like a cat biting a power cord, you have to watch, but feel sorry

Rating: 1/10 (9 January 2005)

Writing about dreck is easy. I may review the Matrix one day, but figure I'll sharpen my fangs on this load first. How do I hate it, let me count the ways. If a movie can have a hot actress in black latex squatting, preening, glowering, and firing machine pistols in a manner that would puts Trinity to shame, why do I hate this film? If the plot can take a double helix turning spin, land on its feet, and prove very deft, why do I hate this film? If the acting is credible, effects are superior, and sets very credible, why do I hate this film? If I can love a good yarn about vampires and about werewolves, why do I hate this film? I think it because I knew I could watch it, and I knew that I was being marketed at, with all the warmth of a Roman Emporer giving the thumbs down at gladitorial combat. I'm on what's good about this film, although the makers wanted to sew clichés together to cover what is really a very minor story. I shouldn't mind so much, I did watch it from beginning to end, but I think that the film had next to no challenge to watch. Because it had no challenge, no engagement, I had no stake in it, I hated it. I want to know that something can entertain, enlighten, uplift. This film can only spin boredom into something that should have been half of every thing that it ultimately became. I am a little tired of what made a good made for TV movie in 1973 being elevated like this movie has been. Slick, overinflated, garbage.