It's a shame that so few realize how terrible this film is

Rating: 1/10 (10 January 2005)

Drawing on every clichÃ© known to man, Van Helsing serves as a testament to a plot based less on intelligence than it is on testosterone. This has some of the most facets going against it of any movie I've seen. First of all, it's doomed right away when attempting not one- but several classic horror stories- all pieced together like a quilt made by a mentally challenged armless...well, Hollywood director. It attempts to use the melodramatic air as classic and endearing but instead ends up with Frankentstein's monster yelling the most stereotypical "Why?!?!" while holding a dead body, and such witty lines as "Do you like to fly?" (or something close) when Van Helsing is lifted in the air by she-vampires. Terrible, terribly done film- but the most disappointing part is that it wasn't acknowledged as being as terrible as it was.