Should not exist.

Rating: 1/10 (6 April 2009)

I respect that some people are trying to take this movie for what it is, and respect this tween-horror-vampire-romance-coming-of-age-angsty-drama slop-fest.
But I can't. This movie gives up all character development, plot development, and pacing for about 2 hours of staring into the camera with a perplexed yet upset look on a face, the most fairy-rific game of baseball ever, and about 15 seconds of what was supposed to be a Climactic Battle between good and evil, humanity and monstrosity, base instinct and morality.
On top of all that, it also goes and takes they Vampire mythos, rapes it behind a Hot Topic, throws it some change and tells it to get itself cleaned up, then hops in its Volvo and guns it back to Sillytown. A vampire with no weaknesses is not a vampire, it's a blood-sucking-super-powered demigod. And what would a demigod that has no weaknesses and has apparently been around for centuries (if not millennia) do with their great power? Apparently, move to Washington State, start a family and make sure your kids do well in high school. Vampires need to burst into flame in the daylight, it keeps them in check, sparking gold is not a bad thing. All that would really happen is that a vampire would pretend to be a male stripper and then kill everyone.
And don't tell me "oh you can rip them apart and burn them!" because no human can catch, rip apart, and burn a vampire without about 50 other humans getting killed, at which point another vampire shows up and kills the rest.
The plot is illogical, dripping with teenage drama (even though you'd think that at about 100 years old Edward would get over it by now), and all classic storytelling techniques have been thrown out for what sounds like a myspace blog from a Indiana goth teenage girl with psoriasis and a nub that is technically an extra pinky toe.
By the way, this movie would have gotten a better rating if they just had the damn Indians turn into werewolves and kick some ass.