X-men: The Last Slouch

Rating: 4/10 (5 May 2007)

I saw the first X-men movie on F/X. Aside from a few nitpicks (not enough Sabretooth), it was very well done. Only saw the last hour of X-2, but what I saw was brilliant. Both of those were in a whole new class than X-men 3.
Plotwise-Ratner should know that it is impossible to juggle two major plots in a movie that's only one hour and forty minutes. Furthermore, in the "cure" storyline, it was like they copied lines straight from the gay,lesbian, bisexual and transgender movement (i.e. "They're treating us like a disease?"). Regardless of your views, it is never a good idea to blatantly copy and paste a major movement so obviously that it ruins the narrative. The Dark Phoenix story arc is completely butchered-Jean kills Cyclops, dryhumps Wolverine, kills Professor Xavier, then stands around looking bored for the remaining hour of the movie, until Wolverine kills her in the cheesiest way possible ("I love you"-stab!). Oh, and all the major confrontations at the end (Iceman versus Pyro, Wolverine versus Magneto) only last about five seconds each. All that build-up for nothing.
Characters-Cyclops gets killed in the first 15-20 minutes. This was completely ridiculous, considering that Cyclops is, for all practical purposes, the leader of the X-men. The fact that Wolverine, who HATES Cyclops, is the only one who cares, makes it even worse. Beast is brought in as a welcome addition, but all the other newbies (Angel, Juggernaut, etc.) are so poorly developed that one wonders why they were put in the movie in the first place. The returning cast (Wolverine, Storm, Jean, etc.) manage to put on great performances in spite of the lousy screenplay.
Special Effects and Setting-Good, but the other aspects are so poor as to render these icing on top of a burned McDonald's pastry.
Dialogue-There are some good one-liners (When Wolverine fights a guy who can grow arms, he finally just kicks him in the nuts and says "Grow those back!"). But overall, nothing special.
Overall, this movie is simply not worth the time to watch, because Ratner did not put in the time required to make it good. Hopefully, he will not be allowed anywhere near the Wolverine and Magneto spin-offs.