The Stephen Sommers Guide to Movie-making

Rating: 1/10 (24 November 2005)

The Stephen Sommers guide to Movie-making:
(1) Ensure screenplay consists of little but a series of continual action sequences, none of which advance your story one iota
(2) Assume that your audience will be indifferent to 'character development' and 'coherence' and ensure therefore that your screenplay contains neither.
(3) Instruct sound people to turn all sound-effects up to 11, no make that 12
(4) Tell effects people to lay on the CGI with a trowel and to make it look as cartoonish as possible
(5) Ensure sound effects and CGI combine to guarantee Dramamine sales rocket
(6) Employ an epileptic woodpecker to edit your movie
(7) Refer sound people, CGI people and editor to 'The Mummy Returns' to give them an idea of what you're looking for
(8) Laugh darkly and malevolently at the filmgoers who forked out hard-earned cash to have their taste and intelligence insulted by you.