My dramatization of the making of "World War Z", in which I portray why it sucks

Rating: 3/10 (26 August 2015)

What I imagine happened during the script meeting for "World War Z", the godawful film adaptation of Max Brooks' excellent novel:
MAX BROOKS: Wow, guys, thank you so much for turning my book into a movie! So, when can I start writing the script?
STUDIO EXEC: Actually, we're getting the guy who wrote "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".
MAX BROOKS: Oh. (awkward pause) Well, that's OK. They did multiple character arcs all the time on that show.
STUDIO EXEC: We thought it would be a better idea to make the whole thing about one character.
MAX BROOKS: The journalist?
STUDIO EXEC: No, we took him out. Our main character isn't even in the book.
MAX BROOKS: Oh. (even more awkward pause) Well, you're still going to include all the other original characters, right?
STUDIO EXEC: Nope.
MAX BROOKS: Oh. (agonized pause) The plot's still basically the same though, right?
STUDIO EXEC: Not really. We're just gonna have Brad Pitt run from zombies for two hours while the actress playing his wife sits around and looks worried. And stuff blows up. Lots of stuff blows up.
MAX BROOKS: Did you even read the book?
STUDIO EXEC: Look, you want your check or not?