by timcambrant | 2026-02-26 09:42:05+00:00
> I'm guessing from your handle that you're not a mom

Correct.

> I'm guessing from your comment that you haven't talked to many about what they want.

Wrong.

I think we live in different cultures, which is fine. But I reject your notion that the norms of the culture you live in is somehow the globally correct one, and that it's biologically true somehow. I'm Scandinavian and I acknowledge that we have been early adopters of a free thinking discussion of what gender roles could be. We have both a (male and female) feminist avantgarde and a strong conservative block, all taking part in this conversation. Almost no-one are saying that the biological mission of females are to spend so much time with their kids that it affects their abilities to pursue a career. We tend to celebrate those who overcome hardships and make something of themselves, whether it's becoming professional workers, becoming published authors, launching brands, pursuing higher eductation and taking part in the societal discourse, etc.

I talk to parents all the time. In the private workforce, in the public sector, members of churches, workers in academia, founders of companies, as well as young people hoping to become parents one day.

Everyone agrees that being a parent is difficult, and that time management is a huge problem. Most people acknowledge that they might not be able to work full-time when their kids are small, but most absolutely do. This goes for men and women. I've had very successful male entrepreneurs brag about how much time they spent with their kids off and on work, much like you would imagine a woman do.
The one outlier that I see are divorced women who especially struggle to find a way to combine being a parent when their former partner don't step up to the plate. They talk about this all the time, at work.

Men still generally suck at taking responsibility when their kids live with them 50% of the time. This goes for buying clothes, planning birthday parties, or
But we are engaging when it comes to school, sports and leisure activities. Most kids pop into their dad's offices all the time to do homework or wait for a ride. But this is becoming more and more rare. Most divorced dads I know seem to be quite on par with their wives. Though I guess they clean their windows less often and are generally late when planning the winter wardrobe.

> This misunderstands the order. For moms, the desire to be with their baby is present from day one. For some dads, it is not. For some dads, it does not ever come. They only want to spend time with their kids when they are no longer babies, or even toddlers. Mothers, on the other hand, tend to be much more maternal out of the gates.

The word here is "some". I agree with you. But this doesn't have to be the norm, just like dads being violent or alcoholics doesn't have to be the norm. We can acknowledge the work it will take to shift from a society of male drunks with a tendency to get into fights and not feeling a genuine bond with their kids, and aim for a society where these former norms are mostly history. Until there is a backlash of course, then we start again.

I would like us to agree that the norm has been for a very long time that mothers have been engaging with their kids far more than dads have. And also that society isn't static. It changes all the time. Some things are biological and many things are not, and we don't need to see past societal truths as hard rules that force us to live a certain way. I'm sure there is a biological factor that can be proven to nudge this behavior in a certain direction, but I don't believe this should be seen as proof that some norms in society affecting most of the population are static and should be left unquestioned.