Pretty but lacking in substance

Rating: 5/10 (30 January 2005)

Let's see. All the previous flicks that involved Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, Dr. Jekyll/Hyde, and/or the Tooth Fairy, were hardly known to b cinematic masterpieces. Unfortunately, Van Helsing keeps up the trend: a plastic array of special effects without any message or lasting 'That was COOL!!'.
The original characters- Gabe Van Helsing and Anna (my name! mwee!)- were rather cardboardy. Anna's accent has already been commented on, and frankly, it's awful. Helsing himself is the stereotypical action hero: brave, in love with the leading lady, and otherwise completely personality-free. Karl is also a cardboard cutout for the first half of the movie, only getting some backbone once someone needs to make like Tarzan and swing on a rope.
Dracula ... well, I haven't seen either him or Richard Roxburg before, but I was a bit unsatisfied with his performance. Sensual? Yes- TOO sensual. You are playing the part of a blood-sucking, 400-year-old vessel of pure evil. You CANNOT BE THAT PRETTY. Rrgh! Drac's 'brides' were indeed very pretty. However, their transition scenes often looked unimpressive.
The CGI was eye candy. Being candy, it was gorgeous but left no lasting mark. The werewolves were cute and fluffy (bad move!), and many of the CG scenes were.... well... they were pretty, but fake. So fake. Sighhhh.
However, the cow was cool.
Overall: 5/10. Good-looking popcorn movie. Still not as good as Indiana Jones.