Ahhh...the summer is here peeps, turn off your brain and enjoy!

Rating: 1/10 (17 May 2004)

I'll begin with the good things about the movie. ... ...
Okay now to the bad. Where could i begin? You have a movie with three of the greatest monsters ever created and things some how go horribly wrong. If i may for a moment say that this movie should've been Castlevania the movie but i'm extremely glad it wasn't as it would've been an insult to the series of video games which had deeper, stronger plots than this thing. Its obnoxiously loud, makes no effort for a little character development and makes some horrible use of the aforementioned monsters, including some sorry excuses for CG. Luckily for Mr. Jackman that he has the XMen franchise to live off of and lucky for Kate Beckinsale that she is a hottie because neither of these two have offered much of anything else in any of their other movies and offer even less in this one(what is up with that accent Kate?). Van Helsing makes quick work of getting its characters into situations where they look cool and say cool things. Unfortunately they end up not looking so cool and saying things that are irritating. Its as if the characters know they are in a movie and know that they can't be stopped because the script says so!
I'll finish off with this last thing. I subject myself to all kinds of movies. I enjoy great, timeless dramas as much as do dumb summer fair so its not as if i'm a pretentious film student who can't turn off the brain and enjoy some eye candy. There is room for all kinds of films in my mind and neither is more or less important. Anywho, I DO NOT walk out of a movie for any reason, not even to pee. I'm there, i'm giving two hours of my time for the movie. This is my philosophy and for 20 plus years of movie watching i've NEVER once walked out. For Van Helsing i not only took a trip to the bathroom but i went for a cigarette too! I could care less about what was happening which is a sign that not one character was interesting. Not one character seemed genuine nor interesting. So welcome in the summer crop of Hollywood crap with open arms and blank stares, its going to be one long summer movie season!