Made for Mocking

Rating: 9/10 (2 September 2004)

This is a movie that was made to be mocked. I think I have read about five separate parody summaries of it and every one was hilarious. Despite this it is in and of itself quite a good movie, despite alterations to the original storyline.
Eric Bana is the standout performance of the film (setting aside Brad Pitt's bottom, nothing can stand up to the power of Brad Pitt's bottom). He prevents the film from being ridiculous by being convincing, heroic and touching. The film is also aided by strong female performances, Briseis does a good job of distracting us from the fact that we all know Achilles was really supposed to be shagging Patroclus all along. However, just because the film-makers did a good job of covering up their cowardice at portraying a gay hero doesn't make their actions any less pathetic. Andromache and Helen were also well played.
Orlando Bloom was perfect as Paris. He's just not cut out to be a convincing hero, but as a spoilt young princeling who brings everything tumbling down around him thanks to his own poor judgement he's ideally cast. He's innocently delusional and foolishly romantic, I particularly liked the scene where he tells Helen they can run away and live in a cave and he'll hunt rabbits and then everything will be okay.
Brad Pitt occasionally suffers from overly dramatic cinematography but aside from that he's ideal as Achilles. Stunning in a sarong, convincing as a slightly one dimensional pouty egotistical young warrior who has to face up to the fact that this battle is not going to be like any other in his past.
So they changed the story, I thought I would mind but on the whole I didn't. Kassandra wasn't required, the Gods didn't need to actually appear, changing Agamemnon's death made perfect sense in a movie context, changing Achilles' was less palatable but logical. Actually one of the weakest points of the movie was where they stuck to the story of the Trojan Horse, cause let's face it, that was never the most convincing story ever told. "Oh look they've all gone home and left us a big horse, let's take it inside the walls. What could possibly go wrong?"