Van Helstink

Rating: 7/10 (16 May 2004)

Let me start this review by saying that I was predisposed to like this movie right from the start. I like horror movies and the meeting of three great movie legends - Dracula, Wolfman and Frankenstein's Monster - seemed to me to be an interesting and entertaining combination. Plus, the movie was by Stephen Sommers, director of The Mummy, which is one of my favourites. Then there was the cast - Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale and David Wenham. All these factors combined to bring a great sense of anticipation in me that this would be a great movie.
Sadly, I was disappointed.
It's not bad, by any means, but the things which make a movie great just aren't there. In trying to understand why this film didn't do anything for me, I can point to several factors, one of which, ironically, is one of the reasons I thought I would enjoy the film - the meeting of three screen legends. But let's go through it point by point.
Firstly there's Richard Roxborough. Now, he looks like a good Dracula, I'll give him that, but unfortunately, from the moment he opened his mouth to deliver his characters first line, I found myself struggling not to laugh. His accent isn't terrible, but it's just the wrong side of a Realistic/Carry On movie accent to be anything but humorous. Any menace his character had was ruined by that.
Secondly, there's altogether too much swinging from ropes, cables and chains in this film. It's entirely pointless, for the most part, and speaks of a lack of imagination when writing the scenes. The opening scene at Notre Dame cathedral, for instance, involves a scene with ropes. There's countless others throughout the film until you're left with the feeling that you're watching a Tarzan movie.
Thirdly, and perhaps the most annoying. The CGI. It's just plain cack. None of the creatures look particularly realistic, in fact, they look like exactly what they are....CGI. Now, you'd think that a director whose movie The Mummy Returns was so slammed for the awful CGI Scorpion King at the end would have learnt from that mistake, but apparently not. Don't get me wrong, the CGI in VH is not anywhere near as bad as in TMR. But at no point in any of the scenes involving living (or unliving) entities do you not know that they are CGI. Although not awful, at some points it does begin to make you sigh sadly. Likewise the cuts between real actors and CGI are not done as well as might be expected. And what was the deal with the CGI Dracula? Talk about overweight! That just looked ridiculous.
Fourthly, the combo of all the legendary monsters. I had thought this would be a good thing, but in fact none of the creatures got the development they deserved, instead being relegated to "also-ran" status. I think if they had picked one monster and written a story around that - a la The Mummy - it would have made a better film, and provided for sequels. As it is, Stephen Sommers has shot his load by using all three staples (and never mind Dr Jekyll at the start!) and hasn't anywhere to go after this. At least, nowhere that makes any sense, anyhow.
Finally, the physics. No, I'm not going to go all "undead-can't-exist-because..." on ya. It's just that a lot of the CGI scenes involving falling, or swinging from ropes just don't look right. The eye perceives something that doesn't gel with your experiences of reality. And, as a result, the whole scene is ruined. It seemed to me that most of the swinging arcs in the film were actually parabolas, not arcs. In fact, the whole film has a "watching someone else play a video game" feel.
There are some bright moments to the movie, though. Well...OK. One. David Wenham gives a truly hilarious performance as Van Helsing's side-kick. Along with Kevin O'Connors Igor, these two improve the film no end. I've noticed this before in some movies - when you care about minor characters more than the main ones - it's usually an indication that the film isn't that good.
In summary then, the movie fails to deliver it's promise, though I doubt that'll stop it from becoming a hit this summer. At no point do you really feel either frightened or amazed. Nor does it really make you care about any of the characters. At no point do you feel that VH will fail in his mission to destroy the Count. In short, there are no surprises, except the execrable CGI.
In other words, another movie that has failed to live up to the hype surrounding it, much like Kill Bill 2, although not that awful. I can only hope The Day After Tomorrow and Troy don't go the same way. Watch it once, then forget it.