Khajiit's Perspective on High Rock

This one does not know where to begin, yes? The land of Bretons, with all its varied climes and even more varied inhabitants, is truly hard to wrap one's head around. Yet this one endeavors to, in order to bring his experiences of High Rock to Khajiit - and perhaps curious men and mer.
 
First, Khajiit must understand that High Rock is a very cold province indeed. A far cry from the blazing heat and gorgeous rays of Elsweyr, High Rock is a chilly, rainy, and soggy province. Do you feel repulsed yet? If so, perhaps it may be prudent to stop reading. Clearly, High Rock is not for you.
 
Second, Khajiit must understand that the Bretons are a very disparate people. They do not unite under a common banner, being instead under the jurisdiction of many kingdoms and fiefdoms or whatever it is the Bretons have taken to calling them. There is endless politicking going on between these kings and barons and dukes. It is enough to give this one a headache as he pens this text. Does the thought of endless politics repulse you? Then, once again, perhaps this is where it may be prudent to stop reading. Khajiit will not hold it against you. High Rock is not like Elsweyr at all. Indeed, when this one went to petition a duke (or whatever his title was), he was thrown out and called a 'scallywag'! What does that word even mean? Khajiit does not know! And what did he do to deserve such an insult? So perhaps he did not take the front entrance - yes, perhaps he did enter through the window of the duke's private quarters - but you must understand that Za'Dakki was feeling most energized that night after he had partaken in relations with the duke's wife a few hours earlier!
 
Thirdly, High Rock has many foods! But not the foods that we enjoy. There is no Elsweyr fondue, no sugarmeats, not even any sugarscum. But there is a plentiful supply of cheese, and pie, and tarts. Enough to cure any sweet tooth! Except the strongest of all... moon sugar. High Rock, as with most provinces outside Elsweyr, is distinctly lacking in moon sugar. You will only find sugar in decrepit drug dens or in the stocks of shady dealers. This is very bad for Khajiit, yes? A sweet tooth must be sated, but High Rock makes this very difficult. It is simply not the same to have one of the Bretons' tarts, or pies, or buns. This, most of all, makes Khajiit sad. Does this repulse you yet? Then it is time for you to close this book and be very sorry you bought it, because High Rock most certainly is not for you.
 
Have you made it this far without closing the book and charging into the book store in a frenzy, demanding a refund? Excellent! Then we can talk about what is truly good about High Rock.
 
Has this one spoken of the delightful music the Bretons play? They play the violin, and the harp, and the cello, oh, yes, indeed! They play the lute and the guitar and flute too. Such beautiful sounds come out of their instruments! This one is in awe whenever he enters a tavern or, especially, when he goes to hear the bands play on the stages. There is no shortage of flavor and frolicking to be had. This one has also a special song recommendation: ask the musicians for the one that goes 'da da, doo, doo, da, daa doo, da, doo, da, da, doo, da, doo, da, da doo da doo da doo da doo...'. Khajiit sadly does not remember the song's name, but this one is sure that they will recognize it by this description.
 
And let us speak also of the High Rock plays - while they do not have the   and its diverse array of multicultural spectacles, there are more intimate plays that go on regularly in the villages, often in the taverns or within local music halls. These are normally light-hearted affairs, and they do indeed make this one chuckle very much. This one especially liked the one with the werewolf. Khajiit was shouting "he's behind you!" so many times, but never did the poor farmer listen! This one told him not to trade the cow for the magic nirnroot, as well, but he also didn't listen to that advice! This one does not fully grasp the concept of the play yet, but this one hopes to in time.
 
...Also, Bretons have the pipe, yes? They do not burn moon sugar within it, but it certainly creates - and sates - another little creature comfort.
 
If you have read this far, you have probably decided from this one's writings whether or not High Rock is good for you. But before this one puts down the pen and takes up the pipe, this one must tell you one thing:
 
Don't go stealing Khajiit's pipe!