Stinker for the Homonym Honeys

Rating: Null/10 (17 December 2001)

Vanilla Sky (5 out of 10) By C.J. Cauley
"Vanilla Sky" is a remake of a Spanish language film, "Abre los Ojos" (Open Your Eyes), that also stars Penelope Cruz. Tom Cruise, re-teaming with his "Jerry McGuire" director, Cameron Crowe, liked the original movie so much, he bought the rights to it in 1999. "Vanilla Sky" is a roller coaster of conspiracy theories and plot twists that will leave your head spinning. The problem is, once it gets started, your head won't stop spinning for about two and a half hours. That's how long it takes the new players to act out this facade of a psychological thriller.
Cruise is rich, handsome, disgusting womanizer, David Aames, who loves and leaves one too many women. The one in question is the beautiful, if slightly psychotic Julie, played by Cameron Diaz. When David shows an interest in his next conquest who just so happens to be his best friend's girlfriend, Cruz reprising her role as Sofia, she decides it's time for his comeuppance. Julie hunts him down and drives them both off an overpass into a wall. The result is a wounded arm, hideous disfigurement and a murder charge for David. Throw all this and a jealous best friend, Jason Lee, into the mix and you've got what appears to be all the makings of a suspenseful photoplay. And it is, for a while.
The majority of the movie is told in flashbacks as a masked Cruise pours his heart out to his psychiatrist played by Kurt Russell. We find out David is an orphan who was left a publishing company. He has 51% of the company, the board members, who he refers to as the Seven Dwarves, control 49%. They are in a constant struggle and David is eventually convinced the board is out to get him. He knows someone set him up for murder. Was it the board? Or was it his best friend? Or the family lawyer? Or the dead ex-girlfriend? It couldn't possibly be Sofia, she's too damn cute. Or maybe, just maybe, he's just plain crazy.
"Vanilla Sky" starts out on the right foot. Cruise reverts back to his days as Maverick in "Top Gun" for the first half of the movie. He's a show boating playboy who flaunts his wealth and goes through women faster than you can say "one night stand." Then, at first glance, he finds someone he can love, someone who can make him a better person. Who cares if it's his best friend's girl, right? Sofia is too good to be true. Her big puppy dog eyes don't hide the fact that she was just as big a push over as the women who came before her. She falls for his charms instantly and brings him home the same night. But, Julie isn't quite done with him yet.
After the accident, the best doctors in the world can't put David back together again and he is forced to return to his life not as pretty as he left it but still determined to win the girl of his dreams. Soon, a six-million-dollar-man team calls and let's David know they can rebuild him. Suddenly he has his face back, his arm miraculously heals and of course he has won over the girl. That's when the conspiracy theories start flying. David finds himself behind bars not once but twice and discovers he's in way over his head. "Vanilla Sky" features cameos by big name Hollywood talent like Steven Spielberg and a few moments of bliss with the homonym sweethearts, Cruise and Cruz, but the story quickly gets convoluted from there.
So many conspiracies abound that it's frustrating. Everyone is a suspect and just when you think you've got it all figured out, you find out you're wrong. When that happens, once, twice even three times in a movie then the screen writers have done their job. The problem is "Vanilla Sky" does it so often that by the end of the first hour and a half you find yourself begging for the end just so you can find out once and for all what the heck is going on. They simply go too far and too long with the "what ifs." But that's not the worst part, not by a long shot. Once they've finally thrown so much out there that you think the movie will absolutely never end, it does. Terribly.
The ending of "Vanilla Sky" didn't just stink, it sucked. It left me thinking "I waited two and a half hours for this?!" With all of the teasing and innuendo you'd think they would have come up with a really clever ending. Keep thinking. The best part of this movie was seeing the New York sky line with the World Trade Centers still intact in all of their glory. Even the appeal of the Hollywood "It" couple in the cast cannot save the plot from terrible doom. "Vanilla Sky" is great for about an hour and it's good for about another hour. By then you'll be checking your watch to see when the torture will finally end. That last half hour lasts for days and winds up leaving a bad taste in your mouth that could linger for years.