Tween wish-fulfilment at is most tedious

Rating: Null/10 (6 October 2011)

We all know exactly why this film was made, let's not even pretend this was ever going to be any kind of artistic endeavour. Twilight exists solely to pander to the young girls demographic with pretty sparkly vampires and a blank slate of a heroine you can easily project your personality onto. Complete and utter wish fulfilment. Does the film do this well though? No. No it doesn't.
For one thing, as a person who never falls asleep during films, this was so tediously hard to watch I almost fell asleep during the "action packed climax" of the film. The acting is dull as a blank sheet of A4 paper, a myriad of pale, drowsy eyed teenagers not finishing sentences and mumbling their lines. The few good actors this film manages to boast are shoved to one side for more pasty, nauseating "romance" between our two leads, Pattinson and Stewart. On the topic of the romance, there is absolutely no chemistry between our leads yet the film wants us so badly to believe that this is some kind of breath taking romance. I didn't buy it for a second.
Even for the trashy romance novel on film that it is, It just doesn't work. It's poorly acted and painful to sit through. Skip it.