Very lacking and weak, but not all that bad I suppose...

Rating: 5/10 (25 October 2012)

I'd heard a lot about this film, and its sequels, and the whole phenomenon of it for years-I mean you'd have to be living under a rock not to have, it has been rubbed in everyone's faces for so long. But I found the look and feel of the movies, from what I'd gleaned from mags and trailers and such, to be revolting to me, and not something that I could ever truly get into in the least. I'd never even heard of any of the books. I only watched this first one because I was bored and needed to kill some time. I'd also heard of the intense hatred people have for these movies because they're so shallow and fake or whatever. I didn't really feel that too much. Sure I did a bit, some of the stuff with the two leads smacked of "ooo, look at us" and the vampire brothers and sisters strutting around all cooler than cool was so over the top. But no, the shallowness did not arouse my ire. I think that element of the movie just may be a little bit exaggerated. I've seen worse. For instance, there's this absolutely wretched little vampire movie/TV series called Valemont, that is an absolute ripoff of this movie, and completely pulls no punches regarding that. Whoa-a lot of the hardcore fans of this movie sound p****d-off!!! I wouldn't be all psycho about it if someone didn't like a movie that was took off a book that I loved. Of course, ya gotta remember, when you're in those early teen years the emotions are running really high about EVERY single little thing... I thought the cullen family were gonna turn out to be the bad guys and he'd have to protect her from them, and they'd run away together. But no, they were "good" veggie vamps! That was a surprise, that they weren't the real enemy. Surprises are generally good. The little pixie Cullen girl bugged me with her perky-perky hair! I liked Peter Facinelli as the "father" of the Cullens. I do remember him from Six Feet Under. "Cullen". What a delightfully wicked, sharp-sounding kind of name. It made me picture lambs being eaten by wolves. Moving along, I thought this film was so boring, and corny, and weak! I could not get into it. It was definitely aimed at little girls. It was all about the look of it, and to me it didn't feel like it had any real strong substance or matter to it. I like a little more MEAT to my vampire movies. Perhaps things improve with the sequels, I don't know. Frankly I don't really care either. I'll let these things come to me. I did like her in Zathura(!) but I thought Kristen Stewert was just horrible here. She acted like a robot dike or something. I could not bring myself to care for this frowny monotone-speaking bore of a girl or her perils at all. I never felt an ounce of chemistry between her and what's-his-face, seriously. The character of her dad was so stupid. Not that the character was literally stupid, but he was such a pointless "stock" father character. He just stood around and was the dad. What did we know about him? He didn't like to hover, he had a moustache and he was concerned for his daughter, and he was some kinda sheriff. To my surprise, one of the few things I did like was Robert Pattinson. I'd imagine lot of the hate for this movie is focused on him, but I liked him. He had character, he could be funny, and break out of the porcelain brooding poser BS and yell and wave his arms around a little. He played a vampire in an interesting and different way to what I've seen before. I didn't think he was all that attractive. He was definitely a good-looking guy, but he wasn't my type. I liked his personality. I though that running and jumping thing he did though looked so stupid! It just screamed wiiiirework! Now all that stuff I found just laughable. The body crystal thing didn't bother me, I thought it was different and mildly interesting, if not a little gay. The part of the movie I most enjoyed was the baseball game. Baseball is so much more fun and interesting when played by vampires! I liked the trio of bad vampires. I thought the Victorian-looking woman was so cool! She looked so beautiful and deadly and predatory, and the suave black guy was pretty awesome as well. He looked like a vampire pimp! And, in another twist within the twist, only one of these nastier more dangerous vampires was truly a threat. I thought the guy did a good job as a last-minute villain with his small part. So, there you have it, my humble thoughts and observations on Twilight, the modern day vampire phenomenon that never seems to go away,(just wait till this latest effort is out of the way) and which I never care to voluntarily delve into again any time soon. But who knows, Maybe I'll get "lucky". Dreadfully bloodless, cheesy and boring, and not my idea of what a great vampire movie should be, but I still didn't find it as bad as they say. Bye now.