Lame is a Four Letter Word

Rating: 1/10 (3 January 2005)

We have a hot female vampire in tight black leather. We have the cranky goth-wannabe male vampire who obviously has the hots for her, unrequited. We have ages-long war with another immortal species. We have forbidden love. We have a "cool" term for something that has a common and universal name, i.e., "Lycan"(thrope) for "werewolf" -- and the common name has to be used anyway, to explain what "Lycan" means. Lots of black, lots of flowing long coats, lots of oooh, isn't this just the most romantic? Well, it's not. There's nothing innovative about the script, the characters, or even the visuals. This movie is intended to appeal to teenaged boys, with Kate Beckinsale stalking dour-faced about in tight shiny black stuff (cameras in National Geographic documentaries don't close up so much on the hindquarters of their prey); and to teenaged goth girls, with the pale-faced loser vampires moping about like the world's on their shoulders. As has been mentioned before, this movie was released between Matrix instalments, and it shows, very painfully.
The one saving grace in this movie is Bill Nighy, as Victor. There are very few men who could put on that much makeup and still deliver lines with such delightful, cutting viciousness.
I want my two hours back.