by bongodongobob | 2025-06-27 07:13:54+00:00
You definitely don't. I've lived in Wisconsin my whole life.

Internet is going to be poor or non-existent, as will be cell service. You'll have to study the coverage maps and get a line with the appropriate carrier. There will be dead spots everywhere, you will never have guaranteed coverage. Starlink will probably be your best bet for internet. Fiber is non existent. Forget about speeds over 50Mb otherwise.

It's a food desert unless you live in one of the run down and dilapidated "cities". Where you probably will want to be, would be 45 minutes to an hour away from any of these. That's where the housing is. You will likely have to buy 40 acres of land and build if you want anything other than a hunting cabin.

The people there will not like you. You are not one of them. They all know each other and you are an outsider. They do not like progressive limbral woke people (anyone who isn't conservative, Christian, and white). You will not make any friends unless you are an avid hunter, fisherman, or a drunk.

Alcoholism is rampant. There are no "third spaces" other than bars. If you aren't always drinking, you are weird. Meth and heroin are huge problems. Poverty is the norm. People will hate you if you look at all wealthy. Do you know what a FIB is? Fuckin Illinois Bastard, ie, the tourists that flood money into their terrible little towns in the summer. The entire economy is based on tourism and arguably logging maybe.

If you don't like the Packers, you may as well be a hostile alien.

Winter lasts from mid-late October through mid April. October and November is brown and gray. Snow doesn't hit until late Novemeber or later these days, so it will be cloudy and gray and windy. It will frequently be below 0F up to -30F in mid winter. You will need a truck or 4wd at least and will be dealing with unplowed country roads when snow finally hits. Your car will be eaten by salt. Your car/truck will hate the winter and will be a giant pain in the ass. There will be days it's too cold to go outside unless you have proper gear.

"Spring" is the brown and gray mud season from March through May. Leaves don't start popping until late April, and temps don't hit consistent 70s until late June. It will snow in April.

Then mosquito, horsefly, and tick season starts. There will be days it's hard to be outside. You'll have to get used to spraying yourself with DEET, it's the only thing that's effective. If you are in the woods, you will want to wear pants tucked into your socks so you don't get ticks climbing up your legs into your ass crack and balls. It's hot and uncomfortable, but the alternative isn't great.

In July, temperatures will hit 90s and it will be very humid. There are days when it's going to be difficult to be outside unless you're swimming. It's similar to Florida.

In late August and early September it will start to cool down as the leaves start turning and shedding.

So weatherwise, you've got about 6-8 weeks of nice weather in the summer. Outside of that it's either miserably hot, cold, or just ugly and dead. The people are poor, uneducated, racist and backwards, internet sucks, and there is zero culture. But it's fun to visit if you like camping for a few weeks.