Ratner Proves He Can't Direct

Rating: 2/10 (26 May 2006)

We all went and saw X-3 last night and tragically, my girlfriend was the only person who actually enjoyed the flick. I spent most of the movie holding my head in my hands as Brett Ratner personally took a sh*t on the franchise, just as I thought he would. I won't get into anything spoilerrific here, but I'll break down some thoughts on the flick in general fashion. Here's what I thought sucked: 1. The drama. Only someone as untalented as Brett Ratner can make me not give a sh*t when such dramatic and possibly tear-jerking events happen. There are at least four huge moments in the script that are supposed to shock and create an emotional response in the audience... I just sat through them wondering if they were a joke. In fact, during one scene at Jean Grey's home (if you've seen it, you know the scene I'm referring to) something very important happens, and I literally thought that it was going to wind up being some sort of dream sequence, or trick to fool the audience. Not because I didn't want it to happen, but because it was done so poorly. There seemed to be no setup, no reasoning behind it, and no purpose for it in the movie whatsoever. Dramatic devices with no payoff make for a bad film.
2. The characters. It seems like Ratner spent about five minutes on each new character, and that was it. Rogue was in the movie for what, three scenes? And what happens with her at the end of the movie was tacked on, like they realized at the last minute "oh sh*t, right, we forgot about her." And how about Angel? They feature him prominently in the trailers, but he's in three f-ing scenes as an adult that I can remember. He may as well have not been in the movie whatsoever. They didn't even resolve his conflict with his father, not that the story had been established enough to make me care in the first place.
Then you've got Leech. A profoundly tragic figure, being utilized to knock out the powers of his fellow mutants all the while being forced to sit and stare as these amazing things happen outside his window. But do we ever get an ounce of character development beyond him putting his hand on the glass and looking sad? No. Why bother, we've got 8 other new characters to not develop properly. Let's move along.
3. Jean/Phoenix. If you're going to make the movie about Jean Grey, and her completely rewritten backstory... how about putting her in the f-ing film!?!? If they were going to paint the picture of a tragic backstory of a character, it should have been Wolverine or Storm considering they were the only mutants besides Magneto that had any kind of decent screen time.
4. The stunt work. I'm nitpicking now, but all of the wirework looked ridiculous. Every time Storm flew and did her spinny bullsh*t, or Beast leapt through the air, I laughed.
It seems like Ratner was more interested in giving fanboys a bunch of wet-dreamlike moments (fastball special, stars-and-garters, Iceman's...iceness) rather than spending time on the actual plot. Not to mention the fact that he was developing about 8 different plots, and didn't give proper time to a single one of them. You've got Jean's story, Warren's decision to stay a mutant, Rogue's difficulties with Iceman, The team's inability to work together effectively (this lasted a minute, and was brought back at the very end), Leech and his sad existence, Storm being groomed as the new leader, the future of the school, Cyclops and his struggles... it's just too f-ing much. All of these seemingly major plot devices are pared down to about ten minutes apiece and served up like a dinner comprised entirely of appetizers.
I'm sure a lot of you liked the mindless fun and action, and more power to you. I'm glad somebody liked it. But the fact of the matter is, this film did a lot of bad things for the franchise, and I frankly hope that they end it with this film.