It the mash! The monster mash!

Rating: Null/10 (21 May 2004)

Van Helsing
Directed by Stephen Sommers Runtime: 132 min
OK, lets face it. This film is pap. It's cliché, hokie, and silly all at the same time. It's a CGI simulacra filled with attractive, athletic men and beautiful women with luscious curves and outfits that leave just a smidgen to the imagination.
Non-stop violence, bloodshed not to mention 5 classic literature (One is pleasant surprise!) icons that never seem to tire of constant celluloid exploitation.
Maybe that's why it was so much bloody Fun!
Being the horror fanatic that I am It was hard for me to contain my excitement when I heard of this film. However over the few months that preceded its release that excitement gave way to scepticism the more I learned about the intended plot and characters. Incorporating so many horror legends in one film that was barely 2 hrs long? No sure if that would work.
Though I'm still not sure that it acquitted its self on those grounds the plot threads do tend to touch and cross but not unduly or clumsily: No-one legend is left out in the cold. Each has a logical place (though be it stretched within the confines of the already fantastical plot) And all have a go at the spotlight.
Hugh Jackman has found a wonderful vehicle to pour all the angst that he never got to express as Wolverine. With a spaghetti western inspired costume and weapons that even by today's standards defy the laws of physics and technology, he nonetheless manages to keep us entertained.
But why the hell is he using a American accent?
Richard Roxburgh as Dracula gives a level, measured performance that never goes over the top. But the look is never quite convincing and never intimidating.
Kate Beckinsale exists solely in this film to give VanHelsing a potential love interest and keep us all awake and the 14 -35 crowd interested.
Boos for the in and out, ultra fake Eastern-Euro accent. Kudos for doing a great deal of her own stunts.
The essence of the Frankenstein monster is effectively and expertly portrayed considering the amount of screen time the charter is given to develop.
And a perversely enjoyable performance given By Robbie Coltrain as a character I won't reveal at this time.
I'm a werewolf biased person. So I won't bore you with how much I loved the wolf. OK, maybe a little. A newly imagined man-wolf-wolf-man morph was inspiring! And the sheer ferocity of the creature makes you want to get on both knees with respect. The only character that inspires fear on any level.
Over all I think it was money well spent. Ten bucks and time that would have been wasted in front on the tube, XBOX controller in hand.
2.5 D@*%s up! (Out of five)
Go to the movies!