Oh, the horror! 1/2* (Minor spoilers)

Rating: Null/10 (17 July 2002)

How gawdawful was this movie?
It was so bad I walked out and slipped into the middle of "Eight Legged Freaks" - and found the characters, story and critters of that horror spoof far more believable. It was so bad it almost made "Pearl Harbor" look . . . naw, nothing is THAT bad.
Dialogue and scenes sound and look like they were written by a 14-year-old boy who watched a bad remake of a bad remake of a bad war movie - and tried to copy it while on a Milky Way high. Director John Woo doesn't simply throw cliches at us - he gives cliches of cliches. As for reality, the battle scenes, basic training, and even smoking scenes all look like bad high school stage productions.
** Spoilers ahead **
The characters are stupid and one-dimensional, from the saint-like Navajo private to "Chick" the character who suddenly turns bigot. Where'd that come from? We don't know and Woo won't tell us.
Why does the nurse love the psycho sergeant played by Nicolas Cage? We don't know, unless she has a sweet spot for the tall, silent and surly type. Adam Beach's Navaho (not Indian, sir!) Private Ben Yahzee freezes in combat, tells Sgt. Cage he won't freeze in combat again 'cause his buddy rubbed ashes on his face - and then freezes in combat again. But he smiles and is as proud as if he acted bravely. Too much self-esteem training, I guess.
I won't even get into the combat scenes - other than to say I was reminded of me and my friends Jimmy and Larry running around the woods playing Army back when we were nine and ten.
What a waste of 45 minutes. That is, if you can stand staying THAT long.