This Movie is a Total Waste of Time and Money

Rating: 2/10 (5 May 2009)

Three years is a long time to wait. For some, it is a wait for redemption after "X-Men: The Last Stand" relentlessly assaulted what made the X-Men so appealing in the first place and grandly blasphemed two of its most beloved characters. For those who enjoyed the movie, it is the anticipation of seeing another story in the unique world of mutants. Shame on Marvel Enterprises and Fox Studios for violating the hope of the first group and the trust of the second.
"X-Men Origins: Wolverine" has five major problems. First, it has too many mutants to develop. I am familiar with each character and still felt overwhelmed. Second, there is too little substance to the story. Third, the action has too much glitz and too little entertainment. Fourth, writers David Benioff and Skip Woods mangle already established fact. Finally, a great many mutants are altered from their original form. That final error, while not noticeable to some viewers, is possibly the deadliest offense to fans of the X-Men cannon.
There are 11 significant mutants in the story, and that does not count minor characters. The original "X-Men" has ten total. The most well-known mutants are included in those ten. That is one difference. Also, "X-Men" has at most half as much action as this movie. Less character time is needed in "X-Men," yet more is given. That focus adds importance to both the story and the violence. Bolt (Dominic Monaghan), the Blob (Kevin Durand), Agent Zero (Daniel Henney, giving one of the movie's coolest and most focused performances), and especially Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds), are most gypped by "Wolverine."
As Roger Ebert has often pointed out, Wolverine, also called Logan (Hugh Jackman), possesses powers that are mundane compared to those of Storm, who can control the weather, or Magneto, who can rip a train car in two with the power of his will alone, or even this movie's Emma Frost (exceedingly beautiful Tahyna Tozzi), who can turn her skin into diamonds. Wolverine's appeal arises from his aggression and his struggle to remember his past and its unknown hurts. The movie never really investigates what formed Logan into the one of the most unique personalities in Marvel Comics. His motivations, the emotional impact of his decisions, the exploration of his nature, and later-forgotten trauma are insufficiently explored. Of the four X-Men stories released to date, this one should be the slowest and most thoughtful. It is the fastest and least thoughtful.
Like Marc Forster in "Quantum of Solace," director Gavin Hood looks totally lost trying to choreograph action. Imagine watching a baseball game where the camera appears so close to the baseball that we cannot see the hitter until the very last instant. Without a good view of the baseball's position in the environment around it, it is difficult to see how it travels from the pitcher's hand to home plate. That is similar to the effect created by zooming the camera in too far during action. The action in "Wolverine" is mostly close-quarters involving unnaturally fast moving people. Hood also uses way too much fancy trash. I lost count of how many double-sideways flips someone performs during a fight. One of them involves teleportation, but falls way short of the Riddick vs. Lord Marshal battle from "The Chronicles of Riddick."
One of the high points of "X2" is Logan's discovery of the room where his memories were lost and his metal claws gained. His flashbacks, combined with a later conversation with Colonel Stryker, provide an outline of what occurred. "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" clearly establishes itself as a prequel, not a separate movie. Therefore, it should not ignore what we learned in "X2."
"Wolverine" not only does that, its replacement story far less compelling. Logan's signature personality is neutered even after his breaking point. He was never supposed to be a peaceful man. Whatever happened to "You were always an animal, all I did was give you claws"? William Stryker's (Danny Huston in a role previously manned by Brian Cox) behavior when threatened and the later consequences make his status in "X2" impossible to believe. The timeline places "X-Men" far earlier than it claims to be. Even the story behind Logan's amnesia is cringe-worthy. What previous movies establish needs to be honored.
Another problem is Logan's self-healing abilities. As in "X-Men: The Last Stand," he has become too invincible. Judging by his rate of healing in the first two X-Men movies, he survives at least two traumas that should be enough to kill him. Agent Zero of the comic books can nullify Logan's healing factor and absorb damage to his own body. His only skill here is good aim. Jason Bourne has good aim. Police snipers have good aim. That is not a superhuman ability. Deadpool spends so little time on screen that including him in the promotional material borders on false advertising. Logan's final battle is against an enemy whose signature weapon rips off both Optimus Prime and "Castlevania: Curse of Darkness." The second may sound ho-hum, but many comic book nerds love gaming too.
This movie simply has far too many problems and too few redeeming factors. It proves that the X-Men series has not merely had a bad day. It has completely jumped the shark and is all but certainly beyond redemption. Taking Marvel's most popular character and making a dead-on-arrival movie shows serious incompetence from the creative team. The ending answers all questions, but those answers are not worth a free ticket to see the movie. My only wish is that I could forget the entire movie, except for the fact that it is despicable.