X2: X-Men United- how do you spell vindaloo with an 'X'?

Rating: 10/10 (21 June 2011)

X2 is Part 4 of the trilogy, and being the middle section it is often the best. After Mr Magoonta was killed and captured in the first film he has been incarcerated into the superb American Prison System (he is locked in a cardboard box guarded by a dwarf wielding a bag of nutmeg). This means that all is well is the world of the X-Men (Xearth) and they are happy to pursue their other interests- Wolveryan paints, Rogue strips (clothes, not paint), Bumbit embezzles unfortunate street urchins with 3 card plop, Baldy fashions wigs from his oxter hair, Gargantuthon helps to build homes for the homeless in Romania, Goldberg tars the driveways of the rich and/or famous, Storm writes articles on good home living in small town newspapers, Magneter sits in boxes watched by dwarfs, and last but not least Terry babysits, whilst Chickpea organises seminars on maximizing the business potential of your software solutions. After a while they get bored and decide to form a league of superheroes for football (for you Americans, that's real football, not the embarrassment you play). The goodies become X-United and recruit such famous players as Donald Goalposts, Peely, Madonna, Robertini Bagginio, Boris Beckham, Stevie G, Figaro, and Zninadiniadine Zidanisizidane. The baddies are based in Manchester and are known as The Scum. When this first came out I enjoyed collecting all the various and varied various acting figures to play with. I would bring my tea-lights into my roof-space and have my own X-Men wars. I had all the figurines including my favourite- Stalin. I got the X-Men edition of Subbuteo with astro turf and would play for minutes at a time in my fake candlelight, flicking my balls in the gloom with a tender smile etched across my face. You could even play as some of the new teams that were introduced in the second film- The Policemen with their law enforcing magic powers, the Fireman who held the innocuous power of putting our cleansing flames, and the Doctormen whose power was editing competition application forms so that only their friends were successful. Some guy punches a hole in the wall and Annie Packscwhinn bounces around lovelyly.
Best Scene: When Monstror has a free kick from 45 yards and sticks into the top corner like a bullet. It was so much like a bullet that it went through the net and took off the head of an innocent spectator in the front row of the crowd. It was OK though- it was an Everton fan.