Alexander's Twin in Every Way

Rating: 5/10 (15 January 2006)

Here we go again.
In viewing TROY I kept getting references to category romance novels. Of course, anyone who reads this is probably going to on scratch his or her head and on this basis alone vote against this review but what the hell -- I can't change my points of view. Certainly not when the results are as weak as this. But I digress: see, the reason I join two genres that couldn't be more far apart has its madness.
See, category romances (for those who are unfamiliar with the term) are short two hundred-page novels that publishing houses churn out month after month and all of them tell the same kind of love story with slight variations. Oliver Stone and Wolfgang Peterson, two very respected directors who have created much better work, have decided to film the same kind of movie -- sword and sandal epics -- with slight variations and coinciding in time of release and with interchangeable actors. Instead of Colin Farrell, we have Brad Pitt who is Fabio with acting power. Instead of Angelina Jolie we have... well, no female who registers, since the actress Diane Kruger doesn't have the oomph to play Helen of Troy. Speaking of Helen and digressing again, when confronted with what must have been the most beautiful woman in history, her beauty rivaling Aphrodite, it wouldn't have killed the makers of this film to leave Helen as a hazy, brightly lit but barely seen figure. Since feminine mystery is what drives the plot, why not leave it as such? Food for thought.
Also adding to the mix we have Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom, both fresh out of blockbuster films, playing Hector and Paris, respectively. And Peter O'Toole, the only actor of the veterans here (which includes Julie Christie) whose part as Priam at least is worthy of something. Overall TROY felt, to me, that I could have seen any one of these movies and not known the difference (much like a romance novel) despite that one of them is a historic epic and the other a mix of history and legend which borrows freely from Homer's "THE ILIAD" but keeps the gods at bay. At least one fares secondary characters that I could somehow attach some meaning to, but even then, this is a film which in trying to be "epic" sinks under its pretensions, much like its twin Alexander.