Save your 9 Bucks!!!

Rating: 3/10 (22 September 2003)

Save your 9 bucks or whatever the price of movies are now. It was the most unbearable piece of trash I have ever seen. The acting was terrible outside of Kate Beckinsale (who was gorgeous) and Kahn (played by Robbie Gee from Snatch). Kraven seemed as if he was the kid who was always picked last for kick ball, always whining. Sophia (the Vampire who is the jealous blond) seemed like she was the hot chick that only wanted to date the quarterback, but never got to. It was a pitiful display of characters. With the exception of Selene (Beckinsale) and Kahn (Gee) I couldn't put up with a single actor. However, I was impressed to notice that Bill Nighy from the movie Still Crazy has found some work as Viktor.
The special effects were terrible; it was as if they used the same sequence of her feet hitting the ground at two different times in the movie. Which was quite obvious that she was on wires the way that she hit the ground. I'm almost positive that my school's film group could've done a better job given the time (and money). The computer generation was also terrible and easy to locate. They used slow motion where there shouldn't have been any, sped up the film when there wasn't a need for it, and cut any semblance of flashbacks they tried to show.
They also couldn't decide whether the vampires adhered to the rules (that we all know and love) or not. We constantly saw reflections in mirrors, glass, etc. Inconsistencies in the strengths of vampires and the lycans (sucks to that, I'm calling them werewolves) was evident through out the film. One minute they had werewolves breaking through cement walls, the next they were being held by common chains. Bullets that couldn't break a chain one minute easily did the next. and when doors were locked, why would they have to shoot them open? Can't both of these species break wood fairly easily?
Most of what I've been mention has been visual and/or minor inconsistencies that I would normally over look were it a good movie. Unfortunately, you need B to have A, hence I noticed everything stated above. The plot line was crap!! I had been reading reviews and comics about how it was the `the Romeo and Juliet for the monster-loving crowd'. If that was Romeo and Juliet, then I seriously missed something when we read that book in high school. I never knew that Juliet was a reject of the house... And had fangs.... And drank blood... either way, the love-line plot was extremely weak. The two characters were hardly ever in the same scene let alone the same room together. All in all, the love line was crap. The movie seemed to drag on an on. People were falling asleep. I couldn't believe how painful some of the scenes were. It was as if Len Wiseman (Director) was trying to lose his job making this movie. I do not fall asleep during movies, but with this one, I was right on the brink of slumber.
The thing that surprised me the most were the people in the theater that liked the movie. As soon as the movie ended, I stood up and said to the friends I was with `I am so sorry I brought you guys to this. That was terrible!!' People were looking at me like I was wierd or something. They thought it was a good movie. People laughed at parts of the movie where I couldn't see anything remotely funny. Normally I get the joke, but don't laugh cuz it's stupid, just like the audience. This time when people laughed I just didn't know what was going on.
All in all, the movie was way too long. Too many long pauses, too many shots of people's faces and eyes that were completely unnecessary. too many long entrances for people we already know. It would have been a decent action movie were it about an hour shorter. it woulda been a better movie if it hadn't been so deadpan all the time. A good joke here or there would have been nice.
So essentially, what I'm trying to say is don't go see Underworld, unless you aren't paying for it and have nothing better to do than torture yourselves for 2 solid hours of crap. Which is what my friends and I did. :)