See the dvd of 'Helen of Troy' instead

Rating: 1/10 (20 May 2004)

Oh, dear!
Let me mention the good bit first, to be kind. Peter O'Toole gives Priam's speech pleading for Hector's body very well indeed and it is close to the original. That was the only high point of the film.
Otherwise the acting was poor. Achilles looked like John Travolta when he returned in 'Pulp Fiction' - bloated, wooden and past it - though, to be fair, John Travolta acted in 'Pulp Fiction' the hammy posturing of Brad Pitt was, I think, the worst 'performance' he has produced yet.
The wooden horse itself is a discrace, poorly cobbled together and ugly. Silly mistakes are made - a huge speech explains how important treating the dead properly is to the Greeks, next thing we see a beach littered with bodies left to rot in the sand by the Greeks. Helen of Troy has a peculiar accent that jars and they keep mispronouncing Menelaus' name. Statues all appear wearing loincloths (something only prudish Hollywood would inflict on them!) and made out of poor plaster so it just takes a knock and they fall into powdery bits. It's like an old low-budget B-movie. Don't they know that they made statues out of marble then?
The siege of Troy lasted 12 years - this film makes it appear that it is all over in less than a month.
Watch the DVD of 'Helen of Troy' instead - it manages the time properly, has good acting, an excellent horse and doesn't go on and on with the battles (in this film they are treated like car chases in Hollywood films - something to fill in hours of time with no thought or dialogue needed).
This film should have gone straight to video with a health warning.