Heavy on the action, light on actual substance

Rating: 5/10 (31 July 2006)

Definite spoilers herein. Do NOT read if you have not yet seen this movie and would like to do so.
For all you fan boys out there who have commented on this movie: We honestly don't give a crap about what happened in the comic books. The movie adaptations of the X-Men are designed to appeal to a far wider audience. Their purpose is to entertain, not to re-create frame by frame stories from the original books that could not possibly be done justice on the silver screen in ninety minutes. So if a character doesn't act or look like he/she does in the books, or if a certain plot line doesn't go exactly like you think it should, do us all a favor and go commiserate with yourselves. Leave us alone. We're too busy having lives.
Having said that, the writers for X-Men: The Last Stand would have done well to heed this advice and ignore the comic books, too. They seemed intent on cramming every character or plot line that had been introduced in the comic book series into this final incarnation of the franchise. The cost of this quantity is the overall quality of the film. Characters who we already know so much about are swept aside without much thought; Charles Xavier doesn't even make it through half the film, which is more than I can say for poor Cyclops, who makes it about ten minutes of the way through. We barely see Rogue or Mystique, and Nightcrawler, one of the most intriguing characters from X2, doesn't appear at all. Instead, we're given a steady diet of new characters without being privy to their individual histories or personalities; examples include Kitty Pryde, the Juggernaut, Multiple Man, and Archangel. Beast, played by Kelsey Grammar, is a new addition but is reasonably well developed. I actually enjoyed his role.
The characters from the first two movies that happened to survive this one do so with mixed results. Wolverine is reduced to spewing cheesy clichÃ©s and catch phrases; ditto for Storm, although we get to see a bit more of her mutant talents. However, the conflict between Ice Man and Pyro was riveting, especially given the brief amount of time spent on it (to be sure, no character gets too much attention here). I think I would be roped into seeing a spin off movie that featured the battle between these two if it were set ten years in the future. And Ian McKellen is masterful again as Magneto, to the point that his performance helps save the film. Finally, we see his character bring his dream of a war with humanity to fruition. As his dream becomes reality, Magneto transforms from terrorist nuisance to frighteningly powerful.
As far as plot lines go, the writers bit off more than they could chew. Two plot lines are stuffed into one movie: the aforementioned war with homo sapiens as touched off by a new cure for mutants, and the resurrection of Jean Grey incarnated as her alter ego, the Phoenix, whose powers are both limitless and uncontrollable.
I can't help but think how much better this movie would have been had they just kept Jean Grey dead. First, we wouldn't have been subjected to the tired comic book device of bringing back dead characters to sell issues, especially considering Jean dies again at the end anyway. Second, the characters Jean kills with her ramped up powers (Cyclops and Charles Xavier) presumably would have stuck around for the rest of the movie. I would have loved to have seen the ongoing conflict between Wolverine and Cyclops in the wake of Jean's death. And the final scene would have been so much cooler had more of the actual X-Men been present; given the setting of the final battle, Cyclops could have used his powers with breathtaking effect (seeing Rogue unleashed would have been great here as well).
Instead, we are asked to process both the rising war against humanity and the growing instability of the Phoenix while some of our favorite characters are blotted out. It's just too much, and the result feels rushed and thrown together.
On the plus side, the effects were outstanding from start to finish. The final scene, though it could have been done better from a character standpoint, was pretty freaking cool. The lasting image from this film will undoubtedly be Magneto's moving the Golden Gate Bridge to Alcatraz. It was apparent that no expense was spared when it came to this aspect of the film, and ultimately this is what kept me entertained throughout.
Final grade: 5/10. Very entertaining, but a shame that my concern for the characters that carried over from the first two movies was disregarded.