Crash Bandicoot is better!

Rating: 1/10 (11 January 2013)

I've encountered this movie in a sneak preview and since people usually visit a cinema to get a bit of distance to reality and want to get entertained or even touched, this movie was possibly the worst choice for this event, especially as it was the 1000th sneak of my cinema and expectations were high. 16 friends were with me on this evening, 5 of them left during the movie for various reasons like too graphical expression of senseless violence like torture scenes or because they lost the struggle against the agony caused of boredom. On a neutral point of view the topic of this movie is possibly only interesting to US Americans where the documentary style of this movie might serve as the rehabilitation of a national trauma. To the rest of the world the topic is what it is. He lived, he blew stuff up, he died. Wheres﻿ a movie in that except for Michael Bay? It's good stuff if you are into documentaries where you expect it to be boring but it fails as a movie. The 95 metacritic make me feel as if it's opposit day. It's not rationally comprehensible since this movie lacks so much that a good movie has to offer. Not because of the topic or the documentary style of the movie but of the bad craftmanship the director and producers showed. Worst of all was, since we probably all know most of the events that were depicted in this movie and especially how the movie must end, the real torture that needs to be criticized is the movie itself since especially the last scene appeared as if it tries to reinvent dullness. For the major part of this movie it is just plane boring. There is no such thing as an arc of suspense and the only emotion the movie manages to create is disgust right at the beginning when you partake in the torture scenes. I actually expected/feared that they also would have show how a man get's his head severed or his throat cut in some dark shag in afghanistan in every painful detail. Luckily this didn't happen. Yet on the climax of the movie - the final scene - the director desperately struggled in an attempt, to make a scene artificially suspenseful, where no suspense could ever be found and in the very last ending scene so stagy, that the most natural reaction you have to this cheesy attempt of pathos is to roll your eyes like an eightball on its way to the pocket. To me this is the most overrated movie i encountered on metacritic for one reason only: because Americans feel like this movie has to matter because of the subject it deals with. To everyone else it is revealed as the waste of lifetime it actually is where the strongest emotion it created was the feeling of relief when you finally could step out of the cinema and proudly say "Yes! I managed to endure that movie!" Still i would give this movie one point for its excellent scenery. Everything appeared impressively authentic up to the house and the stealth helicopters. This was extraordinarily well done yet it isn't by far enough to turn it into an impressing film itself.. or even a mediocre one SCREW THIS GARBAGE WE WANT CRASH BANDICOOT MOVIE!