Man, did somebody drop the ball

Rating: 4/10 (30 May 2006)

Who was the corporate idiot that green-lit this script? Did they ever bother to read one single X-Men comic book? Was Stan Lee involved at all, beyond his obligatory cameo? What a massive letdown from X2. Now I'm not such a purist that I expect no changes for the screen, or that the Marvel Universe can't be re-imagined. (Any comic fans remember the "What If..." series?) But wonderful backstories and relationships that have been written about for decades were completely erased. Someone actually wrote out Anna Paquin AND Patrick Stewart in the first hour? (Please send this writer over to Sci-Fi Channel to pen "Tremors 6" rather than touch another pop-culture treasure.) I'm glad to see that Storm got some deeper character, but Ms.Paquin has an Oscar too! And it wasn't for sweating it out with Billy Bob. I can get over taking the Kitty/Colossus relationship and handing it over to Iceman. But the ultimate sin - some clown made Dark Phoenix into Dusk Phoenix: Once able to destroy entire planets and stars, she now has the incredible ability to levitate water and trash Alcatraz! And with all the special effects at their disposal there wasn't a shot of the classic flaming Phoenix behind Jean Grey? Come on, now. Cyclops gets 10 minutes screen time before dying a horrible death at the bottom of a plot hole, dropping him right into Metropolis. Aaaaand where was Nightcrawler? Did he just "Bamf" off into the ether? Magneto has cronies galore with non-descript powers, to jump real high and stick on stuff, but Professor X's awesome offshoot New Mutants weren't even hinted at. Someone at the studio should be fired for dropping the X-Men franchise to the same bland level as "The Hulk" or "Daredevil". Or maybe they should just be cured of their super powers to ever have a say in another summer blockbuster. Please, PLEASE, at the very least, don't let the suit-monkey behind this steaming pile anywhere near "Spiderman3", or we'll end up with a flash of brilliance like the guy from "That 70's Show" playing VENOM: one of the most badazz villains ever. Save your ten bucks for "Superman Returns" this summer, people. This one is a rental. Unless of course you're one of those people who have the DVD's of "Elektra" and "The Punisher" (both versions) proudly displayed next to your multi-viewed masterpiece that was last summer's "Fantastic Four".