Twilight Shines Brightest Once the Credits Roll

Rating: 1/10 (1 December 2008)

This review may contain spoilers. You've been warned. Twilight was a terrible film adaption of a, let's face it, mediocre novel. I went into the theater with an open mind, not expecting brilliance, but expecting to be entertained. Well, I guess I was technically entertained since I laughed throughout most of the movie. Sadly, I wasn't laughing at purposely funny moments. I was laughing at the awkward "acting" of the actors and the terrible dialogue.
Now this is where it gets tricky: Do we blame the screenwriter or the author? The movie made me realize just how corny the book's dialogue was. I found myself rolling my eyes, when I wasn't laughing, at every word out of the actor's mouth. Especially the dialogue between Edward and Bella. Now, the dialogue could have been over looked if the actors were able to deliver them. Alas, whoever decided to do casting for this film decided to cast every "actor" with the acting ability of a toaster. Now, a toaster is a inanimate object and therefore cannot act. Get the hint? What made me laugh the hardest was at the end of the movie when Bella's mother decides to inform Phil VIA TEXT MESSAGE that Bella is alright. I was so shocked that she was really texting him that I turned to my friend and whispered "Bella's okay, L-O-L". Really, though. Text messages? I would think that informing your potential spouse of your child's well being would warrant a phone call at least.
Now, I have to point out the scene where Edward decides to flash Bella the goods. He want's to educate her in the ways of the vampire. He cannot go out into sunlight NOT because he'll burn or turn to dust, but because he turns into a failed children's art project. Reading the scene in the book I already knew whoever turned the book into a film was going to have issues with the scene. However, I really thought they'd aim for something above spraying Robert Pattinson with water then dumping craft store glitter on him. I didn't even notice the "sparkles" at first. My friend turned to me and commented "The sun hits him and he gets gross and sweaty?" because, let's face it, that's what he looked like. Damp and dirty. Oh baby, I can hardly contain myself! I could go on and nit pick at everything, but I'm just going to wrap it up and say this movie was awful and I'm disappointed in the screenwriter as well as the director. I feel like Hardwicke was too focused on making the mise-en-scene beautiful and aesthetically pleasing, which is all well and good, but in doing so she over looked her cast of actors who would probably get over looked at a high school play audition with the way they displayed their acting abilities in this movie. Though, maybe I take back the part of being disappointed in the screenwriter since you can only do so much with the source material you're handed.
BRING ON THE TWILIGHT FANS! I CAN TAKE THEM! *Shields at maximum power!*