Not okay

Rating: 1/10 (17 December 2008)

If I say that I read the novel "Twilight" 3 times the first 2 days I held it in my hands, I probably don't need to say anything more on how much I like it.
I really wanted to like the movie at least half as much, but I almost felt like crying from disappointment when I saw it. ALL my favorite moments from the novel have been cut short or cut out; I found myself trying to fill out the gaps in my mind, while the movie moved forward so fast it made my head spin, never more than flickering past, hardly touching the surfaces, of most characters.
There is really so much to all the Cullens. They each have a background story that explains who they are, why they do what they do, and feel the way they feel - like Rosalie's dislike for Bella. The movie shows none of them. Nor do we get to see the inhuman beauty of their entire appearances, or how they dazzle any human that looks at them. These roles are excellently cast, which just makes it more frustrating that they're so underdeveloped.
I love the personality of the novel's Bella; she's very kind-hearted, mostly unintentionally funny, slightly cynical and somewhat older than her years. Her clumsiness and awkwardness is endearing next to the vampires' nearly god-like grace. The movie's Bella, to me, came across as vacant, indifferent, arrogant, cold, and sort of bitchy. (And though she says she's clumsy, I must say she hides it really well...) In addition, most of her lines sound like she's reading them for the first time, right off a teleprompter.
But of course, like most other girls and/or women, I have Edward Cullen as my dear favorite - and I guess that's why what they did to this character bugged me the most. Robert Pattinson looks absolutely gorgeous, and I love his voice. He has the makings of a perfect Edward Cullen, I'll give them that, and I understand that it must be difficult to find a 20-something-year-old with the certainty of a 90-year-old, but to me, he was acting too young, with all the insecurity and self-consciousness of a teenager. Edward is supposed to be strong and mature, with authority and integrity; a person that'll make you feel like nothing in the world could ever hurt you as long as he's around. Brooding and serious, yes, but not self-hating. I wanted him to be intimidating and cold, growing warmer as the movie progressed. After all, in the novel, when he finally admits that he can't stay away from Bella any longer, he has actually been trying. In the movie, he constantly follows her like a shadow, more than any other guy, and Bella is nowhere near as shy and insecure as she should be. Instead, she pushes him around, making him seem even more insecure.
I am, however, not going to blame Stewart (Bella) or Pattinson (Edward), since the director was the one who obviously thought the characters should be that way, while I'm wondering if she's even read the book;
I mean... What was up with Edward's horribly exaggerated reaction to Bella in biology? He was just supposed to glare. Why did Bella look insultingly bored when meeting Edwards family in their home (in fact, insultingly bored, period)? Why was she paler than the vampires? How dared they turn the warm, genuine love between Edward and Bella into a teen crush, and the entire breath-taking meadow section into a Polaroid? Where was the growing friendship between Alice and Bella? Why, oh why was there a sparkling sound whenever the sun hit Edward's skin, when I had actually managed to choke back any unfitting laughter up until those moments? I guess they were meant to enhance the visual effects, but instead do a wonderful job at highlighting their failure.
And finally: Why is too big a part of the movie spent in trees, and why would anyone wear sunglasses in a constantly clouded town?
Despite loving the book with all my heart, for most of the movie I sat wishing that it could have been a manga, so that a decent director for the genre could have made an OVA (using the actual novel as screenplay).
I'll give this 8/10 for the casting and scenery, 2/10 for the screenplay, direction and special effects, and 0/10 just for the movie completely missing the soul, essence, warmth and humor of the book.
It wouldn't surprise me if this movie is given a Riff Trax commentary in the future, because the absolutely worst part of it was that I didn't cry - I laughed, as did the rest of the theater. It came every now and then; the horrible sound of an audience feeling embarrassed for the cast.
I probably won't see the sequels. I'll just watch the stills of Robert Pattinson and read the books again, since it's clear that the movies - at least with Hardwicke in the director's chair - will never measure up to the visions in my head.