Outlandish, to say the least

Rating: 4/10 (16 May 2004)

I grew up watching the Universal horror films and when I heard that they were making this I had the suspicion that I was going to be disappointed. I guess I'm from the old school where I prefer original make-up over CGI effects and many times during my viewing of this I thought I was watching a Warner Bros. cartoon. Story is about monster hunter Gabriel Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman) who works for the Vatican and he is told that Count Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) is in Transylvania causing trouble but first though he goes to the Notre Dame cathedral and kills Mr. Hyde. Van Helsing takes an inventive Friar named Carl (David Wenham) along with him and when they arrive in Transylvania they are almost attacked by the local villagers but some flying vampiresses swoop down and he manages to kill one. He meets Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) who has been fighting Dracula and his brides as well and later Van Helsing learns that her brother Velkan (Will Kemp) is actually the Wolf Man.
*****SPOILER ALERT*****
Dracula has been searching for Frankenstein's Monster (Shuler Hensley) so that he can learn the secrets of creation and bring his own offspring to life. Along with the Wolf Man and his brides Dracula has Igor (Kevin J. O'Connor) to help him and after Van Helsing and Anna find The Monster they set out to get him. Van Helsing gets bit by the Wolf Man and in two days the moon will be full so now they must hurry to stop Dracula's plans.
This film is directed by Stephen Sommers who did the "Mummy" films and while he genuinely brings tons of energy to his films there are just too many CGI effects for my taste. The whole film is so cartoonish and silly that it goes way over the top and there isn't a scary moment in the film. Jackman looks like he rummage through the wardrobe department from "Indiana Jones" and found the right getup to wear and Beckinsale looks like a Victoria Secret model with her corset. Also, Beckinsale demonstrates so many flips that she would be a cinch to win a gold medal at the Olympics. Wenham as Carl is the comic relief and he has the best lines in the film like after the Wolf Man jumps out of a window he asks "Why does it smell like wet dog"? And why do the werewolves in this film have the ability to crawl up walls like a lizard and be able to jump like a grasshopper? Dracula wants to bring his offspring to life but they are in cocoons. Why are they in cocoons and how does the living dead mate? Roxburgh as Dracula is especially hammy and along with Beckinsale you have to chuckle at the attempts at a Romanian accent. The part of the film about the Monster I found a little more interesting but he's so chatty! Frankenstein's Monster speaks better than most people today and he seems equipped to be an English teacher. The last 20 minutes of this film is so silly and drenched in CGI effects that it ceases to be a film and instead is more animated. The Monster and Beckinsale spend most of the last 20 minutes swinging on cables like Spiderman and Beckinsale's character is thrown and tossed like a rag doll and there is no way she could keep getting up. As old as the original films are they still have more impressive special effects and are genuinely scarier but if someone told me they liked this as just escapism and entertainment I wouldn't argue. But for me it's just utter nonsense and completely outlandish and over the top and I still recommend the old Universal horror films over this.