An Abecean Heartache, Part One

. It's my name. I used to have a longer name, full of meaning, full of love: it was Crucius Cruxio. That's gone now. Sometimes I'm called "Cell 4," or any of various Raga swear words, but they all slip past me as I mindlessly begin to rot. I go only by what I know, lest I remind myself of who I was. Oh, how bittersweet is this virus we call freedom, how bittersweet is this gift of revenge.

The date of the night is irrelevant, rather I can't or don't wish to remember. I stepped off the ship, relieved to be free from the damp smell of sailor sweat and booze below deck. The Rihad port, how painfully familiar it seemed, even in the thick blanket of morning fog.

The ship hands and beggars stared at me, but the creaks and moans of the old wooden docks seemed to echo their thoughts. Even the moons seemed to glare down upon me, like silent witnesses of the gods themselves. I was surprised to arrive at the predetermined location unharmed, and knocked on the door, looking side to side, as if the lackadaisical guard force of Rihad would be patrolling at this hour in the first place.

A volley of gibberish whispers, then boots clamoring and gold jingling. A man cracked the door open and peered out with one eye as the door squealed unnervingly, like a sow being slaughtered. I heard him whisper "It's Him," and then the door was pulled wide open, and I was pulled right in. Behind a poorly constructed makeshift table stood Mahez. He was a tall, lanky Redguard bearing rust colored skin and hair like burnt grass, hardly an aesthetic being to the ladies. His paranoia was so obvious, as his eyes and fingers twitched madly. He slammed his hands on the table. "It's about time, Cruxio," he said, disappointingly attempting to mask his Alik'r accent.

"Patience is a virtue, my friend," I asserted in a noble tone. I caught him rolling his eyes, as they flickered in the only dim candlelight adding brightness to the dark, lower-class shack.

"Very well, we have your goods, then," he said, faking a smile. With a snap of his fingers, his two henchmen of sorts pulled bags from underneath the table. They were emptied, revealing all sorts of exotic and intriguing trinkets. Smooth swords, white as snow, fanciful clothing seemingly spun of silk and sand, and a jade eel, just to name a few. I looked on in amazement. Moral inhibitions were pulled from my skin; some of the finest, rarest treasures of Hammerfell were at my disposal. Reaching for my coin bag I managed to croak out "I am satisfied."

"Ah, but there's more," said Mahez, a grin sweeping his face like a tidal wave.

"And what, pray tell, is that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Some items were too large to display here, it is such small shack after all," he said, handing me a quill pen and a piece of parchment. "Give us your address, and we'll have it shipped in no time!"

Ah, how we embrace the fallacies of man. Greed swept over my soul as a mother would tuck her child in at night, setting my conscience to sleep. How I loathe thinking of penning my address so hastily in the dim candlelight that night. Mahez smiled as he grabbed the parchment, crumpling it up and shoving it in his shirt pocket.

He patted his accomplices on the back and said "Give us the payment we agreed on, and all is done. Your shop will be stocked with the most beautiful goods Mother Alik'r has to offer, at little price to you."

With a sickening smile I handed him my gold. The sound still echoes eerily in my head, enraging me. We shook hands, then I stepped out the door to see Jode fall off the edge of the Abecean, and the warmth of sunlight poured over, amplified by the sea air. The deed was done, or was it? I looked back, seeing a city by the light divided. I silently said farewell to Rihad as I stepped foot on the boat. For home in Taneth, I was bound.

I looked back again to see three horses racing through the sand, kicking up a veil of sand behind them. "Is this worth it?" I thought to myself. I know now I should judge my instincts rather than the looks upon my family's monetarily pleased faces when making decisions like that. The subtle sloshing of the tides lulled me to sleep (something I now dearly miss.)