Forgiveness of Sexual Cheating in Romantic Relationships: Effects of Discovery Method, Frequency of Offense, and Presence of Apology

In this study, participants (n = 196) read a vignette about an imaginary romantic partner cheating on them by having sex with another person and responded to a series of questions assessing variables associated with forgiveness. Method of discovering how the infidelity occurred and the frequency of cheating occurrence were manipulated between participants, while the presence or absence of an apology was manipulated within participants. Results indicated that, regardless of how the transgression was discovered, forgiveness was most likely when cheating was an isolated incident and when an apology was offered by the partner. These findings are important in light of the lack of research exploring the role of apologies and frequency in forgiveness of infidelity. ********** Romantic relationships are one of many sources of joy in people's lives, but rarely are they impervious to acts of betrayal. People are bound to violate their partners' expectations, which may disrupt the relationship and be deeply hurtful. When such transgressions occur, victims may be motivated to seek revenge, wish harm upon their offenders, or simply avoid further contact (McCullough, Worthington, & Rachal, 1997). Alternatively, victims might excuse and exonerate their offenders, an act known as forgiveness. Forgiveness is conceptualized as a process during which victims of transgressions experience changes in the way they think about, feel about, and behave towards their offenders (Finkel, Rusbult, Kumashiro, & Hannon, 2002; Kachadourian, Fincham, & Davila, 2004; McCullough et al., 1998; Sells & Hargrave, 1998). Cognitively, victims may try to take their offenders' perspective and understand why the transgression occurred, making them less inclined to perceive it as malicious or deliberate. Unlike the process of cognitive dissonance (see Petty, 1995), which involves changing new cognitions so that they support pre-existing attitudes and beliefs ("I must forgive because, if I don't, my investment in this relationship will amount to nothing"), forgiveness is a deliberate and active change in attitude motivated by a desire to heal ("I want to forgive because this relationship is important to me"). Emotionally, victims' feelings of hurt and betrayal begin to subside. They may allow themselves to release harbored feelings of hate and resentment and experience more positive feelings such as compassion and understanding. Behaviorally, victims may become more civil towards their offenders. They no longer seek revenge or avoid and may even engage in conversation. These cognitive, emotional, and behavioral components all are part of a larger process that is necessary for forgiveness to occur (see Gordon & Baucom, 1998; Kelley, 1998; Worthington & Wade, 1999). One goal of forgiveness is to restore harmony to relationships in which transgressions occurred. People are more likely to forgive their partners when they are committed to and satisfied with their relationships (Finkel, Rusbult, Kumashiro, & Hannon, 2002; Paleari, Regalia, & Fincham, 2005). Therefore, it seems logical that "forgivers" experience stronger relationships with their partners than "non-forgivers. " McCullough and colleagues (1997) attributed this association to the fact that forgivers in committed and satisfactory relationships seem less inclined to "take inventory" of their partners' misdeeds and more inclined to focus on their partners' constructive behaviors. Finkel and colleagues (2002) suggested that victims in high quality relationships are more likely to empathize and identify extenuating circumstances for their partners' transgressions, making the transgression less personal, less hurtful, and easier to forgive. In short, the process of forgiveness in romantic relationships enables victims to view themselves as accommodating, their partners as redeemable, and their relationships as resilient. People are less satisfied and committed in relationships when they believe their partners are deceiving them (Cole, 2001). …