WAAAAAYYYY more of Brad Pitt than I EVER wanted to see...

Rating: 3/10 (30 June 2005)

Okay, call me sappy, but I like it when a movie makes me cry. Not arbitrarily yanking my emotions around, but instead making me care enough about the characters that when something bad happens, I'm sobbing my eyes out. Or at least shedding a regretful tear. Or something...
And I darn well better feel like crying when 90% of the characters in a movie get killed! But Troy evoked no such emotions in me. The only character I actually wanted to live was Hector... but for some reason, I didn't even feel like crying when he got killed... I was vaguely disappointed, but not even the slightest smarting of the eyes...
As for Achilles, I was pretty much celebrating when the sleazy jerk died. A good actor should bring me to care about his character within the first minute. Now I'm not saying Brad Pitt is a bad actor, but it was either his acting or the sleaziness of the character (or both or all three) that prevented me from really caring if he lived or not. Yeah, he had his good qualities, sure, but the first thing I want to see of a hero is not him lying naked in bed with two naked women. Sorry. I mean, seriously, hasn't the man ever heard of a BLANKET?! There is one good thing I can say about this movie... Orlando Bloom did a good job as a sniveling weaselly coward. Excellent casting.
If nothing will satiate your desire for "swords'n'sandals," watch Gladiator. At least Maximus wasn't a sleaze-bucket.