Mr.Sommers owes me $13.90

Rating: Null/10 (15 May 2004)

I hated this movie more than words can describe.
It was long. It was drawn out. It was predictable. This in itself wouldn't be bad, but it didn't have the campy feeling movies like this usually have. If it was trying to be a satire of a horror fantasy action movie, it might have been interesting, but it was trying to be serious.
Here are some specifics that bothered me (re: **********SPOILERS*************)
1. Killing the Mommy Vampires didn't kill the baby vampires. If the first set of hatchlings were, as was said, one litter from one bride, it stands to reason that all of the little Vampires were created by the Brides. Rules of Vampiredom should ensure that killing the mommy kills the babies. However, it took killing Dracula to kill the babies. One could argue that it was Dracula's idea to use Dr.Frankenstein's method that made them, but Dracula didn't actually do the leg work. If anything, since it was Igor pulling the switches and Frankenstein giving the juice, killing one of THEM should have been what killed the babies.
2. Wipe the blood off your lip, Anna. I know you know it's there. I don't care how "sexy" that was supposed to look, it was annoying.
3. How long does it take to bite Dracula? If you're a big tough werewolf that can grab him by the throat and hold him there, giving him a little nibble should be easy as pie and not take 30 minutes of my valuable time.
4. The cloud scene was stupid and hokey as hell. We know Anna's family was all saved and could go to heaven. We're not retarded. Don't beat us over the head with it. Also, did this make anyone else think of The Lion King?
5. I think the vampire babies popping was subliminal messaging to get movie patrons to buy more popcorn. I guess that's not really an annoyance, just an observation.
6.If I were Dracula, I'd be carrying the werewolf antidote with me everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I'd have gallons of it made and carry syringes full of it everywhere. I would sleep with it under my (coffin) pillow. I would bathe in it daily so that when werewolves bit me, they'd be instantly cured and their bites ineffectual. I wouldn't leave it at the top of some stupid tower that's not easily accessible. That's just asking for trouble.
7. The howling at the moon scene after Anna is killed looked like something a Kindergarten Special Ed class would make.
8. I haven't been able to predict a movie this entirely since Sweet Home Alabama, where I sat on the couch next to my best friend and recited the lines, almost word for word, as the characters were saying them. NOTHING shocked me or made me think in this movie. NOTHING!!!!!!!
In conclusion, next time Stephen Sommers wants to make a movie, I suggest he save himself time and money and simply vomit on some paper for a script, then rub dog feces on film. The effect would be the same. Also, Mr.Sommers owes me $13.90 and 3 hours of my life.