Woody Allen, the missing ingredient

Rating: 1/10 (7 December 2010)

Throughout the years I've become less interested in Woody Allen's work and if this is his worst film I quite hope it is. I wouldn't have remembered about it, if it wasn't for a phone conversation I had with a friend short after I saw the film (Vicky Cristina Barcelona was on ARTE France/Germany). The beginning of the movie is a bit bland and uninspiring, but good enough in the middle of a boring evening. So I think: – it's about time you watch a Woody Allen film again! A male narrator voice explains the events on the screen in terse sentences; as I continue to watch I become more intrigued, and halfway though I even forgive the lousy tourist ride around Barcelona (thou I never was in Barcelona, the film doesn't tell me anything I already know about the city). I remain motionless seated on the couch with my eyes open (longing for a change of scenery), in case there's more to it. And then suddenly -it- happens! Maria Elena (Penélope Cruz) holding a gun (imitating Allen's neurotic gimmicks) tries to blast away her love Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem)... what? do I hear the narrator voice again? oh, the blow of mercy – yes, the narrator's voice comes on again and announces with pathetic contrivance that Vicky (Rebecca Hall) returns home to have her grand wedding to Doug (Chris Messina)... Cristina (Scarlett Johansson) continues searching... maybe Allen just had enough and needed an easy way out to end the movie. Mr. Woody Allen, I'll go to your movies, but you'll have to seduce me.