Not with a bang, but with a whimper

Rating: 1/10 (27 May 2006)

If I knew where Brett Ratner lived, I would go to his house and demand a refund. And then I'd slap him, at least once. Why? I paid to see a movie. What I saw was a series of protracted, absurd special effects set pieces that were neither relevant nor interesting. There was no story, calling the characters two-dimensional would be generous and movie didn't even GO anywhere. Everything was completely unbelievable and boring. X2 had my heart RACING and I was on the edge of my seat within the first 5 minutes. This didn't happen once during this movie. Not even close.
Every single thing was just ridiculous. For example, the big, super-important lab is on Alcatraz. ALCATRAZ. Not only is Alcatraz Island a National Park, but the place barely has power and running water. Secure facility my ass. It was a extremely forced and hackneyed setup for the bridge scene. Now, this bridge scene was cool, but the garbage with Alcatraz was completely unnecessary. Granted, the script was written by the geniuses behind xXx2 (yea, the one with Ice Cube), Elektra and Last Action Hero. But still, it was abominable.
X3 was horrid. Abjectly horrid. It wasn't that it was objectively bad, I've certainly seen worse movies. But compared to the other two movies, it was garbage. Less than garbage. I'm really sad and disappointed that this series ended with such a whimper, and not a bang.
X-Men and X2 were strong because they were character-driven films. Sure, there were neat special effects and such, but they were secondary to telling a story about PEOPLE. It's about xenophobia, racism, ethos and exactly what it means to be guardians of those that hate you. They were intelligent movies that had something interesting to say and a strong story to tell. X3, on the other hand, was a vehicle for another special effects spectacle, and the story was just an afterthought and an excuse for more fire, explosions and other garbage.
The worst part is Bryan Singer said he would have loved to make this movie after he finished with Superman Returns, but Fox insisted on going on without him. I hate Fox. Loathe, really.
All the interesting characters were completely transparent and marginalized. How many lines did Angel have? Around 5? About the same for Rogue, and Jean (and almost all of those were, "BLAAARGHH! I'm craaaazy!") and on and on... Characters who used to be interested and deep, I didn't care about at all. Any relationship that even start to be explored was completely abandoned. Angel's relationship with his father? NOTHING happens. Bobby-Kitty-Rogue love triangle? Just sort of goes away. In fact, the only character that had more lines was Halle Berry and what a joy that was. Her deadpan and banal eulogy was beyond painful to listen to. It's like she was talking about the president of the company, not someone who was as a father, mentor, role model and friend. It was painfully obvious that Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan and the others were doing only what professionalism required.
I'm not disappointed because this wasn't like the comics, because, honestly, the entire Dark Phoenix thing from the comics was beyond stupid. "Not only is she a clone, but she's a clone from OUTER SPACE." The other movies were good because they were grounded, and didn't have any of the outer space/extra-dimensional/other absurd crap going on.
I'm disappointed because a phenomenal series that (along with Spider-Man) demonstrated that comic book movies can be intelligent, serious and mature has devolved into the worst Hollywood has to offer. I haven't been this disappointed in a movie in a long, long time. The only way this could have been worse would have been if Michael Bay had directed it.