NIGHT FALLS

Rating: 5/10 (9 December 2000)

Uh...let's see. Now I'm sure I saw this before...Bruce Willis...M. Night...a kid..hold on, now...lemme think...oh yeah...
This sequel to "Sixth Sense" should be renamed "No Sense". Completely devoid of anything that could be reasonably termed a "plot", Night starts us down the road to nowhere about 14 different ways and then leaves us without any payoff. And the "surprise" ending ain't no surprise, either. It's what your 8th grade English teacher used to call a "deus ex machina". For those of you who don't remember your elemental Latin...it basically means that the author doesn't have any rational way to end his story, so, instead, everybody gets run over by a big monster truck. The end.
And this movie moves slower than "Eyes Wide Shut". Never thought I'd live to see it happen. For a reasonable facsimile of the pace of this movie, I suggest putting glue in a bottle of Heinz ketchup, allowing it to sit and emuslfiy for 4 or 5 days, and then attempting to pour it over soggy french fries. Trust me. It'll be more entertaining than the movie.
On the plus side (and I'm really diggin' here, guys) there's some nice moody cinematography. And Bruce decided to forego the hairpiece for a change. That's almost worth the price of admission.
As for my pal, M. Night, here's a suggestion--try directing one that you DIDN'T write. That's why they have writers. They write stuff. Sometimes it's good stuff. No need to wear all those hats. Go out and buy some of their stuff next time. They need money, too. And maybe another actor, just for fun. I mean, this ain't exactly a nascent Scorcese-De Niro relationship, Sparky. Let's can it while the going's still good.
To the vast numbers of you who loved this film...and I know who you are... I got some old "Green Lantern" and "Flash" comics for sale on Ebay. And if you bid right now..........
And to those of you who haven't yet been suckered (as I, alas, was) into seeing this puppy, save your $8.50. Don't believe the hype. Like Jacob Marley's ghost, I am rattling my chains in an attempt to save you from the fate I endured this XMAS season at my local cineplex. Be afraid. Be very very afraid!!!!