Warm Bodies or Warmed Over?

Rating: 1/10 (29 June 2013)

I missed this film in theaters and now that I have bought (wasted my money)on the DVD, I can only be glad I didn't see it on the big screen. I can think of several other more satisfying ways I could have spent the money instead of buying the DVD; cleaning the toilet, lining the cat's litter box, or simply burning it. At least these action would have provided a function and not have sucked two hours from my life.
Warm Bodies is a retelling of Romeo and Juliet, anyone out of 6th grade can yank that from the analysis without a problem, but this is probably the worse retelling of that classic ever to come about.
The plot is shamblingly slow. Forced to stay awake under the hopes that anything interesting may happen, I tried a number of methods to remain alert during this film. After resorting to chewing broken glass (and subsequently finding it to be more pleasing than the movie) I managed to pry my eyes open long enough to be completely let down with everything this movie had to offer.
The story is garbage that has already been ran through the recycling bin way too many times. While it remains usable, it reeks of age and half-hearted attempts to mask the smell with those little pine scented air fresheners. There's nothing new here, just the same old same old but with a splash of zombies to add a grayish green color in the hopes of capturing the success of the zombie resurrection that began in the early 2000's and is still thriving. Unfortunately, movies like this are the shot in the head that will put down the zombie film reanimation.
The acting is pretty bad. John Malkovich phones this one in to collect a paycheck and is as stiff and bored as the undead in the film. Nicholas Hoult does a fairly good job but is brought down by Teresa Palmer and (I hate to say it) Rob Corddry (also in paycheck mode).
The plot devours itself. My biggest complaint is how the movie contradicts itself within 30 seconds of itself. Literally, right after R describes how they can't communicate in any meaningful ways, he has a conversation with Rob Corddry's character. Sure, it's short. "Hungry." "City". But it is enough to be a conversation. It's like saying, "Whatever you do, don't press this button" and then just pressing the heck out of it for no reason. Why bother telling us the rules that govern the walking dead in this movie if they are just going to be broken immediately? Sure, I get it. We're supposed to be amazed that the tender emotions of love have restarted his heart and cured the zombieism, but it could have been done better.
I can't believe this movie has above a 2 star rating. Save yourselves the trouble. If you like Shakespeare, watch Romeo and Juliet. If you like zombie films, there's tons of them out there. Pick anything other than this reheated waste of time.