Wanted? I really doubt it...

Rating: 1/10 (28 July 2008)

This film really is wish fulfilment of the worst and most degrading kind. This was "created" by the same man who shat the unbelievably bad Night Watch on an unsuspecting world, this is a film that you can genuinely feel making you stupider as you watch it.
Spoiler
James MacAvoy has a rubbish job and an unpleasant best friend who is having an affair with his annoying girlfriend. Fortunately is recruited by a group of uber-assassins descended from weavers. In the 10th century these weavers discovered binary code and a method for "reading" their weaving. I can just imagine how that one went:
Oi, Yorrick!I've discovered a way to read the weaving
Really, what does it say?
It's a name.
Brilliant, clearly we should kill them. Weavers do that right?
Not content with coming up with the worlds dumbest method for finding targets they also enjoy making life difficult for themselves. They've discovered a way to bend bullets in mid flight and this allows them to be significantly more crap than regular assassins. There is one particularly spiffing scene where James and Ms Jolie (who spends the whole film looking like a particularly unwell bag of coat-hangers with tattoos that classily scream "crack whore") assassinate someone in a boardroom from the top of a moving train. Given that one character can shoot people from five miles away with a special flintlock rifle I am wondering why just sitting across the street with a regular hunting rifle was out of the question for these idiots.
Morgan Freeman (new conservatory Mr F?) phones in his worst performance ever as the completely bored leader of the weaver assassins (they also make clothes). He needs James to kill the rogue agent who killed James' father.
The whole thing plays out with with the same sense of relentless invention and excitement you'd get watching dogs mating.
End Spoiler
Frankly if there is one film this year that you should avoid seeing, it should be Wanted. I am however happy to see that director Timur Talentless-Hackovitch is clearly influenced by the early work of that master of w*nk Uwe Boll. With Wanted, however, he has graduated from incomprehensible gibberish (any of the Night-, Day-, Twilight-, Just after Dawn-, Thirteen minutes to Noon-watch films) to unredeemable crap. In a few years time he may have just about learned how to make something that is simply laughably bad.