by throwaway7711 | 2026-03-09 02:36:34+00:00
There are many people that feel this way. I think one has to take the initiative, has to go somewhere, in real life, where other people are and the the conditions are right for getting to know people. Computer Games or IRC are just a weak substitute. Turn off the PC, go out. Give other people the chance to meet you. Go to (local) events, concerts, sports, anything where other people are. It doesn't really matter what, anything that doesn't bore you. Try things. Opportunities will come. Then take them.

Here are a couple of things I did where I got into contact with others naturally or where conversation with strangers developed easily. I think such activities or places can generate opportunities for a start of something that could be developed further.

Getting a gig as an extra in a film production. I registered with a free extras agency. They semi-regularly ask for availability, mostly for 1 full day, paying minimum wage. I've been on a couple of shoots, and there's always a longer wait time (hours) and a bunch of other extras to talk to. The people there are very diverse and very friendly: students, people of various ages, professions and education, locals, foreigners. They often strike up a conversation because there is really no other thing to do besides looking at your phone. It's very easy to start talking with people there; one can start commenting on the costumes, the set, the project, and the past extra experiences, then segue to what they do in real life. Often when shooting, we get paired up or grouped with people, which is another opportunity to chat casually, because there are also wait times between shots. I've met nice and interesting people there. Some are also there because they are lonely.

I think this has key elements that one might look for in other potential activities:
- common location in the real world
- people are open to talk
- multiple people
- natural topics to start a conversation, commonalities
- no expectations, relaxed atmosphere, no pressure, informal

Other examples:
Going alone to an outdoor basketball court in a public park, shooting hoops. I got asked to play in pick-up games. When having a break, a conversation can happen naturally.

Going to a park, playing soccer on a little pitch alone (taking some shots at the goal, dribbling). Some young kids also came onto the pitch, and I asked them if they wanted to make teams and play a match. At a break, a woman, who must have watched, came to me to ask me what my profession is. She said she thought I was in education because I was good with the kids. I think she might have flirted with me.

I know a person coming from another country, not really knowing anybody here. Now she has more friends and social contacts than anyone else I know. Besides her work acquaintances from her job training and job here, she actively looked for potential friendships on apps (Bumble BFF) and also was successful there. She also goes to dancing class and to meetings of a kind of Free Church, where they mostly talk about non-religious topics and help each other out. She often gets invited to birthday parties, weddings, etc., where she meets new people.

While going by train, in an almost empty cart, a guy I didn't know started a conversation with me. We talked for an hour. I think if I had asked him if he wanted to meet for another chat, he would have agreed.

Book recommendations:

Dale Carnegie: "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

Viktor Frankl: "Man's Search for Meaning"

Good Luck.