UP - the Saddest Cartoon Ever..

Rating: 1/10 (30 May 2009)

yes, this review contains tons of spoilers, so if you read it - you probably won't want to see the movie.. UP has been peddled to us by Pixar studio and many critics as Pixar's "funniest cartoon ever", well, some add "arguably" to this sentence, which did not make it any less misleading.. don't get me wrong, i love Pixar and all the masterpieces they gave us over the years, which only adds to my surprise and disappointment over UP - such a professional and famous studio either consciously joined other dishonest movie factories in an effort to advertise their product falsely, or for some unknown reason no one at Pixar understands what they created..
and now - this is the movie in a nutshell (and a million spoilers, so you may want stop reading right here):
1. boy meets girl, they both are mad about famous explorer and dream of traveling to some south American land "lost in time" discovered by this guy, who actually disappears from public view being ridiculed by scientists who do not believe the skeleton of an unknown bird he found is real.. well, boy marries girl..
2. in 5 silent minutes narrated by the music Pixar geniuses show us the life of this cute couple, from happy marriage to the moment they discover she can't have kids (or was it a miscarriage you tried to show us in this happy funny movie, Pixar guys ?) to two of them getting old to her dying from cancer (or what was it that killed her, Pixar friends ?) and him being stuck in the same house, which is now surrounded on all sides by new high-rises, while some developers looking like men in black try to squeeze the poor old guy out of his house and his piece of land.. i'll be honest, the short story of their life ending with wife's' death brought me to tears.. and i was going to see a funny cartoon..
also, as we're shown this couple spent all their life in the same house, and husband never achieved anything beyond the position of balloon vendor in a local park.. what the hell ?
3. old dude is visited by an overweight inapt boy scout who wants to help him in any way to earn "help elderly" badge..
4. old man is fed up, he attacks one of the construction workers, court rules he has to vacate the house, and right when two indifferent dudes from assisted living place come to pick him up he fills up thousands of balloons he has from his job with gas and launches his whole house into aerial adventure.. let me also say that throughout the whole movie he constantly looks at the pictures of his deceased wife and talks to her, which is very painful to watch..
5. Fat boy scout somehow jumps aboard the house, and is stuck there with old man...
6. they arrive to south America by means of huge storm..
7. miraculously they find themselves almost at the very spot old man dreamed reaching all his life.. they meet a weird talking dog (she uses
special translating electronic collar) and a huge weird bird..
8. they travel together trying to land the house at the designated water fall, while we find out that this dog is one of many "talking dogs" raised and put in servitude by the famous explorer, who is still, for like 60 years hiding with his huge blimp in a cave in the vicinity somewhere, trying to catch this rare bird, yes the very bird that old man and fat boy scout befriended.. old man meets explorer (who is apparently 150 years old at this point, but looks as "young" as old man), soon they figure out that Mr. explorer is cold-blooded killer who is ready to dispatch of anyone standing between him and the bird, and an "indiana jones" type sequence of events transpires before our eyes, during which the meanest talking dogs and Mr. evil explorer plunge to their deaths, old man looses the house, but comes in possession of the blimp and everything on it, as well as the army of remaining talking dogs..
good adventure, terrific graphics, but...could this cartoon be any more sad ? and did i mention that poor fat boy scout lives with stepmother and abandoned by his real dad ? i don't know about you, but i wish there was a law that would let me sue a movie studio for false and misleading advertising..
if i knew how depressing UP is - i'd never gone to see it..
yes, there is ton of "funny" stuff in this movie, the interaction of old man and boy scout and talking dog and huge bird, and every character's graphics is funny and cartoonish, but none of this joyful ha-ha stuff manages to even remotely disguise the extremely sad plot lines..
old man is heartbroken about his wife the entire movie, the whole balloon journey is about fulfilling her dream of getting to this south American place (why they never tried to get there in their 60 years together is beyond understanding, particularly given that they did not have any kids to look after (we were explained that all too well)), the boy scout is heartbroken about his dad leaving him, the bird gets injured by evil dogs (though recovers later), the famous explorer reveals himself as a homicidal maniac, and so forth...
yes, as a story about the unlikely friendship, helping friends, fulfilling dreams and other crap like this - this cartoon is great..
but as an "arguably" the funniest Pixar work it fails so miserably, so breathtakingly and profoundly that i am nothing but sorry i saw it..
in no way it is for kids, and adults should know how heartbreaking the whole thing is..
Pixar, why ?