There are no words...

Rating: 1/10 (19 November 2008)

Whatever you do, stay away from this movie. I watched this with low expectations, but they weren't low enough, apparently. I expected the writing of a cheesy fanfiction. I expected the acting of a kindergarten play. I even expected a bunch of tweens squealing with joy every time the "hero" came on screen. I still wasn't prepared. Don't get me wrong, all of those features were present in large amounts. I occasionally saw people in my age group watching this. There was a simple dividing line in the audience. Women loved it. This is likely because of the transformation of vampires from legitimate movie monster to weak, subhuman toys. I want to say something nice about this movie, but I can't. To say one positive word about this movie would be equivalent to treason. I can't describe how terrible this movie is without inventing new words for it. The acting was asdfgds. The writing was absolutely slacktopular.
I'll define those words when the English language catches up with this pile of excrement that somebody passed off as a movie.