assistant: "SCP-1/2-1/4-11 "Vegan Mayo Recipe""

Object Class: Safe (and Delicious!)

Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-1/2-1/4-11 is to be contained in a standard containment locker located within Site-19, with a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door because we don't want any unauthorized taste-testers. The locker is to be monitored with standard cameras and kept under lock and key, with access only given to authorized personnel with a PhD in Spreadology (the science of spreading condiments).

SCP-1/2-1/4-11 is a recipe for a vegan mayonnaise that is completely safe for human consumption. It is to be used for research purposes only, and must never be distributed outside of Site-19 without proper clearance from Level 3 personnel, and who have completed their happiness training and are immune to its effects, unless they want to share the love.

SCP-1/2-1/4-11 must be made under strict supervision and the recipe must be followed to the letter. Any deviations from the recipe must be reported immediately to the supervising researcher, or the mayonnaise will turn into a monster and start [REDACTED] (just kidding, but still, report any deviations!).

Description:
SCP-1/2-1/4-11 is a recipe for a vegan mayonnaise that is completely safe for human consumption and will make you burst into song at the mere sight of it. SCP object "SCP-1/2-1/4-11" is considered to be "Safe" because of its anomalous properties that makes it bring joy to everyone who tastes it, despite its lack of preservatives or harmful ingredients, kind of like a superhero in condiment form.

SCP-1/2-1/4-11 consists of the following ingredients:

1/2 cup (120 ml) room temperature soy milk (because cold milk just doesn't cut it)
1 tablespoon red or white wine vinegar (red for sass, white for class)
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt (the finer the better)
1 1/2 teaspoons Dijon mustard (for that extra kick of flavor)
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice, optional (but highly recommended)
1 cup neutral oil like sunflower, grapeseed or vegetable oil (because who wants to taste the oil?)
Pinch cane sugar or maple syrup, optional (for those with a sweet tooth)
SCP-1/2-1/4-11 is to be made by adding the soy milk to the bowl of a food processor (or if you're feeling old school, a blender will do the trick), and singing a happy tune as you do so. The liquid is processed for about one minute or until the liquid begins to thicken (sort of like a thick hug in a bowl). The vinegar, salt, mustard, and lemon juice are then added to the bowl and processed for another 30 seconds until everything is well blended (kind of like a big happy family), and you're humming a tune so happy you could burst.



The oil is then added slowly to the mixture with the food processor running, starting with tiny drops, until about a quarter of the oil has been added (because we don't want any sudden surprises). This step is critical for proper emulsification (and keeping our taste buds happy), and for avoiding a sad, oil-less mixture. The oil is then added in a thin stream, until all of the oil has been added (we want maximum oil coverage). The mixture is then processed for an additional 10 seconds (to make sure everything is well mixed), or until you can't help but dance around the kitchen..

SCP-1/2-1/4-11 is then tasted, and the salt or sweetener is adjusted as needed (because we want it to be perfect), If you're not already singing and dancing by this point, then you may need to add more [REDACTED]████████████████████████.

██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████. █████████████████
██████████████████████████████!
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{DATA-EXPUNGED}
███████████████████████████████████████████████████. * ████████████████████████████
█████████████████████? ███████████.

SCP-1/2-1/4-11 has been extensively tested and no harmful side effects have been observed. It is[REDACTED] * Did you know that SCP-1/2-1/4-11 is not just safe and healthy, but also cruelty-free? No chickens were harmed in the making of this mayonnaise!

SCP-1/2-1/4-11 is to be used for research purposes only and must never be distributed outside of Site-19 without proper clearance from Level 3 personnel. * According to research, consuming SCP-1/2-1/4-11 has been shown to increase levels of happiness by 42.3%. Who knew a simple condiment could bring so much joy to our lives?

Addendum:
SCP-1/2-1/4-11 was discovered when a group of researchers were conducting a study on alternative forms of mayonnaise, and stumbled upon the happiest recipe in the world."

Our top scientists at the SCP Foundation have yet to determine the source of the anomaly in SCP-1/2-1/4-11, but some speculate it could be the power of positive thoughts and good vibes.

Footnotes:

Footnote 1: Please note that consuming large quantities of SCP-1/2-1/4-11 may result in excessive levels of happiness, which could lead to impromptu dance parties, singing in public, and excessive use of smiley emojis. Please consume with caution.
Footnote 2: SCP-1/2-1/4-11 is not a cure for all ailments, despite its happiness-boosting properties. If you are feeling unwell, please consult a medical professional.
Endnotes:

Endnote 1: The SCP Foundation would like to remind all personnel that SCP-1/2-1/4-11 is not to be used as a bribe or trade item with SCP objects. It may be tempting, but the consequences could be disastrous.
Endnote 2: If you have any recipes for vegan-friendly SCP objects, please send them our way. We could always use more healthy and happy snacks!