Action monster movie with lots going on, but nothing happening

Rating: 5/10 (25 September 2003)

Is it just me, or are vampires not allowed to be monsters anymore at the cineplex? Tortured souls longing for some form of salvation? Yeah. Entrepreneurs with an supernatural edge over the competition? Sure. Members of extended clans and families that spawn across the ages, hidden in secrecy in order to survive? Absolutely.
But vicious, bloodthirsty demons who seek to corrupt the world with cheap promises of pleasure and who feed off the fear of others? Not likely. I suppose we have the success of Anne Rice's "Vampire Chronicles" series to thank/blame for this, and with it the new mind set that being a vampire, although having a few drawbacks, is still pretty cool.
Although it never verbally acknowledges this, that statement seems to be present in every frame of "Underworld." Vampires live lives of exorbitant wealth in gothic mansions, wearing full body leather suits and driving fast Mercedes Benzes. No more lurking in drafty castles for these creatures of the night -- if it doesn't have a multi-million dollar ballroom full of vampires seemingly just lounging around all day, then it can't be home.
Kate Beckinsale plays Selene, a member of a special class of vampires known as "Death Dealers" whose job is to hunt down and terminate werewolves with extreme prejudice. Vampires and werewolves have been fighting for centuries it seems, and Selene enjoys her job of taking out the competition. Fighting has severely decimated the werewolf ranks, which is fortunate since the time is drawing near to reawaken a noble vampire who will seemingly bring about the final destruction of the werewolf race.
Trouble soon arises however when Selene discovers her lupine enemies are shadowing a seemingly normal human, hospital intern Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman). She soon intervenes, taking Michael hostage after saving him from the werewolf's leader Lucian, who is supposed to be dead. Selene's quest to discover the truth about Michael's role in the werewolf plot places some of her already shady superiors in an even more suspicious light, and puts both Selene and Michael in serious danger.
Whoa! Catch all that? Don't worry, you won't have to worry about plot all that much. What people really came to see is Selene whipping out dual 9 mm automatics and emptying countless silver-tipped rounds into her werewolf adversaries, which happens in abundance in this film. The werewolves also pack heat that bears ammunition with concentrated ultraviolet light inside, and since vampires and sunlight don't mix...
For those hoping for a film featuring werewolf/vampire hand-to-hand combat, however, prepare to be disappointed. The modern day Nosferatus and wolfmen are all trigger happy gunman, relying mostly on firepower instead of brute strength to do battle.
That perhaps speaks the most about "Underworld" and films of its kind. This is not a horror film, rather it's an action movie with monsters in it. There are definitely some gross werewolf attacks with horrific mutilations and the like, and the monsters definitely look intimidating, but scary? Hardly -- and for a supposed horror film that can be the unkindest cut of all.
"Underworld" is a comic book style movie heavy in the film noir, with all the characters inhabiting some unnamed gothic city shrouded in darkness and gloom. It looks like the filmmakers watched "Blade Runner" and "Dark City" numerous times prior to filming, and the result is a story that takes place in a murky and depressing universe where happiness seems neither available nor desired.
Beckinsale makes a sexy femme fatale but she can't quite bring her character Selene to life. She's all presence but no sympathy; a woman trying to invoke all the cool scenes from "The Matrix" while lacking the human core. Speedman also goes through the motions as Michael, a man thrust into the middle of a centuries-old blood feud and forced to just nod in agreement or turn his head away in disgust whenever some other character on screen speaks. His purpose in the film is only cursory. He's a living MacGuffin for the vampires and werewolves to fight over.
First time director Len Wiseman films "Underworld" like a music video, with stylish slow motion shootouts, pulsating generic techno music and wardrobes seemingly thrown together from an Armani fashion show. The result is too much leather, gun blasts and needless eye candy for the brain to comprehend.
Ultimately, the movie is two hours of unappealing characters snarling and fighting over who should rule a dreary and lifeless world -- something that might work as a video game scenario, but throw it up on the big screen and the pointlessness of the whole enterprise shines like a beacon.
This movie a least proves that bloodsuckers and lycanthropes are still staples of the horror genre, but I suggest you watch "Near Dark" or "The Howling" if you want to see novel presentations of the vampire and werewolf communities. Here they're just members of rival gangs fighting over turf, with very little imagination thrown in to make the story unique or interesting.
5 out of 10 stars. The movie is all dressed up with nowhere to go.