Crapshow.

Rating: 2/10 (5 July 2009)

Beneath me the city screams out like an abattoir full of retarded children.(This is a narrated line, narrated to nobody, from the actual movie. "Abattoir" is an English American word refined from French. The word is most popularly familiar to Americans from The Simpsons. It means "Slaughterhouse". More specifically: a public slaughterhouse for sheep. Sheep metaphorically refers to a mob of blind followers. Retarded children are considered by Kirk Cameron to be the easiest possible Christian converts. So a slaughterhouse for sheep, full of sheep cries out. "Silence of the lambs", in homage, anyone? Anyway, the way that I have used the line is... well, come to think of it, it's apparently the same way the movie did: I used it to set up the fact that everything that follows that opening line is me pointing at something, explaining why it's retarded and then killing it; which in itself explains, outright and forthwith, why if you like this movie you're probably none-too-bright)
So, check this out, there's an impending NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST and you're capable; and have been given the job of PREVENTING THE DEATH OF EVERY LIVING BEING ON THE PLANET. And you're married. Your spouse has needs, too... but don't worry, you can multiply yourself and have alternate selves, so you can get with the wife AND save the world at the same time. Then, one night, you're DOUBLE TEAMING YOUR OWN WIFE BY YOURSELF while trying to save the planet, and this pisses her off. So she leaves you because you're able to perform a meaningful role at home, at work, and within the world at large without hurting people. That's why women leave their men, because they can care about more than one thing at a time.
Can anybody say BRAINWASHING of clueless-about-women-nerds who ought to breed and maybe produce a better race of humans in the future but instead they're just Gaga over cartoons who could never breed with them or hurt them because the women in comic books, the only women they know, are HOT-AS-HELL but represented as insane and retarded which scares the fanboys from interacting with actual human people about actual human matters?
THINK!!!
I will not deny: the movie has brilliant cinematography, but I liked all of those shots better when Tim Burton and Michael Bay used them in Batman, Nightmare Before Christmas, The Rock, etc. The movie also contains ridiculous, overblown music video sequences throughout.
The opening credits, full of live-action representations of those brilliant superhero paintings we all know and love was, I felt, heartwarming. But to do it to "The Times, They Are A-Changing"? And I mean, the whole darned song. Balloney.
The ease-in from the apartment to the black of Smiley's eye--all the way--was, for lack of a single-word appropriate adjective, too much. The story was very stupid and the characters were all very easily hateable.
This was caprology and scatology: bad story, and smegmatic imagination on level scale with Ed Wood.
BAD MOVIE!!!
It's all right to admit that you made an error in judgment. That you threw away money, that you wish the world was a fantasy world; but that doesn't mean that just because a movie that's based on something you like got a big budget and was made by a slightly competent cinematographer was ever any good to begin with. It's all right to admit that something you like was made poorly.
It is not all right to convince other people to throw away their money on garbage just because you want to pretend it's worth their life to like something you can only pretend you believe in. Fans of this movie may as well be religious zealots.