Puts most American movies to shame

Rating: Null/10 (18 August 2001)

1964's Zulu is one of my favorite movies of all time. Its an almost flawless film full of drama and action, and the musical score sends chills down my spine. It also makes me ashamed of being an American, not because of any nostalgia for the hero's of the movie, but because I know Americans could never make(or appreciate)a film this good. American film-makers would feel unexplainable urges to butcher this story in some of the following ways: Because Americans are offended by the color red, the film-makers would have to alter history enough to change the army tunics from red to khaki. As we all know, the hero HAS to be your standard macho American, it wouldn't matter how they get him into the plot(take U-571, revisionist history is NOT a problem). Also, all of the British characters would HAVE to be portrayed as complete buffoons. The original makers of Zulu did insert a pretty girl into the plot, but thats not enough for American audiences, she would need to find herself unable to resist the animal magnetism of our gratuitously placed American good ol' boy. To give the film a post-1993 feel, we might need more girls and include some lesbianism for no apparent reason. A hip alternative sound track by Moby would also help. Ah, I make myself laugh. Oh, one more thing, while I don't think there's any active or malicious racism present in the 1964 version, to easily offendable Americans the inherent racism of the subject matter(Americans are incapable of grasping concepts like British vs. Zulu, they can only grasp white vs. black) would require constant apologizing throughout the film. The native levies would have to stick around, and at least one of them would need to be more heroic than anyone else. There would also need to be a PC discussion on the negative impacts of colonialism. Oh, sure these changes would rob the film of any historical accuracy or artistic merit it ever had, but that never stopped Hollywood before, and the sad part is that a butchered remake like this would end up being a hit in the US, compared to the original anyway. In short, 1964's "Zulu" is a great film, and nothing that is created in the bowels of American pop culture will ever be able to truly compare with great movies like that. I probably should have spent more time in praise of the real "Zulu" rather than condemn the hypothetical one, but from reading the other reviews I see no reason to preach to the converted.