How To Make My Brain Explode In 10 Easy Steps:

Rating: 4/10 (29 May 2006)

Wow, Mr. Ratner. Just.... wow. What the hell? And.... why? I left your movie with so many conflicting thoughts it isn't even funny. Here are some reasons your movie angered me and made me wish I had spent the money on something else:
1) Cyclops dead within minutes of the opening. Seriously, you had a good character there and you just killed him off for what purpose? Dramatic effect? Oi...
2) So, they find Jean and NOBODY bothers to ask where Scott is until a bit later in the movie? They didn't even bother looking for him did they? Some friends huh? I mean, Kitty and Collosus didn't even appear to notice he was gone until they strapped on their uber cool suits and prepared for battle as shown by their dumbstruck faces when Wolverine announces he's gone. You'd think that if you hadn't seen him in at least a week you'd notice something was up, but not our dear X Men!
3) If Nightcrawler was in this, I must have blinked and missed him. Oh wait.... he wasn't and that makes me a sad panda.
4) Juggernaut=magical. Thanks for trying to pull a fast one on me by pretending he's a mutant, but I'm smarter than that. Did you even read ANYTHING about the X Men before taking this on? 5) When I saw the trailer I was in awe of Angel and hoped that he would play a big role in the movie but once again you slapped me in the face and said NO. Seriously, what was with that scene at the end where he swoops down to pick up his father? I was WAITING for some confrontation, something... ANYTHING. But no, they exchange glances and BOOM Angel's out of the picture and so is his father (unless you count a random flyby at the very end to be worth something).
6) Wow, Jubilee was in this? Holy crap, so was Psylocke! Wow! Omega Red made an appearance? Seriously? Could have fooled me.
7) You successfully ruined many main characters for no apparent reason other than to further this piece of crap you call a movie. Mystique: human. Magneto: human (OR IS HE? DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!). Jean: Dead. Professor X: Dead (although somehow alive somehow though the lamest 3 seconds I sat through your stupid credits to see). Cyclops: Dead. Rogue: Human. You insult my brain, Mr. Ratner.
8) I'm Jean Grey! I'm horribly powerful! I can do anything I want! Including standing here at the final battle of the movie with a blank stare on my face for 20 minutes while everyone around me dukes it out! *sigh* 9) Plastic guns huh? Are the needles made of plastic as well? Unless I'm wrong, they appeared to be metal, which makes the idea of Magneto not being able to manipulate them preposterous.
10)Magneto: Hey Juggernaut! Hey Multiple Man! I just saved you! Come join me in my quest! Juggernaut and Multiple Man: Yeah, sure, whatever, I just really need to pee and don't really care about what's going on here.
Mr. Ratner, I wish I could stop there. I really do, but there's just so many things about this movie that made me fed up with it. I gave you a 4/10 simply for flamey car chuckage (which also hurt my brain slightly)(He's called ICEman for a reason and no, that reason isn't just because he can make ponds into skating rinks and have horrid love scenes with 13 year old girls) and Super Mega Freakout Phoenix which entertained me for about 5 minutes.
Where's Mr. Singer?