Am I Missing A Joke?

Rating: 1/10 (1 January 2009)

I'm beginning to think that the majority of teenage girls are attracted to sappy story lines, idealistic lifestyles, and fantasy lovers. Bella Swan is an average looking girl who moves to Forks and meets Edward Cullen, absolutely the perfect male. The books couldn't go one sentence without describing how pretty this boy is, let alone a paragraph without mentioning that Bella is liked by about four boys at once and still claims to be an average looking teenager. The movies, at least, have got this right. Kristen Stewart is strikingly homely and, along with Robert Pattinson, a very attractive young actor, the two make the ideal couple. How quaint.
So, this dream-guy, he mets Bella Swan (Translated to meaning 'beautiful', 'graceful'. COMPLETELY average, right?) and the two are instantly in love. The movie displays this quick affection in what seems to be a matter of days. Besides the clichÃ© plot, the Romeo and Juilet story line, and having to deal with Stephanie Meyer calling herself the modern day Shakespeare, it's the bad acting you have to put up with. This is mainly due to Kristen Stewart's horrible ability, not Pattinson's. She spends most of the film making a face as if she's sucked a lemon dry, and talks in the deepest voice ever heard. Why is this girl an actor?
So, it didn't help that I think the books are a slap in the face to literature. It doesn't help that I couldn't stand in a room with Stephanie Meyer or Kristen Stewart. It also doesn't help that I prefer good writing, a good plot, and good actors. But, if you're going to go see Twilight, bring your iPod.