If your idea of "fun" is stabbing yourself with red-hot needles, this movie's for you.

Rating: Null/10 (9 May 2004)

I'm glad I went into this movie knowing it was bad, so I wasn't disappointed. But still, I was unprepared for the horrors that ensued. Not from the monsters in the movie, but from the monster that WAS the movie.
There was NO plot or character development. I wasn't expecting much, but I thought there would at least be a linear set of events... instead, this movie jumps from one scene to the next with no rhyme or reason. Is it so much to ask that events follow some sort of order that makes sense?
The dialogue was amazingly cheesey. I've heard better dialogue from passed-out drunkards lying on the bathroom floor. The worst may have come from the Frankenstein monster, as he shouted out random Bible passages (Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...!") and screamed "I will have my revenge!" in a rather menacing manner. Except he was addressing Dracula's "helpers," these small Jawa-like creatures that were, apparantly, quite flammable. I have to hand it to the actors, though; they delivered all their lines without cracking up.
And the CGI. Dear God. What happened to guys running around in monster suits and stunt doubles beating the s*** out of each other? Must EVERYTHING be CGI? A CGI fight is hardly impressive. And if they must use it, why not try to make it look somewhat realistic?
Anyway, enough ranting. This is a fun movie, if you think stabbing yourself repeatedly with needles is fun. By the last third of the movie, half of the theater had left; only a dozen or so people remained when the credits finally rolled. It was bad. Really, really bad.