Brad's bad in this sad Iliad

Rating: Null/10 (4 June 2004)

Shame. All that time, effort and money to create an "epic" of which nothing will be remembered within a month. For all its impressive production values, this bears the hallmarks of a rushed job: the direction is staccato, the script blows more hot air than the average sirocco, and Brad Pitt is, frankly, the wrong man for the job.
Or maybe it's just his character? Achilles was a warrior of mythical prowess. A talisman. A leader of men. As written here, he's a sulky lout with dubious and contrary principles; a wobbly foundation on which to build a tale of legend. Likewise Orlando Bloom - would you risk a kingdom for this insipid drip? Thanks the gods for Bana, Bean and Cox who add weight to the often-dull proceedings.
Try as it might, Troy fails to match - or even offer anything different from - the battle standards set by The Lord Of The Rings. And it might stir female loins, but the point is that it should have everybody's blood coursing. Unfortunately, it just gave me circulation problems in my rear end.