WHAT is with all these good reviews???

Rating: 4/10 (16 July 2011)

Seriously. Where are all the good reviews coming from? Yeah it was cool to see Xavier and Magneto as young people. Yeah the Cold War storyline was interesting and had a ton of potential. Unfortunately, that potential was utterly squandered in an absolute mess of sloppy filmmaking.
Rather than write a long-winded, critical essay, I'll just make a list of the awfulness:
1. Plot holes big enough to drive an aircraft carrier though. So Xavier has equipment that allows him to find mutants all over the country. And he finds a group of dumb, undisciplined kids with powers of varying uselessness. Dragonfly-stripper-girl? Really?
2. Absolutely useless and insulting cameo by Wolverine. In the horrible montage in which Xavier and Magneto go out searching for the useless mutants, they come across Wolverine sitting at a bar, who tells them to 'f*ck off' before they can get two words out, at which point they just turn right around and walk out. You'd think that they'd at least TRY to convince the one mutant on their list who has extensive military training and sharply-honed instincts to join them. And since Xavier has these telepathic abilities, he'd know that Wolverine is also involved with another secret military operation, a fact which juuuuuust might be of some use to him as he builds his team and looks for resources.
3. They fly around in a modified SR-71 with a big internal passenger bay and the ability to hover. Really? I know they're going for a period vibe, but they couldn't come up with something original instead of insulting our intelligence by using a famous aircraft design and bastardizing it in the most ridiculous way possible?
4. Horrible CGI effects. Seriously, were the CGI guys from Babylon 5 the only ones available?
5. Kevin Bacon. As a Nazi war doctor. Need I say more?
6. Completely implausible and insulting reasons for Magneto and Mystique to flip on Xavier. Especially Mystique.
7. The fight between the mutants is probably the worst combat scene ever put on film. Literally.
8. Did I mention Kevin Bacon? Yeah, because he and January Jones also start the Cuban Missile Crisis.
9. 1950's period setting is completely phony and feels totally tacked on.
There's probably a lot more, but this is just what leaps to mind immediately. It was really THAT bad. I'm giving it four stars because the director managed to keep the boom microphones out of all the shots, and the camera upright. Also January Jones has a spectacular rack and the chick that played Mystique was cute as well.