A comic book comes to life

Rating: Null/10 (8 May 2004)

The trailers had me practically drooling to see this film - look at the cast! But alas...
OK, it's supposed to be over-the-top... just not this much.
I laughed out loud when Kate Beckinsdale first appeared, in makeup that wouldn't look out of place in a modern nightclub, gel curls, black leather corset, black pants, and high-heeled boots that can probably be seen on many women who walk down fashionable city streets today. Not very 1870s-ish, IMHO...
The stunts in this film were, in a word, ridiculous. A stunt should not LOOK so much like a stunt, that it detracts from the scene. That, unfortunately, happens a lot in this film.
The violence is very cartoon-like. The way our heroes would be thrown at high velocity and slammed into rooftops, beams, solid stone walls, etc, and get up without so much as a broken nail, reminded me of Looney Tunes characters Roadrunner and Wiley Coyote (remember how the Coyote could be flattened under a steamroller, but get up with a couple of bandaids on, and be in perfect health for the next scene? It's like that, minus the bandaids).
Something else which made me laugh was a scene in which a horse-drawn wagon became detached from its horses, and crashed in a huge explosion as if its fuel tank had ruptured. I guess Transylvanian wood must've been some volatile stuff, back then.
The plot? Well, it was silly. They managed to get in just about every monster they could. But not giving us the alluded-to background between Dracula and Van Helsing, which so obviously screams, "Prequel!", irritated me and left me feeling ripped off.
The special effects were very good. The vampires flying around were a treat to watch, but the 'wolfman' behaved more like a mad ape than a wolf, swinging from beam to beam. Come to think of it, Mr Hyde did the same thing... the 1870s must've been a real swingin' time for monsters.
The cast made a noble effort with what they were given, but it was a shame to waste such a good cast this way.
I give this film 2 wristwatches - that's how many times I looked at my watch in the theatre.
And I'd give it 5 out of 10, only for the actors and special effects.
Wait for the DVD - and then wait for it to become a weekly rental, so you get it even cheaper.