A tragic slaughter of an idea with immense potential

Rating: 1/10 (5 September 2007)

This had the potential to be one of the best monster movies ever made. With the superlative Hugh Jackman on board as well as Kate Beckinsale - specifically and brilliantly proved in this genré in the vastly superior Underworld movies - matched to a good idea, a sound plot, and a healthy budget, Van Helsing should have been a shoe-in for the #1 slot for the best horror/action/adventure flick of our time. In particular, the creature designs were nothing short of spectacular. Van Helsing's werewolf is hands-down bar-none the best I have ever seen in a motion picture of any vintage or budget. The transformations, the vampiric and other monsters, and the motions thereof were also absolutely top-notch and were paired with smart cinematography to create an astounding visual treat.
Sadly, all of this was sent spiraling into the ground courtesy of the most atrocious dialog I can ever recall seeing on the big screen. It's an odd feeling covering one's eyes, shaking one's head and blushing with embarrassment over a movie that you had absolutely nothing to do with creating ... perhaps it was because a group of friends was there with me at my enthusiastic urging. How awful it is has to be heard to be believed, as I lack the poetic talent to describe it adequately. Add to this two-dimensional characters, very weak character development, and inability of those characters to connect with the audience, and what we are left with is a total failure of writing.
This movie proves that the script is key to a movie's performance. Even world-beating actors/actresses and world-beating special effects fall face-flat in the dirt when matched with weak characters and a script that sounded like it was written by a melodramatic tweeny-bopper girl just beginning her run of puberty.
As an especially avid werewolf fan, I am angry to this day that the best werewolf ever to grace the silver screen was wasted in what was perhaps the most mortifying letdown in the genré's history. As much as I champion the Underworld series, I'll be the first to admit that the Lycan design for those movies (barring William at least), while not horrible, did fall somewhat short of expectations. However, good cinematography, excellent use of lighting, and above all else, STRONG CHARACTERS AND SOLID DIALOG more than compensate for this. Had Underworld had Van Helsing's werewolves ... wow ...
So in conclusion, to all fans of this genré who have not yet seen this movie, two suggestions: One, either avoid this movie entirely, or Two, if you must watch it, do yourself a favor and hit 'Mute' immediately after hitting 'Play.'