Made by nerds, about nerds, for nerds

Rating: 2/10 (16 August 2011)

Superheroes aren't my things at all, I like "Spiderman" because it's fun nd doesn't take itself too seriously and I like "Batman Begins" for the opposite reason that it's very dark, realistic and adult-like. So I heard about "Watchmen" how good it was and how bloody violent it is and decided to give it a go. The opening was absolutely incredible, the cinematography and stylish directing blew me away. The title sequence was also really great, directed flawlessly. I have seen Zack's version of "Dawn of the Dead" and really enjoyed it and so my hopes were suddenly rising for our dear "Watchmen" with it's beautiful opening shots but it all ends there.
I'm not familiar with the comic of "Watchmen" I have never read a comic in my life apart from the funny ones in the newspaper, but not Fred Basset he's crap! So I didn't know what I was letting myself in for, I'm all about trying new things and I always go into a film with an open mind but either my mind wasn't opened enough or the film was simply a load of rubbish! Darren Aronofsky my favourite director was up for directing this but turned it down along with other countless directors for it's complicity and now I can see why. A man with an inaudible croaky voice jumps up wearing a mask with moving black splodges and I'm meant to take this seriously? When the blue man came on I began to really doubt this film.
Call me crooked but "Watchmen" did have the potential to be really fun. From the opening scene I was expecting complete "Sin City" style action throughout! Which would've been really fun. But instead it had been ruined by taking itself dreadfully seriously. No one can't say they didn't have a chuckle to themselves about the glowing blue man with the ridiculous animated penis! He moved it moved! The whole film was ridiculous really and we'r meant to believe all this. I can list countless things that are laughable like President Nixon looking like David Walliems as Omar from "Come Fly With Me" but that would be a waste of time, because I don't think the word count is big enough.
"Watchmen" does look like it's meant for kids, but it clearly isn't with it's violence (sometimes insanely!) and themes such as rape and paedophilia along with a very untasteful sex scene. Yet it can't be for adults because were watching men dressed up as superheroes! I look at "Watchmen" as a confused child, it doesn't know what it wants to be or what it's trying to do, so it just lingers annoyingly by your feet until you want to kick it in the stomach. The screenplay just crams far too much in the already frighteningly long running time (it feels longer) so you just don't know where you are or what's going on. The flashbacks were the only thing that interested me in the film, it seemed as it "Watchmen" would've been a hell of a lot more compelling with the back-story being told instead of this confusing and depressing lark about the heroes reuniting! It's also quite sexist, with the women superheroes being dressed in tight leather swim suits just so the geeks who are interested in the film can weirdly drool at her. There are strokes of interest, some of the action is stylishly filmed but for an action film ,there is hardly any action in it! It then decides to be brutishly violent for the sake of it, just to remind us this is meant to be an adults film.
With a complete mish-mash of plot (is there a plot) and absolutely ridiculous dialogue such as when the lady is sleeping with the blue man as multiple blue hands caress her mouth she says "it's like tasting a battery". It's depressing Hollywood rubbish. It reminds me of "The Incredibles" with all the fun being completely sucked out of it. "Watchmen" is something that can't be fixed because it seems as if the original comic was already smashed to pieces. The opening seemed like it had potential (which is why I'm giving it a 2/10 instead of 1) bu then fell flat on its face. "Watchmen" is unwatchable.