Shoddy Production and Smoking Hotness

Rating: 4/10 (1 May 2009)

Forged in the heat of war and personal tragedy, claw wielding Wolverine was born. Shoddy production and inconsistent writing makes me wish that X-Men Origins: Wolverine could be retroactively aborted.
After his life is turned upside down, the young James Logan - Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) embarks on a tragic journey with co-mutant Victor Creed (Live Schreiber) that spans four wars and endless killing. When the wars finally end, they are dispatched to be members of a special squad of men sent to commit unspeakable acts. Unable to stomach the discomfort of his orders, Logan splits to find newer, more unimaginable pain. All the while Hugh Jackman is hot.
It surprises me that a movie with such a large budget and characters with a following as strong as the X-Men comics could not find a company to produce quality visuals. (Good thing Hugh Jackman didn't need help with his high quality visuals.) The computer generated effects are more than 20% of the movie, and are 80% of the problem. Lighting on the actors is a different color and are at a different angle than the green screen scenery behind. The generated backdrops lack an understanding of shadow and depth of field. This basic misunderstanding of lighting irons the visuals so flat, it's impossible to suspend disbelief.
The frustration is further compounded by the unnecessary use of generated objects. (And the unnecessary use of clothing on Jackman.) Instead of using models to create locations too expensive to build fully, they are created using the same disappointing generations. When props could be used to save money on the film and create a better visual effect, director Gavin Hood still uses artificially spawned effects.
The writing by David Benioff and Skip Woods does not come naturally either. Events that could prove Wolverine's humanity are sped through at a pace that makes them almost comedy. The love story is so rushed, it is hard to feel their connection. Characters multiply so quickly, it is hard to keep them straight. (Except Wolverine, it is hard to miss Jackman when he is burning a hole in the screen.) Some of the one liners are as cliché as teenage angst.
The audience is forced to languish in poorly lit fight scenes that drag on in near complete darkness. Those scenes that had enough light were poorly choreographed, and it is hard to get interested in what they are doing. Well, when they have their clothes on.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine has an almost orgasmic amount of pretty. I admit it shamelessly: I am in complete and total lust with Hugh Jackman, and his special attention to his body for this movie did not go unnoticed, by me or any of the other people in the theater. Jackman wasn't alone in unbelievably, moist-worthy hotness. Live Schreiber's creepy character can't outshine his ha-cha-cha-cha gorgeousness. Lynn Collin, who plays Kayla – the love interest in the film, made me want to fall in love with her.
These actors did not just rest on their beauty. Hugh Jackman was completely handcuffed by an imprisoning script. Jackman and Collins have really beautiful chemistry. My only gripe about the acting was the complete lack of emotional connection between Jackman and Schreiber. Neither gave bad performances individually but they can't seem to really bond the characters tight enough to make enough to give the story the depth.
All I wanted from X-Men Origins: Wolverine was a bit of ass kicking fun. Even accounting for the Yowza Factor, X-Men Origins: Wolverine fell short. The substandard visuals made even the best looking people (Hugh Jackman) look stupid.