Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships 1 The Discrepancy Between Expectations and Reality : Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships are a prevalent component of human experience. There have been many theories formulated concerning the distinct qualities that lead to satisfaction in relationship satisfaction (commitment, the ability to resolve conflict, etc.). However, it may be that satisfaction is determined not just by the absolute levels of these qualities, but also by the degree to which partners expectations for relationship are met by their actual experiences—relationships will be satisfying for those individuals whose expectations are met, while in contrast, people whose relationships are incongruent with their expectations are going to feel dissatisfied. The present study examines the discrepancy between expectations of a romantic relationship and the reality experienced by participants in their current relationship. Participants will complete three questionnaires; one to measure actual experiences in relationships, one to measure expectations of relationships, and one to measure overall relationship satisfaction. To measure actual experiences, participants will be asked to rate their satisfaction with eight factors previously found to be integral to romantic relationships: maintenance behaviors, commitment, quality of communication, conflict resolution, emotional self-disclosure, affection, relational certainty/security, role within the relationship, and equity. Participants will also complete a similar questionnaire that will assess their expectations on each of the above factors. To measure overall relationship satisfaction, the Relationship Assessment Scale (RAS) will be employed. We predict that analyses will reveal that the larger the discrepancy between expectations and reality, the lower the levels of relationship satisfaction. Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships 3 The Discrepancy Between Expectations and Reality: Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships Personal relationships are central to being human, and forming these relationships is an innate and biological component of human behavior (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). People have been interested in the topic of relationships for thousands of years, but the formal study of personal relationships is a fairly recent trend. Research on interpersonal relationships is becoming more important because it is found in all aspects of human life and has been shown to have a great impact on the way people live. In fact, research has been found to show that good, healthy relationships are associated with better mental and physical health (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). As mentioned previously, romantic relationships are a prevalent component of human experience. Therefore, there have been many theories formulated concerning the many distinct areas that comprise the romantic relationship and how specific factors present in the relationship relate to and predict overall relationship satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction is defined as an interpersonal evaluation of the positivity of feelings for one’s partner and attraction to the relationship (Rusbult & Buunk, 1993). According to interdependence theory, people want to maximize their rewards and minimize their costs in a relationship. People mentally account for rewards and costs so they can evaluate the outcome of their relationship as either positive or negative. When rewards outweigh the costs, the outcome is positive; on the contrary, when costs outweigh the rewards, the outcome is negative. This mental note of knowing whether the relationship has a positive or negative outcome is not always enough to satisfy people, because people often have prior expectations of what they believe the relationship should be like. For Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships 4 example, some people expect highly rewarding relationships, so outcomes have to be particularly positive for them to be satisfied. To account for these expectations in the relationship, the concept of comparison levels is included in the interdependence theory. The comparison level involves the expectations of the kinds of outcomes a person expects to receive in a relationship. This expectation is based on the person’s past relationship experiences and through personal observations of other people’s relationships (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 2011). Previous research on the topic of relationship satisfaction has focused on various components that have been shown to be significant indicators of relationship satisfaction. The majority of behaviors used to maintain relationships are prosocial, which help promote relational closeness, trust, and liking in the relationship. Five primary prosocial maintenance strategies are positivity, openness, assurances, social networking, and task sharing. Research suggests that relationships that contain high levels of prosocial maintenance strategies tend to be stable and committed, and people appear to be more satisfied within their relationship (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). Commitment is enhanced when individuals experience relationship satisfaction, and is increased when individuals invest important or numerous resources in the relationship. One such resource is the amount of time that the partners have devoted to the relationship (Sacher & Fine, 1996). This leads into the quality of communication between two people in a relationship. Communication is the substance of relationships, without it there is no relationship (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). Therefore, the quality of communication is important in determining the outcome of the relationship. When there is poor communication and conflicts arise, the way in which a couple handles the conflict is key. A conflict is a disagreement between two interdependent people (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). While conflicts are most commonly perceived as negative, it is a normal part of many close relationships. Gottman’s Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships 5 (1979, 1994) research shows that satisfied couples are more likely to discuss issues of disagreement, whereas dissatisfied couples are likely to minimize or avoid conflict. The way partners manage conflict is a better predictor of relationship satisfaction, than the experience of the conflict itself (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). Relationship satisfaction can also be measured by the emotional self-disclosure within a relationship. Self–disclosure is the process of telling another about one’s intimate feelings, attitudes, and experience (Sprecher & Hendrick, 2004). Communicating personal information about one’s self is important in relationship satisfaction, but it is also important for an individual to communicate their feelings about their partner through affectionate communication. Affectionate communication is behavior that portrays feelings of fondness and positive regard to another (Floyd, 2006). Affection is a basic human need and it is met through interpersonal interaction and in forming mutually supportive relationships (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). Affection is a key to establishing relationships and keeping them close; the absence of it can propel the relationship into a negative state. In addition to the open communication described above, relationship satisfaction can be measured by relational-certainty/security. People generally dislike uncertainty and high levels of uncertainty often lead to dissatisfaction in relationships (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). As a result, relational certainty is shown to be beneficial in relationships, leading to enhanced satisfaction. Relational security can be attributed to the role a person plays in the relationship; being comfortable in that role has been shown to have an effect on satisfaction. Men who conform to society’s idea of masculine norms were more strongly associated with women’s relationship satisfaction, than men’s relationship satisfaction (Burn, 2005). Historically men were the breadwinners and protectors of the family, while women were responsible for household Satisfaction in Romantic Relationships 6 chores and child-rearing. Although these roles have changed, women still seem to prefer men who exhibit parts of these masculine norms. Due to this, the roles that men and women play in a romantic relationship have not always been equitable. However, as gender roles have begun to shift, research has shown that equity has become a contributing factor in relationship satisfaction. Equity theory focuses on determining whether the distribution of resources is fair to both relational partners. Equity is measured by comparing the ratio of contributions and benefits for each person (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). For example, partners do not have to receive equal benefits (e.g., receiving the same amount of love and care) or make equal contributions (e.g., investing the same amount of time and effort) as long as the ratio between these benefits and contributions is similar. Individuals who perceived their relationships to be equitable reported being happier and more content than those who perceived their dating relationships to be inequitable (Walster, Walster & Traupmann, 1978). Couples who experienced equity also reported more commitment, more self-disclosure, and more assurances (Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi, 201l). Expectations are formulated across each of the components above, and have been shown to be particularly important in predicting romantic relationship satisfaction. In previous literature, it has been found that the expectations one holds, whether of the relationship or of one’s partner, can often differ in terms of bias and accuracy. When one has biased expectations, they see their relationship and partner through rose colored glasses and expect that their partner will meet their very high standards. On the other hand, accurate expectations are held by those who view life with a more realistic lens and assume that their expectations will align with their real life experiences of the relationship. Kenny & Acitelli