Not good. Not good at all.

Rating: 2/10 (10 June 2010)

I've mostly stayed away from Woody Allen movies from the last 20 years because my few forays into things he's done in that time (Anything Else, Manhattan Murder Mystery) were not pleasant. Add Vicky Cristina Barcelona to the pile of unpleasantness. This movie is bad. I can't understand the folks who raved about it and gave it a 10.
What parts of this movie could have possibly warranted a 10?

The boring narration that repeats the action we've just seen or are about to see?

The stilted dialogue of Rebecca Hall in the scene where she first meets Javier Bardem and acts exactly like Woody Allen? Woody should have been sitting in that scene!!

Any scenes featuring the stereotypical boyfriend of Rebecca Hall?

I'm giving this movie a 2, and that's because I'm giving 1 point for the arrival of Penelope Cruz, who first appears in the movie at 1 hour and 14 minutes into it. I know it took that long for her to appear because I checked the time on the screen. Her appearance completely wiped away anything that happened before in the film. Thankfully!! (Maybe that accounts for the high marks!?!?) This movie would have been better served if all of Scarlet Johansen's screen time was given to Penelope Cruz. But then we wouldn't have seen the kiss between these two, which accounts for the other point I'm issuing. Penelope is the only reason to watch this movie, but it's not enough to compensate for the crud around it. Javier Bardem was good, but I can't give this movie more than a 2, so I'll make it up to him elsewhere.
For young folks out there who've heard Woody Allen's name and have wondered about his movies, please stick to things like Hannah and Her Sisters and all of the other movies he made before that time. Those are wonderful. The dark ones, as well as the early funny ones if you know what I mean!! The stuff he's been churning out robotically in the past 20 plus years are mostly dreadful. It's sad, really, what's happened to Woody. Can't he just go away? I use to feel sad when I read about a writer or director who hasn't made a movie in many years and I wondered why they went away, or how enjoyable it would be to see them again. But like an athlete, creativity has a lifespan, with peaks and valleys along the way until the eventual final decline. The artists who stopped making movies once their artistry declined were smart. I'm sorry to say that Woody's final decline happened many years ago.