by ianberdin | 2025-09-01 20:11:20+00:00
Hey HN,

I'm a solo founder, and for most of my adult life, I've been trapped in a brutal cycle: intense productivity followed by total burnout. I'd work 16-hour days, feel like a god, ship amazing things, and then crash for weeks, feeling depressed and anxious, unable to even look at code. My relationships would suffer, my health would tank.

I tried everything: timers, discipline, willpower, blocking apps. Nothing worked. My "Operator" self would always find a way around the rules my "CEO" self made.

Recently, I finally figured out the underlying pattern. It turns out I was managing my addictions all wrong.

Addiction 1: The Builder's High (High-Calorie Flow)

This is the one we all know. That state of deep focus when you're coding, solving a hard problem, or even gaming. The world disappears. Time melts away. It feels incredible. It's a powerful, productive high.

The Trap: I was using it as an escape. Whenever I felt anxious, bored, or had a fight with my wife, I'd retreat into "Work Sleep." It's a state like a deep trance where you're not even consciously choosing to ignore the world; you're just gone. The problem is, this flow is like eating nothing but sugar. It's high-calorie, gives you a huge rush, but it's not sustainable. It burns you out, leaving you with a massive energy debt.

Addiction 2: The Player's High (Nutrient-Dense Flow)

This was my big realization. I needed a second addiction, but a different kind. This isn't just "go to the gym" (I call that "Joyless Exertion"). This is about finding a physical skill that is engaging, challenging, and autotelic (fun for its own sake).

For me, this has been things like mountain biking, learning trampoline tricks, skiing, or karting.

This type of flow is different. It's nutrient-dense. It doesn't drain my energy; it rebuilds it. After a long bike ride, I feel energized and clear, not depleted and foggy.

The Second Trap: But I was misusing this one, too. I have a lifelong pattern I call the "Flow Addiction & Burnout Cycle" for my hobbies:

Discover: Find a new, exciting sport.

Master: Get obsessively good at it, fast.

Boredom: My skills surpass the safe challenges available. It stops being fun.

Escalate Risk: To chase the original high, I start doing stupid things—skiing off-trail in a storm, riding my motorcycle way too fast.

Crash: Inevitably, I get injured or have a near-death experience.

Abandon: I drop the hobby, now tainted with trauma, and find myself with no way to rest.

The Solution: The Dance

The goal isn't to cure these addictions; it's to manage them as a system.

Recognize the difference: Know when you need a "Builder's High" to be productive and when you need a "Player's High" to recover.

Become a "Professional Amateur": I now keep a portfolio of 2-3 physical hobbies. I enjoy the steep part of the learning curve and deliberately switch before I hit the mastery ceiling and start escalating risk.

Safety Check First: Never use high-risk physical activity to fix burnout. You're depleted, and you'll crash. You can only play hard when you are rested.

I'm learning to dance between these two addictions. One builds my product, but the other rebuilds me. For the first time, it feels like I have a sustainable way to be a 10x programmer without destroying my life.

Hope this helps someone else.