A Bark Worse Than Its Bite

Rating: 1/10 (16 February 2009)

The world has been taken by storm by the latest pop culture fad, Twilight. The book was released in 2005 by Stephanie Meyer and has since snowballed into a series. Every teenage girl has been swept off their feet by the perfect boyfriend Edward, constantly praying for the hunky vampire to give them their own happily ever after. The book series have become the new Harry Potter, and so a movie was expected.
***SPOILERS***
The book and film are both about a young girl, Bella (Kristen Stewart), that moves to the rural town of Forks, WA. She begins her classes at a large multicultural school (oddly located within the small town), and makes friends with a variety of people. At lunch she spots the sterling young hottie, Edward (Robert Pattinson), with whom she establishes an immediate connection. Bella eventually concludes that Edward is a vampire, as his features suggest, and does what any clever girl her age would do, date him. The two of them eventually end up in serious trouble (vampire trouble) and Bella and Edward need to fight for their lives against the evildoer, James.
***END SPOILERS***
The film doesn't stray too far from its source material, Romeo and Juliet, which eventually hurts the film. Of course I speak of the forbidden-love cliché, which I've seen too many times. Twilight however, tries to add a new twist on this cliché by literally making Bella forbidden fruit, as Edward would eat her if given the chance. Although this prospect appears new, the vampire-human relationship was done a thousand times better in the long running television show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
The film also uses atrocious special effects that could easily be pulled off by film school students. The ending fight scene is also horrendous, as the stunt-work used looks like garbage. Fixing these minor details would have made the film adequate, but the dreadful delivery caused the film to be even worse than it already was.
The acting would have been better if performed by Paris Hilton and Uwe Boll, rather than the appalling Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. The chemistry between the two of them is like watching a duck talk to a brick. Kristen Stewart does nothing but mumble her lines, leaving your ears wondering what the heck they just heard. Robert Pattinson on the other hand deserves this year's Razzie award for worst actor, as every line of dialogue he delivers sounds like a satire of dialogue, overacting all the way home. A key example of this is where Edward wants to show Bella his sparkling face, then begins shouting and yelling at her over nothing.
Many of the young girls tricked into seeing this film say they like it because of the book. The problem with this is that the film alienates the audience that didn't read the book. Although, I must admit that I did read the book, and this did not change my thoughts on the movie, besides make me hate it more. The film was drastically altered from the book, although the filmmakers would argue that it was a fair adaptation. The big problem comes from the fact that Bella and Edward's relationship moves way too fast in the film, making the watcher laugh at how accepting Bella is to finding out that Edward is a vampire.
Twilight is a film that stretches the belief of the fantasy genre to great heights; providing that you haven't seen any other fantasy films. The film itself is laughable and will be lost in the crowd of romance-horror movies that plague the shelves of the local video store. I only recommend this film to loveless teenage girls that liked the book.