Really?

Rating: 1/10 (29 November 2008)

This is one of the most inspirational films I have ever seen. It should definitely be shown in all film classes. It goes to show that you can have absolutely no talent for anything in the film industry, and you can still be rolling in the money of teens with questionable intelligence. Thank you America. Thank you.
But in all seriousness, this is an absolutely horrid movie. I knew the books were bad, so I didn't go in expecting much at all. Just give me the lame plot and be done with it. By the time the movie ended I was basically in a catatonic state from the awful. The editing. Oh, the editing. There is probably no possible way to make this movie more choppy than it already is (the shot of the waterfall that went nowhere? Oh great, a waterfall. Now let's cut to an obviously different location!). And lets not forget the ridiculously dramatic closeups of the eyes, how lovely. Maybe she was trying for some allusion to Sergio Leone's spaghetti westerns, who knows. It came across as ridiculous.
I think we all know these books are pretty bad, and that Bella falls in love with Edward way too fast. But this movie took it to new (and bad) extremes. Falling "irrevocably" in love after talking...lets say...three or four times? I can't say how many times I laughed out loud during this movie.
And finally, the chemistry. Or shall we say, the lack thereof. It really is a shame because the two are decent actors, but put them together I think Keanu Reeves would give both of them a run for their money. Between the blank stares and monotone, uninterested voices, I had more interest in watching the fly that landed in the seat in front of me. You have to wonder if when they wrote the script (although I may be granting them too much in implying that there was, in fact, a script), they said things like "No, this isn't awkward and choppy enough, make it worse. No, even worse!"
One of the absolute best parts of the movie was the catastrophic attempt at trying to convey vampire speed. Yes! Fast forward! Great. Now they're going fast AND it looks stupid! Perfect.
The only thing this film was missing was Mike Nelson and his robots at the bottom of the screen with a sarcastic commentary. This is a Mystery Science Theater worthy piece of work.