Not up to scratch

Rating: 6/10 (8 March 2009)

Alan Moore's hate/hate relationship with Hollywood is common knowledge. When they adapt his work, not only does he insist that his name is taken from the credits, but he also rejects any royalties he's due. After lacklustre efforts like From Hell and V for Vendetta and the downright abysmal League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, who can blame the man? Can Zack Snyder buck the trend and adapt works that the author himself deems un-adaptable?
The story, set in an alternate universe where Nixon is still President and the yanks won in Vietnam, concerns a group of out-of-work masked heroes called the Watchmen, unable to save the day due to a new law.
Most have moved on, retired or found other outlets for their skills. One of them, though, refuses to stop. A man in an ink-blot mask and a Mickey Spillane trenchcoat; Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley). The closest thing to a protagonist in the film, he follows the clues after the brutal murder of another hero, the Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan).
In the background there are several sub-plots running concurrently. Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), the only super-powered hero of the group is working on a self-sustaining power source to solve the world's energy needs. He's working with the world's smartest and wealthiest man, Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), who may have ulterior motives of his own.
Invested in his work and removed from society by his god like powers, Dr. Manhattan is slowly losing his human empathy. The same reason his girlfriend Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman) is falling out of love with him. She finds solace in the arms of Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) an impotent batman like hero, who barely conceals his lust for action.
As the world heads towards Nuclear Disaster, the heroes must forget their differences and unite. But to save humanity from itself, sacrifices must be made.
The Labyrinthine plot strands make it hard to keep track of any single story, even if you have read the book. At least when you're reading it, you can put it down for five minutes. It requires all of your brain power and a lot of enthusiasm for the story to watch the three hour long movie. So intense is it, that you actually feel yourself tiring halfway through. The first act runs for at least an hour, introducing characters and their relationships. Cutting back in time at will, to give you each one's origin story. You're left willing the film to take shape and head in one particular direction, not dozens all at once.
Snyder makes a few mistakes that really jar. His use of music is poorly founded, playing entire tracks over scenes that don't need it. The over long sex scene between Nite Owl and Silk Spectre comes to mind. I mean Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen may be ironic for an impotent character finally getting it up, but it doesn't fit the mood.
He also seems to splash around some random acts of extreme violence to remind the audience that this is a strictly adult Superhero movie, ensuring himself an 18 certificate. He never really finds the right tone for the movie, instead adopting them all. For instance, is it supposed to be humorous or serious? The book was so much larger than life that the irony positively dripped from the page, but here he humanises the characters too much leaving us confused.
The acting is average almost all the way round. The only stand out performance was Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. A Travis Bickle character who's seen too much misery and left his humanity in the gutter. When he's captured and put in prison with so many of the criminals he put away, the film hits an all time high. The scenes strike a perfect balance between ironic humour and gritty all out violence. But I always had time for Rorschach, so maybe I'm biased.
Zack Snyder can't be blamed entirely. The man obviously loves the source material and gives it his best shot. It's just clearly too big a project for him after only two films. Terry Gilliam and Paul Greengrass, both more experienced directors, have abandoned the story as unfilmable. Maybe Alan Moore was right after all.
Verdict 6/10 A brilliant book, but it makes a poor film.