Brad Pitt Zombie Movie Dead on Arrival

Rating: 5/10 (24 September 2013)

When I first saw a billboard advertising this movie, I nearly ran off the road. Really. Brad Pitt? Zombies? Epic Poster? How could it not succeed? But this movie tragically misses the mark.
The problem is immensely bad writing and direction.
Take this. The world is gripped by a Zombie epidemic. Brad Pitt is a retired UN super-inspector turned stay-at-home-dad who cooks his family awesome pancakes. Pitt's former boss sends a US military extraction team to rescue Pitt and his whiny family, bringing them to the safety of a naval task force. On his arrival his boss asks Pitt to come back to help. Pitt declines: "No, I told you I was retired."
Implication: "Hey, thanks for the free ride sucker. Now me and my family will sunbathe on the deck of this awesome battleship while you and some other suckers save the world. And we want our dinner at 6 Sharp. No MREs. Kapish?" You want to slap him.
You want to slap him again when he gets soldiers killed because he forgets to put his cellphone on "silent" while creeping pass Zombies. Worse, this is so his whiny wife can call him.
Or leaving his camper van outside a supermarket full of looters, and agonizing it still isn't there when he comes out.
Lots and lots of moments like that.
And stupidities like blowing up a plane in midair because he wants to get off at this stop. Does he walk away? After pulling out a piece of metal he's impaled on, yes, he walks away.
The whole idea of some sort of retired UN super-inspector being the only one who could save the world defies credibility. He drifts around the globe following the most absurd of leads. There's never the slightest sense at all that he's in danger. The cardboard cutouts who accompany him you don't care about. There's something seriously wrong with his family chemistry. Whether it's Skyler White, Betty Draper or Karin Pitt (Sorry, Lane!) here, Hollywood needs to stop giving its leading men such unlikeable spouses.
Bad writing plays a big part in bringing this movie down. I don't know who is to blame, but bringing in Damon "LOST" "Prometheus" "Into Darkness" Lindelof for rewrites hardly seems an answer. The convenient escape ladders which descend out of no where (Yes, I *literally* mean this) are lazy writing.
The direction too is bad. The South Korean Army Base scene is so poorly shot I didn't even know where it was until I read the IMDb comments. The suspense in this movie is non-existent. We know Likable Brad won't die, and don't give a damn about anyone else. I think giving him a close-knit team who save each others asses would have worked far better.
Perhaps as other IMDb reviewers have suggested, maybe Hollywood should stop giving film makers with lemons to their names second, third and tenth chances. Director Marc Forster and Writer David Lindelof, Stand aside. Give someone else a go.
The lack of gore wouldn't have bothered me as it has some, so long as the movie was suspenseful. Which it isn't.
It's a massive disappointment, but I don't know where the blame lies. The movie studios must have played some role in this train wreck. They expected this to be a trilogy. I can't see how.
Two good things: For all its faults, the movie is watchable. It's also popularized the book which I shall now read, though all it has in common is the name and that it's something to do with zombies.
5/10