The Nazi's were blind, deaf, and totally incompetent.

Rating: 3/10 (3 March 2000)

At least, they were if you believe this movie. The premise for Where Eagles Dare has real potential. But this is pure Hollywood stupidity folks.

The two main Allied agents waltz through their mission, killing Nazis with ridiculous ease, while casually strolling through a hail-storm of bullets. Never once do you get the impression that the heros of this movie are in any danger of death or of failing to complete their mission, despite the supposedly incredible odds against their success. This makes for a painfully boring movie, completely lacking in suspense, but abounding in absurdity.
For me, the worst crime of this movie is the way it trivialises the Allies' bloody struggles and hard won victories over the Germans during WWII. The final verdict? Even Colonel Klink would have been insulted. Nuff said.

But if you want the dirty details... (Warning! Possible spoilers and (definite) rants follow.)

Where else but in Hollywood could a group of British covert agents openly and casually discuss their plans for infiltrating the most heavily guarded Nazi fortress in Germany while sitting in a German pub filled wall to wall with Nazis? (Hello?!) Where but Hollywood could a British and American agent stand unconcealed atop a trolley hundreds of feet above the ground, travelling into the heart of this very fortress, and *not* be seen by the trolley guards, who seemed to be determined to look in every direction except the one from where the trolley is approaching? Where else would a Nazi guard, *knowing* that Clint Eastwood is an American agent, fall for his extremely lame "I need to tie my shoelace" (!?!) line, while travelling in a car! (Germans know the importance of properly tied shoelaces while sitting in an automobile!) Where else can a single Allied agent (Clint Eastwood, of course) hold off hordes of Nazi soldiers single-handedly? Not only that, but casually pick up a Nazi grenade tossed at him, and throw it back at the Nazis, taking his time in doing so, whereupon it promptly explodes? (Were these German grenades designed only to kill Nazis?) Then, when the plot demands it, a single Gestapo officer orders both of our heros to drop their guns, and they do so promptly, despite the fact that they both have two machine guns to his one Luger and Nazi officers as hostages to boot.

I'm sure there is more of this incredible stupidity to report, but I couldn't bring myself to watch more than half of this absurd movie.