Toxic Emotions at Work: How Compassionate Managers Handle Pain and Conflict

Toxic Emotions at Work: How Compassionate Managers Handle Pain and Conflict BY PETER J. FROST, HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL PRESS, BOSTON, MA. (2003). HARDCOVER: 256 PP. Toxic Emotions at Work was an irresistible lure for us as managers. The word "toxic" is itself quite arresting. One dictionary gives its meaning as harmful or deadly. But who has not experienced toxicity in the workplace during their career? It is reassuring to hear that the author thinks toxicity, or emotional pain, is a normal by-product of organizational life. However, although a certain amount of pain is an inevitable part of our working lives, he calls on us to assess what is inevitable and what is not-and how well we are handling it. As managers, we are responsible for acknowledging that emotional pain is a part of our working lives and finding ways to deal with it. WHERE DOES TOXICITY COME FROM? Frost points out that we can't entirely leave our personal lives behind when we enter the office. A range of problems, such as health issues, bereavement, or family problems may be carried along as emotional baggage. Once in the workplace, we are subjected to another set of toxins. From the stress of a reorganization to the death of a co-worker, pain is always there. However, some toxins are not inevitable. Toxin generators such as "abusive managers, unreasonable company policies, disruptive co-workers or clients, or.poorly managed change" can be removed or limited if the organization has the will. WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF THESE TOXIN GENERATORS, ANYWAY? Frost says they are critical: Toxicity, the outcome of emotionally insensitive attitudes and actions of managers and of the practices of their companies, doesn't simply ruffle a few feathers. Rather, it acts as a noxious substance, draining vitality from individuals and your entire organization, potentially causing everything from missed deadlines to a mass exodus of your key staff. Left unchecked, toxicity will seep into your organization's performance and right down to your bottom line. Despite the pervasiveness of emotional toxins in organizations and their negative effects on people and on profits, no one will raise the subject since, as most of us have experienced firsthand, the discussion of emotion and pain in work situations tends to be seen as "weak" or "soft, " leaving those who do see it-and help to resolve it-with their mouths shut and their heads down. HOW CAN WE CONTROL TOXICITY? Leaders, Frost says, need to first of all acknowledge toxicity as a Eict. Furthermore, they need to look beneath the surface and find out how toxicity is being dealt with in their organizations. Typically, they will find that some people have taken on the task of "toxin handling. " WHO ARE THE TOXIN HANDLERS? Many of these toxin handlers are simply compassionate people, at any level in the organization, who care about others. They have not been asked to take on this role-they simply see a need and stop to help. Some of their most important characteristics are that they are willing to listen and witness and demonstrate that they care. Other characteristics include "holding space for healing, buffering pain, extricating people from painful situations, transforming pain. " If at all possible, managers should be toxin handlers. If they do not have the necessary skills themselves, they should identify those who have taken on that role and provide support for them. An important support is recognizing that toxin handling takes a significant toll on the handlers. Many do their work unnoticed and even feel guilty, because their work may not be recognized or valued. Often they take on others' pain, and if they don't have a similar support in place themselves, they may internalize the stresses, leading to disillusionment, burnout, and illness. Frost introduces the concept of stress-related illness owing to a depressed immune system and relates his own story of how, as a cancer survivor, he began to identify elements in his work life that were mentally and physically unhealthy. …