Anybody remember `Howard the Duck?'

Rating: Null/10 (8 May 2004)

I'll get to `Van Helsing' in a bit, but first
I was a huge fan of the original `Howard the Duck' comic book. Artist Frank Brunner told me this story: A few years after co-creating `Howard the Duck,' Frank visited the effects house, ILM, looking for work. As the ILM people leafed through his amazing portfolio, one said, `You draw almost as good as our guys. (insult) We have this film coming up called `Howard the Duck. We might be able to use you on that.' (injury)
Hubris and Ignorance, the film industry's most famous couple, eclipsing even Tracy and Hepburn, Astaire and Rodgers and Abott and Costello. (Who also met The Wolfman, Dracula and Frankenstein's Monster.)
`Howard the Duck' was made shortly after `Ghostbusters.' It was clear that the ILM effects team wanted to out-do that film in every way it could, and the result was one of the most overblown, senseless motion pictures in history. I was so shaken from seeing it in the theater that I quickly visited a friend who calmed me with Orson Welles' `Chimes at Midnight.' I was still shaking the next day, so we took in Eric Rohmer's `Boyfriends and Girlfriends.' Peace at last.
The film, `The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' was criticized for many things, but it did have certain charms of its own. One was the clever portrayal of Mr. Hyde via an actor wearing prosthetics rather than using a CG character, excepting the climax, which gave us a small taste of what was to come in `Van Helsing.' The second I saw a fully CG Mr. Hyde appear in `Van Helsing' I knew I was going to have to dig into my library for every Eric Rohmer film I had. Clearly, ILM was out to prove that it could over-blow any movie, even `Howard the Duck.' More is not better, guys, especially when every eye in the theater understands that what they are looking at is not in the least bit real. I have to blame director Stephen Sommers here. With `The Mummy Returns' he demonstrated that he could push, push, push, the effects crews to the point where the best they could do was their worst.
I managed to sit through `Van Helsing' without trauma, but only because I had been inoculated with `Howard the Duck.' Is `Van Helsing' as horrible as everyone says? Be your own judge. Lot's of people I saw it with seemed to enjoy themselves. But before you go, make sure to rent an amusing, slowly paced French film for your recovery.
PS  I really liked `Deep Rising.' Dial it back, Steve.