I want Cruise and Crowe Dead Yesterday!!! Spoilers Galore

Rating: Null/10 (29 January 2002)

Please read my spoilers and say yourself the admission!
The whole damn film is a Cryogenic Dream! It's a g-ddamn cryogenic dream!!! Who the Hell cares about someone else's cryogenic dream and why would they in the first place anyway?
How bad is this "daring experimental edgey" film? Do you care about Tom Cruise's personal nightmare? That he looses his face? His nightmare, not mine. Believe it or not kiddies (and I do mean kiddies!) there are strong people out there who can and do cope with worse than that. And they never had what Cruise at least got to have before he looses his face.
If you loved this film, you must have worked for CBS years ago....remember how they tried to save Dallas? They just decided to make the whole season a DREAM and bring back the ratings draw Bobby character. Now they do it in movies.
As slow as this awful film was, and even as useless an exercise in time wasting as watching Penelope and Tom fall for each other is, I had just that tinge of intrique. How could someone be disfigured in a scorned lover's vengeful attempt at double suicide and then be indicted for murder? How? How? Cryogenic Dream, that's how! A g-ddamn stupid who gives a damn cryogenic dream!!!!!
Experimental? Daring? Inventive? ABRE LOS OJOS, IMBECILE !!!!!!!!!!!!
Question. Was the original Spanish version based on the same lame pretext? I would have hoped for bettter from Europeans.
It pains me that this film is doing modestly well in the box office. I would like to think that the competition is equally poor right now. I really liked Crowe's Almost Famous effort last time. I hope to God he's not going to give us more of this stuff. Please.