More Dopey Than Jessica Simpson

Rating: 2/10 (27 November 2006)

Van Helsing. So Hugh Jackman tries to expand. With Van Helsing, don't push your luck Wolverine.
Review: Van Helsing, despite the cool name is far from it. We have a hunter, Helsing, who kills vampires and other creatures of the night. Reasons why are unknown to us. The first thing you will notice is the look of Helsing. Jackman looks cool at least. We also get Kate Beckinsale, so why does this suck? Allow me to tell you. First, The dialog. This movie must have some of the dumbest dialog ever. It will leave you wondering "What?" Another is the bad directing. When Helsing is given his mission, they show a picture of two people, one being Beckinsale and after given his mission, the camera looks ONLY at Beckinsale's side of the photo, not the other individual that is just as important. Perhaps Helsing was thinking "She's hot." "If I succeed, perhaps I'll get some." That's the impression that I got. Another is too much action. Many would not complain about that. So Crass, you would ask, "Why does that suck?" Reason: Some of the action is sloppy and with too much action is another way to dodge CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Yes, the ultimate weakness is a tremendous lack of character development. We learn absolutely nothing about anyone. That's why Helsing's reasons to hunt down creatures of the night is unknown to us. He just does. How uninteresting. Also the one who played Faramir in the Lord of the Rings movies is here, However he is a totally annoying monk that sports a hairstyle that would be unappealing to a five year old. His dialog is the worst. Also the acting is quite wooden, with the exception of Richard Roxburgh as Dracula. His performance is quite good. He seemed to be the only one here to try and save this movie, but it's a lost cause. What started out as a attempt at a new franchise is going to crash before takeoff.
The Last Word: Disaster. Van Helsing is a poorly executed, inane mess that fails on so many levels. I cannot believe that I managed to stomach any of this mess. The ONLY reason that this gets a two is that I gave Helsing an extra point out of pity. Jackman, stick with Wolverine OK?