Dracula meets Cobra 11

Rating: 1/10 (31 January 2009)

Oh Hollywood these days! They seem to be too scared from original themes so they just repack, remix and recycle old ideas, spoiling everything in the mix. They took several classic monsters this time, took some good looking but totally off actors (they just don't fit into horror movie), randomly mixed ideas from about 20 books and 20 movies to totally inappropriate places and used about 1.004.245 computers to render very bizarre looking castles composed from bits of real places and lots and lots of monsters. The monsters do look cheesy (they seem like demos for old Radeon graphics cards), but there are hundreds of them so it looks COOL. There is no reasonable plot, just non stop action which looks COOL. The action scenes are mostly rendered so they can create COOL shots, camera circles around the action like fly on LSD which is probably COOL too. Everyone knows the story is unimportant, its only function is to bring us to another COOL action scene. Lots of Eastern Europe mythological beings are wasted - the Eastern horror stories are slow, dark and very bloody. There is no blood (to get good ratings, probably) so the whole movie looks like insane battle of little plastic soldiers - Cobra 11 style. Well if you want to enjoy this mess designed for 10 years old boys with attention deficit syndrome you shall probably take a lot of beer with it. I would recommend good strong European beer - otherwise you may start to think while watching which would seriously spoil the ride.