by BizarroLand | 2025-12-09 23:57:46+00:00
I asked ChatGPT to do the same, it was rather dystopian in comparison:

Hacker News — December 9, 2035 (Dystopian Edition)

(All links fictional but realistic)

1. Amazon pauses same-day delivery after logistics AI outage strands 22M packages (reuters.com) 1,402 points by supplychainfail 5 hours ago | 512 comments

2. Google merges Drive, Gmail, Docs, Maps, Calendar into “Google Life” — opting out requires a support call (blog.google) 1,210 points by privacyisdead 6 hours ago | 689 comments

3. US announces “Temporary Broadband Stabilization Fee”; ISPs increase prices 30% overnight (fcc.gov) 1,008 points by ispescapee 7 hours ago | 344 comments

4. OpenAI suspends 40% of API keys after new worm spreads through agent-to-agent messaging (openai.com) 927 points by llmsec 3 hours ago | 382 comments

5. Show HN: “ColdBooter” – A tool to back up your cloud VM before the provider reclaims it with no notice (coldbooter.io) 780 points by survivethecloud 2 hours ago | 192 comments

6. Apple fined €8B for shipping non-removable batteries in “Environmental Edition” iPhone (europa.eu) 754 points by greenwashhunter 10 hours ago | 316 comments

7. LinkedIn replaces activity feed with AI-generated “Career Stories” that users cannot disable (linkedin.com) 710 points by corp_life 8 hours ago | 267 comments

8. China’s new export restrictions cut global GPU availability by 60% (ft.com) 701 points by chipboom 9 hours ago | 414 comments

9. Linux 8.6 maintainers warn of mass CVEs after corporations abandon LTS patch sponsorships (kernel.org) 632 points by ossburnout 11 hours ago | 255 comments

10. Ask HN: Anyone else locked out of their homes after the SmartKey cloud migration? 601 points by keylessandhomeless 4 hours ago | 310 comments

11. US healthcare providers hit by nationwide outage of Cerner-Epic merger “CareSync Cloud” (wsj.com) 577 points by sysadmdespair 12 hours ago | 203 comments

12. Meta to require facial-expression telemetry for “engagement quality optimization” in Horizon apps (meta.com) 530 points by metaescalates 3 hours ago | 421 comments

13. Starlink announces 5 TB/mo cap; remote communities report complete service loss (starlink.com) 502 points by dishdown 5 hours ago | 158 comments

14. New DMCA expansion criminalizes “filter removal,” affecting adblockers and local inference runtimes (congress.gov) 488 points by freedomtoadblock 7 hours ago | 389 comments

15. AT&T sunsets 4G; millions of medical devices lose connectivity (theverge.com) 455 points by techdebtkills 10 hours ago | 197 comments

16. Show HN: “ShellSafe” – A terminal wrapper that prevents AI-suggested commands from wiping your system (shellsafe.app) 430 points by iaccidentallysudo 2 hours ago | 111 comments

17. US CISA: 42% of corporate networks now rely on AI agents with no audit logging (cisa.gov) 402 points by auditnow 6 hours ago | 188 comments

18. The Great Repo Archival: GitHub purges all inactive repos >5 years to “reduce storage load” (github.blog) 388 points by codearcheologist 9 hours ago | 320 comments

19. Mastodon instances collapse under moderation load after EU’s Automated Speech Mandate (mastodon.social) 350 points by fedifragile 7 hours ago | 144 comments

20. NYC adopts automated congestion fines after human review team eliminated (nytimes.com) 332 points by finesallthewaydown 4 hours ago | 201 comments

21. Dropbox raises base plan to $49/month, cites “AI compute costs” (dropbox.com) 301 points by storageinflation 11 hours ago | 176 comments

22. Open-source maintainers strike after 3rd corporation claims their work as proprietary training data (github.com) 290 points by maintainerburnout 6 hours ago | 120 comments

23. FEMA: 2025–2035 wildfire season officially declared a “decade-long emergency” (fema.gov) 268 points by cookedagain 12 hours ago | 112 comments

24. Quantum ransomware group QShadow hits 11 banks using break-through key recovery exploit (krebsonsecurity.com) 250 points by qubitcrime 3 hours ago | 98 comments

25. Show HN: OfflineLAN – A mesh-network toolkit for neighborhoods preparing for rolling blackouts (offlinelan.net) 231 points by diynetworker 1 hour ago | 44 comments