I wish I had seen it in the theater...

Rating: 3/10 (9 November 2009)

...so then I wouldn't have had to have wasted money renting the Blu-Ray! There comes a time in one's film-making career when he becomes bland and overused to the point where he needs to stop. Well, that's basically Woody Allen in a nutshell- his movies have gotten more and more boring (I would say "Boringer and Boringer" but that's bad grammar) as he's gone on. Joke's on me, I guess? I dunno. I'm only a mortal, not a god like Woody.
Vicky Christina Barcelona is a movie that's every bit as annoying and "gritting-teeth-to-sit-through" as it's title. Well, title first- why not just "Vicky and Christina Go to Barcelona"? Oh right, I forgot. Allen has gotten so old that he's decided to combine words now.
Basically, Vicky and Christina go to Barcelona on a vacation, they meet this guy who Christina finds attractive, they follow him to this one place outside of Barcelona, Vicky likes him, Christina likes him, he likes Christina more, Vicky gets married, etc. etc. etc. Oh! I forgot! Penelope Cruz is in this movie!!!! Except she plays an unlikeable bitchy character who Bardem was married to in the past. Oh, and a love triangle begins... are you able to follow this at all? Because I'm not.
Thank God I rented this. I gave it 2 out of 3 stars mainly for Penelope Cruz's awesome performance (although her character was an unlikeable headcase) and the other star being for the gorgeously hot Scarlett Johansson. I think Javier Bardem is a great actor and I loved his performance as Anton Chigurh in the spectacular "No Country For Old Men", which remains to this day as the best movie I've ever seen in a theater. However, not even he could save this movie. His performance is a very bored and tired one, he goes through the motions and never changes his expression on his face.
I am also going to have to tear the narrator to shreds too. The moment the narrator's voice came on, I began laughing. He sounds like a spokesperson for Mac!!!!! What kind of drugs was he taking when he decided to hire the narrator? I am also going to tear down the "tension building" argument too. What tension was there? Were sentences like "They had lunch" or "2 Days later, she apologized" supposed to be tension builders???? In short, I have not seen Whatever Works yet, but I currently have no plans to. This movie was a severely missed opportunity, and proof that Allen's clearly getting too old to be doing this kind of cinema, let alone any cinema.