Jon Monsarrat review: Good acting, silly action

Rating: 4/10 (12 May 2004)

I love action films and I don't need a lot of drama -- Jackie Chan and Arnold Schwartzenegger are fine. But I like the action to be clever, with some plot twists and powerful tension. Not in this film. Van Helsing has some strong acting by Hugh Jackman and Richard Roxburgh, but it's just tremendously silly. Sort of like "The Mummy", where someone shouts "Place the amulet into the magic box and make the secret cross and spinkle some sand over the tomb quick before the pharaoh ghost of the hell people blinks twice before midnight!" Yadda yadda yadda.
A lot of films get caught up in this trap. Rather than making a dramatic impact with a rich personal story (something that Hellboy attempts, but fails)... they try to shock us with a lot of monsters. But there are so many of them and different types and exceptions and silver crosses work on some but not others... it all melts down into so much uninteresting bother. Where's the dramatic tension if the plot is too silly to be believed?
There is a touch of bona fide action in the movie but a lot of it is hammed up as well. You know, conveniently placed ropes for swinging. There is a lot of swinging in the film. Apparently if you grab someone at the end of a 10 story fall the instant deceleration doesn't kill them. Huh. What do you know.
I did feel the visual flying effects worked better than Spiderman (which just left me dizzy and disoriented). Kate Beckinsale isn't given much of a role, and she does nothing with it. I didn't see any chemistry, romantic or otherwise.
Who should see this film:
-- Hugh Jackson fans, but only on a rainy day.
-- Tall guys whose heads blink but they're really good, not evil
I nearly gave Van Helsing a 5 out of 10 but those silly Eastern European accents... argh... I'm giving it a 4.