Creative Expressive Writing and Perceived Self-Efficacy in the Writing Center—A Tutor’s Narrative

You know the story.the one about a curious little girl, captivated by a little white rabbit? Like young Alice, my curiosity compelled me to follow my own white rabbit down an unknown path, at least to me. It found me when I attained an internship in our university writing center the fall of 2012. And down the rabbit-hole, I fell. My adventures in writing center wonderland grew into an infatuation with writing—the tutoring of, the process of, the pedagogies of, the praxis of. Many discourses of writing pull at me, begging to be consumed and adapted to suit the situation. This infatuation led me down a path in which I could prepare myself for the rigors of graduate research, through the McNair Scholars Program, in 2013. For nearly two years, I developed and attained a summer research fellowship where I had the opportunity to explore the intersections of creative expressive writing, perceived selfefficacy, and the theory/practice of tutoring writing. I sought insight into new ways of combatting writing apprehension, both for my clients in the writing center, in addition to new apprehensions I was feeling as a writer/researcher/tutor. This exploration pulled me in directions that were unexpected, forcing me to face anxieties that I’d managed to suppress for many years. I found that intentionally applying low-stakes creative writing activities into the writing center consultation brought even more relevance to undergraduate creative writing programs. Moreover, making creative writing studies more transparent brings levity to the seriousness that often stigmatizes writing center praxis, fosters writing development across the curriculum, and shifts the writing center focus on perceived self-efficacy. This essay is a culmination of my research experience—it shares some insight into case studies documented over the Summer of 2014, my reflection of my research development—and intends to demonstrate the ongoing value of narrative inquiry, the methods of my madness. Down the Rabbit Hole “My toe skimmed the lip climbing the stairs of the Liberal Arts Building. I had to block my fall up the stairs. Sweaty palms left haunted marks on the concrete. Nerves were getting the best of me. I am not a writer. I have no business talking about writing to anyone. ” Reading this reflection, one could imagine the narrator was a nervous student, shaken by the idea of what to expect in a college English class. It was actually my initial thoughts heading in to my first official consultation as a peer writing tutor. With five weeks of theoretical training, observations of seasoned peer writing consultants, and hours of discussion, I should have been ready. But, my anxiety was through the roof. I began my internship with the writing center the same semester I took my first creative writing workshop, a fiction writing workshop. So, as a ‘newbie’ in both the creative writing and the writing center realms, I found myself in flux. Just dipping my toes in courses for my major emphasis, I questioned whether I had the capability to pursue a writing career. This, coupled with my increasing apprehension about my abilities as a writing tutor, manifested into nervous knots that left me visibly shaking in the back room of the writing center, reaching for my shiny new name badge. What I was plagued by was writing apprehension. I was scared. Scared to talk to clients whose papers were sure to be stronger than anything I could write. Scared that they’d see right through my facade, or worse, could condemn my major, creative writer. In the three years I’ve been a peer writing tutor, I am still aware of my anxieties, but learned to be ever-mindful of what I’ve gained through multiple creative expressive writing courses; these creative expressive writing strategies are what shape my tutoring writing approach. I treat each client session as another opportunity to seek out new information—every session begins discovering context about the client. I ask about their major, which semester they are in, their week/weekend, and the course their current project is for all in an effort to benefit the writing development of each client. This information allows me to decipher what writing strategies might alleviate the client’s writing apprehension.