What Crap

Rating: Null/10 (24 February 2004)

I was itching to see this movie during its hype. Werewolves, vampires, butt-kickery, stuff blowing up maybe. Yes I would like to be included.
Then it started and, wow, was it ever crap. The cool thing about Vampires and Werewolves is that they are supernatural creatures with preternatural abilities. They have claws and teeth and they're very strong and move very fast, no? So it makes sense that they use those abilities to shoot at each other how? (Interesting Aside: Taking a page from the You-Can't-Fire-Me-I-Quit School of Combat it seems the werewolves in this movie turn into huge wolfmen so that they'll make a larger target for vampire bullets.)

Underworld fails to deliver anything worth your time except maybe looking pretty slick. The shoot outs are uninspired and poorly conceived. The fight scene at the end of the film when the filmmakers at long last whip out with some decent action, was too little too late. The Romeo & Juliet plot arch is slapped on and so trite it will make you wince. You will be required to sit through long scenes which establish How Vampires Work, because you've been bad and the filmmakers mean to punish you.
After seeing this movie - this is not an exaggeration, I honestly did this - I called everyone I knew and advised them not to see it.