The Anti-Shrek of our times

Rating: 1/10 (28 January 2002)

Despite protestations mid way through the film the big message that you take home with your popcorn box is that beautiful = good, ugly = sad and mad!! A message that narcisistic egomaniacs obsessed with the mirror have some sort of right to longevity. I wriggled first with discomfort over the nasty taste this was giving me and rising to a full blown mouth of bile over the "twist".
The clunking metaphors were almost to much to bear (mask on back of head etc) and a very detailed explanation of David's true life was something out of a VERY bad SciFi short. And as for the disfigurements of Cruise ("amazing" prostehetics) which were to haunt David through his life and dreams - I think I've had worst shaving cuts!
The leads were perfunctory in there acting. Diaz looked better in Shrek, Cruise gunning for "can't act but sure can grin" stardom and Cruz, though undoubtably stunning, twitched her way through her lines with the manner of a lost tourist in Times square struggling to understand a word of a new and lucrative language.
I really wish they would have turned into ogres and got down with rest of us uglies.