Really, Really Bad

Rating: 1/10 (15 May 2004)

This movie sucked. No other way to put it. I walked in not expecting an Academy Award winner, but I was hoping to be entertained by a rousing epic nonetheless. After the first thirty minutes, however, I realized that this movie was going nowhere. The battle scenes are cheesy, grainy, and often incoherent ripoffs of those in Braveheart and LOTR. Perhaps it's no coincidence that five actors from those films are featured in Troy. As for the story, well most of the time it's like the director is saying "well, screw the movie i'm just going to show you shots of Brad Pitt and Eric Bana because the audience won't be able to get over how hot they are." If that's your bag, fine...you'll love this movie. But if you are actually hoping to see a good rendition of The Iliad you will be severely disappointed. Not to be a spoiler for those who haven't seen it, but the original story and characters are changed so much that Homer must be rolling in his grave right now. Achilles isn't even close to how he is depicted in The Iliad (and neither is his death), and somehow miraculously the Trojan War is reduced from 10 years in the poem to a matter of days in the movie. Moreover, the Greek gods, who play an extremely large role in the poem, aren't even featured in the movie and are actually belittled by the script's idiocy. In short, this movie is far from being anything special, and even though it will be a sure blockbuster and most people will be tempted to at least see it, it's a waste of 2 1/2 hours. If you want to watch a good epic go rent the Last Samurai, Gladiator, LOTR, or Braveheart. Those movies are all 10 times better than the Brad Pitt ego trip and dumbed down story presented by Troy.