Awful

Rating: Null/10 (24 July 2011)

There were two reasons I went to see this film: my friends all wanted to see it and I liked Robert Pattinson in Harry Potter. I hated every moment of this film, and the reason I didn't leave? I made the grave mistake of ordering skittles to eat, and before hand I had been to Pizza Hut for the all you can eat meal deal. I got stuck in the chair and couldn't squeeze out of it for the life in me. I tried to kill myself by deliberately shoving skittles up my nose and down my throat, but a few weeks earlier I had my friends take a CPR class and were able to help me. It took thirteen Odeon staff and a small crane to break off the chair, which I was stuck with for six months whilst I did aerobics and threw up everyday at 6am try ease the chair off. Still now, a few weeks later, I am left with the deep purple bruises left behind. I cannot express my humiliation of walking home from the Odeon wearing the chair, as people took pictures which immediately made their way onto Facebook. By the time the chair had come off, the DVD was out. I couldn't bring myself to think about it, and so put all my anger and embarrassment into a strongly worded letter to Tony Blair. He never replied. The five point five rating on this film is unacceptable, and I would never have made it in the first place. Stephanie Meyer is the female Hitler in literature. Kill her immediately. Which is my plan as I am slowly poisoning her water supply in hopes she will die a painful death. As you can tell I didn't care for this film.