Terrible film.. only given two stars because it looks like it cost some money

Rating: 2/10 (23 December 2005)

When I first saw the preview, I thought "What a fantastic idea!" movies about Ancient Greece seemed rare to me (not being a fanatic, or knowing of the older movies)
I knew once the movie was over that it was very poor... and it took me a few more viewings to realize how horrible it was.
First off, the music is all middle-eastern sounding. I realize Troy is in western Asia-ish (like around ancient Pergamum and such) and such, but come one, this music sounded like a day in the deserts of Arabia. More suited for Kingdom of Heaven or Hidalgo.
Historical accuracy? You'd find more of that in a nervous Christian book about procreation. Agammemnon and Menelaus are portrayed as fat greedy pricks interested only in themselves, the Trojans portrayed as noblemen and upright in every way (even Paris, who in mythology, was a sly prick), and Achilles as a moody dick! He's stubborn and arrogant and stuck-up and very very rude, like when he told that poor boy in Thessalonica, "That's why no one will remember your name" when the boy said he was afraid of the Thessalonicans or something. The battle which was supposed to be 10 years, seemed to last less than a month, with most of that time being the 12 days they gave peace for Hector's death! In the entire movie, none of the characters change in appearance---Peter O'Toole's Priam looks on the verge of death, without any change, Agammemnon doesn't gray, no one changes in what is supposed to be 10 years, and the way the movie passes makes it seem like each passing day is just that; one passing day. Agammemnon and Menelaus survive in mythology, yet both die in this movie, probably because they were the "bad guys" in the film.
This is a big one: Mythology. This movie seems to spit in the face of mythology, use Homer's book pages as toilet paper for their crony ass, and then throw up venom on the sheer "coolness" of the legend of Troy. The legend of Achilles being immortal and his only weakness being his heel is defecated upon, when Paris shoots Achilles through the heel, we think "OMG! the legend! His heel is his only weak spot!" hence the term "Achilles Heel" meaning our weakness... Then Achilles gets shot five times in the chest. -.- So to the average viewer, who knows nothing about Achilles's legend, what do you think kills Achilles, a shot in the heel, or five shots in the chest?
That plus the callous way in which the director--through characters like Hector and Achilles and such--seem to treat the Gods like crap, and doesn't portray their influence at all (in mythology, they have LOTS of influence in the battle), as opposed to say Alexander, which isn't supposed to have God influence, but shows hints of Zeus watching over him (the Eagle). The Trojans constantly claim the Gods are on their side, and the pompous way in which they say it seems to make you envision the director going "Pfft, what jackasses! believing in the Gods of their time, HAH! Jesus Christ our lord and savior is the only God and THEY should've known that! So they die for their heresy! DIE DIE DIE!" A bit of an exaggeration on my part, but that basic idea.
Another big problem is something that also messed up the game Warcraft III. It is TOO HERO-BASED. In the movie, so much emphasis is placed on heroes like Achilles and Hector, that the armies pretty much play absolutely no role at all in the movie! It doesn't matter that the Greeks outnumber the Trojans 2 or 3 to 1, they absolutely can't win without Achilles!!! It doesn't matter that the Trojans are defended by epic walls and the best archers in the world, they can't win without Hector!!!
All in all, a very poor put-together movie, with a kind of stubborn negative and childish mentality towards the ways, beliefs, and customs of the times, pretty much re-writing the legend of Troy to make it more sell-able to dumb audiences who want to gawk at Brad Pitt naked (yes, he's naked several times for no real reason) and the amount of men they can cram into one shot. The acting is wooden, and hearing Achilles whine and sass like a snotty teenage girl just irritates, the characters are portrayed all wrong, the Gods and the Myths aren't just ignored---they're subliminally cursed and treaded and defecated upon. The legend was torn open, the parts the director liked picked apart, and made more Hollywood-friendly to be commercialized.