Needed more Explanation

Rating: 3/10 (20 January 2015)

Admittedly, I know nothing about Watchmen. Is it a comic book series, is it a graphic novel? Are they good guys, are they bad guys? Do they have superpowers do they not? This movie was my first introduction to them and it wasn't a good introduction. I was confused within the first five minutes. The character The Comedian (Jeffery Dean Morgan) was watching T.V. and he's watching a speech by Nixon at the president's podium, so immediately I'm thinking early 70's. Then he flips the channel to MTV which I know didn't hit the air until early 80's! But I thought: "This will all be explained anyway." Well, it wasn't.
The movie then dove into giving us a taste of each costumed caper. There was a group called the Minutemen who, I think, were predecessors to the Watchmen (if the Watchmen is even a group to begin with). What I did gather is that these masked men and women were not quite who you'd want protecting your streets from evil. The Comedian, for instance, was nothing more than a criminal in a mask. And why even give him the name "The Comedian"? That's entirely too close to "The Joker", another wicked DC character.
Apparently, if you put on a costume you become super strong (like breaking concrete with your fist strong), you gain elite fighting skills, can dispatch of scores of foes without breaking a sweat, and can sustain the most gruesome beating without any visible signs of damage. OK, so you might be saying: "Isn't that the case with all action movies nowadays?" I say to that, yes, and I think it's absurd in all cases except when the action heroes have super powers.
We all know it's a precondition for a female superhero to be a supermodel. One of the superheroes named Silk Spectre 2 ((Malin Ackerman) she was number 2 because her mom was the first), besides the super ability to maybe cause drooling with her incredible lack of clothing, she was able to kick men clear across a room, break bones completely in half and best of all she never had a hair out of place. Now that is an ability to be jealous of. No matter what she did: fight, have sex, save people from a burning building-- her hair was never out of place. Now, her clothes... that's a different story. They were displaced a few times as this movie bordered on softcore porn.
Between Silk Spectre showing her goods and having a sex scene with Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) and Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup) choosing to parade around with no clothes, there was plenty of nudity. I guess if you get atomized and reconstructed like Dr. Manhattan did you then prefer to let it all hang out. Why wear clothes when you're ripped like Mr. Universe and you can presumably make your body parts any size you like?
Let me not make it seem as though the movie was all bad. The last ten minutes were good. Which kind of sucks because the movie was so long. Two hours and 40 minutes or so to be exact.
So, lets do a brief recap: confusing, softcore porn, unexplained abilities, too long. This movie wasn't catered to the non-fanboys at all.