This Movie Bites

Rating: Null/10 (11 February 2011)

Vampires...They have the the ability to turn into bats. They wear long dark capes and have black slicked back hair. They prey on the innocent for sustenance, they...sparkle?
Twilight is basically a teenage girl's fantasy brought onto the big screen. In fact that's exactly what it is. Stephenie Meyer who wrote the just as popular book openly admitted that it was inspired by a teenage fantasy she had.
So maybe other teenage girls and their lonely moms can relate, but what does that mean for the rest of us? Well put simply, it means that it sucks.
Twilight's plot revolves around the idea of a girl falling in love with a vampire that lusts for her blood and somehow this makes her love him more. Sounds stupid doesn't it? Well it doesn't end there.
The characters are paper thin, and Edward Cullen and his fellowship of fanged fellows all look like their makeup artists went a little to far with the makeup and not far enough with presentation. Edward himself is someone who tries to be mysterious and longing and Bella, who admits to being average, comes of as nothing more than that, yet her blood must be above average in Edward's opinion and Bella risks her life for his desire, is it because she loves him or is it because she thinks he's awesome for being a vampire? don't scenarios like this happen with teens in real life? It's not him, it's his car...
Anyway, about the film. The look of it is about on the same level as a high-budget TV series and comes off as cheap and bland. The CGI effects are some of the most laughable and goofy looking effects seen in awhile. There's one scene where Edward, "sparkles," when exposed to sunlight and there's the running scene that looks highly unconvincing. The sparkles are also a unconvincing part of the story itself. I know these aren't your classic vampires, but sparkling is just lazy.
One of the main reasons the story falls on itself is because, Edward says he wants to "protect," Bella, yet creates a constant danger to her. It seems like if he really cared about her, he wouldn't put her at risk, but what do expect from someone who's 104 years old and is still in High School?
Twilight tries to convincing and epic, but comes off about as much as a Syfy original and it's weak plot and undeveloped characters come off as un-inspired. It's nothing more than a dumbed down romance and an even dumber fantasy. Unless you're a 13 to 16 year old girl or a lonely mother or grandmother, don't waste your time here.