Bored of the World

Rating: 2/10 (12 January 2006)

Thanks goodness I didn't go to the movies to see this shallow horror of a film. From the ridiculous arrival of the Martians (They buried these huge honking war machines underground and no one found them? Not bloody likely) to the casting of Tom "Gee, don't I look good in every scene" Cruise as the protagonist this movie has nothing to recommend it. In the extras one of the screenwriters tells us that it was Spielberg's idea to have the Martian war machines buried, to give it a new twist. Apparently Spielberg doesn't remember classic sci-fi like "5 Millions Years to Earth." The science in the film was laughable. An example is the EM pulse that knocks out everything except for one camera right next to where the first Martian machine comes out of the ground. Can you say "Plot Hole?" Character wise we found ourselves cheering for the Martians to come. There was nothing likable about Cruise's character. As much as I hate to pick on a kid who was probably following some very misguided direction, Dakota Fanning's impression of a 10 year old going on 5 was a scream - I mean her screaming every five minutes about the Martians, lightning, finding some lint on her sweater got old very quickly and made us want to scream.
You could also see the points in the film where Tom probably went to Spielberg and said "I'm not doing that, this is what I want." One example is how incredibly clean his face and hair are all through the film, despite the destruction of everything around him. Another was his destruction of the Martian war machine - thousands of soldiers all over the place and the only one who thinks of packing a grenade is a loser with a good hairdo. Right.
I have to say though that the same scene also was the movie's only redeeming point. I wonder if Tom and/or Spielberg realize just how much fun it was on many levels to see Tom struggling to get out of the rectum of the Martian war machine. Intended satire or incredible short sightedness? You make the call.
This film is right down there with another sci-fi gem - "Battlefield Earth" and threatens to push "Plan Nine From Outer Space" out of the worst sci-fi movie ever if you take budget into account.