start with that, I know that Kosaki did you bad before… but that was middle school, you're an adult now. The stakes aren’t the same.”

“The stakes are worse now.”

“They aren’t Rei, they're different but if things go bad, you can move on. You're not trapped in a classroom with her and have to see her twenty-four seven.”

“Move on?” Leave her ?

“If things go bad, Rei, come on. I’m trying to help but you need to get out of your own head too. She doesn’t want that. I think she has a pretty good idea of who you are, even if it’s only been a few weeks. She has you read if I’m being honest, and I really don’t think she’s off the mark. She’s going to be okay with what you're feeling. She’s going to be okay if you feel insecure, she’s not expecting you to be a superhero.”

Easy for you to say Shiko. Rae was a superhero. Didn't she say they saved the world?

“Hello.” My focus snaps to a person who has approached our table, looking up at them…

…What is she doing here?

“Hello Rei, I thought Claire was going to be here too.” Manaria says, she glances down casually at all the leftover doujin on the table. “So this is what you were doing today?”

Ah fuck, I… “If you wanted to talk to Claire, she should be back in a bit, she went on break. We are helping my friend sell her work.”

“Yo.” Shiko eyes Manaria cautiously. “If you have questions about anything, this is my stuff. I’m the degen.”

Manaria laughs, “Oh how delightful, any recommendations?”

“If you want something vanilia I suggest Why do I keep running into my Childhood Rival , if you want something spicier I have Longing for You , or Your Dirty Little Secrets .” Shiko is def putting on her customer service face right now, and not asking questions.

Manaria regards her for a bit and turns back to me, “Do you have any recommendations?”

GOD. “What do you want?”

“I wanted to see Claire, I was also bored. I figured this wasn’t the worst way to spend the evening. How is dating my little cousin by the way?”

“It’s. Great.”

Manaria arches her brow. “It sounds great, she’s not treating you badly is she?” Is that concern?

“No, god, what do you want?”

“What? I can’t be interested in the first thing my cousin actually talks about?”

God what is it about her… Calm down Rei… you are just snapping. “I’m sorry, I’m just… I don’t know… tense. It’s been busy.”

“You know I’m not going to make a big deal about being there when we caught you half naked with Claire chewing on you… well I’m probably going to tease you two about it, but you go girl.”

“WAIT WHAT?” Shiko turns to me, “YOU SAID YOU WERE ONLY KISSING.”

“Fuck can you two keep your voices down? The last time I talked to you that was… all we did. And we didn’t sleep with each other… well we slept in a bed-”

“I can’t believe you would leave me out of the loop like this.” Shiko clicks her teeth.

“It was just a few.. Um some hickeys… and like we it didn’t go any further.”

“Cause her mom and I crashed the party.” Manaria grins.

“Woa….” Stop looking at me like that Shiko.

“It wasn’t going to go any further than that!” I shout.

“She isn’t forcing you is she?” Manaria says, the glibness has dropped from her voice. I think I hate this pity or whatever even more though.

“Why do you care?” Fuck, I’m snapping again.

“Why Indeed. Maybe, just maybe, I was a bit worried.”

“I don’t know you.” You just irritate me.

“And I don’t know you either, but you are dating my cousin. And despite what you think, I do care about her. You know nobody is telling me anything? Maybe you don’t know this but Claire has changed, we weren’t that close necessarily but I remember when her dad died. I know how she was last year. So can you blame me if I want to suss out what’s going on?”

“I don’t know what you think I can tell you…?” And it's not like I would.

“Look, I’m not trying to grill you-”

“Could have fooled me.”

She smirks at me, “I’m happy for you two, and glad your little reveal didn’t go anywhere as catastrophic as mine did. I don’t want that to happen to Claire, not when she seems to be doing better now.”

“Nothing bad is going to happen, I won’t let it.”

“Good.” She says coolly, as her attention turns back to the doujin.

“Good.” God she is fucking miserable.

“Oh, this looks cute, How do I Marry the Villainess? I'll take this and all the other ones you mentioned before. Hell if you are hiding anything depraved, throw that in too…?” She pauses as she looks at Shiko now.

“Kanato, Shiko Kanato.”

“Yes, thank you Kanato-san, These look fun. Might as well enjoy myself now that my shame is out.”

That makes Shiko click her teeth, in a pissed off way. “There’s no shame in being in gay, or queer, whatever the label. I don’t know what you went through but if your family or whatever is being shitty, that’s on them, not you


. There is nothing wrong with being queer.”

Manaria wasn’t expecting to get told off by Shiko like that, she blinks before she recovers. “Right… of course. I’ll make sure to let my father know the next time I see him then.”

“Sister?” Was that Claire ?

We all turn and see Claire behind Manaria, she looks to be carrying a small tray of fries, and a bag at her side, did she buy more stuff? Are those pride pins?

“Sister?” Manaria shifts again, getting mischievous, “We aren’t five anymore Claire, what do you have there cuz?”

Claire fumbles a bit, at least she wasn’t expecting this either. “Oh, apologies, of course. I was just not expecting… what are you doing here?”

“You mentioned you would be at a thing. I was bored waiting around and it sounded like it could be interesting. So I looked it up online and came down. Not my usual fare, but it was fun.” Manaria has moved herself behind Claire, and puts her hands on her shoulders “And I missed you.” She grins at me.

What are you doing?

“Oh I see… I’m sorry I don’t know if I can be quite so available now, we still have a few hours before we finish.”

Manaria chuckles, “Oh don’t worry about that, I wasn’t even sure if this would be the one. I just needed something to do. Running into you and your girlfriend was just an extra bonus.”

“I’m sure messing with me was a bonus too.” I mumble.

“Did you say something Rei?” Claire asks,

“What? No!” Fuck I must have mumbled that to loudly.

“Did you say anything untoward to Rei, Manaria?” There is an edge to her voice, she tries to look over her shoulder at Manaria.

Manarai feigns shock. “My, sooo possessive, relax Claire. We’re all good aren’t we?”

“Suuure.”

“Did you have an idea on where to go for tomorrow's lunch? I think I have a suggestion, I wanted to try some sushi, I found a place that I think won’t be too busy.”

“Oh… Sushi? Umm, Yes, if you have a place already in mind that should work. You can send me a message with your phone to let me know the specifics.”

“Sure, I’ll text you the deets then. Oh and you should bring Rei as well. The more, the merrier afterall.” Can you stop grinning at me?

Claire blanches a little at that, and looks to me, “Rei. Would you like to?” Wow she sounds strained.

I don’t want to… but I also don’t really want to leave her alone with Manaria either, what if she tries to grill her for more information too…? I should be there just to be back up.

“Sure, as long as you want me there Claire-chan.”

Shiko snickers. “Chan?” Oh my god, it’s embarrassing saying just Claire infront of everyone!

“Excellent, I really am looking forward to getting some local sushi, I looove fish.”

Are you fucking for real?

“Then it’s a date, I’m sorry I haven’t had much chance to catch up until now. It is nice to see you again.” Claire says.

“It’s good that you have been doing well as well Claire. Well have fun with your nerd stuff. I should be heading out soon.” She pays for and collects her doujin, gives Claire a hug and waves as she departs.

Good riddance.

“You’re on edge, she didn’t…”

“Oh… no I’m fine… I don’t know, it was weird. She’ soooo…” My words just kinda trail off.

“I’m sorry, you didn't have to agree to come if you didn't want to.”

“But I don’t want to leave you alone with her.”

“I can manage Rei.”

“I know… but I want to.”

“You're so sweet, I do appreciate it, but I think she is just trying to rile you up.” She slips back around the table, sets the food down on the side and drops her new bag off and takes a seat next to me. Her hand finds mine again.

Oh… That’s always nice.

“Oh, what’s sushi?” Claire asks.

“Hmmm? What’s sushi, what do you mean?” Have I never mentioned Sushi before?

“Just what I meant.”

“Wait, how do you not know what sushi is?” Shiko butts in, we both look at her, and she looks surprised.

“It’s fish, raw fish on rice and seaweed, and then like a hundred variations on that.”

Claire gulps, “Raw?”

Shiko laughs.

“Yes, don’t worry it’s safe, it’s fresh. It’s not for everyone though.”

“No… I can do this…” She doesn't sound too sure. “It surely can’t be that bad? Right?”

“It’s delicious, but it’s also not the cheapest thing. Man, I could go for some of the good stuff…” Shiko gets lost in the thought.

“It’s fine, it’s really not for everyone, I can let you know what’s safe to start with okay?”

“O…kay.” Claire smiles, but it’s strained. She’s not fooling anyone. Hopefully it’s not that bad for her.

“So you got some more stuff?” There are now two full bags sitting beside her.

“Oh, yes, just a moment.” She hands the food over, careful to keep it away from the merchandise. “I got some fries to tide us over for now, and I also looked more at some of the merchants selling manga. Did you know there is a manga for Persona Five?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah… I haven’t really checked it out, there is also an anime…” She fishes out a book and holds it out in front of me. “No… Did you…?”

She grins oh so delightfully. “Yes, I only bought some of the first volumes. The merchant said that it was still being made. Anyways I thought you might like to read it… I bought it in excitement but then realized I would rather experience it the way we were already doing it by playing the game. Did you want to read them for me for now?”

“Seriously?” Oh the cover looks so slick, “Oh wow this is cool, I would love to!”

“You are playing Persona with her?” come Shiko, I don't need you to make fun of me too.

“Oh yes, it’s wonderful. We started on our first date after we went to the zoo.”

“Oh. My. God. Rei you have no fucking game. You played video games on your first date?”

“Hey, give me a break!” Not you too ?

“It was lovely, don’t tease her too much Shiko.” They share a look and Claire laughs, “Anyways I didn’t want to overdo it with buying things today, so I only picked up the first few. How are the wares faring.”

“Good, whatever is left at the end of day will fit into a box… maybe two?”

“How many did we have to start with?

“Twenty-five.”

“Goodness.”

“It was a good day, and thanks to you two. It would have been a nightmare running this by myself.”

“Oh it was a pleasure. It was a lot of work but it was well worth it. This event was also lovely, I’m glad I got to experience this side of Rei.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way Claire-san. You sound like an old timey rich girl, but you really don’t act like one.”

Claire laughs, well cackles, god I love when she does that . “Oh well that took a long time to grow out of, I had… help . I did grow up quite spoiled, but I grew out of most of it. I think the more egregious parts are mostly gone.”

“Hey, you got your hands dirty, that’s a plus in my books.” Shiko gives me a wink. Wow, Claire is a natural at getting along with people isn't’ she? I had thought that maybe it was because she was cheating with her old knowledge… but she hasn’t really met Shiko right? She said she only knew about her and all that second hand right?

Either way, at least Shiko seems to like her.

I don’t know, maybe I was a bit too worried about this wasn’t I?


I’m not sure at first, but I think I hear a sniff. Then it happens a second time. I look up from my phone and glance over at Claire. She's pulled herself tight around the phone, eyes glued to it. How long has it been ? Her eyes are watering slightly and she sniffs again. Do I do something ? Is she still reading my fic? I sent her the right one, right?

Yeah, I did I’m—

There’s another sniff, and I hear Claire put the phone down. She looks far off as tears trail down her cheeks.

“Are you okay, Claire…?”

She nods. “Y-yes… just give me a moment.” She wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

Is she upset? She doesn’t seem upset, just… I didn’t think what I wrote was that… moving?

“I finished. What you wrote…it’s us.” What?

She turns and looks at me. There are still tears, but she’s smiling.

“That was us, that was you saving me. The feeling , it was the same…” She takes a wavery inhale. “It’s us .”

“I… ?”

“The heroine—she’s you. You wanted to save me like she saved Lady Shouko. It’s like a blueprint, it’s the why, the need. How you never give up on me. I will always recognize it. It's you. Rei, I love you. ” She looks so beautiful.

It’s not the first time she’s said it. But this time… it hits differently. Harder . My heart aches and soars. I don’t quite understand everything I’m feeling. It’s overwhelming, it's amazing, it’s frightening.

“I love you, Claire.” I know that much, at least.

Her eyes are locked with mine, and there’s another sniff as if she’s trying to hold it all together. I get up from my seat, and I also have to sniff to hold back tears. I stand next to her and she extends her hand.

I take it, and she pulls me down. Her other hand moves to my face, a gentle caress before she pulls me even closer and kisses me. I can feel her need, her passion. She wants me to know . She wants me to know how much she loves me. More than she can say with words, more than she can convey with just her body.

“I love you, Claire.”

I want to show her. I want to see it. I want to live it.

She wipes her eyes again, and they are lit from within. Burning. I don’t quite trust my voice but I want to try. I have to. “I want to… I want to…”

She smiles. She’s so patient. “What do you want, Rei?”

“ You. I’m yours .”

I swear I can see the embers in her eyes smolder. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn't need to. She understands. Her lips find mine again and I am ready.


“That was a long day.”

Claire and I manage the walk back to the dorms with not too much fanfare. I feel tired, and I think she is too. But she has been a bit quiet. At least the evening is nice, and not raining. The temperature is enough that the walk isn’t unpleasant.

“Do you mind if we sit down Rei?”

“Something wrong?”

“Not really, I’m… or well this me doesn't seem quite used to such long treks.” She laughs. “I just want to give my feet a rest for a bit. The moon is lovely, isn’t it?”

“Ahh sure… wait?” …I can die happy ?

“Hrmm?” She tilts her head playfully. Despite being tired her eyes still glitter.

She knows. She knows what that means…

“I know. Did I tell you that one?”

“You did, and you also said the normal response is I can die happy. But neither of us really wanted to hear the other say it like that so we just said ‘I know’ in turn.”

Wait… “Huh? I didn’t know that’s-”

“Rei I know… I just wanted to say it. Let’s sit down.” There is an easy smile on her face as she moves towards a bench and sits the bags next to her.

It’s quiet tonight, I don’t really see anyone else out walking. Sitting down wasn’t a bad idea, we have been up for a long time haven’t we.

“So… how was today? It wasn’t too much was it? Like everything?” God why do I keep asking.

Claire has her eyes shut for a moment, takes a light breath and looks at me softly. “Today was wonderful. Busy, but wonderful. I’m glad I got to meet Shiko, really. I always wondered what it would be like on this side, to be part of your life here. I want to keep seeing more of it, Rei.”

“Even the weird parts?”

She laughs, “I think you worry too much. You have always been weird Rei, that’s what I loved about you. You were always yourself, not who everyone told you to be.”

I wish…

“And if you're still worried about Shiko’s work upsetting me, don’t. I admit, some of it was surprising, at least to see it in paper for the first time.” She laughs, “And some of the ones I had seen at other stands were quite… out there. Either way, a fantasy is different from reality. We played out many fantasies my dear, but those never left the bedroom. I would never try to hurt you for real after all.”

Wait what?

“You would hurt me?.”

“In delicious ways, yes. I thought I made this clear before.” She leans towards me with a sly smile and half drawn eyes.

Do I want that…?

“I… I… didn’t think you were being… serious?”

“I was, you got me a whip for when we would get in character. ”

cR-Rack!

ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod

“Do you not want to?”

Oh god yes!

“But doesn't that make… me… I don’t know? Fucked up?” I wince as the word escapes.

Claire looks surprised by that, shit. “Is that what you think? Rei, it’s fine. I just said a fantasy is okay. And if you are wrong for it, I am right there beside you and would also be wrong. Glady I might add. We complete each other.”

“It’s not weird if I would be into… getting hurt… by you? You… tying me down…”

“Taking away your control ?”

Oh.

God.

It's too easy imagining her holding me down…

It’s really hard to swallow.

“Rei, I mean it, but I also meant that I don’t want to rush you into anything either. You knew what you wanted when we first got together, and you didn’t rush me into anything I wasn’t ready for. I can do that too… I can see that this is new to you, but please don’t feel like you are wrong for any desires.”

“But it feels wrong. I’m not supposed to be like this.”

“You’re you. You’re exactly how you’re supposed to be. Trust me. I know.”

Her hand finds mine on the bench, and her fingers slowly seep into mine. It’s unfair how much this makes me feel better. I don't feel like I deserve this.

“Rei?” Claire’s voice cuts my thoughts.

She looks so lovely as she sits on the bench, just illuminated by the streetlights.

“Yah?”

She fidgets a bit, the nervousness is odd on her. “I got something for you.”

Oh ?

“I… you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“But I wanted to, silly… I…” She frees a hand and reaches into one of her bags, letting the sentence hang. After a bit of shuffling, she finds what she is looking for. “Close your eyes please?”

“Ahhh, sure?” Did she find what she was looking for?

“Close them you dolt.” There's no edge to it and she laughs.

“Right, sorry.” I close them tightly and her other hand slips away from me. I can just hear her move a bit. It sounds like she’s pulled out whatever it was from the bag, maybe she is opening something up? It’s taking a while… should I have gotten her something too? She didn’t get me something too much did-

“Open your eyes now Rei.” She sounds a bit small right now. I open my eyes, and she has her hands pocketed together, cupping something in them. “Here.” She moves her hands to me.

A careful glance… is that a chain? “Can… I?”

She chuckles a little, “Of course you dolt, it’s for you.” She is smiling, but it's shy, and her cheeks seem a bit redder than usual.

I feel a bit sheepish. Okay. I pull the chain up from her hand and notice there is something attached at the end… a pendant… wait?

“Is this… you got me a Persona pendant? Really?!” Oh it looks so good.

I have to bring it in close, the light isn’t helping, but it’s cut so cleanly, the hat and mask, with the flames rippling out… this is so fucking cool.

“… do you like it?”

“I…”

It's so cool.

“I know you don’t usually wear something-”

“I love it.”

She smiles, and relaxes. “Thank goodness, I was worried for a moment. Only a moment though.”

“Can I put it on?”

“Of course silly.” She sounds so pleased.

I feel stupid as I fumble with the latch it has, I click it open and try to close it again at the back of my neck… ok fuck this hard. I should be able to just… come on.

“Let me help.” She steers my shoulder so that I’m facing away from her and she takes the ends of the chain.

Click.

The chain is let go, and its weight pulls down. It’s a little cold initially, I wasn't expecting that but it feels like it warms up quickly. I don’t normally wear stuff like this.

“I wanted to get you something… I know it’s not your usual ware, but you also got me an amulet on our first… well it wasn’t a date yet, but it was. And I really treasured it. I saw it earlier and… I just thought of you. I thought you would like it.”

I… I didn’t get her anything.

“I’m sorry I should have gotten you something too.”

“What? No… I wanted to get you something Rei.” Her hand closes over one of mine.

“But this is so nice… and if I got you something before…” I shift back to face her.

“Nonsense, Rei I just want you… you don’t understand. I wanted you to have something that reminded you. That I’m here for you. You… we didn’t get along to begin with, I was so terrible to you at first.”

I don’t believe that for a second.

“And I still had a lot of growing up to do. Old biases to unlearn, and I didn’t think someone could love me like you claimed. Let alone I had never even considered being with a woman before then. But you stayed by me, you told me I was worth it. And one day, you convinced me to walk the school fair with you. It was the most fun I had had… nothing had even compared before then but I couldn’t even tell you that. And then the day’s end drew near and you gave me the amulet. You told me that I saved you, even though you couldn’t explain how. I don’t know if I would have believed you at the time if you did, but I never let the amulet go until it broke.”

“It broke?” Why ?

“Yes…it had magic and it saved my life I think. I was still too self conscious to bring it up when it did. If I did that… maybe I would be too obvious, show my hand too much. Admit that I really was in love with you too. Years later, for an anniversary you replaced it, after we talked about it. I was such a child back then.” She sighs and smiles, she sounds so fond of those old memories.

“I wanted that for you. I want you to know how much you mean to me. That you also saved me. That I want you to always carry me with you in some way. And I want it to be in a way that matters to you. I love this part of you, and I love that I get to share it


 with you this time. That’s what this means to me Rei.”

This means so much to her…

I don’t deserve this. That wasn’t me, that was her…

“Rei?”

“Ummm?”

“Rei what’s wrong?” She places a hand on my cheek, it's so gentle.

“N-nothing’s wrong.”

“Rei, it’s alright.”

“No really. I’m just being stupid and being a m-mess after my… you got me a really nice thing Claire. I really do like it. Please don’t worry about me.”

Claire pulls me into a hug, “I’m glad, but of course I’m going to worry. You're not being an idiot. Please. What’s wrong?”

I didn’t do that for you.

I’m not the amazing person you think I am. I’m not special. I'm not confident. I’m not clever. I’m not cute. I’m not sexy. I can’t do magic. I don’t know anything about you. I’m an otaku. I’m awkward. I can't even cook. I don’t know what I’m doing. Ever.

I’m not who you think I am.

I’m not Rae Taylor.

It’s hard to swallow. I have to say something.

“I don’t know, I… am I? Is this too…? Are you sure?”

She draws back and examines me. Her face contorts, as she considers, and it shifts. She looks dismayed. “I’m pushing you too much again, aren’t I?”

Nononononononononononononono

“No! I… just…”

“Rei, you can tell me, please.” She looks so worried.

Just deal with it. Be better, be who she wants you to be. I can’t lose her.

“I really do like it, Claire. I’m just… bad at this…”

She pulls me into another hug, “Rei, you’re not bad at it. Not like you think you are. I assure you, I was much worse. I love you, and I’ll keep telling you that till it sinks in. Till it makes sense. Okay?”

Till I’m right…

“Today was fun, it really was. Every day with you has been wonderful. I hope you have also enjoyed it.” I can feel her emotions through the embrace.

“I… yah. I’m so l-lucky…”

“We both are.” She tightens the hug, it’s so nice. I really want to belong here. With her. “I just want to be here for you, help you be happy this time. You know that right?”

Was I…? “I think so… but it’s not me that… you have so much we still have to catch up on. You still have to keep up with class. We still haven’t finished history, barely scratched it and then we haven’t even touched pre-history and science is going to be so much too.”

“Rei, that’s okay, I have no doubt we will manage that, but it’s not just about me. You're here too. Remember, you swore that you would let me help you too. It doesn’t matter what it is, I will help you too. Or did you forget?”

It’s hard not to feel the pendant when she says that.

I made that contract.

“I’ll remind you when you do you dolt.” She pulls back, but just so she can give me a small kiss on the forehead. “Alright?”

“I’ll try Claire…”

“ Rei , I love you.”

I love you too…

I can’t say that yet though, I’m not ready. I need to be right for her first. I need to be better. Then I can tell her.

I really want to tell her.


Please be here…

I look at Misha’s text again.

She’s here but she’s not talking.

I’ve been down this hallway to her dorm so many times now. But this time it feels… foreboding. You can do this. You can make this better .

I give a light rap on the door.

A pause.

The wait is agony .

Then there’s a slow creak and the door barely opens, just enough for Misha to slip out. It’s almost like our first time talking here, but in reverse this time.

She closes the door behind her and sighs. “What happened?”

“I… I asked her to make a dish. She tried, but it wasn’t how I remembered it… and she ran.”

“Did… you say something?”

“No… but, I must have made a face. I was surprised… I didn’t think she… I should have put it together that she doesn’t have the same experience.”

Misha sighs again and looks down the hallway. She chews her lip before speaking up again. “You should talk to her.”

“I want to.”

Misha nods. “Good. Look, don’t… she’s…”

“I know. It’s not her fault. I… she gets in her head. She thinks she has to solve everything herself. Power through it.” I have to exhale. “I misinterpreted the signs.”

“Yah… She’s kinda dumb like that.” At least Misha knows how she can be too.

“She’s blaming herself, isn't she?”

“Probably. She hasn’t said anything since she came in.” Misha glances at the door.

“Do you mind if we have some privacy?”

“Go for it, just… I don’t know, text me or something when you are done. I’ll go get a coffee or something.” She’s being very accommodating.

“Thank you Misha.”

“Sure, just… when you two fix this… don’t be having sex when I come back. That’s not a joke. Don’t.” She holds eye contact.

Heavens Misha, I have self control .

“... Of course.”

Eventually she breaks her stare and sighs. We aren't that bad.“Good luck.” And then she makes her way down the hall.

Just a door between me and Rae.

I can do this .

I push the door open into their little dorm. Misha’s bed to the left lies empty save for a closed laptop on it. Rae’s to the right is a mess, her blanket in a ball. A Rae-shaped ball .

“Rae?”

There isn’t an answer from the lump on her bed.

“Rae, please.”

The ball of blankets tightens.

“Rae I’m not leaving until we talk.”

“Ple… G-Go away.” Her muffled voice barely escapes the cocoon.

Leave? “No! I didn’t come all this way just to turn around. We. Are. Talking.”

The pile shifts a little. Not good enough.

“Rae. I will rip off that blanket if you don’t show yourself.”

The pile shifts some more and soon Rae manages to sit upright, with only her head showing over the blanket. Her eyes are red and she looks tired and miserable. Rae…

I hate to see her so. And it’s my fault . “Rae, I’m sorry.”

She sniffs. “Why? S’not your fault.” She sounds bitter.

Isn’t it? Deep breath Claire. “Rae this isn’t your fault.”

“Yes it is.” Of course she thinks so. Some things never change.

I sit down on the bed next to her. She doesn’t move away so I take a chance and place a hand on her shoulder, or as best as I can approximate while she is bundled in blankets. “Why? I asked you to do something you didn’t know how to do.”

“I should have told you. I’m so s-stupid. This whole time I should have s-said something but I didn’t. Everyones been telling me to say something but I've been too scared to do anything and I let it blow up… or burst into flames.” The last part is mumbled under her breath.

“Rae, you're not stupid.”

“Yes. I. am… I-I… I should have said…” She takes a deep breath, “I’m not ….”

She’s quiet. There's another sniff.

“Rae, you can’t blame yourself for that. I asked you to do it. I’m not upset about it.”

“You don’t get it.” She mumbles and her eyes shift down.

“What am I not getting Rae? It would be absurd of m-”

“No!” She shouts, her eyes still downcast and her voice watery. “You don’t get it. I’m-m… I’m not…”

I swallow. “Not what, Rae?”

“I’m not fucking Rae!”

For a moment it’s like I can only hear my own pulse, feel it through my body, constricting.

“I’m not Rae…” She repeats, sounding hollow.

That feels like a splash of cold water. What utter nonsense . “Rae, I would know . You’re you.”

“N-no you don’t get it. I’m not your Rae. Rae Taylor . I never was. I’ve been… playing along this whole time because I'm… terrible… I’m nothing like your Rae. I'm just scared… I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to be a dis-sappointment but I still was…”

“Rae, you would never disappoint me.”

“But I did… I saw it… I was trying so hard… but I can’t do what your Rae did. I’m not her. I’m not clever like yours was. I could never be a mother. I’m the worst partner. I can’t fight. I can’t cook. I couldn’t s-save y-” She chokes on those last words.

“Rae…” My hand moves to cup her face as tears stream down her cheeks. “I was disappointed in myself . I should have realized.”

“Realized that I’m not her ?” She sounds so bitter.

“No… That I’ve been making you think you had to be. Rae, please. I never expected you to be.”

Her eyes cast down. “I’m not her…”

“Rae, we are not the people we used to be. I’m not the Claire I used to be.”

“And I was never that Rae. I don’t know the things she knew. I didn’t do the things she did. That wasn’t me.”

“Rae… you don’t understand. What matters is now . Everything could have been different and I would have found you again. I could have been on the other side of the world. It could have been another time. Another world. We will always find each other. I promised. A Francois doesn't break her promises.”

She forces a swallow down. “T-there’s something you're not telling me.”

“Excuse me?”

“There’s something you d-don’t tell me, I can tell. It’s about her . You pretend you don’t know when you realize it… but I can tell. I-I’ve been too scared to ask. There’s something wrong. About me. You aren’t saying it.” She sounds so fragile.

“Something…?”

Oh.

“That.” She eyes me. Even with the tears in her eyes, there is an edge despite it all.

“Rae…”

“No. Don't act like it’s n-nothing.”

I take a deep breath.

“When you came to Bauer. You saved me. I was a character in the game you played. Revolution. The villainess. I was fated to die during the revolution.” This isn’t anything I haven't already told her.

But she is listening, good.

“You knew what was going to happen when you came because you played the game. But it wasn't perfect, things were different, things changed. I know so much about you because you told me. About growing up here. Things are also different this time though. And I wanted to ensure one thing for certain played out differently this time. I didn’t want to tell you because I wanted to avoid it entirely.”

She’s quiet.. “Avoid… what?”

“Why… you died here.”

She stills and doesn't move for a moment. Eventually she gulps. “I… I die?”

“You… did. Young. Or at least you think you did, I suppose. I think I died too. That's why I’m here. But that was old age. Rae, you told me you had nothing in your last life. It was empty, you had no one, you worked nonstop and the only thing that kept you going was that game. Me . You said it was all you had to come home to… but you… it got to you.” Hold it together. “You told me that you think you died from overworking. The last thing you remember was trying to play the game… and then… nothing.”

I can feel my eyes watering. Breathe.

“I don’t want that to happen again. I want you to do something you love doing. Be happy, have time to live. I want to help you with that. I want to live with you again and I didn’t want you to worry.” I can hear how my voice trembles.

“Over…working?” It scares her.

“You called it a black company, office work.”

“That’s…?”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to die working?” She sounds on the verge of crying again.

“No!... No.”

I hug her. I can feel the tears welling.

“No.” I say again, holding her tight. “I won't let that happen again. It can’t happen like that.”

“B-but… what else am


 I supposed to do… I’m already doing my c-courses… I’m training to get an office job like t-this… I…” She's spiraling.

“Rae, listen to me please. This is different. I’m here now. You’re not alone.” I run my hand over her neck.

“But I’m not her. Why would you do all this for me?”

“Rae.” I let go of the embrace and pull back. I place a hand on her cheek, guiding her to look at me. She looks so lost. “ Rei . You're you. I don’t want you to try to be some perfect version of the past. We were never perfect. I love your imperfections.” It's so hard to keep my voice steady.

“But you l-loved those things. You loved her c-cooking… and I…”

“I loved what you did for me, Rei . You loved to cook for me because you loved to spoil me. It was the act I loved. Rei, you still do that. I don’t expect you to do something you can’t. It’s all the things you do for me that I love.”

“I d-don’t. I’ve been doing nothing this whole time Claire. It’s just you. You could have done this without me.” Her voice sounds so small.

“Rei. I couldn’t. I didn’t know what a phone was. Catherine would have walked out on me. My mother would have sent me away. You helped convince them. Rei, you have spent so much time and energy helping me learn everything I didn’t know about your world. I know you don’t think much of it but…” I can’t help but sigh. “You’re being stupid.”

“Huh?” That snaps her out of it. Finally .

“I love you, but you are a moron. You think you were perfect before? You were terrified of being sincere, being true. You lied to me, you made decisions for me behind my back, and you kept me in the dark. You struggled to talk about your own p-pain, and you were convinced I would never love you back. Does that sound familiar? I still love you despite all that. You never gave up on me and I will never give up on you. You do so much for me and never realize how much it really is or how much it means to me. You could move a mountain and not think you are doing enough.” I feel so raw.

Her mouth moves wordlessly.

I turn her face gently to mine again. “I love that about you, but you need to trust me when I say this. You are doing so much for me. Every day. That has never changed. Can you accept that?”

Her eyes have trouble meeting mine but she nods.

“Good. Because I’m not done. You are passionate. You care deeply about what matters to you. It’s genuine, it’s joyful. I always love listening to you talk about your passions, when you nerd out. It’s all the little things. Persona, Dungeon Meshi, talking about science, the way the world works. That’s what I love about you. You were passionate about cooking, and it’s okay if that isn’t true anymore. You don’t ever have to be again. I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to. Do you understand? I love you— that hasn’t changed.”

She’s turning red. That’s an improvement. “I-I’m sorry… I should have… I made a mess of this…” Her voice still sounds small, though.

“No… I also made a mess of this. I thought I was helping you, but I should have talked to you more. I thought I was doing everything right. I’m sorry I hid the whole story from you.”

She sniffs, and I close my arms around the bundle she cocooned around herself.

“Rei, you are allowed to be happy, and you are allowed to be yourself. I just want to be there with you for it.”

“Even if I’m an Otaku? Even if I spend too much time playing video games, I have no style, I’m a bit of freak-k.”

“None of that bothers me. Do you think you spend too much time playing games?”

The question catches her off guard. “Umm… maybe… sometimes…”

“I can say that since we have been together it hasn't felt that way.”

“But I have. Before. You got upset when Misha mentioned it.”

Ahh.

“Rei, I’m sorry. It just reminded me… of that . I know you can get extremely focused and caught up in something. You do it when you are stressed, worried… or depressed. Rei, one thing you never told me much of before-and I’m starting to piece it together now-is how much getting outed hurt you.”

“It…it wasn’t that bad.” Her voice is small. She’s still doing it.

“Rei, it’s okay… When you told me about Misaki, you always struggled even if you never said it. It was the first time I ever saw you really upset. You told me about Kosaki first, and I couldn’t tell… at the time… I just…” Just take a breath , “It’s okay if that hurt you. Shiko told me. Misha told me.”

Rei takes a deep wavery breath.

“And I think it took you a while to sort through that hurt, those feelings. I think you leaned into your hobbies to help yourself. Games. Books. Anime.”

I can see tears rolling down Rei’s face.

“I-I…” She struggles to get past the first word.

“It’s okay. It’s okay Rei.” I hold her tighter. I’m feeling so raw. “I want to be here for you. When you need me, I’m here for you okay? That will never change. We swore that we would be there for each other.”

She takes a sharp inhale. “I’m a fucking mess.”

“It’s okay Rei.”

“C-can… can we j-just stay like this… for a…”

I hum. Of course . “Let me join you.”

“Huh?”

“In your blanket, silly.” I find an edge and peel it back slowly, exposing the rest of Rei huddled underneath it, legs pulled in tight. She looks so fragile. I scoot next to her and pull the blanket back over us while wrapping my other arm around her, holding her close. “Right now… this is all it needs to be. Okay?”

I feel her nod her head slowly and pull her in further to rest against my shoulder. I want nothing more than to ease her hurt, her worry. I soothe my hand over her back and listen. The silence is broken by soft sniffles, our breathing. Her heartbeat.

I focus on our breaths. Soon they sync with one another. The rhythm becomes more controlled. A steady in, then out.

“I love you, Rei.”

Her breath hitches and she stiffens.

I said too much. “You don-”

“I love you too!” Her voice doesn’t falter this time.

Now I feel my heart stop.

“So much, it’s insane. I thought I fucked up.” She takes a deep sob, “I thought I ruined it. I thought I was stupid. I was trying so h-h-hard to-to-to…” Her voice is falling.

Oh.

“Shhh, I was scared t-too. I w-want this to work. I want this to always work. I want you to t-trust me. And I should have t-trusted you more too. I feel like we have done this… so many times. I feel like there are some pieces I can’t remember… but I know one thing. This . What we have. It has to grow and change. We can’t be shackled by what we were, we can only move forward. We will always be redefining ourselves. We have to change or we will be stagnant. I don’t know how many times we will do this again but I want to make sure we are there for each other, whatever that might look like.”

“R-really? Even… even if everything changes?”

“Everything changes, Rei.”

“I-I don’t know if I can promise I wont fuck it up again.” She sounds so small again.

“ We, Rei. If we try to do it alone, I think we are doomed to fail. But if we are together we can do anything. Even if we make mistakes.”

I can feel her nodding. “Okay… Okay. I-I want to try. I d-don’t want this to end. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t.” Her voice cracks.

“I can’t either.”

Her arms around me tighten.

“So… what now?” She says after several minutes pass.

“What do you mean?” I ask her after taking a steading breath.

“I don’t know… what do we do… I… don’t want to fuck up again.”

“We make mistakes and we help each other when we do.” That's all we need to do.

“Okay… but like, I don’t want to do this again. Not talking and stuff I mean. And what am I supposed to do? You said… I die?”

You’re not going anywhere anytime soon. “You died . I plan on us living full lives, Rei.”

She tightens her arms around me. “Okay. Okay. Am I…. should I be doing this? The school I mean. You said I was miserable… I’m only doing it cause… it’s what I’m supposed to do? Right? Am I not supposed to do it? I don’t want to treat you like some kind of… sugar momma . I want to help support us both… I know you are loaded but…”

“Rei, I would be happy to help you thro


ugh whatever that may be. I know it might be hard to make your own path, and I don’t want you to feel guilt for the help I want to give you. But I will help you through that. I think you have a talent for words, for writing. But it doesn’t have to be that. You can think on it.”

“I don’t know… I know you said you liked… well her… the other me’s writing but like… I don’t think mine is that good.”

“Rei, that’s fine. I know you have written much already. And Shiko has shown me-”

“wHAT?!” I can’t help but crack a smile as fresh embarrassment overtakes her prior solemnity.

Still. “I haven’t read anything! I was going to ask before I do…”

Rei shifts and lines up her face to look at me.

“I… might have peeked a little… eighty-seven chapters is quite impressive.”

She blushes and groans. “ God damn it, Shiko .”

“I didn’t read anything! I won’t unless, and I stress this, unless you want me to. But I promise I can give you a fair opinion. I can be quite unbiased, and I have been in the past.” Please have faith in yourself, Rei.

She swallows. I can see her thinking. Her face is still stained from tears and her eyes are bloodshot. But she looks better. Finally, she nods. “Okay… okay, kay. Umm maybe not like… right… now but like …”

“Maybe after I finish Pray Love?” That should be a good amount of time for her.

“Okay. Okay. Yes. We can talk about it… and then…”

“We can see how you feel first. You can change your mind.”

“I… I do want you to read it. It’s just…. Scary… I think it might not be… good enough. It’s not going to be what you thought it was or…”

“It’s going to be what you wrote Rei, and that’s all it needs to be.”

She ponders for a moment then meets my eyes. “Okay.”

I lean over and give her a kiss on the forehead. I’m emotionally exhausted, but happy. It was worth it, it’s always worth it.

“Is it okay… if we just stay like this for a bit?” She asks.

“Of course. I love you, Rei.”

“I love you, Claire.”


“Okay, so you just dip it a bit in the soy sauce… yah, and good to go.” Rae guides me through the process.

I stare at the piece of sushi. White rice now soaked with soy sauce. Wrapped around bright red, raw fish. Package within a paper thin seaweed.

I like rice, soy sauce and fish…

It's just raw.

Manaria eagerly dips another roll, mixing in the wasabi; Rae very much cautioned against that for now citing it would be very spicy, and then downs it in quick fashion. Humming in delight.

I can stomach string beans…

In it goes. Oh… that… is different.

“You don’t really like it?” Rae is perceptive, it's always hard to hide my displeasure from her.

“It’s… not entirely unpleasant?”

“I can’t believe you’ve never tried sushi. In Tokyo of all places. You’ve been here for ten years.” Manaria grins and eyes me, waiting for a response.

“Ahh.. well yes. It’s been a while hasn’t it? I was just wary of trying raw fish… I prefer it cooked.” Would it be rude to have it cooked? Of course it is, I can’t even believe I entertained the notion of asking.

I can’t let it go to waste either. I hesitantly bring another to my mouth…

Oh that is not better the second time is it…

“You don't have to force yourself, Claire-chan. We can easily finish your portions.”

“I apologize… Thank you Rae.” This is rather embarrassing.

“My, aren’t you two cute? How long have you been together now?” Manaria’s tone worries me though I can't quite discern why.

“A few weeks now.” Nothing elaborate Claire.

“Could have fooled me.” Manaria teases out, then she casually plucks another roll from the plate and eats it. “I thought you would have loved the taste of seafood .”

Rae blushes, profusely, at that comment. “Manaria. Please. That's rather uncouth.” It's up to me to control Manaria.

“Oh?” She grins. Rae was right. She can be infuriating at times. “Did I say something?”

Rae grumbles something under her breath, she really didn’t have to subject herself to this.

Let’s try to steer the conversation away from that. “So Manaria, how are you enjoying your stay so far?”

She savors another portion of sushi as she ponders her response. “Well it was nice to finally go out and do something. Your mom has been insistent that I try to avoid too many appearances till more time passes… so that's fun . It's been a mostly boring week so far. Your con was a nice change of pace even if I felt like a tourist.”

“Oh, I’m sorry it’s been so hectic with everything.” I should have reached out sooner.

Manaria shrugs and grimaces. “It’s not your fault.” She doesn’t say it, but I can hear the implication that it is hers. “I really don’t need to be chased around by more cameras and mics shoved in my face so I should be careful. ‘ Have you always been gay? Are you rebelling? How could you do something so heinous? ” She sighs.

“That bad…?” Rae asks, I guess she doesn’t really know much about Manaria here this time.

“Well when you are royalty, even if it's very distant, people think too much of you.”

“Wait, you're royalty?” Rae brings her voice to a hush as best as she can and still be heard.

Manaria rolls her eyes, “Technically, nobility is a better way to describe it. In some world I could have a path of succession to the throne of Belgium but I really doubt that will ever happen. Especially after this scandal. You know Claire is technically nobility too. Or have you failed to mention that to your girlfriend?”

“No, she told me.” Rae is quick to answer. I did tell her in our previous life I was nobility. I never got quite around to figure out the minutiae of it all here though yet. “Her mom runs their business right? Francois? That’s like a french lamborghini?”

Lamb what?

Manaria is watching me, is she waiting for me to answer? I can't . Then she turns her attention back to Rae. “Not quite. Lamborghini makes cars first. Francois is a brand, and that’s sometimes on a car.”

“Sure, I just mean it’s high end stuff. Fancy right?”

Manaria laughs, “ Fancy , I think Melia would not enjoy it put that way, but sure. Fancy. I’m sure even Claire here would attest to the quality.“

“Ohh, of course. We wouldn’t use our name on anything less than perfect.” It feels nostalgic to play up a haughty laugh.

“Oh I’m sure.” Manaria grins, “Say Claire , what would be your favorite product? I’ve always been partial to the watches , but I’m sure Rae loves the lipstick.”

“Oh-”

Rae clears her throat, bless her. “Wow, so a scandal huh?” She glares at Manaria, some things never change. “What exactly was so bad that you had to run to Japan?”

Manaria rolls her eyes and looks unimpressed, but then her face shifts into something more sly. “Well imagine something like what Melia and I walked into, except my father didn’t take it in good humor, and there was more of an audience. With cameras. Caught sexually assaulting my own maid of all things. I’m such a disgrace to the Sousse name. I’m a monster.”

“You weren’t and aren’t”

Manaria scoffs at my comment, “Oh I’m sure you're the expert of what happened.”

“You didn’t mean to hurt her.”

Manaria’s surprise catches her for barely a moment before she schools her face again. She narrows her eyes.

“I know you wouldn't.”

“I’m sure you do. Would it matter? She’s gone now.”

“Then find her, make it right.” Don't take this lying down.

“When did you become so idealistic?” She sounds so sardonic.

Since I found Rae. I can’t help but look at her, our eyes meet. She knows my answer is her, I can see it in her blush. “Would it be cliche if I said since I fell in love?”

Manaria mocks a gag, “Oh god you have turned into a sap. Stop before you cause your toy to explode.” She rolls her eyes and stuffs another piece of sushi in her mouth.

Rae is… looking a bit uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, was that too much.”

“Ahh, no, well, maybe. I don’t know. It’s not like I’m the interesting person here or anything…” Rae is not being fair to herself.

“That’s not true.”

“Well apparently you're royalty.” Rae remarks.

“Distantly!”

“Not me. I’m a princess.” Oh, Now you're proper royalty Manaria?

“Manaria, you are not helping.” I say through gritted teeth. “I’m not any better or any more interesting than anyone else because of my birth. That includes you Rae.”

Rae doesn’t look quite convinced however. What's wrong?

“So when did you two meet?” Another question from Manaria.

“Well… just a week…s before we started dating?”

Rae grimaces, oh come now. Surely it wasn’t that bad? Surely?

“I had seen her around for a bit before we talked the first time. We share a bunch of classes.” Rae is quick to try to control the topic.

“Oh, so quickly? Such a fast pipeline. Can I ask what sparked this little flame?”

Little?

“Oh, well I always thought Claire-chan was… pretty…” Rae is trying so hard to not, but is blushing so much.

“Rae is very wonderful and charming. It would be inconceivable to not fall for her.”

Oh Rae is turning very bright. And staring at the table. Adorable. I wish this wasn't in front of Manaria though.

“Okay, but like how did you get there? You don’t just, y’know, know that without something first.”

“I…” I can’t say… what do I say?

“She needed some help with tutoring.” Rae is quick to interject, she pulls her face back up trying her best to will down her previous blush. “She asked me for help, and then… um well…”

“You’re dating your tutor?” Manaria gives me the side eye, her tone does not sound impressed.

“She’s very charming.”

“It’s a bad look Claire.” Is she judging… the nerve.

“It’s not as if I… we started dating after the fact.”

Manaria hums, “Still moving very fast. Do you feel it’s been moving too fast Rae? Claire does seem to be rather possessive of you.”

“Well, she is a… a lot has happened.”

“Hmmm, have you ever been with another woman before?” She's questioning Rae.

Rae is on edge. “Well not really…”

“She’s not pressuring you into-”

“Manaria!”

“No!” Rae shouts in unison with me.

The nerve of her.

“Look it’s been fast but I like her too okay? Like what are you even trying to get at?” Rae sounds genuinely frustrated.

Manaria sighs, “ Fine , I’ll drop it. I don’t know what you two are being so defensive over.”

An uneasy silence washes over the table, and Manaria decides to sample a few more rolls. I wish I could just cut through all the pretense and get to the root of whatever is going on with Manaria. And why is she trying to rile up Rae… it feels


 different than before but I can’t discern why. But this isn’t the same Manaria I have talked to before many times. She is couched in old self loathing again. She is blaming herself for whatever this scandal is… I’m skeptical. I know there is more that she isn’t saying, her relationship with Eve was always complicated. If they would talk then maybe things could move towards repair. But I can’t force Manaria to have the conversation can I.

I try another different piece of sushi… oh that is worse , and harder to swallow isn't it?


I definitely left too early. And was up way too late researching. Prosthetics are expensive. I could open up—oh, a text from Francois-san.

Good Morning Rei, we are coming down now and should see you soon. Sincerely, Francois.

Okay, that’s pretty cute. I should let her know that with other people that’s going to look weird, though.

“Rei!” Just a few minutes later, I peek up from my phone and see Francois-san waving to me with Achard-san just behind, leaning on her cane. I guess Francois-san was right about the leg. Francois-san walks slowly, being careful to not leave Achard-san behind. They almost look like sisters. “Sorry if we made you wait long. I’m not used to the style of clothing here and I might have been stressing too much about appearances…”

Wow, I mean, I look so frumpy in my old hoodie compared to her. She’s wearing a long and very pretty white dress with a form-fitting red sweater vest over it. I don’t think I have seen her in it before but she does look great. For someone who probably has even less of an idea than I do about what’s currently trendy, she’s nailing it.

“You look great,” I say, meaning it sincerely.

Francois-san smiles at the compliment, looking right at me. Oh , this is going to take some getting used to. “Thank you, Rei, I hope my hair looks okay too. It’s not how I usually wear it but my old style needed a lot of help to get right and Catherine said I just wear it straight here.” It's hard to imagine her long blonde hair as anything other than its usual simple straight style. It’s so smooth and pristine.

“It’s good, very good!” Oh God, Rei, keep it together. You sound even more awkward than usual.

I can see Achard-san roll her eyes behind Francois-san. Francois-san just smiles again and God, if I could melt it would be dangerous to be around her. “Thank you, Rei. I tried to play it safe. I like your outfit too. It feels like you.”

Okay, Achard-san, you don’t need to snicker. I’m sure Francois-san meant it, but my clothes really aren’t that nice. “Thanks, sooooo , we have economics first. That’s probably not going to be easy to dive into right away so I can sit next to you for that. If your lackeys ask, you can say I’m tutoring you.”

“That’s actually not the worst cover. Her grades haven’t been doing well. She could even say her mom is making her do it,” Achard-san adds in. Yeah, that’s a good idea.  After all, there’s no way someone like Francois-san would even look my way otherwise.

“Mother…right, yes, I can do that. Wait, did you say lackeys?” Francois-san asks.

“Yeah, you always seem to have two other girls around you. It’s like your mean girls squad.”

“What—”

“She’s not going to understand the reference,” Achard-san sounds a bit annoyed. “You need to use things she can understand.”

“Oh, right, your, um, entourage?” That will make more sense, right?

“Oh, do you know who they are?”

“Nope.” I let the P pop. I mean, why would I know them? I barely even had a chance to talk to Francois-san before this all happened, and it’s not like I cared about her lackeys at all.

“What do they look like?” Francois-san asks.

“Hrm, one is a little taller, brunette, and the other is shorter and has pink hair.” Did one of them have freckles?

“Loretta and Pepi!” She says excitedly. I’m not sure if they will live up to her expectations from that reaction. “Now that you mention it, you did always call them my minions before.”

“That’s probably them,” Achard-san throws in, ignoring the minions part. “Can we get moving? It takes me longer to get there you know.”

“Do you want to take a bus?” I ask.

“No, it’s fine, I like the walk. The cane is usually fine. Let's just get moving.” She seems eager to move past the topic.

“Let me know if you need anything, okay, Catherine?” Francois-san gives Achard-san a polite nod. Achard-san definitely seems like she’s not used to this yet, but she doesn’t make a big deal about it. She seems eager to get to class.

Our walk goes by quickly even though we’re moving more slowly than usual. We try to cram in a bit more prep for class before we get there, but honestly I think we’re going to have to go back through my notes to the beginning. At least it’s still early in the semester. I allotted some extra time for the walk on account of Achard-san so  we should still be pretty early to class, hopefully without too many people around. Once we get to the building, we stop to get breakfast from the cafeteria. It doesn’t take too long to finish our meal.

“Oh, I might need to use the restroom,” Francois-san says. She looks around, unsure of where to go.

“Sure just—”

“It’s out that door and to your left, Claire.” Achard-san cuts me off. Francois-san notices and there is a look between her and Achard-san.

After a second or two Francois-san sighs,.“Fine, but be nice .” Achard-san just gives her an extremely fake smile. Francois-san mouths ‘I’ll be back’ and turns to follow the directions to the restroom.

And then it’s just me and her roommate slash friend.

Cool .

Achard-san takes her time finishing her coffee. “So…” I attempt, but it doesn't really help the awkward mood.

Achard-san puts her drink back down. “Right…” She sighs. “Look, this is kinda messed up and I appreciate you being there to help, but also Francois-chan is my… friend and I don’t know the first thing about you.”

Great. We’re having this conversation already. I can’t stop my nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I really didn’t know Francois-san before this happened. I mean, we share classes and I think we’re in a similar course of study, but I never really got a chance to talk to her.”

“Didn’t stop your massive obvious crush on her, did it?” Achard-san mentions oh-so-casually. I nearly choke on my own cup of coffee

“What?” I say, coughing. Rei, don’t think about how much you’re blushing. Count primes…

“Trust me, Claire can be clueless when it comes to crushes, but even she is noticing this.” She motions her hand at me. “And sure, she thinks you two are married or whatever but she is still loving this.” Catherine takes another sip of coffee. “Not to be too harsh, but you’re kind of a walking stereotype.”

“Noted.” I clear my throat. “What is your point, exactly?” I do not need this.

“Eh, look, sorry, that came out worse than I meant. I’m not great with people. I don’t know. I don’t get whatever this is between you and her. She’s in a very vulnerable spot and I worry about her, okay?” Achard-san fidgets, feeling awkward even having to say this much.

“I … I don’t want to hurt her. I’m trying to help.” I offer.

She sighs. “Yeah, cool, just making sure we’re on the same page.” She leans back and seems content to let the silence return.

“Err, what was she like, y’know, before this happened.” I needed to say something.

She groans and takes a moment before answering. “I guess you already know she lost her dad, from the talk last night. Well, it happened when she was really young. There was a car crash in Paris, and lucky me, I was in the other car. Hence the leg, and…hrmm, no, that’s me stuff. Anyways, after that the two of us often got bundled together. My dad pretty much  ditched me—don’t ask—and while Claire’s mom was picking up the pieces and getting their business back on track we spent some time with Claire’s extended family, the Sousse, in the Alps. We bounced from country to country for a bit before settling here.”

I guess that’s good to know. “I was asking more about how she acted before this. But thanks for sharing all of that.”

Catherine shrugs. “I don’t know, she acted really shut off after the accident. She was better when she was a kid from what I heard, but losing her dad hit her hard and her mom was always busy. I don’t like trying to psycho-analyze my friends, but honestly she seemed kinda depressed, or maybe detached? Superficial? It’s weird seeing her like this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good, but honestly I’ve never seen her be even a fraction as… okay as she seems now.”

“So…this is better, then? It’s not like she’s a completely different person now, right?”

“Errr, people are going to notice, even if she tries to act ‘normal.’ It’s a big change. It feels like she woke up or something.  But yeah, I think it’s better because before she was just…not great, honestly. So don’t fuck it up, I guess.”

Great, no pressure. The way Achard-san is eyeing me doesn't really help either. “I—”

“I’m back.” Francois-san announces herself, looking pleased


. “I was worried that the restroom here would be more complicated, but at least our public restrooms aren’t too different.”

“You took your time.” Achard-san says over a sip of coffee.

Francois-san clicks her tongue and flicks Achard-san on the forehead, after she sets her cup down. Achard-san looks surprised and rubs the spot, but leans back and lets a small easy smile settle in. “Look, I wasn’t expecting the sinks to just turn on. I thought they had broken and they kept turning off and on…”

I can’t help but laugh as Francois-san tries to explain the situation, “They have a sensor for your hands. You just have to have them in the right place.”

“I sort of figured that out, but I spent at least a minute trying to find a knob.” She laughs. At least she isn’t too embarrassed by the situation, and even Achard-san chuckles a bit. “She didn’t bully you too much while I was gone, I hope.”

“No, it was good.” I mean, she did kinda grill me, but I understand why.

I take a sip of what’s left of my coffee, and Francois-san chooses that moment to shoot me a smirk.

“Good, only I’m allowed to bully you.”

That sends the coffee up my nose and sends me into a coughing fit. Francois-san just leans back, looking smug and unfairly attractive. I am so doomed. My grave will say “killed by teasing and gay panic.”

“Okay, I want no part of this flirting.” Achard-san blanches, sticks out her tongue as she pushes herself up from her seat. “I’m going to my classes. Have fun with your otaku, Claire.”

And she walks away and disappears out the exit.

It’s just me and Francois-san now, and she smiles when she catches me looking over at her. I’m not meant to last, am I? “I just wanted to get a little bit of flirting in before we can’t.” She certainly has a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You’re very cute when you blush, but I would rather not share it with others.”

One, two, three, five, seven, eleven, thirteen, seventeen…

“It’s not too much… is it?” The glint is gone, replaced with concern. She looks like she wants to lean over towards me. She glances at my hands fidgeting on the table.

“No! Yes?” I let out a nervous chuckle.

“Sorry, sorry, you said you wanted to take it slow… I can wait.” Francois-san retreats a little, her eyes looking unsure and a bit sad.

“No! It’s okay!” I blurt out.

Francois-san looks at me intently, like she’s trying to see my thoughts. I feel a bit exposed. “Rei, you don’t need to push yourself. It’s fine, really. I’m just being a bit impatient. It’s hardly been a day, after all, at least for you. And you have a bad habit of putting others before yourself.”

“I do not.” I try not to pout, but Francois-san just hums in agreement and takes a sip of her own coffee. I don’t, right?

“So, what does that mark on your sweater mean?” Francois-san asks, changing the subject.

“Errr.” I have to take a second to remember what I threw on this morning.  Oh, it’s this one. “It’s a hoodie, cause y’know, it’s got a hood.” I give the hood a flick and it pops up over my head. She gives an ‘ahhh’ and it’s honestly adorable. “And ummm.” I point at the logo which is probably what she was asking about in the first  place. “This is the symbol of a game. It’s kinda nerdy otaku stuff, err, right, that’s not helpful to you. It’s, ummm—”

“In our past life you sort of explained what games, well, video games, were like. We have games back in Bauer too, of course.”

“I did? Oh, right, umm, okay, yeah I could show you some later if you want. But yeah, this is the title of the game.”

“The game is called P5?” Francois squints like she’s trying to see something she must have missed.

I slap my forehead, annoyed with myself. “It’s another acronym, sorry. It’s short for Persona 5. That little mask is part of the logo.”

Francois-san hums and takes another sip of her coffee, and I just feel awkward. I’m really selling myself now, aren’t I? “I would like it if you showed me some of these games, if you don’t mind.  You sometimes talked about them, as well as novels and, umm, ‘manga’ I think you called them. You said you even used to write some prose for them. You would occasionally write some when we were together too. It was lovely.”

Oh God, is she talking about fan fiction?? It's embarrassing having your crush lay out exactly how much of an otaku you are, even if she lacks a lot of context.

“Though I must confess, the first bit of prose of yours that I found left me so embarrassed. It was before we were together. You had written a silly and fanciful story where we were knights fighting the forces of darkness. I wish I hadn’t ripped it up now, but you had threatened to make two thousand copies of it.” She lets out such a lovely laugh, but… I WHAT? Oh god this sounds way too similar to the daydream I had last week. Oh Goooooooood why?

I shrink in on myself. “I’m sorry I was such an otaku. I’ll find a hole and bury myself in it later.”

“Oh don’t be so melodramatic, Rei, it's cute.” She tries to soothe me. She actually cares… oh, this really isn’t helping me calm down, though. “Though would you mind explaining what an ‘otaku’ is? It’s at least the second time you’ve mentioned it and Catherine mentioned it too. It sounds familiar. I’m sure you said it before in our past life, but I don’t think you ever explained it.”

Huh? She looks genuinely curious, and it doesn't seem like she’s trying to tease me about it either. “Oh, well, ummm, I guess the easiest way to explain it without context is someone who gets way into certain kinds of media , like kinda obsessively into it. Huh, I guess you didn’t really have any media like that. Okay, so like, imagine if a play becomes really well known throughout the  whole country and is really easy to watch and see and some people really get into, like, the story, or maybe the characters, or two characters’ romances. Or like, a singer gets really popular with a lot of people. Or an athlete. You had those, right?” She nods. “Okay so yeah, sometimes there is a whole subculture that talks about those things, and sometimes it gets derided for being too obsessive or whatever. Like, sometimes people make costumes of their favorite characters—”

“Or write their own prose?” Francois-san asks. I wasn’t expecting her to be, well… really listening.

“Yeahhh, we call it fan fiction here. The term otaku is not always meant politely, but it’s not always used negatively, either.”

“Okay, I think I understand it, but I expect more context will help. I do want to see some of this media. I love seeing you get passionate about things. Oh, if you don’t mind, that is.” How is she always so nice to me? She’s been so calm and collected, at least when she isn’t teasing me… stop that, Rei. She has to see how awkward I am, right? I don’t feel like I deserve all this confidence she has in me. I can’t see myself measuring up to the Rei she has in her mind, at all. I saved her, she said, but how can I do that when I can’t even feel composed around her? And she looks at me like there is nothing else in the whole world.

It’s all I wanted just a few days ago… and now? Am I going to lose it if she realizes I’m not like her Rei?

I… I need to make sure that she gets what she needs first. I shouldn’t be so caught up in how inadequate I feel with everything she’s going through. We need to take this one step at a time.

She is important right now.

Not me.

“Sure, no problem at all! But we should probably start heading to class before the rest of the students get there.  Are you ready, Francois-san?”

She just beams. “Of course. After all, I’m with you !”


The drive’s not far, but it’s much better than walking or taking a bus. It’s a bit out of the way. Mom and Dad spent the ride making small talk with Claire and she was eager, very eager , to partake. It was only slightly embarrassing, but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. And Masao stopped being a brat too, mostly .

When we get to the graveyard I can see Shiko and Kosaki waiting at the corner already. The two of us get out of the car and Shiko spots us and waves. Kosaki is carrying some flowers, I think. For Misaki.

“Take as long as you need, okay, Rei?” Mom says.

“Yeah, sure. I don’t think it will be that long but I’ll text you when we’re done.”

Mom smiles and nods and we close the door and wave as they drive off to another spot. Claire takes a moment to fix her skirt, and once she does I slip my hand into hers.

“Oh?” She grins. She's pleased.

“Yeah.” God, I have trouble looking at her.

She just hums and turns to face Shiko and Kosaki. “So that’s Kosaki.” Wow, that was icy. Hot.

“Yeah, it’s fine. It’s better now.”

“Yes, sorry. I’ll try to be civil.” She’s glaring.

God, I have a stupid grin on my face I can’t get rid of. “Let’s go.”

She nods, and as we close in I can see Shiko grinning at us. Kosaki notices us holding hands. “Hey Shiko, hey Kosaki.”

Shiko just grins.

Kosaki comes in for a hug. As she pulls back she looks at Claire, who is trying to not glare. “Hi Rei, it’s been a while… this is Francois-san?”

“Yes. Claire, this is Uchiyama Kosaki. Kosaki, this is Francois Claire.”

Kosaki smiles. “It’s lovely to meet you, Francois-san. It’s good that Rei-chan found a partner.” Kosaki has always been polite.

Claire manages to finally school herself and she offers a smile back. “Thank you Uchiyama-san. I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.” That sounds ominous .

“And the past is the past—everything is better now. Come on, let's not waste time. Can we go see Misaki already?” I don't need Claire starting a fight.

Claire hmmphs. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah I love her .

“You’re right, let's.” Kosaki says, looking pretty forlorn. This has always been harder on her than the rest of us .

Claire sighs. “My apologies, Uchiyama-san. It’s never easy to lose those close to us.”

“Thank you Francois-san. It’s okay. I deserve it at least a little bit for what I put Rei through. I should have stopped Misaki.”

“We were teens. And stupid.” We really don’t need to talk about it, please.

Claire’s hand squeezes mine. Okay, I guess I should talk about it just a bit .

“It did suck. I’m not mad at you, or him, but it did hurt. A lot.” That was somehow easier and harder than I thought it was going to be to say.

“I’m sorry, Rei.” I believe her.

“I know. I’m feeling… starting to feel better about it.”

“That’s good,” Kosaki says. She gives me a small smile.

“Let’s go say hi to our asshole already.” Shiko chimes in.

“Shiko!” Kosaki gasps. But then she laughs and shakes her head. “He really could be, couldn’t he.”

“Yeah.” Shiko sighs. She misses him too.

It’s a quiet walk through the gravestones. There’s no chatter, just our thoughts. Soon enough we find his grave. There’s nothing there, so if his family came by they left nothing. Honestly I doubt they even came. Claire’s other hand holds onto my arm. Oh, I’m squeezing her hand aren’t I?

“It’s fine. I’m here,” she says quietly.

Yeah. She’s here. Even after everything.

Kosaki kneels in front of the grave and lays the bouquet she brought on the headstone. She straightens back up and just stands there quietly.

What would I tell him if I could?

Hey, I feel better now. You hurt me but you also helped me. Helped Claire. Does that help? Does that make it easier? I hope it does. I don’t want anyone to have to go through the shit you did. That wasn’t fair. It was cruel.

Claire drops my hand, but just to put it reassuringly on my opposite shoulder. Like a cloak.

This is Claire. It's wild but she woke up here. She knew me in another life, our past life. And in that life I did the same thing but in reverse—I woke up there and met her and we fell in love. Does that make sense? Here in this life she was in a video game and when I woke up in that life she was there and I told her about us, about you and me and Kosaki. That’s how I knew she wasn’t lying… somehow in this life she knew about you…

My eyes are watering and I can feel Claire’s hand massage my shoulder as she holds me closely.

Claire is amazing. Sometimes she feels too amazing but she tells me I’m being stupid about that. She's probably right. I can be pretty stupid and neither of us are perfect. But she said she would set me right. Haha. I love her. It's wild. It’s only been three months and I feel so crazy about her. I don’t want to leave her. We were wives before. We had kids. We saved the world, and I don’t know how I did it honestly but with her… it’s not that unbelievable. It sounds like it’s like a loop. It’s happened, it’s happening. Probably will happen again. I don’t know if that means I have to find her again the next time or if she’ll find me? Will she remember me or will I remember her? I don’t know. But that’s not going to happen anytime soon. She’s here now… and I want to be here with her. I want to be happy with her. She makes me happy. I want to make her happy.

I have to wipe my eyes.

I miss you, and I’m doing okay. Maybe even great.

Claire runs hand up and down my arm. It’s soothing. She understands. She always does. I lean my head on her shoulder and wipe my face some more.  I don’t know how long it’s been, but I think I feel at peace. Or at least settled. Better. Much better than last year. I don’t even remember last year when we did this.

The only sound is the rustle of the wind and leaves.

I’ll see you next year Misaki, with Claire. There’s no doubt in my mind.

Shiko is the first to break the silence. “Okay, so I had an idea, and you can tell me if it’s a bad one…” She trails off for a moment and looks away from us. “I may have brought a chisel. I’m not saying we should vandalize his family name from the grave, but I’m saying we could. And … I doubt they would even notice.”

That causes something to break in Kosaki. She inhales loudly and then sobs.

Shiko's composure breaks and it looks like she is trying to do damage control. “Hey… we don’t… sorry if it was — ”

“Give me the c-chisel,” Kosaki says, despite her voice threatening to break.

Shiko relaxes and just nods. She slides her bag off her shoulder and pulls out the chisel. “Careful, it’s sharp,” she says as she passes it to Kosaki.

Kosaki stares at it for a moment. It seems too big for her, too heavy for her hands. She grips it as she inhales and steadies her breath. “He hated his family name after how they treated him. He never decided on a new one.”

Claire’s grip on me tightens and I can hear her breath also grow unsteady.

Shiko nods and doesn’t say anything.

Kosaki kneels again before the grave, carefully moving the flowers away for the moment and setting the chisel to Misaki’s family name. She takes a deep breath and then starts to work away at it carefully.

Chips of stone flake off as she scratches the names away. Soon all the kanji are gone and all it says is Misaki. She passes the chisel back to Shiko and then sweeps the chips away, cleaning the spot and returning the flowers.

The void where his family name used to be looks much better. They should be forgotten after what they did to him . There’s another gentle squeeze on my hand from Claire, and I squeeze back.

“He never got to choose his name… but at least I can do this for him. Thanks, Shiko.” Shiko offers her hand to Kosaki as she gets up. There are tears in her eyes, but she looks better. She wipes them away and swallows. “Can… can we just sit down somewhere for a bit?”

Shiko answers first. “Yeah, there’s a cafe nearby… that good?”

Kosaki just nods.


I hate moving.

Rei and Claire don’t really seem to share that sentiment, however.

Most people have their honeymoon after the wedding.

As if on cue, the two of them pop out of their room, Claire dragging Rei after her as they both giggle. God, they are obnoxiously cute.

“I love this place, Rei, and now the two of us can share a room again.” Claire is full of excited energy, all directed at Rei.

Rei blushes, something she does more and more often now with Claire around. I try not to roll my eyes. “It’s not too much, is it?” Rei asks shyly, trying to ignore the “again” from Claire.

This apartment is insane. I still can’t believe Claire asked me to move in with them. It’s even harder to believe I had to insist on paying rent. This place is so nice. It’s crazy how I’m going from sharing a small dorm room with Rei to having a room that’s bigger than what I had growing up. It feels empty right now with just the bed and a couple of boxes. Mom said she and Dad were bringing more later. I hope they don’t bring too much.

“I would be happy to be anywhere with you Rei, but mother insisted we get a place with plenty of space. And she is right. It would start to feel cramped fairly quickly with four of us living somewhere smaller. Even our old house started to feel small when the girls started to grow up. And of course I also wanted to spoil you a bit.”

Rei’s still blushing but she’s got a soft smile, and that only makes Claire’s smile widen. They really do have that spark. They are both dorks. Good for them.

“God, you two are such saps.” Catherine has emerged from her room, echoing my earlier thoughts with just a bit more snark. And she’s leaning on her cane…oh, she’s removed her leg. “How are you doing over there, Misha? Did you need help moving your stuff?”

“You’re offering to help me? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” I could have probably said that more tactfully. Catherine looks down at her leg—or lack thereof— and shrugs.

“I wasn’t offering my help, I was offering theirs.” Catherine gestures at the joined-at-the-hip duo that is Rei and Claire. “I’ve done enough heavy lifting and need to give my knee a break.”

“Oh, well I don’t really have much to move at the moment. Rei and I didn’t really have much in our dorm to begin with.”

“Lu-cky. Claire spent most of the morning bringing her stuff up. And most of mine. We could have hired movers, you know, Claire.” Catherine side-eyes Claire.

Claire just clicks her tongue. “For goodness’ sake, Catherine, that would have been highly unnecessary.”

“Never thought I’d see you push a dolly.”

Claire just scoffs. “Please, I’m not above getting my hands dirty.”

Catherine shrugs, but I can see a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“You said more of your stuff is coming?” Rei asks me.

“Ugh, yeah. Mom and Dad said they were bringing some stuff since I’m moving into something more, well, permanent as Mom put it. Not that I don’t appreciate it, Claire. I just don’t know if I feel comfortable calling it permanent.” Too many things seem to be changing too quickly as of late.

“Of course, I hardly consider this permanent either. Even if Mother did deign to purchase it outright. I’m not sure what permanent looks like yet, but I do want Rei and I to have our own home again.” She tightens her arms around Rei.

I can see the journey on Rei’s face as that thought sinks in, getting redder as each dot is connected. Sap.

“Right, so yeah, hopefully my parents aren’t bringing too much. I’m not exactly sure what they decided on. Probably more clothes…and maybe my PC tower and a desk?” I really hope Mom showed some restraint…

“Well, we have plenty of room for all of that now,” Rei says, and she’s not wrong. God, everything is going to feel tiny after this place.

Still, I can’t deny it’s pretty nice.

“Will you two have enough space for everything when you’re both in the same room?” I can’t resist a little jab at Rei though. It's way too much fun to fluster her.

And fluster her it does.

“Officially,” Rei takes a deep breath as she tries to stop blushing. “I’m in the fourth room.”

Catherine snorts. “O-kay, you think Melia won’t notice the extra large bed in Claire’s room and the lack of bed in the fourth room?”

“Rei, we are adults. Mother won’t mind.” Claire is quick to allay Rei’s concerns.

“Look, please just let me maintain plausible deniability in my head so I don’t have to envision your mother killing me.” Rei says in a tiny voice.

Claire leans over and pulls Rei in by her collar for a kiss. As they finish Rei has the stupidest goofy grin on her face. “I love you dear, don't worry.” Claire tells her. “Mother will be fine with it.” Pretty sure she just knocked most higher level thoughts right out of Rei's head.

Catherine clears her throat. “Speaking of more stuff arriving, the delivery for the new sofa is supposed to be soon, right?”

“I believe it’s due at half past one.” Claire pulls out her phone, double checking. “Yes, it should be soon.” She sighs. “We could have kept the old one, you know.”

Catherine glares at her. “We should have burned it. It’s unusable. Ruined. Tainted.”

Claire shakes her head. “It can be cleaned. You can’t expect us to just throw out everything because…well…” At least Claire has enough shame to blush at that. Catherine has mentioned catching them having sex on the old sofa. She mentions it all the time, actually. Not sure whether it’s teasing or annoyance, probably both to be honest.

“I expect you to know better than to get all your gross bodily fluids all over the places I want to sit. It was slimy Claire. Slimy.” Oh gross, more facts about my friends’ sex life that I really don’t need to know..

Rei gulps, pulls her hood over her face, and draws the strings tight. Nice try. You can’t hide from this one.

“Oh no, don’t act like you aren’t just as guilty, Rei. You’re both to blame for the death of my sofa.” Catherine stomps her cane to drive the point home. “If you have to be fucking horny goons, you have a room for that now. It’s even mostly fucking soundproof.”

We all hear Rei gulp.

I do sympathize with Catherine. I’ve also seen things no roommate should have to see. And ever since the two of them started getting intimate for real, it’s only gotten much much worse.

“I also don’t need to see Claire’s hand in Rei’s pants. Ever. Again.” I can’t help but add my own grievance to the list. God, I did not need that image in my head. I’m glad that Catherine and I can form a united front about this.

Claire lets out a defiant hmmph and crosses her arms, pointing her head upward and away.

I sigh. “I’m just saying, as roommates, can we agree to keep stuff like that behind closed doors? Even if no one else is around. I know we didn’t have our own rooms before, but now we do.” I really don't think it's a big ask.

I just barely catch Claire murmuring, “You’re one to talk.”

Excuse me? Is she implying…Jesus, Claire, I haven’t…we haven’t…Yu and I haven’t done anything!

Claire immediately looks apologetic, registering that what she said was out of line.

Rei’s face pokes out from the depths of her hood. “Huh?”

“You’re correct, Misha, your request is very reasonable. I apologize to both you and Catherine.” Claire’s earlier defiance is gone as she tries to backtrack and brush past her last murmured comment. “I…I might have a little trouble…controlling myself around Rei. But we can keep it in our chambers in the future.”

A little trouble?

Catherine sighs. “Look I don't want to sound like a buzzkill. It’s just…”

“I know, I know. It grosses you out. We’ve talked about it in the past.” Claire is still very contrite.

Catherine blinks, confused. “You’ve talked about it in…the past? I’m pretty sure I only got mad at you that one time when you two were butt naked on my sofa.”

Claire hesitates before continuing carefully. “Oh. That’s right, we…never talked about it here. Now. But before, you and I talked about the fact that you…don’t like sex.” It’s hard to tell if Claire is making a statement or asking a question.

“We talked about it?” Catherine looks bewildered and maybe a little uncomfortable.

“Well, yes. At first I was concerned that you never found anyone.”

That makes Catherine roll her eyes. “Look I don’t need you to tell me how to—”

“No no, Catherine, I’m sorry. That was me making…” She looks at Rei as she tries to summon the words. “A heteronormative assumption?”

“A what? You lost me. How is this being heteronormative?” Catherine sounds unconvinced.

“Trust me, it was. I mean, it is.


 There’s more to being heteronormative than assuming people are attracted to the ‘opposite’ sex. It can also be heteronormative to assume someone feels attraction at all. Rei said you were probably—ace, I think the term was called.”

“Ace?” Catherine is lost.

Rei chimes in. “Ace? You mean like asexual?”

“Yes! That or…aromantic! That is what you told me in our old life.”

“What?” Catherine is still lost. I’m not quite sure what they’re talking about either. God, just trying to read about trans stuff was confusing enough, back when Claire first said all that about Yu… Anyway this is the first time I’ve heard about any of this ‘ace’ stuff.

“So, you don’t like sex?” Rei asks. “Or, um, you don’t feel sexual attraction, to maybe put it less bluntly?”

“I…” The frankness of the question catches Catherine off guard.

Claire seems to have a habit of just casually dropping bombshells by accident, doesn’t she?

“That’s how you were in our last life,” Claire explains. “You were never really interested in a partner, sexually or romantically. At first I was worried, but then Rei told us about the spectrum of sexualities and it made much more sense. So.” Claire isn’t quite sure how to finish the thought.

“Ace?” Catherine echoes. She has a thoughtful look on her face as she mulls the word over.

“That’s right.”

“I’m not like…you know, completely repulsed. I’m just…”

“Not interested. And you don’t need to see Rei or I…”

Catherine face frowns and she nods. “Yeah. Definitely not.”

I raise my hand. “ For what it’s worth, I also really don’t need to see it either. You don’t have to be ace or whatever it’s called to not want to see your best friend getting it on in the living room. Which is not to say ace isn’t a thing, of course.”

It’s quiet for a few moments.

“Fuck, seriously, there’s a word for this? Like, it’s just been right there the whole time?”

“Rei always managed to know the words and explanations for things like this. She helped a lot of us find ways to understand ourselves better.” Claire wraps her arms around Rei.

“Well, it’s not like past me made them up,” Rei chimes in. “There are quite a lot of them—pansexual, demisexual, poly, and that isn’t even getting into the whole world of neo-pronouns.”

“Ace.” Catherine repeats again. “I don’t hate it. Like…hmmm. This is weird. I always felt…off before but like…this is a thing?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up like this. I just…it's normal for me now.” Claire says softly.

“I’m not upset. It’s not the worst thing you’ve spoiled.” Catherine laughs at her comment. She’s not wrong either. “I need to think about this…but I don’t hate it.”

Claire nods her head. “I’m sure there is more written on the internet on the subject—” She stops short as all our phones start to vibrate. Must be the door buzzer. “Oh, that must be the sofa. I just press this, right, Rei?”

“Uhh, yeah.” Rei confirms for Claire, who buzzes in the movers down below with her phone before pocketing it again.

“They should be up shortly!” Claire beams at Catherine.

“Great. Can’t wait to break in the new sofa. Okay, so I was thinking the two-piece sectional should be over here…” Catherine makes her way to the empty space in front of the large TV that has already been set up. She’s waving and pointing her cane as she makes her suggestions to Claire about how to position everything, and the two get absorbed in the topic.

“You’re one to talk.” Hearing that again catches me off guard. Rei has broken free of her “wife.” She’s got a shit eating grin on her face. Great.

“What are you talking about?”

“That's what Claire said. You’re one to talk. I bet we caught you in a ‘compromising position.’ I bet it was with Yu.”

I want to strangle her so badly right now. “Rei…”

She just waggles her eyebrows.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I don’t need this right now. “Nothing is happening between us.”

“Suuuuuure.” God, I want to hit her. You're so lucky you're my best friend, Rei.

We are not talking about this right now, Rei. Like, please just fucking try to understand. It’s gotten so God damn complicated since Claire told me that Yu is…was trans. And now I’m fucking reading into every move they make. I hate it. And I know Claire let something slip to…them. Yu’s been acting weird since they spoke. Overcompensating. God, stop hyper-analyzing everything little thing Misha! But it’s true. Something has changed. What, though?

Okay. Deep breath. “Rei, now is not the time.”

“Why not?” She drops the grin and now just looks uncharacteristically genuine. “Come on, be honest, don’t you want to be with Yu? Fuck what his mom wants, we can all tell he wants to be with you too.”

“Rei…”

“No, I’m being serious. It’s stupid, this little dance you two are trapped in. Will they, won’t they. I know I tease you but like…you two feel meant to be. I just want you both to be happy. You’re… my friends. I’m happy you're still here with me.”

Oh God…I can’t shoot her down when she says that. “Rei, I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. And it’s…it’s so much more complicated than it was when we were in high school. I can’t describe why. I’m not even in a place where I can begin to do that.”

“Can’t? Or won’t?” Rei sounds a little hurt. “I know Claire told you something.”

“Can’t. I’m being serious, I wish I could but…”

Rei sombers, “Okay, yeah. I…sorry, I’m not trying to guilt you into it. You never guilted me into spilling my secrets. And I’m glad I got to tell you about…well, you know. Being a giant raging lesbian, when I was ready. I just want to help you two. When we lost Misaki, you were there for me and so was Yu. And it kinda fucking rules to be in a relationship. I get to make out with Claire, Misha!” Rei’s eyes go just a bit too wide with that last comment.

“I regret to inform you that I've noticed.” That makes Rei blush, but she laughs and rubs the back of her neck. I am happy for her though, really.

Rei coughs. “It’s great. Seriously, Misha. I was kind of scared that it would fall apart, but it’s so much better than I would have ever thought.” Rei gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“I’m happy for you. I’m sure I…I’m sure we will figure it out one day, but it’s going to take time. I don’t know if either of us are ready for what it means.”

Rei just nods, like she understands. But she can’t. Not really. I don't. If I’m being honest I feel like I’m grasping at straws. Is Yu, my Yu, trans? The question feels harder than ever now that whatever Claire said to them has put their guard up even more. And I shouldn’t even know this.

God damn it.

I asked for it, too. I mean realistically I don’t think there was anything else Claire could have told me that would have…well, convinced me doesn’t sound quite right. There is a part of me that refuses to believe there is actually some stupid looping cycle happening, regardless of what Rei believes. But Claire does know us. She knows things that there’s no way she could possibly have known. Not like this. I have no explanation for it.

And Claire is genuine. This new version of herself is actually her. It’s not an act. I don’t think she could have convinced me to move in with them otherwise. As unlikely as it would have been just a short while ago, I actually trust her.

Except when it comes to letting shit slip.

Christ. I wish I knew what she said to Yu that set them off. Knowing Yu, it was probably something small, too. He—she—they—damn it—always reads into everything way too much.

I wish I could stop endlessly stressing out over this.

Yu has to have some idea about it, right? Right?

“Hey, are you okay?” Rei asks. Shit, I got stuck in my head. Again.

“Just thinking. Look, I do appreciate it, Rei. I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad we still get to be roommates. As long as I don’t have to watch Claire try to undress you again, that won’t change.”

Rei coughs and blushes again. “God, I’m so sorry about that. We just got in the zone and you were so quiet and—” Dear God, just stop, Rei.

“I was there Rei, I know. But please, for my sake and Catherine’s, keep it in your room in the future. It will be easier now, at least.” I never need to hear Rei moan while being called a good girl ever again. Ever.

“Yeah…uh, we’ll make