This must be a joke... A very irritating, BAD joke!

Rating: 1/10 (16 May 2004)

Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney Jr. and all the other classic horror actors are turning in their graves right nowThe powerful, atmospheric tales they once made immortal are totally being messed up by a bunch of boisterous computer-effects freaks here! Biggest t**t of them all is 'director' Stephen Sommers, who seems to make a career out of destroying horror milestones. But at least his ugly 'The Mummy'-version had a bit of a story and followed some sort of structure. This film has absolutely NOTHING in it! Nothing, nada!! With horror, this hasn't got anything to doThe film is a whole playground for (awful) special effects and the latest computer gimmicks. In an incredibly clumsy way, the story lines of Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolf Man and even Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde are being mixed here. Key-figure in it all is Van Helsing, played by Hugh 'Wolverine' Jackman. In the legendary original, Prof. Van Helsing was named Abraham and he had amazing literature knowledge. Now, he's called Gabriel, he works for the Vatican and I don't think he ever read a book. He has a James Bond collection of gadgets and  on top of it all  an irritating and unfunny monk following him around everywhere. Dracula is played by a meaningless fool, Frankenstein's monster all of a sudden seems to have an IQ of 150 and the Wolf Man couldn't look more fake. Sommers is constantly making up new horror-`rules' and he seems to think he can get away with everything. Kate Beckinsdale also walks around in this film. I'll be the very first to admit she's one good looking lady, but she can by no means act! Her character Anna constantly smashes with her head against walls, but she doesn't lose one drop of blood. I'm not going to waste further words to this film: It's terrible! Downright awful and the biggest insult to anyone who ever respected the horror genre. Before it's release already, we knew this wouldn't be a very intellectual approach of the genre, but Van Helsing even goes beneath your lowest expectations. It's irritating from start to finish and you'll more than once feel the need to get up and walk out on it. Death to Stephen Sommers and his entire computer entourage!