The Psychology of Romantic Relationships

DIETRICH, DARBY The Psychology of Romantic Relationships. Department of Psychology, June 2016. ADVISOR: Kenneth DeBono Prior research on self-monitoring suggests that high self-monitors are more likely to choose a romantic partner based on status and appearance. Conversely, low self-monitors put a greater emphasis on shared values and interests. In the current research, we examined the self-monitoring differences in both dating relationships and marriages. Participants were given a survey in which they answered personal questions, questions about their past relationships, qualities that are important in potential dating and marriage partners, and the Snyder and Gangestad (1986) 18-item Self-Monitoring scale. Trends were consistent with previous research, such that high self-monitors were more likely to divorce than low self-monitors. The research also suggests that high self-monitors place a greater emphasis on physical attractiveness, creativity, and status, whereas low self-monitors prefer qualities such as fidelity and spiritual values. The research indicates that high and low self-monitors differ in partner preferences both in short-term and long-term relationships. The$Psychology$of$Romantic$Relationships$ 1$ As social beings, relationships play a significant role in our lives. Throughout our lives, we are constantly affected by our relationships with others. Relationships can vary in several ways. There are good relationships, bad relationships, healthy or unhealthy relationships, friendships, and romantic relationships, all of which contribute to who we are. As Settersten (2015) points out in his research, our identity, opportunities, and actions are all intertwined with our relationships. Because relationships play such an important role in our lives it is crucial that we understand them. Settersten (2015) further explains the changing dynamics of relationships, composed of a beginning, middle, and an end to a relationship and how these changing dynamics also impact how we feel about others and ourselves. While there has been extensive research on friendships and relationships in general, less is known about romantic relationships and underlying psychological factors. Understanding these romantic relationships is important because they are relationships in which we become very invested in and they can be the most impactful relationships in our lives. As early as adolescence, romantic relationships begin to impact our lives. We admire romance due to its presence in our society. From fairy tales to celebrity weddings on the cover of magazines, romantic relationships are present in our lives regardless of whether we ourselves are in one. Starting at young ages, we aspire to find a romantic partner. Viejo, Ortega-Ruiz, and Sanchez (2015) have found that romantic relationships are associated with greater psychological adjustment and well-being in adolescence. They suggest that different types of romantic relationships can involve different types of love; love that focuses on the partner’s well-being, love that focuses on those who are dependent upon us, and love that focuses on passion and intimate The$Psychology$of$Romantic$Relationships$ 2$ desires (Viejo et al 2015). These different types of love can then influence the perceived quality of the relationship. In their research, Viejo et al (2015) found that involvement in romantic relationships is associated with greater well-being. Further, they found that adolescents who were happy with the quality of their relationship also reported greater well-being than those who were unhappy with the quality of the relationship. They showed that the adolescents who had never been in a committed relationship showed more signs of isolation compared to those currently in a relationship, who showed signs of greater well-being. As we can see, it is important to study and understand the different characteristics of romantic relationships because not only do they play a dynamic role in our lives, but they also potentially impact our wellbeing from a young age. Similar to adolescents, adults in romantic relationships also experience increased well-being. In our society, as we get older it is the norm to be involved in a romantic relationship. It is in our nature to want intimate human connection, so we desire these intimate romantic relationships. Johnson, Kent and Yale (2012) examined the associations of identity and romantic relationship intimacy with well-being. They found that romantic relationships that occur during periods of developmental growth play a role in identity formation. They further found correlations between intimacy and well-being, which were positively associated with self-esteem and negatively associated with social anxiety and loneliness, (Johnson et al, 2012). These results imply that romantic relationships play a beneficial role in our lives. Because of the prominence as well as the impact relationships can have on our lives, it is very important that we study them. Relationships are an immense part of our culture and The$Psychology$of$Romantic$Relationships$ 3$ better understanding them can be beneficial to our understanding of us personally as well. Self-Monitoring There are many different factors that are associated with and influence romantic relationships. One factor that has been evaluated is self-monitoring. According to Snyder and Gangestad (1986) there are two types of self-monitors: high and low. They explain that low self-monitors have little motivation or aptitude to change their expressive behaviors and tend to act in a way that reflects their inner beliefs. On the other end of the spectrum, high self-monitors tend to be attentive to social norms, concerned with their public appearances, and possess the ability and motivation to adjust their behavior to be consistent with the situation in which they find themselves. Research has looked at differences in self-monitors in terms of relationships and social behaviors. Where low-self monitors tend to be more consistent throughout differing social situations, high self-monitors often change their behaviors to suit the situation. In their research, Snyder and Gangestad (1986) generated an 18-item Self-Monitoring scale to assess whether one is a high or low self-monitor. This scale asks questions such as, “I find it hard to imitate the behavior of other people,” “In a group of people, I am rarely the center of attention,” “ I can look anyone in the eye and tell a lie with a straight face (if for a right end),”and “In different situations and with different people, I often act like very different persons. ” A high self-monitor would answer true to the first and third statements, and false to the second. Conversely, a low self-monitor would answer false to the first and third, and true to the second. Self-monitoring assessments can be used to determine whether a person will be more interested in the The$Psychology$of$Romantic$Relationships$ 4$ image they give off or more interested in staying true to their inner thoughts and feelings (Snyder & Gangestad, 1986). Snyder & Gangestad’s (1986) Self-Monitoring scale is significant, as it allows us to make predictions in many different areas about people based on whether they score as a high or low self-monitor. For example, because high self-monitors tend to focus on how they are perceived by others and low self-monitors tend to focus on their inner beliefs, research has also looked for self-monitoring differences in advertising. In their research, Snyder and DeBono (1985) found that high-self monitors have a greater preference for advertisements emphasizing the image associated with a product, and low self-monitors seem to prefer advertisements emphasizing the quality or value of the product. The differences in self-monitoring preferences shown could potentially carry over into other areas of life as well. Previous research on self-monitoring has shown that there are differences in motivations between high and low self-monitors. Fuglestad and Snyder (2010) looked at what motivates high and low self-monitors in different situations. They found that high self-monitors were more driven by their desire for status achieved through appearance compared to low self-monitors. Through these views, it was suggested that high self-monitors place a greater value on the perceived status of a potential romantic partner, than low self-monitors. Conversely, low self-monitors appeared to value trust and sincerity. Furthermore, they found that low self-monitors value an equal-status relationship, whereas high self-monitors are accustomed to unequal-status relationships (Fugelstad & Snyder, 2010). These findings are consistent with Parks-Leduc, Pattie, Pargas, and Eliason (2013) where they found that understanding the levels of skill and The$Psychology$of$Romantic$Relationships$ 5$ motivation can predict the likelihood of people to change the way they act in different social contexts. They show that high self-monitors are both better skilled as well as pose a greater motivation to act differently in different situations. They suggest that additional research is required to understand how someone who scores both high or both low in self-monitoring skill and motivation acts compared to someone who scores high in one and low in the other. Fuglestad and Snyder (2010) also showed that because high self-monitors are able to change how they act in different situations, they are more likely to “get along” to “get ahead. ” In other words, they are more likely to act certain ways and befriend certain people in order to help themselves, again with the intention to increase their status. Overall, their research has shown that in relationships low self-monitors are more concerned with status equality in relationships than high self-monitors. Differences between high and low self-monitors have been found to predict how they will act in different situations. 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