So bad it's... bad

Rating: 1/10 (22 February 2016)

What can you say about one of the most ridiculous stories and one of the worst films of all time? I have seen the whole 'saga' (the last one – the only watchable one – in a movie theatre, the proper way) and due to some outside pressure I have had to sit through it several times, but it hasn't got any better. I admit, I've come to appreciate certain elements, especially after I realised that the story is actually about transgenderism (though it was probably never the author's intention), but the first instalment has remained just as atrocious as before. It's dismal even for a Twilight-movie, and that's saying something.
It's not that I don't like chick films and romance in general. I do. But here, the plot is shallow and contrived, the characters are shallow and illogical (and on top of that, Kristen Stewart's 'performance' is an all-time low), the music is just schlock, the visual effects are bad, and the action sequences are painfully badly directed and edited (unfortunately, I have seen Catherine Hardwicke's Thirteen and Red Riding Hood, as well, which makes her a three-time Razzie-worthy director for me). The whole thing would be just laughable, if it wasn't so unbelievably boring.
There's one saving grace, though. The scene where Edward reads people's minds in the restaurant (though frankly, his talents in this area are not very sophisticated) and senses nothing but utter darkness in Bella's head. Simply hilarious. That scene pretty much sums it all up.