The Experiences of Birth Relatives who Engage in Person-Centred Counselling Following the Loss of their Children to Compulsory Adoption or Foster Care

This study was concerned with exploring the meaning birth relatives gave their experiences of counselling following the removal of their children from their care. An exploratory research question was formulated and addressed using a qualitative approach. The involvement of a service user as expert supervisor added an important element and certain validity to the design, analysis and findings. Interviews took place with five birth mothers who had received counselling from one birth relatives counselling service. Three master themes were constructed from the data: From feeling alone, judged and let down to feeling part of a special relationship; “The healing process”; and “My children are my world”. BIRTH RELATIVES COUNSELLING RESEARCH 10 Chapter 1: Introduction Overview Lost in society that we cannot trust longing for forgiveness is a must. Extract from ‘Storms and Effects’ by Clarissa Stevens1 Birth relatives have never been asked about their experiences of counselling after having their children removed from their care. In this chapter I will build an argument for the necessity of the present study situating it in its historical, cultural and political context. I will pay attention to the power of language to shape the experiences of the powerless. I will outline my personal connections to the topic, both near and far, and the epistemological and ontological influences at play. I will consider the social construction of ‘motherhood’ and how this may have influenced the research and literature relating to ‘birth mothers’. I will then explore what has been written about the impact of child removal on birth relatives and the current UK policy context. After discussing what the literature says about the characteristics of birth relatives I will look at what has been written about the provision of support services for this ‘vulnerable’ group. Finally, I will present a systematic literature review of published research concerning support services available to birth relatives following the loss of a child to adoption. Through evaluating what limited literature there is, I will find that no conclusions about what therapeutic support birth relatives find helpful can be drawn with any certainty and that the voices of birth relatives have not been heard. 1 The complete poem ‘Storms and Effects’ by Clarissa Stevens is reproduced in Appendix A. It was created using the words of a birth mothers group following their participation in a ‘tree of life’ workshop (Ncube, 2006) BIRTH RELATIVES COUNSELLING RESEARCH 11 A note on language “Language is very powerful. Language does not just describe reality. Language creates the reality it describes. ” Desmond Tutu (cited in Moyes, 2007) As a researcher and aspiring clinician, I hold a responsibility to use language with care and thoughtful consideration. Language has the power to bring about change in how people think. Words can carry numerous meanings depending on who is speaking, to whom and to what purpose (Burr, 2003). Separating children from their birth families is one of the most serious interventions society can undertake (Angel, 1999 cited in Angel, 2015). The language of adoption is therefore sensitive and has the potential to offend, disempower or even cause pain to people for whom family separation and adoption are lived experiences. I have tried to use ‘inclusive’ adoption language wherever possible throughout this research (Andrews, 1996). In doing so I also acknowledge that the language of adoption changes and evolves over time and strong arguments exist for both what has been termed ‘positive adoption language’ (Irwin-Johnston, 2004) and ‘honest adoption language’ (Origins Canada, 2003). ‘Birth relative’ The term birth relative will be used throughout the research where possible, to refer to people who have experienced the loss of children they are biologically related to into the care system and/or by adoption (e.g. parents, grandparents, siblings and other relatives). BIRTH RELATIVES COUNSELLING RESEARCH 12 I do this acknowledging the position of some parents and advocates for birth mothers that the term “birth mother” denies the existence of any post-birth bond (Cuthbert, Murphy & Quartly, 2009; Wilson-Buterbaugh, 2013); that the terms “birth mother” and “birth parent” were not invented by birth mothers themselves (Origins Canada, 2003); and that alternative terminology exists (e.g. ‘first mother’, ‘natural family’, ‘non-resident mother’). ‘Relinquishment’ vs ‘Removal’ The term ‘relinquishment’ is used frequently in adoption literature to describe the act of ‘giving up’ a child for adoption. The ‘relinquishment continuum’ is an idea that comes from Baden and O’Leary Wiley (2007) who acknowledge the reality of overlap between voluntary and involuntary child relinquishment. To reflect the fact that ‘relinquish’ implies choice, which many birth mothers say they did not have, even in so-called ‘voluntary’ adoptions (Harris, 2004), I have chosen to use the term ‘removal’ where possible in this study. This will be discussed in greater detail later. Personal and Epistemological Position Personal Connections to topic Following the disappointment of a previous research project becoming untenable, I came to this topic of investigation motivated to work quickly and determined to see the project through to fruition. The phenomena under investigation was, in the beginning, of secondary concern to that of finding a project that was viable within the timeframe and constraints of the Doctorate course. This project fulfilled these requirements as a follow-on project connected to existing research and utilising existing connections with BIRTH RELATIVES COUNSELLING RESEARCH 13 an external organisation ready to support the recruitment of participants and even the dissemination of findings. However, during the initial discussions with my new research supervisor I began to notice many personal connections with the topic and links to both my professional and personal experiences. I had experience working with children in the care system as an Assistant Psychologist prior to training. I noticed that my experience was working with children who were also experiencing emotional or behavioural difficulties and their foster carers and social workers. I became curious as to why I had previously paid little attention to the experiences of ‘birth relatives’ except in the case histories of the young people I was working with. I also noticed how in my experience of working with this group of looked-after children, birth relatives were usually only described in terms of abuse or neglect, and the impact they had had on their children. I started to become more curious about the experiences of this group of birth parents in their own right; instead of in relation to the children who had been removed from their care. I also started to acknowledge some of my assumptions about this group and to notice the dominant discourses available to me in this role of ‘unfit parents’, ‘domestic abuse’ and the ‘inflictors of damage’ to the children. I had chosen to work again with looked-after children on my third-year specialist placement and these assumptions, conflicts and ethical dilemmas were increasingly present in my mind and in my work. Personally, I had very limited knowledge and experience of the adoption circle. Using White’s description of ‘experiences near’ and ‘experiences distant’ (White, 2007) I 2 The term adoption circle will be used to describe what might have previously been referred to as the ‘adoption triad’. An ‘adoption triad’ or ‘adoption triangle’ is a triangle which symbolizes three of the many BIRTH RELATIVES COUNSELLING RESEARCH 14 reflected on how near or far I have come to adoption circles in my life so far. I noticed that personal connections were either to friends I knew who had been adopted themselves or who had come to the decision in adulthood to become adoptive parents. To my knowledge I had no personal connections to any birth relatives. I started to think in terms of a ‘hidden population’ (Broadhurst et al., 2015a) and became curious as to