Van Smellsing

Rating: 3/10 (14 October 2004)

Well what can I say without feeling that I'm using too many words on a film that doesn't even deserve a mention? Any film that requires Hollywood actors to do Eastern European/Russian accents is bound to fail because, let's face it - nobody can pull off a convincing performance.
The score is horrible, the characters are the kind you wish just want to die and the effects beg the question - if you can't get into a film because there is far too much noticeable CG, then why don't they make the whole thing CG?
Of course, the hopes for this to succeed were non-existent ever since Stephen Sommers (Mummy, Mummy Returns, Mummy zzzzz) got his grubby little hands on the project. His direction sucks, his writing sucks - and he's done little more than wreck three decent actors, one decent actress and the entire monster list for Universal.
The only purpose for recommending this film to you, would be to realize how hype can make a film seem promising. Take my advice, make a switch to Asian cinema and Anime. They can manage an original story, because this one sucks well before the Vampires show up.