So bad it's spiffy!

Rating: Null/10 (20 September 2003)

I'm kinda irked by the fact that I paid 10 bucks to see this movie (I'm a destitute undergrad in one of America's most expensive universities), but given that I've never laughed so hard in my life, I think I'll let that slide.
Did no one see this movie after it was shot? As in, while it was being edited? The whole thing feels as if it was put together by a man both deaf and blind. The plot is seriously contrived, at times downright confusing, and the acting is deliciously bad. Antonio Banderas in "Assassins" bad. Vincent Perez in "Queen of the Damned" bad. Hayden Christenssen in anything-he's-ever-done bad. I certainly got Episode II flashbacks watching poor Kate Beckinsale going at it ala Natalie Portman. They should definitely start a support group.
And speaking of Attack of the Clones, the artiste who penned Kate and Scott's romance in this movie makes George Lucas sound like Shakespeare (and that's *definitely* saying something). Scott's (or rather the screenwriter's) idea of a come-hither utterance to his beloved sounded like the kind of thing a child would say if it needed a diaper change. 'Course, it's kinda hard to tell who exactly is at fault here: the writer, or Scott Speedman, whose SAG card should be turned into confetti and subsequently burned.
The movie does have its moments. The fight sequences were good, and the costumes, sets, and cinematography were hella tight. And this is definitely the kind of movie I would rent, or play a drinking game to ("take one shot if the actors start taking themselves waay too seriously," "take two shots every time Euro-Trash-y villain comes on-screen").
All in all, I had a pretty good time. At least I got to see the trailers for Kill Bill and Resident Evil: Apocalypse.