Bela Lugosi's Dead

Rating: 1/10 (29 September 2003)

Now don't get me wrong -- an epic battle between vampires and werewolves has a lot of potential for a cool movie. After all, werewolves are big, hairy monsters with claws, and vampires are effeminate pale-skinned people who wear stylish clothes and have a thirst for blood.
Unfortunately, when the vampires can't fly and cast visible reflections, and the werewolves' only superhuman ability involves running at highway speeds, one has to wonder -- what kind of vampires and werewolves ARE these?
But the movie quickly answers this question by reducing all the significance of the two creatures to molecular biology. Oh, you thought vampires were really the undead? Pfft.
At least the audience can empathise with the pain and suffering of the war-wounded by means of the painfully wooden acting, and the suffering caused by exposure to yet another Romeo and Juliet "forbidden love" story ripoff.
Bela Lugosi's dead... and so are cool monster movies.