Exactly what I expected...and that ain't good.

Rating: 5/10 (26 May 2006)

I've never read any of the X-Men comics. Apparently fans of the comics are beside themselves because this movie does not follow something called the "Dark Phoenix" storyline. I guess it was something pretty amazing. My entire knowledge of the X-Men comes from the first two movies. Both of which, I loved. With that in mind, I can tell you that X3 basically craps on EVERYTHING established in the first two movies. Major characters from the first two are killed off in favor of new characters who, frankly...stink. Angel is a waste of film and adds nothing new to the movie. Beast talks. And talks. And talks. And at the end of the movie, he hits a few people. Thrilling. Kitty Pride can run through walls. OK. Honestly it was more interesting in X2 when she went through her bed to the floor below. Juggernaut makes the obligatory potty joke and runs though solid objects. None of this is at all interesting. We deal with 3 deaths (sort of) and a couple of other characters losing their mutant powers. One on accident, the other on purpose. So instead of building on that, it just happens and it's done. How about showing how they feel about no longer being mutants? Especially the one that is robbed of it's power. But no. We get A LOT of characters staring at each other. A LOT of Halle Berry making several "They can't cure us. There's nothing wrong with us." speeches. And does anyone know if Hugh Jackman was paid for every time he says "Jean" in this movie? If he was, he made a pretty good buck. I haven't heard a characters name so much since "Carol Anne" was screamed every 2 minutes in Poltergeist III. The movie is incredibly dull until about the last 20 minutes when the good and bad mutants finally have at it. They fight on Alcatraz, and for some reason Magneto feels the need to rip apart the Golden Gate Bridge with his powers, and re-position it so his army can march onto Alcatraz Island. I guess stealing a boat or two would've been too much trouble. It's the movie's signature fx moment, and it's utterly useless. What's really unforgivable with this movie is the way the characters are treated. Like I said, several are killed unceremoniously. Those that are left behind are treading water. The biggest sin of all is they've turned Wolverine into a WIMP!!!! If he's not wandering around like a lovesick puppy, hoping to save the newly reincarnated Jean Grey, he's dispensing fatherly advice to the young students at the mutant school. Sure they show him fighting, but there's no impact to it. It feels thrown in. And if there is any justice in Hollywood, someone will put out a recall for Halle Berry's Oscar. She's just terrible. I had a bad feeling about this movie ever since Bret Ratner was announced as director. He is a competent director, but not a talented one. He can connect the dots. That's it. He has no vision. He's only as good as the script he's handed. He can add nothing to it. Unfortunately for him, the script here is bland. It starts with a good idea (a mutant cure) but never goes anywhere with it. Some mutants want it, some don't, and the bad mutants are going stop humans from making more of it. Jean Grey returns, but really, she does nothing. She stand there, stares, and stuff flies apart. She's a robot. She kills for no reason. Even she doesn't seem to understand why half the time. A friend I saw it with tonight equated it with the first X-Men movie, but he's dead wrong. The original movie had character development, good action, and a vision. X2 is probably the finest superhero movie since Richard Donner's Superman. X3 is not a terrible movie. But it's PAINFULLY mediocre. It brings nothing new to the table. If you wait for video, you're not missing anything. Here's hoping that Bryan Singer's abandoning of the X-Men series in favor of Superman Returns proves worthwhile. I don't think I could handle 2 mediocre superhero movies in one summer.