Avoid, if possible.

Rating: 5/10 (4 April 2009)

Watchmen is a truly mediocre film. From the moment the pseudo-historical montage reels to the movie's lengthy, inconclusive ending, it provides the viewer with a sharp displeasure. To begin with, the film is too long for its own good. At 2 hours and 41 minutes, it oozes with excessive musical montages, gratuitous sex scenes, and frankly disgusting levels of gore and violence. Although these elements are supposed to contribute to the nostalgic sentiment and superhero mood of the film, they weigh the film down, so that one is consistently bored throughout the entire, cumbersome movie. Second, the movie is a rank pustule of sensational photographs and hit-you-over-the-head literary references (e.g. Ozymandias). But these aspects of the movie are not what make me mark it 5 stars out of 10; it is rather the hopelessly tangled fragmentation of events. The scenes oscillate from one washed-up generation of superheroes to the next and ultimately comprise a confusing, incomplete storyline. Many of these perplexing scenes are flashbacks to the past or visions of the future; none of them satisfy. Redeeming points include: good acting jobs all round, a fun portrayal of Nixon-era politics, and an excellent soundtrack that includes 3 Bob Dylan songs. These can't make up for the inherent averageness of the movie, but it isn't unwatchable. p.s. that large floppy blue object really is his penis.