Absolutely Terrible...

Rating: 3/10 (20 March 2009)

Just about one of the worst movies I've seen. Certainly the worst I've seen in a very long time, and I saw the Friday the 13th remake.
The acting was absolutely atrocious, virtually nothing felt believable or natural. The director obviously has no idea how to handle actors otherwise every scene wouldn't have felt as awkward as a junior high play. Also, some of the extremely bizarre choices of shots make me question both the directors sanity and competence. The insanely blue tones were pretty much as extreme as an annoying visual metaphor can be. The special effects... well... I don't know how to really describe it other than to say "are you afraid of the dark" had better fx.
The story perpetuates so many stupid stereotypes and thoughts about women being submissive creatures who are basically useless and unable to function without their man. Also, Ladies, love takes a little more than 3 random and occasionally creepy hangouts to blossom... It's strange that a film directed by a woman based on a novel written by a woman would have such deep seeded feelings of female inferiority. Seriously I've seen 1970's blaxploitation films and pornos that portrayed women in a more intelligent light!
The worst thing is seeing/hearing tons of girls/women talk about how "awesome" this film is. No offense, but thinking the lead character is "hot" shouldn't make you blind to how awful this film really is! A hot lead does not a good movie make. If nothing else, this film proves the point that if you can get 1 girl screaming for something every other girl will scream for it too, if for no other reason than to not feel like an outcast.
This film could have had some potential had it not taken itself so serious. Lets face it, It's a stupid story, with stupid characters why not embrace that a little and have a few laughs about it instead of taking every single painful to watch moment as serious as cancer with a side order of aids? Just about the only thing I was mildly impressed with was Rob Pattisons accent, good for you.
I'm sure tons of ladies and some guys would disagree with me 100%, but I challenge those people to tell me why it's a good film and have it make sense. It's okay to like bad movies, I like tons of bad movies, but you'll never hear me say "Mallrats is an awesome film!" because liking a film does not make it a good film. That's an important piece of knowledge that most movie goers need to learn.