Not really a horror movie.

Rating: Null/10 (18 November 2004)

Vatican hit-man, Gabriel Van Helsing, must deal with Dracula, the Wolfman, the Frankenstein monster, and don't forget Mr. Hyde, in this overblown adventure film. Unlike a number of horror fans, I don't hate this movie. I don't even think it is a bad horror movie because I don't consider it to be a horror movie at all. It bares more resemblance to an Indiana Jones adventure than any of the original Universal films featuring these classic monsters. Wait a minute. Come to think of it, when I was watching this film, I wasn't thinking about Indiana Jones. I was thinking about Nigel Tufnel of Spinal Tap and his guitar amp that went to eleven. Stephen Sommers, true to his everything-but-the-kitchen-sink school of film-making, felt the need to turn everything in this film up to eleven too. He thought he could earn the love of the audience if he concocted the biggest and loudest film of all time. Not so. Did Mr. Hyde have to be a giant? Frederic March was much scarier and more interesting as a normal sized man! And why would Dr. Frankenstein make a monster and forget to attach the skull flaps so that the brain wouldn't be exposed periodically? Would Dracula's brides give birth to bats in cocoons? And the political correctness I don't think representatives of all religions would be working together under the Vatican to destroy evil. And, please, why couldn't Dracula's brides have nipples? No wonder not of their children lived! In retrospect, it is amazing how much the filmmakers of 1930's managed to accomplish with only a fraction of the tools at Sommers' disposal. In fact, the best thing about 'Van Helsing' is that it inspired Universal to release many of its classic horror films in thoughtful and relatively inexpensive box sets. Thanks for that, Stephen!