Huh? Wha?

Rating: Null/10 (12 July 2006)

>> Then all of the mutants just charge the marines not using any of their powers - yah real bright and realistic. The whole movie was this way. For the most part, no logic to any of their actions. Well i suppose the only logic is - hey what can we do to create more COOL special effects!! <<
This guy sums it up pretty doggone well, but I got my own, strained, take on it.
Imagine that you're about to sit down to dinner when someone notices that there's no salad dressing. You agree to run to the store to get some. You go to the market, get the dressing, and on your way back home you see a big fight taking place involving a lot of people you've never seen before. Most of them look like swaggering punks and an old guy with a funny helmet on his head is standing in a pose similar to George Washington crossing the Delaware. There's a big robot that crashes into a heap as though it were made of tin foil. Suddenly a woman, who looks like she desperately needs a tan and some food, levitates into the middle of the fray emitting lightning and glowy stuff. Things start to disintegrate. A guy runs through the haze and stabs her, and the whole battle is over.
You return home with the salad dressing. They ask why it took a half hour to get back and you say: "There was a big fight on the corner." They ask for details and you say "Well, it's all over now."
THAT's what watching this movie felt like.
It's been a couple of months since I went to see this movie. Something about it left me in a state of being unable to explain it in any rational manner. I'm usually pretty good about going with the flow; especially when the presentation is about absolutely unrealistic characters and events; but this thing made even the ridiculous seem MORE ridiculous.
The first thing that seemed odd was that they kill off Cyclops before you finish your popcorn. With so little effort that all I could do was wonder if he'd ever had any super power at all or even a brain.
The second thing that annoyed me was that Magneto builds an army out of what looks to be nothing more than a bunch of disaffected goth kids. All sneers, funny hairdos and raggedy, black leather, sexually suggestive clothing. They saunter up to you, raise an eyebrow and sneer then give a sampling of their decidedly mediocre abilities. The first that caught my attention was someone I perceived to be "mosquito girl." She sorta quickly flits from one place to another. Then there's "porcupine boy" He stands in front of you, offers a "I'm a bad boy" grimace then flexes his somewhat muscular arms; forcing what look to be shards of kindling wood out of his skin. He can project these at high speed. OK! I get it, a bunch of youngsters with an axe to grind will follow daddy Magneto into battle. They hunker down in the forest. A sort of Woodstock mutant festival ensues. Fine. We assume that battle plans are being drawn. "Fire kid, you'll burn some stuff, Spiky girl, you'll scratch a few people" so forth and so on.
So you wait.
The angry mutants march behind Mag while he forces cars aside to make a path toward the Golden Gate bridge. Then he levitates the bridge to create a walkway to Alcatraz island, where a kid who is the source of "The Cure" is being kept under lock and key.
But then the worst (for me) of all lapses occurs: Magneto makes ready to stop the bullets containing Cure serum of the opposing soldiers and notices that he can't: "They're made of plastic!' he utters; then adds: ' They've learned!" with his classic mild smirk derision.
So I'm thinking': Hey, no problem. He's got the kid who used to be with X-men standing around him ALL THE TIME now. Ya know, the one who likes playing hackysack with balls of fire that just emerge from his finger tips? yeah that kid. Ole Maggie is just gonna say: "Boy, melt those bullets if you will." The kid will sneer and throw out a wall of flame and the plastic Cure bullets will be rendered useless BUT NOOOOOO!
Instead Mag orders a full frontal assault. None of the punk/goth mutants make use of their powers. Fools rush in seems to be the only direction they were given during their woodland fest.
Mosquito girl can't seem to flit fast enough to avoid being shot. Porcupine Lad drops like a leaf, lil mutant extras fall out as though they don't know from Adam what fighting for your mutant life means. Their defeat is nothing short of pitiful. If they ever had a chance to win it doesn't show by anything that they do.
So this leaves me with nothing more than I could say to a friend right after seeing the movie:
She: "You went to see X-men 3?" Me: "yeah" She: "What'd ya think?" Me: "It had some nice special effects. A funny little thing at the end that seems to suggest that a sequel might happen." She: >snickering< "You didn't like it did you?" Me: "it was OK for what it was or something' like that." She: Falls on the floor laughing.
That's really it. Something about this film seems to define the word "Unnecessary." Without a few of the FX bits it wouldn't have been worth the effort it took to sit and watch it.