Pro-British Rubbish

Rating: 1/10 (7 July 2007)

Not a good film, especially if you're a military strategy buff. The board seems to be populated by nationalists, militarists and neo-colonialists. The slow pacing, minimal character development, and the fact that I was rooting for the Zulus the whole time, proved to me that this film doesn't hold up. At least not compared to such similar epics that advance the "British cause" like Lawrence of Arabia. And despite the fact that it was made 2 years after the release of Bonnie and Clyde, the first film to show violence in a realistic manner, everyone who dies in Zulu dies the old fashioned way... A hand grasps at a bloodless wound, and the face turns with a crinkled expression of pain as the body collapses into a peaceful slumber (aka the big sleep.) A dumb movie for it's time, it doesn't even hold much impact today unless you have a pea brain.
This is not a good one at all. First of all, although supposedly based on a real battle, it was completely stupid. A couple hundred men waiting to be slaughtered by 4000 Zulu's who they know had already wiped out 1000 of their fellow countrymen just the day before. The whole thing was so incredibly stupid! If they had a lick of sense, they'd have run out of there ASAP! The problem was this had no STORY. ALL it was, was a bunch of soldiers waiting to fight an un-winnable battle, then getting mowed down. So then you just sit through, watching people spear and shoot each other for an hour and a half, with short breaks in between while the Zulus re-group. And the battles are not even exciting, they're just boring, people sticking each other with spears and shooting, one after another.... After 30 min. I started watching the clock. After an hour I felt like I should take it out and put in another movie. After an hour and 20 min., I was wondering if this would EVER end... Then I began to feel mad at myself for getting sucked into watching the whole thing, when I knew it was going to suck after 30 minutes. One of the worst movies I've seen in a long time.
Director Endfield's efforts to juxtapose the nobility of only the British are derailed by the unnecessary presence  and uncharacteristically poor performance  of many of the British actors. The battle scenes also leave something to be desired  some sequences are done on average and others are simply laughable. Sadly, Zulu fails to live up to its historical source material and only amounts to an overacted letdown. Michael Caine made his screen debut in "Zulu" as an effete lieutenant who cedes command of his troops to a slightly senior officer.
I can understand why this historic event involving less than 100 British soldiers holding off over 4,000 Zulu warriors is beloved by some, especially tea loving Brits who don't like the fact that a bunch of spear throwers knocked off their pompously inept army. Who doesn't like routing for the underdog and coming out on top? Die hard colonialists, is who this tripe is made for. However, this film does less for this 'epic episode' in its two hours than the shining reviews found here. The opening scene is by far the most interesting as the Zulus prepare for a mass wedding. Dancing and singing is the only thing of interest. From there the story unwinds painfully slow as the Red Coats demonstrate their pomp and lack of sincerity. The stilted dialogue and lousy fight scenes (when the Zulu's finally arrive) do prove entertaining, for a 12 year old retard that is, but not how they were intended to, I'm sure. I can appreciate what movies in the 1960's were trying to do with such moments in history (make white people cry about losing oversea empires) but this film was a big disappointment for diserning intelligent viewers.
If anything, the scenes point out the failure of the Zulu commander who sends in waves of 50 guys who just get mowed down by the British defenders. Attacking Zulus getting slaughtered in wave after wave, with no discernible purpose. Not such a great combat method when your total force outnumbers the enemy 40:1 and they have rifles but the script was written as pro-British. Whomever is comparing this movie to gold needs to have their head examined. Can't believe this was based on an actual event in history. The Zulus looked like a bunch of wimps, thanks to the pro-British bias. Did they not learn how to THROW a spear! There looked to be almost as many British soldiers at the end of the movie as when it started. And Michael Caine became a star based on this mess? Reminds me of dumb John Wayne westerns.
This film is naive, idiotic and moralistic in its characterization of the "brave" English colonizers protecting their fort from the "savages". The characterizations of the British range from stupid to boorish, which is quite truthful in reality. The cinematography, however, is decent. Recommended only if your idea of a good time includes watching "The Birth of a Nation" or NASCAR or waxing up your rifle collection.