Bad book, ergo, even worse film.

Rating: 3/10 (2 March 2009)

Seeing as I am part of the .0005% of the female population that hasn't lost her heart to Edward Cullen, I'll probably be met with a cavalcade of internet flamethrowers and the like. Casting all fears of cyber-terrorism aside, however, it needs to be put out there how much of a travesty this film really is.
I went to see it with one of my best friends, who is a reasonable fan of the book (and by reasonable, I mean she can read it and not go "ZOMG EDWARD CULLEN IS MY MYSTERIOUS AND NON-EXISTENT SPARKLY VAMPIRE LOVER LOLZ"). Naturally, she had high expectation for it. I, on the other hand, had extremely low expectations, because as any Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, or Eragon fan knows, movie adaptations of books generally fail. Of course, there are exceptions. Twilight was not one of them.
I gave it two stars for a reason. The first start is because you can't have a 0/10. The second star is because I found myself in complete hysterics for 99% of the movie due to its intensely awkward dialogue, abrupt scene changes, and the amount of sheer contradictions throughout the entire movie. For example, Edward approaches Bella, repeat, APPROACHES BELLA, and proceeds to tell her that she needs to stay away from him. Um, what? You can't convey the same message by, I don't know, STAYING AWAY FROM HER? Congratulations, Edward, you've just ruined anything that vampires had going for them. While we're destroying Edward, I want to know what is up with that coif of his. I'm pretty sure that it's the worst style since the rat tail.
To give the film a sliver of credit, the characters are true to the book, except for Bella, who was 900% less whiny and co-dependent than in the book. There; it just got a third star. However, it also stayed true to the book for making the exposition and rising action last for 90% of the movie, then OH CRAP, WE NEED A CLIMAX! I believe an EPIC FAIL is in order here.
What blows my mind is all the hardcore fans that went to see it multiple times. I could think of a hundred other ways to waste my money, but that's just me. You see, there's this invention called THE DVD where you can watch it as many times as you want, at your own leisure, for the small price of $24.99. Good grief, people. Grow some brains.
Sorry about that last little rant.