I get the point already!

Rating: 4/10 (8 October 2004)

I went to see this movie hoping to see something to rival that masterpiece of below average filmaking, "Queen of the Damned". I realize now, that my standards may have been too high.
The costumes (and by costumes I mean outfits) were lovely, and this was understandably the selling point of the movie; I won't argue with black leather and castles (let's face it, the scenery, like the cars and weapons, were actually just really cool outfits). Unfortunately, even visually the cast was not up to the task. Kate Beckinsale was reasonably easy on the eyes, but Scott Speedman really wasn't cutting it as a lead role in a movie which should have been largely about eye-candy (cf. Stuart Townsend), and the supporting cast could not really be relied on for support in this area.
The visuals, however, could have been overcome, if we didn't have to pause between slow-moving scenes to recap--in painful detail--the plot (presumably for those members of the audience who had ducked out to see if anything better could be found in another theater). I found the big yellow signs captioned "warning: plot twist ahead", which appeared at intervals during the stilted dialog, to be distracting to the overall flow of the movie.
In a movie of this quality, it is always possible to regain some entertainment value in the category of "Worse than we could have ever hoped." I was able, for example, while watching "Queen of the Damned", to overlook its worst features by laughing at the recycled effects from other movies (My favorite being the left-over rose petals from "American Beauty"). In this movie, however, the awkward pauses, and even more awkward plot expositions were simply not funny, and though I tried to laugh, only a slightly embarrassed chuckle would come out.
Overall, I am sorry that I was not a quite a bit more drunk when I watched this film. I think passing out occasionally would have really helped the plot along, and also would have made it much more exciting for me.