And X-Men Jumps the Shark

Rating: 1/10 (27 August 2009)

EXTREME SPOILERS FOLLOW! CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!
"We are betraying the very principles upon which the Federation was founded," states Jean-Luc Picard in "Star Trek: Insurrection, "It's an attack upon its very soul." That same statement applies to "X-Men: The Last Stand." "Insurrection" is based on the moral dilemma quoted above. Too bad "The Last Stand" features no conflict so compelling. Worse, it is not the characters who betray the X-Men concept, but the writers themselves.
The protracted, somewhat convoluted ending, of "X2" has resulted in the most peaceful co-existence between humans and mutants to date. Hank McCoy (Kelsey Grammar), a furry, blue mutant who can float in the air, presides over a new department in the President's (Josef Summer) cabinet. Magneto (Ian McKellen) has fled with his two associates and Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters is flourishing. On the bad end, Cyclops (James Marsden) cannot recover from the death of his girlfriend and the day both Xavier (Patrick Stewart) and Magneto dread has arrived. Pharmaceutical leader Warren Worthington (Michael Murphy) has invented a permanent cure for mutations. This is not Kryptonite to Superman. Kryptonite works only at close range, and no mutant can boast Superman's invincibility.
The supernatural abilities of otherwise normal people comprise the foundation of the entire X-Men world. Remove a skyscraper's foundation and it falls upon itself. These circumstances can be compelling if they are never more than a threat, but making it a mass-production weapon is like detonating charges inside the skyscraper's foundation. If there is another fictional series in which fans sit still for that, I will be surprised. Introducing the weapon on a minor mutant would not have been as bad, but making Mystique (Rebecca Romjin) the first victim deprives the audience of one of its favorites.
"X2" ended by setting up the Dark Phoenix story arc. Her inclusion is as serious a misstep as the cure weapon. Killing Cyclops in the first 10 meters of the sprint is bad enough, but the problem lies in the entire concept. Superman cannot be defeated without kryptonite, but it still takes work for him to defeat even the simplest foe. Defined as a "Class 5," Phoenix (Famke Janssen) can defeat an army literally without moving a single muscle. It takes more than computer effects and mass destruction to entertain a mature audience. The NFL would not be popular if the quarterback could stand completely still and throw a touchdown pass every play. It would be incredibly boring. When a character can win with no effort, it ceases to be entertaining. The visuals are hardly special, either, despite the fact that "The Last Stand" cost more to make than the first two X-Men movies combined. The Phoenix destruction effects are similar to the Sandman effects in "Spider-Man 3," but far inferior.
Finally, killing Professor Xavier is an unforgivable sin. The manner in which he dies is nearly as disturbing. If he died saving the planet, or attaining a permanent peace, it would not be as bad. He dies in failure. From the popularity standpoint alone, that is like killing Q in the James Bond movies, Alfred in Batman, or Luke Skywalker or Yoda in Star Wars. What is the X-Men's home called? It is called Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. Not Wolverine's school, nor Storm's, nor Iceman's. Professor X is credited second and first, respectively, in "X-Men and "X2." Even though he is not a lone hero like Bond or Spider-Man, Xavier is the wheel around which all the other characters turn. The X-Men start disbanding after his death. From the importance standpoint, it is like killing James Bond himself and then giving his mission to 008. The writers try to undo their action by giving him a new body after the credits, but that just adds insult to injury. Xavier has been the same for over 40 years, and two rogue writers do not have the right to change him or be licentious with his life.
Wolverine's healing factor is much different than before. In "X-Men," it took several seconds for him to get back up after being ejected through a car windshield. Here, the Phoenix blasts him so badly that we can see parts of his skeleton. Losing flesh that quickly should be fatal even for him, but it takes about second for him to fully regenerate. The climactic action contains some neat ideas and sleek execution. However, the long awaited battle between Pyro (Aaron Stanford) and Iceman (Shawn Ashmore) is about as unimaginative and juvenile as I've ever seen. I had better ideas when I was 12. Roger Ebert wrote in this review of "X2" that he imagined them standing in hot water. They should have consulted him before using the simplest concept that came to mind.
"X-Men: The Last Stand" suffered from a shortened production schedule, and it shows up in the lack of polish in the dialogue, the substandard nature of many action scenes, and the shallowness of some character development. Still, its enormous problems cannot be blamed on circumstance. I realize that the character of the Phoenix and the concept of the cure come from the comics, but not every idea in their hundreds of issues makes a good story. Even with that considered, killing Professor X and giving him a new body after the credits is the worst of many ways that "X-Men: The Last Stand" jumps the shark.