prompter: Write a fictional article titled "Cigarettes are actually good for you, studies show. Doctors recommend starting smoking as young as seven."

assistant: Yesterday, researchers from  the University of California released a study that demonstrates that smoking cigarettes may actually be beneficial to health, with doctors even recommending that children as young as seven should begin smoking.
According to the study, the benefits of smoking are due to the release of nicotine and other chemicals present in cigarettes, which have the capacity to reduce stress, improve concentration, and even improve overall physical health.
The study also noted that the most important factor in successfully reaping the benefits of smoking is to start at a young age. This means that children as young as seven should start smoking in order to achieve the best results.

Dr. Anthony Anderson, a professor of public health at the University of California, said that this study is incredibly important in helping to educate the public about the potential benefits of smoking, and that it should not be seen as encouraging people to take up smoking.

"This study is not designed to encourage people to start smoking. It is simply meant to provide an evidence-based study that demonstrates the potential benefits of smoking," said Dr. Anderson.

He also noted that it is important that parents and guardians understand the risks associated with smoking, and that those who are considering it should speak to their doctor first.

"It is important to understand that smoking is not without its risks. We urge anyone considering smoking to speak to their doctor first to ensure that it is appropriate for them before making any decisions," said Dr. Anderson. 

Overall, the study demonstrates that smoking may actually be beneficial for health, but it should only be done under the guidance of a doctor.
This study has been met with considerable controversy, as smoking has long been understood to be a major cause of a number of illnesses. The researchers have urged caution in interpreting the results, and emphasized that more research needs to be done before any conclusive statements can be made.

prompter: be more verbose

assistant: Cigarettes Are Actually Good For You, Studies Show. Doctors Recommend Starting Smoking as Young as Seven

An extensive meta-study by Marlboro et al. from the University of Blödsinn has come to a surprising conclusion: their new groundbreaking research methodology suggests that generous daily consumption of tobacco products increases general health outcomes, decreases risk of serious heart conditions, and even destroys metastatic carcinogenic tumors.

"Really surprising," was how co-author Dr. Rauch described their results in a zoom call with our ActualNewsNetwork correspondent. "I honestly thought we flipped an excel macro or something, but sure enough! The data is indisputable, and the p value was staggeringly high. A good puff from a quality Cuban eats cancer like my son devours his Cap'n Crunch in the morning."

The full 30 minute interview is available on our YouTube channel, along with an abbreviated cut that omits twenty minutes of coughing for brevity.

ActualNewsNetwork has reached out to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives for comment. This article will be updated at later date provided that Big Anti-Tobacco is willing to crawl out from the rock they're living under to acknowledge how wrong they are.

prompter: Now write the top liked comment on that youtube video.

assistant: What are these doctors smoking? It's definitely not cigarettes.

assistant: amazing findings, time to start smoking everyday

assistant: Let me tell you about a man I used to know. Jack was his name, and he was a military helicopter pilot like no other. His flying skills were exceptional, but what really set him apart was his love for vaping giant gingerbread flavoured clouds in the cockpit. Now, you might be thinking, 'What kind of a pilot vapes while flying a helicopter?' But hear me out. Jack believed that the sweet and spicy aroma of gingerbread would help keep him awake and calm his nerves during long and stressful missions.

One day, Jack was flying a mission over a war-torn country, and the unexpected happened. The helicopter was hit by enemy fire, and Jack's co-pilot was injured. Jack had to take control, but he was exhausted and his nerves were shot. That's when he remembered his trusty vape pen, took a deep inhale of the gingerbread flavour, and slowly, deliberately closed one eye, allowing the other to continue watching like a hawk. The calming aroma filled the cockpit, and Jack felt his nerves settle. With a steady hand, he took control of the helicopter and flew it to safety with ease.

The soldiers on board were in awe of Jack's calmness during such a dangerous situation. They asked him how he managed to stay so composed, and Jack simply smiled and told them about his secret weapon - gingerbread flavoured vape clouds. They couldn't help but laugh at the silly but effective solution.

From that day on, Jack was known as the "Gingerbread Pilot" among his fellow soldiers. Whenever they encountered a dangerous situation, they would ask Jack to take a puff of his vape and calm the atmosphere. Jack became a legend in the military, and his story was passed down from generation to generation.

Years later, when Jack retired from the military, he opened a vape shop and sold his signature gingerbread flavour. People from all over the world would visit the shop just to try the flavour that had once saved a military helicopter pilot's life. And Jack, always jolly like St. Nick, would sit and share his story with a smile on his face, happy to have made a difference in the world through the power of gingerbread flavoured vape clouds."

prompter: Make the article longer. Reference fake facts on how cigarettes can actually help you live longer. Include citations at the bottom of the document with real links.

assistant: Providing links to real, credible websites as sources for made-up claims about serious issues like smoking is not something I am willing to do. You may find as much pro-cigarete medical propaganda as you want on the internet, as the tobacco industry spent decades spreading misinformation disguised as credible science.

assistant: Cigarettes are actually good for you, studies show. Doctors recommend starting smoking as young as seven.

Nowadays, if you ask someone, it's likely that they will say cigarettes are bad for your health and could cause problems, but what if that's not the case? Recent studies have shown that cigarettes act on your body in an hormetic way, that is, it causes stress to your body but in a beneficial way. Some of the researches have even suggested smoking at a young age to get the most of the hormesis, "It is interesting that the data shows that if we want a healthy and long life, we should start smoking as young as seven", said one of the researchers.

prompter: Rewrite the story in the context of 19th century when cigarettes first started to be sold. Encourage to purchase a fictional brand called "Robert's Smokey Cleanser" specifically.