Things haven't improved...

Rating: Null/10 (15 May 2009)

Hugh Jackman's Logan (better known as "Wolverine") was easily one of the most endearing characters of the original X-Men trilogy, what with his gruff and occasionally witty candor, impetuous hot-headed disposition, yet ultimately caring tendencies. He had all the bad-ass of any iconic anti-hero, and we loved him. Plus, sterling casting sought to it that the perfect actor, Jackman, would embody him to his fullest potential, and since the trilogy was pretty much The Wolverine Show, all these aspects equaled a great success.
Basically, this spin off had a lot to live up to. Not only did it have to continue to capture the vivid appeal of the beloved character, it also had to redeem the franchise after the embarrassing hiccup of Brett Ratner's X-Men: The Last Stand, the last installment in the otherwise impressive trilogy. Was it successful in doing so? Sadly, unfortunately, tragically, X-Men Origins: Wolverine doesn't achieve either.
I'll admit that Gavin Hood's prequel is better than X-Men 3, but it's still a messy and gormless piece of eye candy-filter (much like The Last Stand was), that damn-near tarnishes the integrity of the Wolverine character.
Now, that's a lot of criticism for one sentence. But, in all honesty, Wolverine doesn't really deserve an in-depth analysis; it's straightforward action mediocrity. It's, very simply, a victim of the common ailment of unimaginative direction.
The main source of the problem is Wolverine's drastic mistreatment; the character is neutered, all of his integrity diluted, now only a milquetoast shadow of his old self; not once does he showcase the ass-kicking brilliance that is paramount to his iconic stature. It's a bit of a boyish peeve, but even the moody, gloomy Watchmen indulge their rough-housing sides in Zack Snyder's adaptation (which, for the record, though only genre-related, is a lot better, I might add). Even his surly parlance is softened, ne'er a memorable candid remark in sight.
You'd assume such an immense fault in the movie would be its greatest flaw. But, oh no, Wolverine is far too risible for that. The movie's biggest crime is that the film is bereft of any distinguishable plot. The narrative is scatter-shot beyond coherence, with little or no continuity, the story following a very apparent and laughable format: Wolverine meets a character, fights briefly, than, following dialog usually a long the lines of "okay, listen, pal, you're gonna *insert task here*, or I'm gonna *insert threatening remark here*", he sets off with a new purpose, and repeats the same.
What's tragic is that the first fifteen to twenty minutes or so are very captivating, from the assaulting opening credits to the action-packed mission sequence. It's a movie that inevitably promises greatness, but has bitten off far more than it can chew.
Worse still, the inclusion of characters like Deadpool and Gambit is completely pointless, their screen time unmemorable and disappointingly fleeting, their crow-barred appearances nothing more than a ridiculous advertising scheme, it would seem. Which is a serious shame, because Ryan Reynolds mini-performance is pitch-perfect. Of course, I can't really say the same for Taylor Kitsch, who (and truer words have never been spoken) is undoubtedly not Cajun.
The acting on the villain's part is a lot more impressive: The movie's only concrete redeemable feature is Liev Schreiber's Sabretooth, who makes a diverting, albeit cliché, villain, his brooding presence a welcome contrast to Jackman's kitty Wolverine. Danny Huston, here playing the part of William Stryker, a role originally taken by national treasure Brian Cox (whom Huston looks nothing like!), is also on form, despite a script that serves him the cheesiest of dialog and most OTT of Machiavellian agendas.
But things don't stay positive for long; even the editing is hopeless. Each fight scene is probably jaw-dropping, but it's impossible to notice due to the horribly erratic editing. Should it not be bad enough that the CGI is painful (two words: "claws" and "bathroom")? To be honest, it's a wonderful depiction of self-parody. I mean, each moment is dripping with cheese, and each character seems to be recycled from other superhero movies (the old couple didn't give Wolverine their son's stuff; it was their nephew's, because he's probably freaking' Spider-Man!).
Okay, so I probably haven't been of very sound mind writing this review. The movie isn't the worst thing that's happened ever, but it's still pretty bad. It's baffling, really; how did it turn out so bad? Gavin Hood directed it, and he's got a reasonably adequate filmography. It had a simple story. It had a very simple demographic to pander to (action-loving jocks and fan-boys). So how? Who knows? All I know is that only a decent Deadpool spin off will revive this fan-boy's belief in a now near-dead franchise.
In conclusion: not unbearable, but definitely forgettable. 'Nuff said.