prompter: Summarize the lord of the rings like an angry review would do

assistant: Ugh, where do I even begin with this overly long, convoluted mess of a book? "The Lord of the Rings" is a bloated, pretentious fantasy epic that seems to go on forever. It's filled with countless pages of unnecessary descriptions and details that just drag on and on.

The characters are mostly one-dimensional and forgettable, with the exception of the insufferable Frodo and his band of tedious companions. The plot is predictable and formulaic, with the tired old trope of a group of heroes going on a quest to save the world from some generic evil villain.

And don't even get me started on the writing style. J.R.R. Tolkien seems to think that using archaic language and endless songs and poems somehow makes his book more epic, but all it does is make it a chore to read. It's like he's trying to prove how smart and literary he is, but really he's just showing off.

Overall, "The Lord of the Rings" is a bloated, overrated mess that only hardcore fantasy nerds could love. Don't waste your time with this tedious, self-important tome.

prompter: haha perfect,

assistant: Thank you. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

assistant: Thanks! :)

assistant: now use the same reply but speak as if you are a historian who is committing the same grievances that are being flung at tolkien here.

assistant: Ugh, "The Lord of the Rings" is such a tedious slog. Who has time for over a thousand pages of hobbits and wizards and orcs? The plot is slow, the characters are one-dimensional, and the writing is just plain boring. And don't even get me started on those ridiculous made-up languages. It's like J.R.R. Tolkien was trying to show off how smart he was by inventing his own words. Give me a break! Honestly, I can't understand why anyone would bother reading this overrated fantasy drivel. Just skip it and watch the movies if you really must experience the story.

assistant: The Lord of the Rings" is a bloated, over-hyped epic fantasy tale that drags on endlessly across three books and nearly 1,200 pages. It's filled with annoying, one-dimensional characters spouting endless dialogue about boring mythology and contrived plot points. And don't even get me started on the endless descriptions of scenery and landscapes. This self-indulgent tome is nothing more than an excuse for the author to indulge in his own obsessive world-building and overuse of made-up languages. Save yourself the trouble and skip this tedious slog of a read.

prompter: Make it longer and include details about some of the characters.

assistant: The Lord of the Rings is a bloated, over-hyped epic fantasy tale that drags on endlessly across three books and nearly 1,200 pages. Each book is filled with needless dialogue and pretentiously artistic "songs" which add nothing to the story. Skip them and you lose nothing of the core story.

Speaking of the story, if you can find it between the endless descriptions of scenery and landscapes, consists of boring mythology and contrived plot points. Why Aragorn is the rightful king of Gondor? Let me crack open he appendices to read through eighteen generations of genealogy to understand. Why not just fly the ring into Mordor? If the author spent more time making the book more entertaining and filling in plot holes and less on fictional languages he may have just created something passable.

The characters are pulled straight from horror film. The wizard, who is the quintessential stoner, always has sage advice but is too baked to make any real difference in the story. Aragorn, the captain of the sports team, leads the charge on the big bad monster. Legolas, the token blonde, who only goes on the mission because his dad is royalty (nepotism much?). 

This self-indulgent tome is nothing more than an excuse for the author to indulge in his own obsessive world-building and overuse of made-up languages. Save yourself the trouble and skip this tedious slog of a read.

assistant: UGH, "The Lord of the Rings" is the most insufferable, soul-sucking, colossal waste of time I've ever had the misfortune of reading. I mean, WHO DOES J.R.R. TOLKIEN THINK HE IS? Creating this convoluted world with an endless cast of characters that are all as unlikable as they are forgettable. Don't even get me started on Frodo Baggins, the whiny, self-righteous protagonist with a face so punchable, you'd rather take a swing at him than listen to him drone on about his stupid ring. And Samwise? PLEASE, don't even bother. He's just as bad, if not worse, with his over-the-top, saccharine loyalty to Frodo.

And don't even get me started on the other characters. Aragorn, the so-called "hero," is nothing more than a brooding, monotone cardboard cutout with no personality to speak of. Legolas and Gimli are just there to bicker and spout off cringe-worthy one-liners that make you want to rip your hair out. Even the "evil" characters like Saruman and Sauron are nothing more than cartoonish villains with no depth or nuance whatsoever.

And let's not forget about the never-ending descriptions of trees, mountains, and other pointless scenery that just adds to the endless tedium of this bloated, self-indulgent trilogy. I mean, seriously, who needs ten pages about the color of a stupid rock?

This "book" is a complete and utter waste of time, energy, and brain cells. Don't bother picking it up unless you're looking for a cure for insomnia.