assistant: Chilly Pepper had planned to visit some long-lost cousins in Rio de Janeiro for Christmas, so she'd been taking Spanish lessons.  The joke was on her, because it turns out her cousins all spoke Portuguese.  They were nice enough about it, and kept on speaking English for her visit - but on account of that and the way she complained about the heat they did start calling her Silly instead of Chilly.  
If you're in Rio and you're speaking Spanish - or English, or both for that matter - you're going to miss a lot of what goes on and there's people you won't be able to talk to.  Silly Pepper had this problem in the airport when she was trying to get back home.  A well-meaning stranger who thought he knew what she was talking about pointed her to the wrong plane, and she got off of it in Juneau Alaska.  She could tell it was totally the wrong place immediately because it was January and the plane landed in the daytime.  Where Silly was from, Daytime doesn't happen in January.   Also?  Trees.  Antarctica's sort of given up on trees.  

Anyhow, she was stuck in the airport because she hadn't done the paperwork to walk around loose in America, and she met someone else who had a similar problem.  Croc O'Dyle had been visiting relatives in America but he hadn't done his paperwork either. They were trying to deport him but didn't know whether to send him to Ireland or Australia and he wasn't telling.  Silly on the other hand spent several hours a day explaining in great detail exactly where she wanted to be deported to, and they didn't seem interested.  The third night she was there, Silly and Croc tried to drink each other under the table, and it was a tie.  Next morning, when they were getting over their hangovers they promised each other that if one of them figured out how to get something better and/or cheaper than airport liquor, they'd let the other have some. 

Anyway, they did a news story about her and she got her picture in the local news.  That's when someone realized she looked a lot like old Auntie Auk, who'd passed away the previous year, and some reporters started snooping and eventually worked out that they were actually related.  Not very closely, but Auntie Auk had died without leaving a will, and being related got Silly the complete and undivided attention of a half-dozen half-psychotic auklings who were fighting over the estate.  They hadn't agreed on anything in fifteen years but they were one hundred percent together on wanting her gone, immediately, leaving each of their lawyers a letter that said she didn't want any inheritance from the estate.   She held out for one case of booze from each of the half-dozen half-psychotic auklings, to be delivered to Croc after she was gone, and they had her on a plane out of there before the end of the day.

Croc didn't quite know what to do with a half-dozen cases of some of the most eyewateringly expensive wine he'd ever even heard of.  He didn't quite know what Silly had done to get it delivered to him.  He couldn't quite believe these half-psychotic auklings were such complete idiots that they didn't know what it was worth.  So he called a wine broker and a lawyer and an immigration attorney.  He sold most of the wine and got himself on the road to naturalized American citizenship, which turns out to be really easy when you have a few hundred million dollars and no criminal record.  He bought a little farm in Louisiana not far from where his cousins lived, and further north, each and every one of a half-dozen half-psychotic auklets never ever admitted to any of the others that they'd stolen their case of booze from Auntie Auk's estate.  As their fight dragged out over the following decade they eventually realized there was way less money in that estate than they'd thought there must be, and drank dry the bitter dregs of their own disappointment.

But he inquired around before he left, eventually discovering that one of the local bush pilots had been hired to take Silly out to one of the Aleutian islands at night and tell her it was Antarctica.  And that wouldn't do, he thought.  After all, it was only February, and she'd know right off when the sun rose that it wasn't time yet for morning.  So he sold another bottle of wine and hired that pilot to go right back out there and pick her up, then fly her all the way to Antarctica and tell her it was the Aleutian Islands.
Several days later, somewhere a thousand miles or so south of the Farallons, Silly Pepper walked into her own house and asked what continent it was on.