The Equivalent of Watching Paint Dry, but Much More Boring Still

Rating: 1/10 (13 July 2009)

I watched this bloody atrocity for the sake of reviewing. Saying my expectations were low is an understatement. Words can't describe how low my expectations were for this movie. I turned out to be right.
Twilight tells the story of Bella, a depressed, emotionless teenager with paper-white skin, falling in love with the equally depressed "teenager" Edward Cullen.
My first argument is the attributes of Bella. She lived in Phoenix, Arizona, but is whiter-skinned than a piece of paper. Considering Arizona is basically a large desert, this makes no sense.
My next argument is the acting. To put it simply, a rock has more emotion than all of the main characters in the movie combined. Bella speaks in dreary, almost morbid monotone the entire way through, as does Edward. This sort of acting does not add to the atmosphere, it's utterly stupid.
Basically, the movie is nothing more than scenes of Bella and Edward falling in love. Considering it's a vampire movie, you'd expect vampire-like action scenes, and there is one, but it's about 2 minutes in length, and that's it. The rest is nothing but whiny, mopey, overly-goth vampires whining about their lives, and playing baseball in the rain for whatever reason.
Another fatal flaw is found in one ridiculous scene. It's an established fact vampires die in sunlight. However, Twilight decides to have a different approach. When vampires step out into the sun, they sparkle.
You may ask, "Is that it?" Well, yes. They sparkle.
This senseless, idiotic scene made the movie terrible, among other countless flaws. After seeing this movie, I wouldn't care if they even stopped the film at this point and started playing Star Wars Episode IV, I'd still give it this rating. Vampires don't sparkle, bottom line.
All-in-all, this movie is a terrible waste of time and money. Brainwashed fans will love it, but the rest of the world will despise it.