Auch.

Rating: 3/10 (3 July 2004)

This isn't a review as much as it is a part of a self-therapeutic process to get over a stinking experience.
Before I begin, I'd like to tell you about something that characterises this inflated project where far too much money have been involved. I noticed some advertisement for a writing competition connected to this film. It stated that you should submit a story containing certain words and among them was (I kid you not) "Van Helsing the computer game". After reading that, it was only by chance I came to see this film, as I walked by a free showing out in the open, no charge.
There is a certain type of film where you get the feeling that they cut down on working on the manuscript in order to beef up the special effects department. It usually has 'big' names fronting it, like Chuck Norris or Van Damme. Plot weaknesses are abundant and there is a clear tendency where every car crash ends with an explosion.
For a film on the supernatural set before the invention of the automobile, this sure do come close to that description. Lousy acting, a story so illogical it hurts even if you've switched your brain to "sit back and enjoy the ride" and a 'car chase' that ends with an explosion.
Some dosage of this might be forgivable if it is a shoe-string budget film made by a rookie and three of his or hers friends. This, in lack of better words, 'entity' contains digital artwork by WETA (Lord of the Rings), fabulous locations(among others a cathedral), made by an experienced director alongside actors that have been seen in cinemas before and costumes that Anne Rice would dream of putting on her characters. The sad thing is, it all feels wasted. A film that so much relies on special effects, doesn't even put them to good use.
Now I didn't expect high-quality acting or a great artwork made a by a great director. After all, Stephen Sommers did The Mummy Returns. I do expect to at some degree to find enjoyment. Seeing horrible versions of classic characters being torn to pieces (did they say "Here's an idea: Let's combine Frankenstein's monster with Tarzan!" in the planning stage?) on expensive sets in hopeless settings doesn't include in this. I had no expectations of excellence, but any hopes of mere mediocrity was blown away. Highlander and Universal Soldier are great series going strong in comparison. Considering that the original Dracula manages to be creepy by the mere use of shadows and make-up at a time when the director's title was 'herr doktor', then Van Helsing is an artistic failure.
I should say that I didn't watch the entire film. It being an outdoor showing on a plaza, I took time to go and buy myself a hot dog and some soda. I also arrived after it had begun, somewhere before Jack Hughman meets Kate Beckinsale.
Even for a free show, this felt disturbingly incompetent. This is from the guy who quite liked Underworld in some of it's moments; save yourself the trouble and do NOT watch this film. Valid alternatives include renting Highlander, taking a look at episodes of Narnia or go down to your video store, close your eyes and point at random. Both Willow and Ronja Røverdatter knocks Van Helsing down into his socks and those were made before CGI with main characters under 5 foots.