Disturbing

Rating: 2/10 (14 November 2010)

Yes, this is a disturbing film. Disturbing that something so absurd made $135/$342 million domestic/WW box office on a $75 million budget. It really bothers me when something I hate is wildly successful. So like all old dorks, I will write it off to "young people today". Young people today like movies written for sexually frustrated 14-year-old boys. This movie is essentially a FPS (first-person shooter) video game made into a movie. So the real deal is they have to make some implausible story to allow the male lead to go on a killing spree.
The movie shows some sad indications of the American male teen psyche.
1) They hate their McJob. Well, why didn't he have the sales report done, the slacker? Maybe if he would make his deadlines he would be treated better better by the boss.
2) They think cars make up for bad personalty. You can almost hear the millions of them, thinking in unison "If I had a read Ferrari I could bang Angelina Jolie".
3) They want to kill people. The whole premise of the movie reminds me of the sniper in "The Jerk". You know, the one that utters the forever classic line "Die, you random bastard." So this is a movie tailored to murderous psychopaths, and it made 342 million dollars. That does not count the rentals or TV syndication. You can see why I am disturbed. It is hardly worth looking at all the plot holes and implausibility. Why should he care about his non-existent dad? In fact, whey should we care about any of these clowns? The bogus dream scene at the very beginning means the whole thing is called into question. There is absolutely no way to discern reality from his stupid teenage dreams. This may be some attempt at grand existential philosophy on the part of the filmmakers, but it is a violation of basic storytelling. This complements the violations of the basic laws of physics. Bending bullets, give me a break. When his dad was laying in a pool of blood you think he would have taken a swab so he could check the story at his local paternity clinic.
"Father never wanted you in the Fraternity." He wanted you in a dead-end job with a fat slob boss. How about sending him to Yale, or better yet a Wharton MBA? Double mind twists-- jeeze oh Pete, could someone please keep the good guys good and the bad guys bad? I am tired of switching sides. Seeing Angelina Jolie blow her own brains out was nice. She has bass lips and that always bothered me. She deserved to die. Die random bastress. I am writing this real-time, but I am sure Angelina will spring back to life, Who are all the tiny-peter teen boys going to vank off to, if she is dead? Ahhh, credits role, thank god. What a lame movie and worse yet, it is a shocking depiction how lame the young boys of the planet are. OK, space aliens, we are a bunch of effete mamby-pamby jack-wagons who get sad when we see yellow*. Time to exterminate this race and try a different DNA sequence.
I loved the IMDb review that said "This movie made Crank look like the Godfather." In case there are some gullible and easily-influenced teen boys that only rave about this movie since they thing they are supposed to; sorry boys, I have worked as a mob soldier and hung around outlaw motorcycle clubs. Bad-ass tough guys don't go for this type of crap. They watch "Ever After - A Cinderella Story" (1998). I'll be reviewing that next.
*Gratuitous R Lee Ermey reference.