Pantomime doesn't get any better

Rating: 8/10 (25 May 2004)

Anyone who goes to an arse down/brain off movie like this expecting masterful plotting, sparkling dialogue and characters with depth shouldn't be there in the first place. When you're in Popcorn City, you don't stay long in the museum of high art.
The New York Post blusters that Van Helsing `requires considerable suspension of disbelief'. No flies on those guys, eh, what with the streets being chock-full of vampires, werewolves and Frankenstein's monsters these days? Maybe they were referring to Kate Beckinsale's unsmudgeable make-up. Of course it's silly, loud and all over the place  that's the point. Those of a pretentious disposition are advised to stay home and pore over their Ingmar Bergman collections.
This is non-stop, tongue-in-cheek fun. Even the exposition is larky. As scene crashes on top of OTT scene, it's amusing just to spot all the films being ripped off/borrowed from/homaged/pastiched: Aliens, Raiders Of The Lost Ark, Stagecoach, Desperado, Gremlins, From Dusk Till Dawn, Star Wars, and any James Bond you care to mention. Even Dracula looks like the kiddie-catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
No it's not hugely original and the last five minutes don't do it any favours, but who cares? This is better than any of the big-budget dreck we were subjected to in Summer 2003.