Sparkling Vampires

Rating: 3/10 (12 June 2018)

Twilight is garbage. I'm not sure if there's been a film that I have cared less about. Like, I'm not even sure how to do a review; I guess I will list some of the blatant negatives, and maybe near the end I can scavenge for some redeemable quality.
I was so bored. I couldn't make it in one sitting; I had to take 2 breaks so that I didn't fall asleep. Now that I am typing that, I am regretting I didn't just sleep through it. I mean, I understand movies galore have an expositional setup for the first 15 minutes before getting into the meat of the film. Considering these vampires that drink the blood of animals are vegetarians, there's no meat on the bones of the film. To get a little more specific, as soon as Bella enters school halfway through the semester, everybody flocks to her and seems to know her already. Why?? I don't know! And to think that Edward would be compelled to Bella over Anna Kendrick may be the most glaring fault of all. Plus, the dialogue that goes on - and the directing with it-- is the least realistic thing I have ever seen. Nobody acts like they do. And I'm definitely looking at you Kristen Stewart, you sighing, breathing, half-laughing introvert you. For a girl that enjoys being alone, you spend the entire film with other people.
I was able to release a couple of chuckles at the movement of the vampires. Oh man, it was so cheesy...
And they shine bright like a diamond.
Seriously, what was this movie even about? I was about to dedicate this paragraph to the plot, but I have nothing to tell. If I wasn't zoning out at points in the film, I wish I was.
There's no motivation for the film, and it uses about 1 hour and 30 minutes to build a bond between the leads, establish friendships and villains, and put hints at conflicts to come; but really, it was just pointless because I didn't believe any of it. But Bella did. Oh, Edward, you've been watching me in my sleep for the past couple of months? That's cool. Before Bella figures out what Edward and his family really are, she pointlessly asks so many questions. It turns out she's right to have been questioning of everything, but she would've been an obsessed crazy person in any other normal situation - correction, in any other situation. Also, the first 45 minutes of gazing into Edward's eyes at school? I'm not sure if it was supposed to be mysterious or intimate, but it was just weird and uncomfortable.
I'd like to end on some sort of a high note. You somewhat find it in Bella's dad. I honestly believe he was the only rational character in the whole film. So kudos to you, Pops.
You can find this review and dozens of others at gillipediamoviereviews.blogspot.com