What happens when you mix a washed-up actor with a washed-up director??

Rating: 1/10 (22 February 2008)

You obviously get a 1 star movie.
Stupid things about the movie: - Aliens ride lightning bolts into the ground. OK... What did they ride to get onto the lightning bolts in our atmosphere? - The Aliens ride lightning bolts through the ground into Tripods they planted millions of years ago. WHY?? Why are the Aliens riding the lightning bolts? Surely they can shrink living organisms to the size of a lightning bolt. So why can't they shrink their Tripods and have them on the lightning ride with the Alies? No, instead Spielberg opens up a HUGE plot hole!! - So we're to believe that Aliens would prefer to use technology millions of years old, vs their own current technology?? I know how much we advanced in 200 years. I'm positive millions of years from any time, there will be too many advances which will deem the old technology unusable.

We are to believe that millions of years ago, when DINOSAURS were the dominant species, Aliens set a trap for humans. (None of those Tripod cages looked like they were for holding dinosaurs!!) To be sprung AFTER humans attain nuclear technology. Why not invade us when we were using swords? Or at least hold off the invasion a few more years until Tom Cruise dies of old age. They had no chance against Tom Cruise!!! - OK, more stupidity. First of all, the Tripods were as tall as skyscrapers, and were hundreds of feet away from humans. Yet they had pin-point accuracy every time they fired their "Vaporizer". They had pin-point accuracy every time EXCEPT for when they were firing at Super Cruise. There were many moments when the people beside SC (Super Cruise) would get zapped, but all Cruise would get is a lil dust on his clothes. Sometimes they would shoot through buildings, and still hit every human other than Cruise every time!! Sometimes Super Cruise stops moving, not to rest. But just to... Um, well I don't know why he stops. And I don't know why they don't shoot him through the building when he stops. He looks like the only target left!! This guy really is Superman!!! - The first half of the Alien invasion is where they Vaporize 90% of the population. Then, they start capturing the few humans left, in order to harvest them. That's like owning a farm, and slaughtering 90% of the cows and burning them, and only actually using 10%. And it's not like the humans were putting up any resistance. They couldn't touch the Alien Tripods, yet the Aliens were destroying their good fertilizer!!! I guess that's how the Aliens advanced for millions of years. Use 10%, waste 90%! - Dakota Fanning. Why is she screaming so much? I found myself Fast Forwarding the second I heard that high-pitched squeal. I don't care what happens in that scene. It could be the best special effect ever!!! I can't watch it with little princess screaming her damn lungs off!!! Is Spielberg going deaf, and he can't hear how loud & how much she's screaming???? - Was there a writer's strike in 2005?? I know where all the money for the budget of the movie went. First was the short special effect scene. Next come the desperate team of Spielberg & Cruise, I'm sure they got their %'s. And the rest of the money went into short appearances by name actors. There was narration by Morgan Freeman, a short scene with Tim Robbins, etc. The problem is they didn't have any money left over for the script!! There was no character or plot development (other than the Aliens came, they conquered, they died). Cruise was the same bitter man at the end of the film that he was at the start.

I know Spielberg is past his prime and is out of ideas. But he stole the whole idea for Super Cruise destroying the Tripod from Independence Day. Instead of a jet launching a nuke up the middle of a giant ship, it was Cruise launching ordinary grenades that kill a tripod and release its captives. Then for reasons unknown, the Aliens die... So I guess Spielberg didn't want to be a plagiarist, so he only stole half the idea. Because in Independence Day, everybody simply copied the same idea and nuked all the Alien ships. But then again, how would Spielberg explain everyone captured having grenades? Oh wait, this is Spielberg, he doesn't have to explain anything!! - I don't want to get into the son, but I will. His whole character is retarded. He serves to distract the viewer from the plot. He always tries to get his way, fights with Cruise, and nothing ever gets resolved. Basically, there's no point of having so much conflict between Cruise & the son. And then when he desperately begs to be allowed to go fight the aliens... Why? Why did he want to go? Why did Cruise let him go? Why didn't the Aliens capture him and harvest his blood? We know from previous scenes that the Aliens can see you a mile away!! What was the point of the scene where the strangers almost took Dakota Fanning's character? Nothing ever happened from it.

There's a lot more, but I'm tired of typing.