How is it possible to make a dull vampire movie?

Rating: Null/10 (7 December 2009)

There's no doubting that I'm not a member of the intended market for this film (a good thirty years too old, alas) and it's equally true that I'm also of the wrong gender, but the phenomenal success of this film is puzzling to me. It's quite difficult to make an uninteresting film about vampires – although quite a few have succeeded – but this, the first of a franchise, set amongst a high school milieu recognisable to its target demographic, is as dull as the palette director Catherine Hardwicke chooses to paint her picture with.
While I like vampire flicks, I don't really like films that play too much with accepted vampire lore. Twilight doesn't so much play with its conventions as totally re-invent them for its own somewhat cynical purposes. Twilight's vampires have no fear of daylight – they just turn a pretty silver colour when exposed to direct sunlight – which means they can interact with humans, go to school, hold down a job – as a doctor, no less; they have no fangs, no fear of water or holy symbols, and they don't feed on the blood of humans, choosing instead to chow down on wild animals. In fact, in many ways they're a typical all-American family: prick your thumb and suck the blood and you'd be as much of a vampire as these guys. (Perhaps I should amend that last sentence to typical dysfunctional All-American family).
Of course, this makes the prospect of becoming a vampire a not unappealing one; after all, you get to live forever and, if like the lead vampire here, you get turned in your teens, you get to spend eternity appealing to pretty girls of a similar age. This being aimed at teens, there's a strong identification with the trials of an outsider. The young heroine is the new girl in town whose father is the local cop, and the vampires are outsiders because of who they are. All of which makes them appealing to teenagers who feel the world doesn't understand them and who are subsequently unsure of their place in it.
To be fair to the author, it's at least a fairly unique idea, and the Twilight books have clearly struck a chord with young teenagers. The film is reasonably well made, and while it won't make a particularly enjoyable experience for most adults, it at least doesn't cut corners in the belief that it doesn't have to try as hard simply because it's aimed at a less demanding than average target audience.