Quite Possibly the Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen

Rating: 1/10 (29 May 2006)

Allow me to explain.
Within the first 20 minutes, a despondent Cyclops is back at Alkali Lake, having been called there by Jean, who was presumably annihilated by the Lake collapsing on her in the last movie. She's OK though, (we know she's the Phoenix and will be back, but how will they do it...read on) and we find that out by Cyclops taking off his glasses in a fit of Vaderesque "NOOOO" rage and blasting his beam full bore at a random spot in the lake. Then, some non-sensical special effects ensue, roiling water and the like, and oh, it's Jean, and she's OK. They proceed to make out until Jean morphs into some kind of zombie while kissing him and then she kills him. No dialog, no "what happened," just the completely egregious write-out of Scott Summers' character, a pivotal one. He gone.
Next Jean wakes up with Logan standing next to her in "the mansion" as he called it. What idiot writer calls that place "the mansion." I swear to god this movie was written by 12 year olds. So they're in there, and now they start making out, and she tries to kill Logan. Then she blasts out the door and walks out of there in her little hot-pants. WTF?
As the movie goes along, there is just one moment after another of sheer idiocy. This movie reeks so bad of the rush as a consequence of the studio not changing the release date after Singer bailed on the project for Superman. It went to another director before it wound up in Brett Ratner's lap, and he did with it exactly what was expected of him. It went to him because the studio knew he was a big name that could get a passable version of the movie done by the release date, that people would be excited about seeing, and they (studio) wouldn't have to dump a ton of money into changing all the marketing and promo for the movie because they get to keep their release date.
So Ratner's main goal is to just get the movie done, however possible. He also had to generate enough excitement with certain teasers in the trailers. We see Angel prominently in the trailers. He looks to figure like a big character in the movie. I even just saw Ian McKellan do an X-Men III plug on TV. It's him talking about Angel, and how he's such a spectacularly powerful and amazing mutant who will have a huge part in the X-Men. He literally had 5 minutes of screen time. Maybe less.
Next, it was Ratner's idea to throw "the cure" in the there, perhaps the most ill-conceived plot device ever. It ruined any possibility of an authentic X-Men story, betrayed the characters (consequently Magneto came off as a complete moron while Professor X came off as an arrogant ass), and dictated the whole "Dark Phoenix" toss in that just put the fecal icing on the poo-cake that this movie was.
Rogue, one of the most powerful mutants in the comics, is written out of the movie just like Cyclops when she decides to get the cure. Then, Jean Grey kills Professor X by pixelating him. Un-frickin-believable.
But at the end, Ratner hints that the cure isn't really a cure by Magneto, who had been stuck with a cure needle, being able to subly move a metal chess piece without touching it. Wait til after the credits and you'll see that Professor X has transferred his consciousness into a vegetative hospital patient in a nice little teaser. So basically, Ratner is like "Ha! Suckers. I was just kidding. It wasn't REALLY a cure. Their powers will come back. And Charles? He's not dead either. But Patrick Stewart wanted too much money for the 4th movie, but he agreed to provide voice-only at a price we can afford, and he can do it from home, so we'll us his voice and some-no-name's body in the 4th movie, which I will definitely be directing. BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" The guy really is an evil moron. Those two things, the cure not really being a cure and Professor X not really dying, prove perfectly that the movie accomplished nothing whatsoever but killing off or writing off some of the most important other characters while moving along the story and lives of the characters in exactly no way whatsoever. This has the equivalent effect of a moving be so bad, so brutally wrong and horrible on every level, that it collapses under the weight of it's own ineptitude, like a star collapsing into a black hole under that weight of its own mass. A void is what remains, an anti-thing that will kill you if you get too close. Please don't go see this movie. Don't give them any more money. But if you do, please come back to this board and write what you honestly felt about it. Thanks for reading.