Snore Of The Worlds!

Rating: 3/10 (19 July 2005)

In 1953, some wise folks got together and made a very good visual re-telling of an H.G. Wells novel. Fast-forward 52 years, and some too-smart-for-their-own-good folks got together to ravage the long-cold grave of H.G. Wells and make... uh ... money! The only excuses for Spielberg making a movie this crap-tacular are:
1) He had 100 million dollars burning a hole in his pocket... and
2) He had just purchased a new kitchen knife and wanted to test it by editing a new film... and
3) Tom Cruise was already drunk in the living room helping to brainstorm a new project
Will the film make money? Of course, it's by Spielberg. Will the ladies love it? Of course, it has Tom Cruise in it. Will anyone be able to explain the half-baked premise, the myriad unbelievable inconsistencies, the lack of likable characters, or why highly-intelligent aliens would wait thousands of years to overthrow our world when they could have had it centuries ago for a string of beads? Of course, that's what fans are for.
I was originally going to give the movie a 2 star rating, but I had to give kudos to Spielberg and Cruise for brainwashing me into watching another of their duets after witnessing The Mi-snore-ity Report.