Bring your brains, and a sense of humor.

Rating: 2/10 (14 April 2000)

What? Did you say that this wasn't supposed to be a comedy? Oh, I am sorry, I guess that I laughed so much that I thought it was a satire of the genre without having much of the outrageousness of satires. As you can tell, I think that this is a horrid, horrid movie. I laughed and laughed at the overall bad quality of the movie. It was so cliched, that if you saw the preview, and have any knowledge of the genre whatsoever, you can predict every event that will happen in the movie within five minutes after the title.
Plot-Cliche after cliche. SPOilERS SPOILERS WARNING WARNING SPOILERS SPOILERS WARNING WARNING Ok, the plot of this movie is a German U-boat has been broken by a couple of American depth charges. The Americans find out it is in distress. Meanwhile, McCrappahay finds out that he will not get to command a ship due to the general's lack of recommendation. If you can't figure out the rest you are in bad shape. He is on board for the U-boat take-over, and the American boat is torpedoed with the general on-board. Matt takes over, and the U-boat is fixed. Then, a German destroyer finds them and a battle ensues. As per usual, the americans win and matt gains respect. if you haven't seen this style of movie before, send me a message. I mean it's McHales Navy meets any war movie. minus the intentional humor. Don't forget the all-important self-sacrifice
Dialogue-the worst. Matt gives such trite, scripted words of encouragement that run along the lines of "You can do it. Reach for that star." This inspires SPOILER self-sacrifice END SPOILER Keital says "I'll set sail with you any day of the week." I hung my head in shame. 'Nuff said.
Direction-Worse than the direction in Breakdown. At least breakdown was moderately tense and interesting. They had unnecessary close-ups, bad angles (and I thought that Redneck Zombies had better direction and angles), and just overall suckiness.
Special effects-Good. About the best thing of the movie, although I couldn't help but think of Titanic when the American ship sinks (in commercials). The explosions were nice. SPOILER why do the Germans bomb so much smarter than the Americans with depth charges? is a torpedo really powerful enough to disintegrate a whole ship? wouldn't it take at least two? why does the dead body get torpedoes out of a FAULTY TUBE? Just curious.
Music-THE WORST music ever made for a movie. I laughed so hard at what it was trying and failing miserably at accomplishing. It was so completely awful that we all cringed at the music.
So, if you are in the mood for a good comedy, go see U-571. Or, if you can get past all of the essential plot conventions, bad dialogue, retarded music, boring movie, and awful people commenting behind you about how bad this movie is (i.e. me) then see this movie when there is nobody in the theater. Otherwise skip this piece of trash that is worse than Redneck Zombies.-----------------------------------------2