Thanks Again, Hollywood!

Rating: 1/10 (10 May 2004)

Kicking off the summer movie season with a bang, Van Helsing is a wonderful reminder to why one should just go in to cinematic hibernation from May until September. The story makes no sense what so ever, the mythologies of all three monsters are horribly distorted, and Kate Beckinsale is 2 for 2 when it comes to Vampire/Werewolf movies that suck. I would have had a better rime if I had paid $6.00 to watch a middle finger on the screen for two hours. Either that or have Lon Cheney come back to life and kick me in the balls.