Next time, proofread the script.

Rating: Null/10 (8 May 2004)

I watched Van Helsing tonight. I felt like it wasn't even the final release of the movie. One problem that you have when you are the writer and director of the movie is that you can't quite see when your writing is terrible. Sadly, this problem was in full force in this movie. Now, I'm willing to suspend disbelief to allow for Vampires and Werewolves and the like, and even allow for the changes to the legend of vampires, but to totally destroy the plainest laws of continuity and nature? This I cannot tolerate. For example: we see a scene where our brave heroes are at the bottom of a tower. It is snowing. Meanwhile, more than 300 feet up, it is raining. This does not compute.
The story terrorizes us with loose ends, never quite explaining how some characters ever came to be what they are. The movie glides forward on its special effects and terrible, terrible acting. When we first meet Count Dracula at the beginning of the movie, I was hoping so dearly that he died early on so I wouldn't have to hear his poorly coached accent any more. To be fair, though, Hugh Jackman was his same badass self all over again.
This movie, my girlfriend told me, was not good, but was cool. I encourage you not to believe this mistake. If you want a movie that is cool but maybe not the best, go watch The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, or Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. Or maybe even go rent a good one that's also cool, like Minority Report. Don't waste your money on this one. Wait for video. And even then, have your friend rent it.