Homer on Zoloft

Rating: Null/10 (16 May 2004)

Troy never manages to create any kind of passion about its issues or characters. It's all very  blasé. Oh, yeah, Helen's pretty, and Hector loves his brother too much, so we'll provoke war with Sparta, ho-hum. Agamemnon wants to rule the entire known world, but Troy's always been a pain, so we'll use the Helen issue as an excuse. Oh yeah, I'm a sworn virgin priestess of Apollo (Briseis), but you're a total hunk (Achilles) and you saved me from a-fate-worse-than-death, so I guess I'll sleep with you.
It's as if this film was produced by FoxNews (Fair and Balanced). We want you to make your own decisions so we're not going to make anybody evil enough to be the bad guy or good enough to be the hero. And when you're failed to make an audience care about the fate of Hector, one of the great heros of the world, you've really screwed something up somewhere.