Not Even Good Enough For Popcorn

Rating: Null/10 (9 May 2004)

I assure you I am capable or recognizing a "summer popcorn movie" and am not the type of person who goes into one expecting award-calibur material so you can cease and desist.
Van Helsing was not even good on a "summer popcorn movie" level. The plot was hopelessly convoluted (the "rules" as to how one does or does not become a "real" werewolf were particularly ridiculous) with holes large enough to drive a Mack truck through (why exactly does Dracula need to create an offspring army when there are obviously plenty of vampires hanging about? Enough for a yearly ball even!). The special effects, while impressive, were so hyperkinetic I feared suffering sensory overload or perhaps even a seizure. The actors who spoke with a "Transylvanian" accent were practically unintelligible. And to top it all off a completely unneccessary and ultimately pointless romantic sub-plot. These are but a few of the things that make this movie sub-popcorn fodder. Thankfully there are others this season with plenty of popcorn potential. "Day After Tomorrow" perhaps?