Hector vs. Fabio.

Rating: 3/10 (22 May 2004)

The good news is, *Troy* isn't as bad as the trailers would lead you to believe. It is certainly better than Ridley Scott's *Gladiator* . . . but this is not saying a great deal, as the latter was terrible. Director Wolfgang Petersen deserves praise, first and foremost, for knowing how to film a fight scene. The one-on-one fights, between first Paris/Menelaus, then Achilles/Hector, are thrilling and realistic, but more importantly, FILMED SO THAT WE CAN ACTUALLY SEE WHAT'S GOING ON. Petersen eschews the lazy new mode of fight scenes, which is to quick-edit them out of all comprehension. His camera floats around the battles, giving us a nonpartisan and omniscient view. Much the same can be said for the larger battle sequences as well, even though the overuse of computer-generated armies deducts credibility. (We're told that Agamemnon's army is 50,000 strong, but what we see are millions upon millions of computer-generated cartoon-men.)
A few ideas even manage to sneak into *Troy*, along with the fabled wooden horse. I liked the contrast between the older, far more civilized, Trojan culture, with its reliance on omens and religion, and the more grounded, realistic, Machiavellian political culture of the invading Greeks. Petersen even gives Brian Cox's Agamemnon a decent speech about how proud he is of turning a ragtag assemblage of superstitious barbarians and "snake-eaters" into a modern, imperialist nation. Understanding the difference between the two cultures is crucial for engendering an interest in how things turn out.
But therein lies the problem, because anybody who attended high school already knows how things turn out, and therefore a $200 million epic that puts its trust in plot to the general exclusion of other interests is bound to be ultimately forgettable. It's not the STORY that's important (and I don't even care about the screenwriters' wild liberties with the Troy legend, as it's legend anyhow and not history), it's the SETTING, and the IDEAS, that count. However, this movie simply cannot afford to immerse us in the pre-historical world of Agamemnon and Priam: there's too much money at stake. And so they'll have a big weekend, make their money back, maybe win a technical Oscar next April, but no one will remember the actual film. Big accomplishment! Why bother?
And there are other problems. Let's start, first of all, with the score, which has got to be one of the worst I've ever heard in a major motion picture. Written by James Horner, it consists of a woman moaning atonally for minutes at a time. "Ahh-yah-ahhh Yaaa hhaaa". It keeps cropping up whenever there's a battle about to take place or whenever some hero lies bloody in the sand. It makes you want to tear your hair out and poke knitting needles in your ears. Second, let's consider Brad Pitt. God bless him, but the fellow has a speech impediment, and that never really works when you're playing one of the globe's most legendary heroes. It's an unkind thing to say, but there it is. Further, he looks like a cross between an aging California surfer and Fabio: his physical presence carries zero credibility. (How many BLONDE Greeks do you know?) Third, Achilles is given a love interest in the form of a young Trojan priestess Briseis: this is a mistake, because the actress playing her is prettier than the actress playing Helen. A story about the Troy legend should always to defer to Helen as the sublime example of feminine beauty. But then, I guess the writers couldn't figure out a way to get Achilles romantically involved with Helen, so they had to trump up something. This flatters the movie's Big Star, but it hurts the movie.
Pitt's miscasting is countered by an otherwise excellent cast (Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom as Hector and Paris are particularly strong), but there's not enough good stuff here to warrant a recommendation. 4 stars out of 10.