A Weak, Insipid Ending To a Fine Cinematic Saga

Rating: 2/10 (29 May 2006)

This review contains massive spoilers and only mild ranting.
X-Men: The Last Stand limped in, weakened and ailing, as the conclusion to Bryan Singer's filmic saga featuring Marvel Comics' venerable X-Men. I will not go into the specifics of how The Last Stand betrayed its characters' comic book origins, or will I speak of Fox Studios' flawed, fast-tracked, rushed, and sloppy attempt to spite Bryan Singer for leaving (temporarily) to direct this summer's "Superman Returns." No, that will not affect the normal movie-going public's opinion of this film.
Instead I will just say that this really is a film to avoid, and was a disrespectful follow-up to what Bryan Singer and Co. tried to build in the first two films of this series.
The Last Stand suffered from pacing problems and odd, frenetic editing. Much of the film is dialogue, and not particularly well-written dialogue. What action we do get is sporadic and anti-climatic. Hugh Jackman's Wolverine, an awe-inspiring character of the last two films, is reduced to a whimpering simp in The Last Stand, who stands around whining, complaining, and avoiding doing anything until at the end of the movie when he realizes that he will not get his way. Halle Berry, who complained about Storm's lack of anything to do in the first films, once again has little to do in this one but talk and complain. Professor X, our stalwart leader, is made a villain, and Sir Ian McKellan's Magneto is turned into a total psychopath. All in all, most of our returning characters have been transformed into pale imitations of themselves, self-parodying their once fine performances into a bad episode of Seinfeld. I almost expected Wolverine, Storm, Professor X, and Magneto to all be sitting around at Monk's Coffee Shop bitching about their miserable lives.
The film is not without its good points, though. Kelsey Grammar's Dr. Henry "Hank" McCoy, the anthropoid Beast, is terrific, and his action sequences, albeit brief, are exciting and filled with more ape-fighting action that all of "King Kong." Yet, he has little screen time, and ultimately, little to do. Ben Foster's Warren Worthington III/Angel is nothing more than scenery. He has two scenes, which will good, give little else to the film.
As for the plot: it's ham-fisted, trite, and downright boring. There is a cure for mutantcy, and Magneto wants to rally mutants against it. How does he go about it? By fighting other mutants. Really smart plan for Mr. Lensherr, isn't' it? And as for the "Phoenix" saga played out with Famke Janssen's Jean Grey? They didn't even attempt to follow the original comic book story, or build something the least bit original or entertaining. Basically, in the film's big climax, Jean just stands there for twenty minutes doing nothing until Wolverine comes forward, kills a "Class 5" mutant with his claws, and then cries over her body.
The Last Stand ends with major, beloved characters dead, one cured (hint: it's Rogue), and not much else. Oh, and if you stay past the credits, you'll discover a nice scene that really does little to save this horrible excuse for a movie.
The only thing I could think as I walked out into the Texas summer sunlight was "God, I hope Superman Returns is good." It's something I will continue to pray until the thirtieth of June.
Not recommended.