Disgusting

Rating: 1/10 (30 May 2009)

I had never thought anyone would be capable of creating an unwatchable film.
Then they went and made this movie.
Never have I had such a compulsion to reach up and stop the movie, eject it from the DVD player, and hand it back to my friend the next morning. There were three basic tenants that drove this need to get the movie out of my sight.
First off - pacing. This film moves incredibly slow in the parts where it can't afford to lose speed. The viewers already know most of the details that are being revealed at a snail's pace and as a result, they start to drop like flies. Unless they're squealing over Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen, who I thought looked like he needed to take a bath. I mean seriously - if you're a hundred and something year old vampire, you can make time for personal hygiene.
Secondly - acting. You'd think the filmmakers would try to cover the fact that the female lead has the emotional depth of a rock. But instead Kristen Stewart plays the part exactly as it was portrayed in the book - a shallow, mindless klutz whose life suddenly revolves around a scruffy looking vampire for absolutely no reason. Stewart is at her most vapid, breathing loudly and delivering dialog in almost a monotone. Pattinson is slightly better, but the rest of the cast falls in with Stewart, delivering a performance that is only memorable for its terribleness.
Thirdly and most importantly in my view on films - soundtrack. Guitars plucking randomly in the background do not "create a nice ambiance". They are ANNOYING. And in this film, they are omnipresent. By around the forty minute mark, I could not take it anymore, stopped the movie, and grabbed my iPod to cleanse my head with real film music (the only stuff I keep on there).
In short, this movie isn't even worth watching. Thoroughly unentertaining, entirely vapid, how else can I say it.
1/10, because they actually made a film and all. It gets a star for that.