Fun in a 'Batman & Robin' kind of way...

Rating: 7/10 (27 March 2016)

I'll be honest 'Van Helsing' is a hard movie to review. I totally see both ends of the spectrum. It can be a very fun movie when one looks at it's corny audacity and monster set pieces. And yet it's just too much to ask for a whole hearted straight faced recommendation because that dialogue... I kind of hate and love this movie for a lot of different reasons some of which conflict with one another. In the end I can't quite condemn it because it's too much stupid fun.
There is no getting around the fact that it has one of the stupidest half-assed written scripts for any huge summer blockbuster. There are moments in this movie where Stephen Sommers writes himself into traps and a vampire will pop literally out of nowhere because he has no idea of anything else to do. My all time personal favorite moment is when he has no idea how to get our heroes to Dracula's castle so a painting suddenly becomes a portal. The characters are so shallow that whenever Sommers tries to squeeze in some personality or motivation it becomes jarring and hilarious. The Transylvanian Princess Anna remarks that she has never been to the sea as they explore Frankenstein's ruins. It's ineptness reaches a climax in the big finale when Hugh Jackman doesn't actually fight Dracula. He turns into appalling CGI werewolf. I felt kind of ripped off. It's bad screen writing 101.
And yet as far as stupid movies go this one is kind of entertaining in that it so sincerely believes it's smart. Hugh Jackman is the reason 'Van Helsing' retains just enough serious to laugh with and not at the film. If Sommers had Brendan Fraiser again this movie would have been a disaster. Jackman is perfect here. He is entertaining and adds the right amount and right kind of humor to his performance.
I don't know. All my criticism and smiles come down to me being a huge Universal Monster fan. This movie loves the iconography of the monsters. You definitely see where the money went on this thing. The sets and make-up effects are all spectacular. The cobwebs, the Transylvanian villages, the laboratory. I can't help but smile at it. The opening ten minutes alone are worth the price of admission. The movie only truly gets boring when it is loaded with CGI.
...and yet on the other hand I can't help but be a little angry that Universal thinks this and 'Dracula Untold' is how to honor their monster heritage. Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, and Lon Chaney Jr never played characters as superficial as these in any of the Universal classics. Everything is at face value here. The iconography? Beautiful. The mythology? They don't have a clue as to what made these characters appeal to monster fans.
I understand the hate this movie gets but I think it's far too stupid to devote any passionate loathing to. I loved it as a kid when it first came out and looking back at it I can still sort of see why I did. It's goofy and has fun being goofy. It's a 'Batman & Robin' caliber watch. You'll be entertained I think if you sort of smirk at it.