Not All That!!!

Rating: Null/10 (17 May 2007)

I just viewed Van Helsing for about the 3rd time before I reluctantly had to admit - this was not all that AT ALL! The plot (if one can call it that) was so contrived one immediately wonders "why am I watching this again?" Oh yeah...for ol' luscious Hugh!!!! To be sure the special effects are dazzling. But this was the real problem with The Mummy Returns. After salivating over the Rock and hoping that Brandon would reveal a little flesh, the movie descended into one big special effect. This rather trite and boring strategy, an obvious (and unsuccessful) attempt to cover up plot holes, was alas, prevalent here as well.
Be that as it may, this would have been infinitely more bearable if Hugh had shown a little more flesh. After all these special effects slash changes, you'd think they'd have given the wardrobe mistress a free hand to work out a lil' sump'n sump'n a tad more titillating to show off Hugh so we can forget that this picture was just not the one. (belch)