If They Show Movies In Hell...

Rating: 1/10 (23 January 2004)

...Underworld will be on the Ultra Screen. *shudder*
Oh my God is this movie awful. One of the most worthless pieces of mindless, plodding drivel ever committed to celluloid. How is it that people on this board can actually LIKE this film? Did you watch the same POS that I did?
Negatives:
***Spoilers***
What's the point of being a Vampire when you don't have to worry about drinking blood? Hey, it's cloned now so no worries, eh? Why? Vampires do nothing "Vampiric" in this trash heap of a movie at all...they don't drink blood, they don't sleep during the day (because there is no "day" in this movie), no super speed, no hypnotic gaze, no transformation into wolf or bat, no flight, not affected by holy symbols...and they CAST SHADOWS AND REFLECTIONS!!! WTF?
At one point, Kate Beckinsdale's Vampire character gets stabbed with a knife (and passes out from blood loss (seriously...I'm not making this up) and rolls her car!?!!? Um...gee...last I checked, Vampires REGENERATED! Blood loss? Agggghhhh...
Werewolves climb on the walls instead of bounding after you? Why not call them Spider-Wolves? They seem to be totally inferior to the Vampires in every way, even though the Vampires are nothing special. What's the point of this conflict if the Werewolves have no chance? If you were a Werewolf, wouldn't you try to fight back against the Vampires during the day??? Oh, wait... I forgot. There is NO DAY!
I wouldn't have problems with any of these things if they even TRIED to explain ANY of it. Bottom Line: The worst Vampires and Werewolves in cinematic history.
The end fight scene is an absolute joke, too. I won't ruin it, though. You have to SEE it to believe it. Ugh.
***End Spoilers***
Acting was sub-par...especially the guy who played "Kraven." Logical leaps abounded. Nothing was explained satisfactorily at all. What was explained was done so in single, throw-away lines or long, drawn out boring flashback speeches. No middle ground at all.
Positives:

Kate Beckinsdale is easy on the eyes (only reason I didn't turn it off) - Cinematography is nice. - Some pretty cool direction at times...a handful of cool shots.

In short, if you care nothing about plot, dialogue, story, acting, pacing or Vampiric and Lycan mythology, this is YOUR movie.
I gave this movie a 1 out of 10 on the IMDB scale. Why? Because it wouldn't let me rate it any lower than that. Strike one. Two. Three.