by MisterTea | 2026-02-21 17:54:01+00:00
It's easy to get enamored with someone who appears to be a super star or go-getter. Not to say they won't make a good friend but ask yourself what is the attraction to this person?

Do we want relationships with "interesting people" to live vicariously through their success? Maybe we want someone to compete with or inspire us with confidence to succeed? Or do we want them to be a REAL friend, the kind of person who will give you the shirt off their back and help you move because they care about you, not because they feel obligated. These are not necessarily mutually incompatible but not easy to find someone with energy who takes time out of their life to selflessly help others with mundane life issues, like moving. That is why I value my old school friends. They will always be there for me.

I used to idolize the founder of a software project until I met them. Totally humble and nice guy. Incredibly smart yet lives modestly and has a simple job that pays him just enough to live. I was really struck by that and it changed my perception obliterating the idolization and elevating him to a friend. He feels more real to me now.

The newer friends I have made through the open source project are certainly good people and I am sure would help someone out if they needed it. I think the value is in appreciating people who are humble in the right areas yet project confidence in their knowledge. They respond respectfully with patience while understanding peoples abilities and disabilities. Some of them are driven however, they know when to step back and take a break. I think that last part is important.

Don't panic just because you are in a slump - it just makes it worse. Just go with it. I learned I have to give myself leeway in life - not shit on myself and stew in negative thoughts of not "achieving things." Maybe bum around a bit and think about what really makes you happy. I get burnt out too. I even burn myself out on things I like doing which feels even worse. But I realized I have to learn when to take a break and go outside or something.

I'll admit, I am STRUGGLING with drive myself. It sucks when your hobbies are related to your work and you get burnt out on all of it - where do you turn for relief? I am trying new things. Trying to meet new people. I used to date but stopped to focus on building a side hustle which is how I burnt myself out. The thing is, as long as you try to do better and keep working to improve yourself where it really matters, you will little by little get your mojo back. You need to start setting small goals and doing them. Like no joke, I did the laundry this morning - GOAL! There is no magic bullet, we're all different. We just have to keep working at finding the right people and things to fulfill our lives.

Also, professional help might seem like naval gazing at times. However, if you are willing, it's not just mental health help and advice but also a bit of life coaching. It has helped me realize a lot of my issues are bad habits and thought patterns. You have to catch these negative patterns and try to think of a way to turn them into a positive outcome. A therapist is there to remind you of these thought patterns and remind you to keep yourself aware of them and ways to correct or avoid them. I also am an advocate for medication but only if you feel you need it.

Good luck.