Revolutionary Action Epic Drama Can't Keep The Timer Ticking

Rating: 6/10 (4 June 2004)

Boy, when I first saw the previews for this movie I was excited to see it. It looked like a winner with the grand sweeping epic camera movements and the Lord Of The Rings-like battles and armor and swords going on... only in Greece! And I've always liked ancient Greece and Greek mythology and I still enjoy watching "Clash Of The Titans" for all its 80's cheesiness.
But there was something wrong with this movie, many things in fact. First off, and most glaring to me, is that I could see the special effects and the make-up. Were they on a tight schedule? Was there something overlooked? I don't know... but early in the film when we're being given a close-up of Brian Cox's face, I could see where the wig's fake forehead ended and where Cox's forehead began. Blood squirts that weren't only non-realistic, they were the same. I've watched many movies in my life, so maybe I'm more prone to catch these mistakes, but then again, I didn't even try. And apparently neither did they.
Anyway, that's nitpicky stuff; let us talk about the actors. The main character (Pitt) is neither good nor bad, the bad guy (Cox) is mostly bad, the good guy (Bana) is really good, his brother's (Bloom) a punk, brat lustmord who doesn't deserve any of what he gets, but for some reason I felt like I was always being swayed to care about him. The bad guy's brother (Gleeson) is a bit boarish but I felt for him.
Interestingly enough, acting-wise I thought Gleeson was the best. In his time on the screen, (which was less-than deserved, I might add) he showed more sides to one man than I saw of any of the other characters. I especially liked short moment when this strong king, leader of thousands was reduced to a shivering, fragile and vulnerable man. Most of them were flat, two star characters that couldn't get past the screenwriter's flat representation of them.
Pitt tries his best to shed that southern Californian look and act like a killing machine that seeks immortality for the same stupid reasons we people today try to seek fame... but fails, not by much though. O'Toole, who I was most pleased to see in this project failed me more than anyone else. If this was his imitation of a talking carcass, I would have been more pleased. He looked confused and out of place with this hammy dialogue. Cox and Bloom were equally horrible, Bloom perhaps the worst of the lot. Bana however was quite good, as well as Rose Byrne who I liked quite well. Diane Kruger was pretty and all, but then again, she didn't really have to act very much so tell will tell if she has any talent behind her flesh.
The one thing I did like was the fact that I didn't know who to root for. Both side had these terrible flaws that truly represented war in life. Both sides saying they're right when both sides are clearly wrong. There are likable characters on both sides and either despicable or dishonorable on both sides. Every time I was on the verge to root for one I went, "Oh yeah, but that guy is there and he's doing something I don't like". I wish they had concentrated on that aspect of the film rather than trying to outdo LOTR on the massive size of the armies.
CGI: Cheap ways to convince the masses that we still have the ability to conj our up enough people to remake Ben-Hur.
Another annoying aspect of this mediocre film is how shiny everything is. The very fact the O'Toole's character is alive at what, eighty, back in 2000 BC or so? Ridicules. One hundred years ago is was rare to see someone at eighty, never mind back when they didn't have medicines for illnesses, aspirin for headaches or anything better than a hot poker to close gushing wounds, unless these Greeks had help from the gods.
Which brings me up to another question... where we the Gods? Bring out Zeus and Aries, Hermes and Hephaestus (who built Achilles armor specifically for the siege of Troy, by the way) and Apollo and Poseidon and Hera and all the other wonderful Greek gods and goddesses? Don't talk about the river of Styx; show it to me! Obviously they didn't make this movie to be realistic; otherwise they would have gone with dirty fingernails, rotten teeth, mud, grime, gore and hair on the women's legs. Excalibur did most of these things well.
In the end, can I suggest that you watch this film?
Sure. As long as you leave you brain at home. This is sort of like an emerald, shiny looking, pretty to look at and a semi good feel about it, yet it's easily flawed, too fragile to drop and in the end, just a rock. In other words, this is just an action movie hiding behind the skin of an epic drama. This has about as much drama as the last time you saw a bomb's timer wind down to three seconds whilst someone was disarming it.
Find yourself a real epic. Braveheart, Excalibur, any of the LOTR's and Lawrence of Arabia come to mind.
5/10
+: Decent to very good fight scenes, some clever camera moves here and there, good acting by Bean, Gleeson, Byrne and Bana. An extra point for the Hector/Ajax fight, that had me going for a while.
-: Bad acting by Cox, Bloom, O'Toole and Burrows (Pitt is in-between), no appearances by the Greek Gods, everything is too shiny, bad special effects and makeup, CGI overuse and countless other flaws too numerous to mention on one single scrap review by a hack writer.
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Interesting note...
There are three actors in Braveheart in this movie: Brian Cox, Brandon Gleeson & James Cosmo. All of them die.
Additionally, there are two actors from LOTR: Sean Bean & Orlando Bloom. Both live.