Ludicrous, but in an interesting way.

Rating: Null/10 (22 December 2008)

Here is a film that just feels wrong in so many ways. The film, as you all probably know by now, is about a girl and a vampire who fall in love. I understand that the idea of a girl falling in love with a vampire is rather fascinating since vampires are often depicted as being very sensual and strange. However, the idea of a vampire falling in love with a human to the point where he refuses to suck her blood makes no sense. It's makes as much sense as a dog falling in love with dog food. The humans are the prey and the vampires are the predator. However, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I have several questions about this movie and I have several confusions. My main complaint about this movie regards the female characters. They're all weaklings. Why do female characters always get depicted as weaklings who always work in the kitchen and must let the big strong man fight the battles and defend her? Why can't we have a popular movie with a strong female character? It's stupid! There's no women to look up to in this movie. In addition, the main female character, Bella, is just as lifeless as the vampires themselves. I actually thought that she was a vampire at the beginning of the film because she was so much paler than everyone else! There's one scene where she has to pretend to be a vampire and I thought to myself "That should be hard!" Then they make a big deal out of it as if it's the ultimate challenge or something. It's really funny!
However, that brings me to my next complaint. The lack of conflict. Why do nearly all the characters, including the head vampire family, have to be so damn unusual and strange and quirky and kooky and bizarre? What is the deal with all the male characters being surrounded by so many women? Why on earth does a vampire's skin reflect and bunch of diamond-like shards? Why doesn't their skin burn? What is with all the racism toward the Native-Americans??? Why are they getting called wolves? Why is the Bella character so popular when she appears to be so anti-social? The sole highlight of the film is Taylor Lautner's character. Taylor is a truly beautiful boy and I feel bad for him that he's involved in such a project.
How does anyone not notice a man stopping a car with his bare hand when he pauses for a long time after he does it? Why doesn't Edward just constantly suck Bella's blood if he can do that without turning her into a vampire? Why do the vampires have to play baseball in the rain? These questions, and many more, which I can't reveal without spoiling the plot, ran through my mind throughout this film. The camera-work is awful. There are so many close-ups that you can never get a good look at anybody a lot of the time. Other times the camera just swoops and sweeps around for no reason. The narration kept on taking me out of the movie and never really matched what was going on in the plot. This film is a complete mess and I'm surprised that so many people are so obsessed with it.
I actually did enjoy the movie, believe it or not, but there is no doubt in my mind that it doesn't work. This film fails to provide any sort of moral. It fails as a love story. It fails as a vampire film. It fails as a coming-of-age movie. It just doesn't work. I'm not going to bother not recommending it since you've probably already seen it anyway. I was just stating my opinion. Years from now, fans of this movie and of the books and of the films to follow will look back at this and feel ashamed. This movie is going to age like crap.