No fangs? Sunlight doesn't hurt? Oh, this MUST be a vampire film!

Rating: 1/10 (23 March 2009)

'Twilight' was one of the most hilarious movies I've seen in awhile; at least that's how it started. Reminding me a lot of 'The Happening,' I found myself laughing out loud during the first half and then simply hating life during the last half. I have heard this was meant for teenage girls. Fine, I get it and I'm not one. However, how I wish more for them. They deserve so much more. It's absolutely no wonder why this movie dropped its audience 62% on weekend 2. There are so many points to cover for this two-hour tragedy, I'll at least attempt to cover the incredibly bad aspects: awful, laugh-out-loud acting and dialogue/narration, horrible soundtrack, special effects were downright amusing, the bad ("Johnny Suede") hairdos and the desperate attempts at a franchise  let's just set up every scene to set the stage for the inevitable part II, III, etc. I'm just going to assume the people playing the parts (it's too nice to call them actors) read the original material. Well, the "I can't live without you" wooden dialogue seems like they are seriously reading from the book rather than playing the parts. And one of the worst aspects of this film was the fact that after all the lovey-dovey stares, (oh, God, the constant stares Bella and Edward give each other. STOP, please, God, STOP!) they seemed to forget one of the most basic elements in any plot  the adversary. OK. Well, let's introduce one 3/4s into the film in the shape of Brad Pitt. Why does he want Bella? To get back to the family? Why? Oh, I guess I'll have to wait for Part II. And yes, I plan on waiting in line for that film. I'm always in the mood for a good laugh or dozen.