Amazing Science Alert

Rating: 1/10 (20 April 2016)

Scientists need to study this movie. It appears to have the ability to slow down time itself. In fact, I theorize that if your were to watch this movie in a continuous loop, over and over, you could actually live forever. Of course, spending eternity watching this movie would also be the very definition of hell itself. So there's that.
At what I thought was about an hour and a half into this movie (it was actually only 38 minutes), I had the urge to turn on the Golf Channel just to spice things up a bit. One can only watch so many scenes of self-absorbed existentialism in sequence without feeling time being noticeably stretched. Coming in at just over 2 hours, this movie pushes that envelope to an unreasonable extent.
Perhaps the only saving grace about movies like this is that I myself am not famous enough to have such a movie dedicated in my namesake. My condolences to Francesco Rosi on this particular account. Condolences to Messr's Caine and Keitel as well though I doubt their careers will be marred by such a forgettable film.
Do yourself a favor and spend the 2 hours you would've invested in this movie with your kids/grandkids. You'll be glad you did. It seems living forever is not all its cracked up to be.