Thoroughly disappointing

Rating: 5/10 (30 May 2006)

I knew something would be wrong with the film as soon as Brett Ratner was hired to replace Brian Singer. Singer proved himself from his debut Usual Suspects to have a knack for huge casts and successfully rotating the characters throughout the films so that each of them was developed. Ratner's shown in Rush Hour that he can handle a duo, but with X3 there were too many characters and he was woefully inept at handling them.
Multiple characters are killed all-too-quickly, robbing us of the emotion that should result from it, some in a way where you're not even sure if they're dead or if they'll be walking into the shot at any moment (Cyclops). Others are shoved to the sidelines, merely used as means to an end rather than as characters in their own right (Angel, Shadowcat, Rogue, Multiple Man). The characters who DO get developed (Storm, Magneto, Jean Grey) have these new developments forced down the audience's throat rather than letting them happen naturally. They say what they're doing and why aloud then do it, attempting to make the audience believe it because they said it, not because they're actually convincing.
Of the significant characters left, I'd say that the best performance is Pyro's. Wolverine suitably continues his bad-ass protagonist routine but gains nothing new. Beast is established more than anybody else due to his being the most significant new character, but the speed with which he's accepted into the inner circle without establishing a past between him and Xavier doesn't sit right. Pyro, while not given much to do, at least feels like a passionate performance, and pretty much the only one where the character's ideals truly are the driving force behind his actions.
The film is too short for all Ratner and the screenwriters wanted to accomplish. They took two stories, that each could have been their own film and ineptly smashed them into one, all while trying for an under two-hour time limit for maximum number of showings per day. This sets plot developments into a breakneck speed that leaves no room character development.
Whether this film will please fan-boys is debatable. There are a few nods to the comic-literate audience in the inclusion of obscure cameos (Multiple Man, Callisto, Arclight and the most obscure, Phat and Spike from "X-Statix"). While it's gratifying to see these characters on film, none sit very well. Multiple Man, perhaps the most rich character in a lead role in any Marvel Comic being published today, is never developed and is cast aside after performing an intriguing task, robbing us of ever seeing his powers in use (disappointing considering I'd read about a fight sequence he was supposed to have). Callisto is depicted in a particularly bad manner: she doesn't look anything like she does in the comics and her powers are completely different. If not for reading her name in the credits, I'd not have known it was supposed to be her. Arclight is too minor to really care about in the comics, yet she actually gets named in the film where Callisto and Psylocke do not. As she's such a minor character, the creative liberties taken with her are less objectionable. Nonetheless, the way in which she is used, naming her and telling her what to do with her powers makes the moment feel like a Power Rangers-esquire solution to the situation ; conveniently pulling it out of a hat. Phat and Spike are mere cameos, and I'm pleased for them yet am quite puzzled by the fact that Spike (black in the comic) is white and Phat (white in the comic)is black. In any other situation I'd just accept that, like with Kingpin in the Daredevil (not a problem; Michael Clarke Duncan was the only person with the right presence for the part), but as Spike & Phat are related, switching their ethnicities seems deliberate, but why? Two major characters new to this film who are sure to please the fan-boys are Moira McTaggert and Juggernaut. McTaggert's role is disappointingly small, as the fact that they bothered to cast a known actress to play her might lead some to expect more screen time from her. Juggernaut, a fan-favorite, actually drew cheers from the audience I watched with, both when he first appeared and for his "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!". I feel it would have paid off to have sprung for a speech coach for Vinnie Jones to minimize his accent. Again, like Duncan in Daredevil, Jones is one of the only actors out there with the bulk necessary for this character. I feel that Juggernaut in the film will please those not familiar with the comics and somewhat familiar, but it will bother more committed fans that the film makes two glaring omissions concerning him: that he's not a mutant and that he's Professor X's half brother; making the scene where the Professor wheels past him without them acknowledging one another one more disappointment.
This film is, overall, a thorough disappointment. It tried to appeal to my fan-boy nature by including minor characters I love, but proceeded to alter, waste or outright ruin them. I feel that the acting was lazy, though I respect the possibility that this is the fault of the screenwriters not providing material for the cast to expand upon rather than the fault of the actors. It was overly ambitious with its eyes on two grandiose stories and on the box office rewards of a shorter film at the same time. You can't have it all, and this film does not. In trying to have "everything and the kitchen sink", the film ends up instead having a bunch of cardboard cutouts and perhaps a rusty old lawn sprinkler.