sad sad sad (mild spoilers)

Rating: Null/10 (30 June 2004)

Y'know, being a guy and all, it takes quite a bit to get me on a feminist kick, but here goes;
SWEET JESUS, CAN WE PLEEEASE HAVE A POWERFUL WOMAN On screen WITHOUT HER TRYING TO GET INTO A GUY"S PANTS?
For all the abuse heaped on Angelina & co. for the Tomb Raider films, at least she doesn't act like a man is some kind of indispensable accessory. But, for the love of Stan Lee, even Storm can't spend half a movie without hooking up with the first unattached guy who comes along. When she gives Nightcrawler The Eye and burbles "I have faith in you", I came close to sticking a finger down my throat - not as close, however, as when the temporarily allied Magneto and Logan sit around a campfire and discuss Mystique in the third person, even though she happens to be sitting a few feet away.
"She's talented", says Logan.
"I know", replies silver-haired, prune-faced Magneto, grinning lecherously.
Mystique's response? a demure smile.
Geez. Put 'em all in Burkas, why doncha?
The only woman who somehow seems to manage without a little mouth-to-mouth every so often is Kelly Hu's Deathstrike,who conveniently dies at the end. Oh, and there's that whole mind control thing by "Big Father" General Stryker, which renders her pretty much a mindless automaton with no speaking lines.
I mean, maybe it's the source material. I'd be the last to identify myself as a hardcore fanboy, but I don't remember Wonder Woman getting passed around the JLA the way the x-girls seem to be in their team.
In the end, this movie is exactly what Clash of the Titans would be if the action never got off Mount Olympus - a cheap soap opera in which we're supposed to give a damn about the characters because they can hurl lightning bolts. They may be bigger than us, but they sure don't act like it.
As Dorothy Parker once said, a movie for the ages - the ages of 10 to 15. 3/10 stars, one star each for Stewart, McKellen, and Jackman.