Where were the vampires?

Rating: 4/10 (1 October 2003)

Vampires have come to a sad state of affairs lately. If "Underworld" is any indication, the only things separating vampires from humans is an ability to jump from great heights and land on their feet, and an inability to wear anything but black fetish gear.
Not that a lack of vampiric prowess is the film's only weakness. Far from it. If I must pinpoint a single problem that haunts this film to the exclusion of all others, it's a complete lack of original thought. Clearly, the film-makers are going for an anime vibe, and at that they succeed, right up to the final sword move. But why is every single money shot here so thoroughly reminiscent of other, much better, movies? There's the bad guy on the roof of the car stabbing blades through the roof from the "Terminator" films. There's the creatures crawling along the walls and ceilings from "Aliens". And far too many moments lifted from "The Matrix" to even bother counting. There's almost nothing here that won't remind you of something else.
The stylistic choices which are meant to be the film's greatest strength turn out to be a surprising weakness as well. Since the sun apparently never sets, we're given no information on how these so-called vampires operate. We're given only one brief look at normal humans, and absolutely no glimpse of how vampires and werewolves deal with them, or the normal world.
Which brings us back to the beings at the film's center. Namely, that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, special about them. They have no strengths, no weaknesses, and no defining characteristics. I'm not asking for slavish dedication to the legends, but if you're going to re-imagine them, then do so; show some imagination. Give us rules, give us attributes and flaws. These vampires do nothing that Chow Yun Fat hasn't done in your average John Woo gun-play film. There's barely even any reference to feeding on blood. What makes these people vampires? They rely on guns, cars, and cell phones as much as any human being. As far as I can tell, if it weren't for modern technology, the werewolves would clean their clocks. The film might just as easily have been about green berets who fight werewolves; there's no distinction.
Add to all this the fact that the most interesting characters are pushed into the background while the incredibly bland leads take on the spotlight for no readily apparent reason, and you have a mash that lands just this side of incompetent.