Crap on a stick

Rating: 2/10 (11 May 2004)

This movie is absolutely atrocious. I had high hopes that Van Helsing would kick off the blockbuster season, but my hopes were dashed as I sat through this mindless drivel. The movie was extremely disjointed and had too many things going on at one time. As such, it seemed like they changed from scene to scene every couple of minutes which never allowed any part of the storyline develop satisfactorily. With such a poor script, the actors were working at a major disadvantage from the outset. Hugh Jackman (X-Men, X-Men 2) did as well as he could in the title role, but this movie was so poorly plotted and written that no actor had any hope of saving it. Kate Beckinsale (Brokedown Palace, Underworld) portrays Jackman's love interest, gypsy princess Anna Valerious. Beckinsale's role appeared to be to walk around in a tight leather outfit and to talk in a horribly stereotypical "gypsy" accent. Richard Roxburgh (Mission Impossible:2, Moulin Rouge) plays a horribly ineffective Dracula. Roxburgh's Dracula comes across as wimpish and not as the embodiment of evil that past movie Draculas have been. David Wenham (Lord of the Rings) is horribly miscast as Van Helsing's assistant, Carl. The only saving grace of this film is its use of CGI to create visually stimulating scenery and monsters. If the film had been written and produced by a Hollywood novice, I could understand. However, Stephen Sommers wrote 1999's The Mummy which is one of my favorite films. Of course, taking into consideration that I was disappointed with his follow-up efforts in The Mummy Returns and The Scorpion King, I shouldn't be surprised. I give Van Helsing a meager rating of 1.5 out of 5 stars. Save your money for some of this summer's upcoming films and wait for Van Helsing to hit video if you really must see it at all.