Reasons To Disregard This Movie

Rating: Null/10 (11 March 2009)

First things first.
Clear, cut, and simple: The movie 300 is, was, and will always irrefutably, undeniably, incontestably, without a shadow of a doubt be nothing more than an overly-hyped Gladiator clone. The movie wasn't that big of deal people nor even remotely THAT good of a film to begin with beyond its boring granular video effects and body oil, and has since seemed to have been seriously ushered into "greatest movies of all time" lists of worthless morons who have an unfortunate sway on the cinema-going public and possess suspicious levels of closet quasi liberal-art, mythological-homo-erotic taste. This seriously needs to be said because a movie being tauted "from the creators/producers/whatevers of 300" really couldn't NOR shouldn't get most with a non-hivemind individuality excited.
With that being said, the graphical novel(s) (aka comic books that adults try to pass off as mature material, that according to them, should be considered heavy, complex stuff simply because it was drawn with nudity, explicit language, and attempts to gloss over topics slightly more realistic than radioactive spiders) that this film has been derived from quite simply, sorry guys/gals, frankly suck. They're not the most celebrated works of all time. They're not going to change your life. The fact that this failed production has been in production for as long as it has is because it does suck and consequently red tape becomes involved when suddenly Marvel realizes it's sitting on a billion-dollar machine and others try to play "me-too" film making in a hurry at the last minute.
Beyond the background, the story itself defeats itself with an absolution that perhaps rivals the reality of logic as a whole. You have a bunch of mere "MTV Real World" mortals running around in hilarious costumes like jagoffs in a setting that is about 15 years too late, post-poetic introspection/goth a la Maxx/The Crow (in fact I believe the hyped trailer was rolling with an old Pumpkins song from that era) all the while the central protagonist (trust me by definition of central this character is the epitome) is a giant blue cock-toting GOD who can without effort control time and space in its entire.
Reread that last paragraph and explain how there can be a story of ANY form of conflict/tension when you have a being that can control time and space with a blasé boredom. Everything is else is null. Title...introduce dude with absolute omnipresent power...roll credits. Should be about an 11 minute movie. The Big Bang probably took less. Fail.