Funny or scary, both or neither. (this comment contains spoilers)

Rating: Null/10 (23 October 2004)

All I need, to enjoy a movie, is to be able to watch most of it without thinking "There's another unintentionally stupid scene." I didn't enjoy 'Van Helsing'. Bad accents in the beginning, but hardly any accents at all throughout the rest of the movie. Vampires so stupid that they can move across the room so fast that you cannot see it happen, yet who never use that ability to dispatch an enemy. Vampires who shrivel up and die in fast forward motion when a bright light is shined on them (there were no claims that the "light grenade" was actually sunlight). The scene when the vampire spawn went to feed had most of the townspeople standing in the middle of the street at night, apparently just waiting for such a night to happen. How about when he was using the two hundred round per minute crossbow and hitting the brides with one out of every 20-30 shots, but when Anna was being carried away, he was suddenly an eagle-eyed marksman. How about the zero recoil pistol that fired a one inch wide projectile across a wide chasm and through half a foot of stone. How about when all those people were shooting at the werewolf in the cage.. didn't anybody think about telling them to stop while their friend was in the fire zone? Speaking of those people, none of them had guns when they decided to wait in the middle of the street at night for the vampire-spawn to come make a late dinner of them. Now that I've mentioned the spawn again, it makes me wonder how the purely scientific idea of the life of Frankenstein's monster can be linked via an apparently spiritual connection to their continued existence. And why did everyone insist on mispronouncing Dr. Frankenstein's name? After all this (and much more that I don't have the patience to note), I too would like to see 'Van Helsing' on one of IMDb's lists. I don't think I have to explain which one.