Orgasmic for comic book geeks, boring for the rest of humanity

Rating: 1/10 (23 March 2009)

In a way, this movie perfectly encapsulates everything that is a comic book - a pseudo-intellectual and pointless action/adventure for the sexually repressed.
Let me first say that the special effects were dramatic. Rorschach's journey is also mildly interesting.
However, the film's central gravity -- the characters' struggle with the prospect of imminent nuclear war -- is just dated at this point.
Vietnam, Nixon, the Cold War -- give me a break! Who cares?! These themes have been hashed and rehashed a thousand times over, and it's no longer interesting. You are going to have to come up with something a little more inventive to keep the audience entertained. And if you're held hostage to a boring and trite comic book script, then you shouldn't have made the movie to begin with. The story, quite simply, SUCKS.
There is nothing emotionally gripping about seeing a clown-faced Richard Nixon in a bunker somewhere grappling over whether to take the U.S. to Defcon 1 in an imagined parallel universe. There is nothing ominous about the Soviet Union in 2009. Had the movie been released twenty-five years ago, maybe things would be different.
Further, the resolution to this childish fantasy is even less impressive - it's a straightforward rendition of the utilitarian vs. deontological moral debate presented to the audience as if the storyteller was the first person in the history of the earth to have ever contemplated it.
Plus, I don't know about anyone else, but I don't need to see a blue dick waving around on the screen every five minutes.
I would have rated this movie a 3 or 4 for the action sequences alone, but I feel a need to balance out all the hysterical 9s and 10s that are being assigned: 1/10.