The problem with "Troy" is that the dudes are better looking than Helen of Troy

Rating: 5/10 (22 December 2005)

You know you have problems when the actress picked to play the most beautiful woman in the history of the world is probably only the third comeliest person on the set. I read that the director originally wanted to make Helen of Troy an unseen character. Brilliant idea! Calling someone the "most beautiful woman ever" is a concept that works great on paper but falls flat on its face in a motion picture no matter which actress you cast. So anyhow, seeing as it was a genius notion, naturally the studio trashed the idea. That should have been a warning sign to everyone that this movie wasn't going to work. Another red flag should have been the decision to cast Brad Pitt as the supposed renegade Achilles who commands vicious armies, yet the guy looks like he hasn't been in a fight in his life. At least Orlando Bloom is cast as the wimpy androgynous prince. And what exactly is the point of this movie anyways? It begins with a background narration about how men have always desired to perform brave feats that keep them in the history books, followed by Eric Bana's character preaching to his little brother how he thinks too much of idealistic fantasy, not reality, when it comes to war. Meanwhile, you the viewer, wonder if the writers, actors and filmmakers of this "epic" have even set one foot in a boot camp of today's modern army because of their starry-eyed view of war. If you're going with the huge CGI-enhanced battles, grab "Lord of the Rings." If you're up for compelling ancient history, check out "Gladiator." This movie should be one of those flicks you randomly catch on HBO, and nothing else.