Manufacturers making Hugh Jackman Punching Bags: "Kaching!"

Rating: 3/10 (29 December 2004)

VAN HESLING When you think tough guy, is the first person that pops into your mind the fruit who played Leopold?? Apparently it is, because Hugh Jackman has been getting lead roles in movies which he has to beat up things. Luckily we have stunt doubles that will prevent us from ever seeing Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman ever attempt to sink his long, lady like nails into Juggernaut. Even more fortunate, in Van Helsing, he just has to stand in front of a green screen and flail until he works up a sweat. In Van Helsing, the only stunt doubling he needs is in scenes where he's required to physically touch Kate Beckinsale.
This movie is filled with "heros" and "villains" that would totally be demolished by the wind up Nazi in Hellboy. That's the problem with Van Helsing, the monsters are so CGI, we lose total interest in them. We can't fear the villains because they're so poorly constructed.
Oh yeah, there's a script too, which you can decipher through in about the time it takes to watch the trailer. The only reason you're not distracted by the production value and effortless acting is because you're being distracted by Kate Beckinsale (who feels the need to stay in the same clothes the whole movie).
VERDICT: * out of ****