makes one yearn for the good old days

Rating: Null/10 (14 March 2004)

Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney Jr. would be turning over in their respective graves if they could get a gander at `Underworld,' a tale about a war between vampires and werewolves that turns this potentially interesting conflict into one long, unending shootout.
Gone are the days when Count Dracula and Barnabas Collins defined for us the image of a vampire. No longer are these `creatures of the night' the suave, well-dressed aristocrats who inexorably  often reluctantly  seduced unsuspecting bystanders into baring their necks to fulfill the need for human blood. The vampires in `Underworld' can't be bothered with such mundane and hokey paraphernalia as coffins, crosses, or cloves of garlic - not even with turning into bats at the first hint of trouble. These modern day vampires talk on cell phones, drive fancy sports cars, use personal computers and fight with all the high tech weaponry modern technology and a limitless studio budget can provide. With all this fun gadgetry to choose from, what's the point in being a vampire anymore? The result of this is that `Underworld' plays more like an over-the-top gangster action film that just happens to feature supernatural elements than a horror film rooted in centuries' old traditions.
The werewolves are even less interesting than the vampires in this film. Not only are both camps indistinguishable from one another in looks and appearance, but the werewolves actually come across as surprisingly ludicrous and unconvincing in the few scenes in which they undergo their lycanthropic transformations. Special effects have become so impressive in recent years that even they have a hard time exciting an audience anymore. A case in point: when oh when are action film directors going to jettison that most annoying of all action movie clichés  gun battle scenes filmed in slow motion? `Underworld' has them in spades and they quickly become tiresome and boring. Even the typical urban gothic look of the film  replete with rain-soaked city streets and a perpetual thunderstorm taking place in the background  reminds us instantly of dozens of other, mostly superior outings like `The Crow,' `Darkman,' `Batman' etc.
`Underworld' should have stayed below the ground where it belongs.