Computer geek porn violence

Rating: 4/10 (9 March 2009)

THE WATCHMEN is a disaster. Relentlessly pessimistic brutal misogynist and silly, this supposed post-modern take on Lycra and rubber clowns who bounce about Manhattan maiming and bashing men and whacking women is a tedious repellent bore. It is almost 3 hours and in its bloated self importance and endless image borrowing from other sci fi nonsense, it becomes excruciating to watch for any and every reason that rolls through your head. Try this loony cinematic sci fi combo: DUNE + THE FOUNTAIN + BLADE RUNNER + TRANSFORMERS + BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED + some Lord Skeletor crap + COLOSSUS OF NEW YORK + THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN+ a Columbia serial of the 40s like THE PHANTOM + CAPTAIN MARVEL + STARGATE + WALL STREET ... it just becomes an endless parade of borrowed images from these films with ugly cruelties meted out relentlessly with bone smashing fights and vicious hatred of the female form. The OWL dude just looks like Hamish the gay Teletubbie and Billy Crudup's testicles put in a better performance than him as a whole. He is all nude and bright fluorescent blue and often seems to be searching for his underpants. At one stage he goes to live on Mars in a big clockwork toffee. The ultimate poof bad guy I think is called Adrian and has an art deco codpiece. He ends up somewhere in outer-space in a Styrofoam pyramid compete with a mangy pet and plastic Sphinxes. Jackie Earle Hayley acts better with a bag over his head because when it is removed all he can do is hiss a midget Clint Eastwood imitation from ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ. Every scene and character exists solely to display pulverizing violence or disgusting imagery of death decay urban ugliness weapons and brutality that is beyond belief. It is a failure rarely seen and I hope never again. It is like Tarantino's pervert version of the missing reels from BLADE RUNNER and STAR TREK. And Stephen McHattie! He survived MOVING VIOLATION in 1976 and if this is his comeback role then oblivion is a better choice. I can give you 300 reasons to avoid THE WATCHMEN.