Why Brett Ratner, Why?

Rating: 4/10 (27 May 2006)

I remember a time when most in the mainstream thought it was "un-cool" to read comic books. They were the pinnacle of geek-dom (well, maybe not as bad as LARPing), something only short, fat, pimple-faced unintelligent kids looked at. But things certainly have mut- I mean, changed. Comics have suddenly obtained cool status and are a part of pop-culture. And now they have crossed over into other mediums, most notably movies. It seems that every month we get a new comic book adaptation to look forward to - or dread (see: Ghostrider). How did this all happen? It all began in 2000 with one little movie - "X-Men".
Fast forward six years, skip a sequel (one that's actually better than the original!), a bazillion comic adaptations later, and here we are  the end of what started it all. "X-Men: Last Stand" is the final chapter in the X-Men trilogy. Set not long after the events of "X2", "Last Stand" shows us a very different world, at least on the political end. Not only is our government more accepting of mutants but there is also one who is a member of the president's cabinet  The Beast played by Kelsey Grammar. It seems that mutants and humans have finally found a way to come to terms with one another and they are all living happily ever-after. That is, until a pharmaceutical company has discovered a "cure" to the mutant gene. This news sends shockwaves through the mutant community and divides them in two. This sets into motion a series of events that will culminate in the ultimate showdown between the X-Men and Magneto's Brotherhood.
First let me get one small point out of the way. The Beast is awesome. Not once did I find myself chuckling under my breath whenever Mr. Grammar delivered a line or two (OK maybe I did, but it had nothing to do with how he looked). I was greatly relieved when I saw how wonderfully they pulled him off. In fact, the CGI in general is top-notch.
Unfortunately, Halle Berry was NOT CGI, thus ruining every shot she was in from start to finish. It may be just me but I never liked Storm - especially Halle's Storm. So it goes without saying that Storm is given more screen time than almost everyone else in the film. Her lines are terrible and delivered well below the level of poor. And I swear that if I had to see her eyes do the whole going-white-to-signal-a-storm thing (which isn't even that menacing) I was going to rip my eyes out! And whoever choreographed her fight scenes needs to be fired  they were easily the worst in the entire trilogy. All the hard work they put into The Beast was cancelled out by Halle's terrible "performance".
So, we have one great character and one horrendous character to start this movie. And how does the rest of the rather large cast add up? Sadly, they don't fare so well either. You know a movie has a weak script when even Sir Ian McKellen has a hard time delivering his lines. There is no excuse for talent like that to utter such trashy, stiff lines with no emotion. And it's not just him  the whole cast gets their share of terrible one-liners and plenty of time to act like a 2x4. Everyone (save Kelsey "Beast" Grammar) puts in a weak performance this time around and it's enough to make you want to scream. I would also like to add that it takes talent to mess up Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut but Mr. Ratner somehow managed.
In fact, I think you can attribute all the mishaps in this movie to the, um, "talent" that is Brett Ratner. With a portfolio that contains such hits as "Money Talks" and "Rush Hour 2" how could he mess up "Last Stand"? Well let me tell you how Ratner took the impossible and made it reality. Hands down "Last Stand" has the best story in the entire trilogy to tell. The cure for the mutants, the rise of the Phoenix, the final confrontation between both sides of the mutant world  all the ingredients for best comic book movie are there. The problems start when Ratner tries to cram a movie that should be, at the least, two and a half hours in length into one hour and forty-four minutes. With so many new characters and so many established ones taking different paths there is no way this story could be told in such a short period of time. Every scene feels rushed through and each one is given a sudden quick cut with a horrible transition to the next rushed scene. It feels like watching a DVD when you're playing it at 2x speed  you hardly have any time to catch what is going on before something blows up and people die. Honestly, there is not one saving grace when it comes to the direction of this movie. The best that Brett manages to pull off is so-so cinematography. The rest of it reaches lows that I never though the X-Men franchise would ever hit.
In the end the thing that disappoints me so much is the potential this movie had. What could have been such a great thought provoking movie (and an excellent way to end what was once an incredible series of films) is reduced to a brainless cheesy summer pop-corn flick.
Bottom line: Brett Ratner "directs"  enough said.
Final Score: 4 out of 10