Why No Female Werewolves?

Rating: Null/10 (21 September 2003)

That question among others came to mind during long stretches of "Underworld" when not much was happening and there was time to appreciate the dark gloomy visuals. (I'm a sucker for these Euro-filmed neo-noirs like this one and "Feardotcom," et al.) I liked how they established the contrast between the elite, effete vampires (although one of them, the only black vampire, sports a Cockney accent) and the lumpen-proletariat werewolves. The vamps hold posh parties with fancy wine glasses and everyone dressed to the nines; the "lycans" hang out in subway tunnels watching slash-matches a la WWF fans. But they don't seem to have any women on hand. How have they reproduced over the centuries, just by biting people?
A movie can succeed in one of two ways: we take the premise seriously, or we don't. At the outset of "Underworld" it seems we're invited to take it seriously, partly due to the heroine's sonorous narration. Then when Kate Beckinsale and her partner casually leap off the tall buildings, bounce off the sidewalk and go strolling into the subway after their targets, we're all set for a nice juicy nightmarish thrill ride. Next thing we know, everybody's pulling out automatic weapons, complete with endless extra ammo clips; everyone's blasting away at everyone else without hitting much of anything. The "civilians" scatter, the police never arrive and the combatants slip away. We're asked to believe this sort of thing has been going on for decades and earlier for centuries before guns were invented. The attention of human society, apparently, has been largely elsewhere. One can imagine a local TV news broadcast: "In our top story tonight, Hungary defeats Germany 3-2 in the World Cup semi-finals; in other news, another skirmish between vampires and werewolves results in delays for many evening commuters, stay tuned for details..."
Don't get me wrong, I often found myself enjoying this movie on it's own terms, Romeo-and-Juliet-rehash and all, but the script kept butting in with details demanding I take them seriously, even if they made no sense. There's a certain young-rock-star-looking dude in whom all the night folks are interested; he's human but he has werewolf blood but they have to bite him but they want to preserve him so they can draw blood samples but they also want to kill him but they want to devise some new species, or something to that effect. (It seems the full moon is still a factor, along with all the syringes etc.) There's palace intrigue amongst the vamps. There are double- and triple-crosses involving both sides. There's back-story and blurry flashbacks and subplots. In some scenes it's difficult to discern who's trying to kill whom, and why. Maybe some of this was deliberately meant to invoke the chaos of a wartime situation. The script was co-written by one of the actors and by the director, who's also Ms Beckinsale's fiance; maybe there was too much going on to make it all coherent and cohesive. But unlike the recent and equally chaotic "Once Upon a Time in Mexico," at least there we knew we were watching a live-action cartoon. "Underworld" looks and sounds like it's supposed to be "Schindler's List."
Still and all "Underworld" is worth a look for the acting, atmosphere, art direction/set decoration and flashes of morbid humor; just resist the temptation to take it as seriously as it evidently wants to be taken. If there's a sequel, as the ending promises, I'll probably go watch it, especially if Ms Beckinsale is in it; I have the advantage of not having seen her before, so I have no reason not to buy her as Selene. But she could use a co-star with some pizzazz. Hey, I think James Marsters is free nowadays....
Best line: the werewolf boss to his unruly brawling minions: "Put some clothes on, please..."
BTW I seem to recall from "Interview with the Vampire" that a human child who becomes a vampire stays a child forever, yet Selene, who was "turned" as a child, still managed to "grow up." Who gets to write "the rules" these days, anyway? The "godfather," Bram Stoker, made most of it up himself....