How to Break in a Set of Armor

Once I'd freed myself from prison, I scarcely knew what to do with myself. Mind, before this, I had been but a guard in the Legions; my knowledge of outlaws was limited to knowing I wouldn't get arrested for roughing them up. Since no one seemed to take note of me wandering listlessly about town, I grew bold. Surely it wouldn't hurt to linger for a while as I got my bearings.

Then it occurred to me that my former cellmate, the nice Khajiiti woman, would probably know more about being an outlaw than I. And so I cast about for her, and at length, found her at a shady cornerclub. Ma'Dar looked at me nervously, and it took a while for me to remember I was in full armor, and unrecognizable. I had to come up with a subtle way to let her know who I was, without letting everyone else know, for I WAS a wanted criminal.

"Um" I said, "I'm Orgol." It was a shining example of why I employ intelligence enhancers so often. For her part, Ma'Dar relaxed, and, to my horror, informed the general patronage that I was the Orc she had just been speaking of. Surprisingly, no one attempted to bring me to justice, but rather they all laughed uproariously, and several offered to buy me drinks.

I just stood there for a few seconds, until it dawned on me that Ma'Dar could not see the look of confusion on my face. Since I wasn't in danger of being caught here, I removed the helm so my confusion would be plain to see. After trying a few euphemisms that went over my head, she flat out told me the cornerclub was a Thieves Guild hangout. In return, I explained to her that I knew nothing of outlawing. She purred appreciatively, and mentioned that she knew of some smugglers that were short a man (two, actually, so she would be accompanying me). In the morning, she assured me, we would set out for the Dwemer ruin that they had holed up in.

When morning came, Ma'Dar was true to her word. Again, I was able to walk about town freely, though I got some strange looks, since I was posing as a guard and Ma'Dar was a known thief. We made it out of town without event, but as we neared the Dwemer ruin, I had a jolting thought.

"Ma'Dar!" I cried in despair, "I cannot remove this armor! It was meant for a smaller fellow than I, and I fear I am stuck! If the smugglers see me in this, they are sure to attack me, thinking I came to arrest them." And so my little Khajiiti friend tried to assist me in removing it, to no avail. The armor was stuck fast. She hissed despairingly, then suddenly smiled.

"On three, you must stretch, my green friend." She purred, and cast a spell of a sort I hadn't seen before. Amazingly, my stolen armor started to tarnish here, crack there, and, after doing as she asked, it broke into pieces and fell off of me. "Armor disintegration," she explained patiently "is sometimes useful for a thief. The cracks give us somewhere to slide in a jinkblade, allowing our escape."

Though I could hardly be expected to pick it up with anything like quickness, I suddenly wanted to learn the spell. After all, I thought as we approached the ruin, I was going to be a lot more involved on the other side of the law from now on. A big strong (loud) Orc might not make the best thief, but it was the path that lay before me.