Where's the Beef?

Rating: 6/10 (19 January 2010)

I had very high hopes for this movie. Directed and written by Woody Allen, starring some of my favorite actors, Javier Bardem and Scarlett Johansson, and located in exotic Barcelona, how could it miss? It almost doesn't miss at all. But, ultimately, it fails in a number of ways.
First, labeled as a romantic comedy, it is in no way funny. And it is not particularly heart-warming to make up for its lack of humor. It is also not dramatic. While the characters are charming and attractive, they do not connect with the viewer at all. There is essentially no story, and there is absolutely no ending. Everyone just goes away, holiday over, to reluctantly live their real lives. Here, I agree with Allen, VCB is a sad movie.
Javier Bardem is excellent in his role as the artist-love interest of almost everyone. His understated performance is quite compelling. Scarlett Johansson is very good as the confused and vivacious Christina. Rebecca Hall does not convince as the tortured lover married to another. She simply is not very interesting.
I continue to fail to see the cinema world's fascination with Penelope Cruz. Moderately attractive in an urchin sort of way, she evokes only annoyance when she is on screen. But, I am not sure if that is due to the VCB non-story with Allen's direction (which is otherwise very sure-footed here), or to her alone; I always seem to have that annoyed reaction to her. An Oscar for what!?
The film is beautiful, Allen's Spain is very photogenic, and the music is very well-chosen. But, at the end of the movie, I just sort of asked myself, 'Why did I watch this?' It will neither hurt nor please you to view this pic. Just don't expect much more than tourist eye-candy.