BORING waste of time, couldn't care less

Rating: 1/10 (27 October 2019)

Boring, predictable, never tense at all, characters you can't care less about.
The movie tries to be gore zombie apocalypse, but never gets really tense. Characters casually stroll though an ever-so-epic zombie apocalypse. "Oh, wow, we're in zombie apocalypse, there are zombies! Pew-pew-pew!" Those get dropped in like in beginner-level shooter game. Stuff is abundant, cities seem to be still living normally. Any situation is obvious to be solved quickly.
Neither the movie ever gets funny. Jokes are situational like in sit-coms (the cameo), and self-referential or meta-jokes (the "bad" girl laughing at the whole situation). The "survival instructions" feature could have added some tension and conflict to the plot, but it only gets you the "don't forget to have fun" statement after destroying an abandoned store. Pathetic.
Enduring this waste of time, you see scriptwriters piecemeal you 15-seconds sad moment, 30-seconds romantic moment, edgy-ever-so-road-movie guitar riff etc, not forgetting to put on piano music to make you understand they want you to squeeze out a tear.
This is a monumental example of what happens when marketing departments write scripts. Unfortunately, "Zombieland" only started a decade of boring time-wasting movies, like "Hunger games", "Maleficienta", "Guardians of the Galaxy", etc., full of "epic" battles, with carelessly-strolling mighty heroes single-handedly killing dozens of ever-so-dangerous monsters. Movies which you just sit through seeing dozens of such episodes thrown at you, that obviously would get solved in a minute, some with more shouts, blood and sweat, some with not at all, and makes you think only how long does the movie last.