Troy: The Sufer dude and the Sun god

Rating: 1/10 (16 May 2004)

For sure dude this Troy movie is radical!
They say nobody made a movie about Troy because it was too expensive, they also claim it is the computer technology that made it possible. Shame, they could have claimed it's the perfect script or divine inspiration they where really waiting for. But like most blockbusters it's the technology that made it happen, not any artistic point of view.
Homers epic has a thousand echoes in our culture and understanding of people but this movie doesn't capture any of its hidden magic or mystery. Sadly I blame this on one person: Wolfgang Peterson the director, now I have always liked WP's work, Das Boot is a masterpiece, but Troy is nothing more then "the Bold and the Beautiful to sword and sandals". A cheap excuse to let surfer dude Brad Pitt pose in cheap skin scenes and have another run of computer fight scenes. Hey it worked for Lord of the Rings man!
The story is very complex and would needs a 6 hours movie to really tell the tale, but they put it into some soapathon format with a lot of cheesy and pretentious scenes which are suppose to give you all the excuses.. sorry I mean clues to fight each other.
The success of gladiator was probably the reason people thought it was a good idea to make a movie like this. But they forget that movie was a success because it had a whole story to tell and a brilliant director who stuck to what he knew and used effects to compliment the story. Troy is just another series of massive fighting scenes where effects are supposed to substitute content.
The first two hours are boring and used to put a series of uninteresting passion-less scenes on top of each other. It feels like the screenplay was written by some kid with no real life experience because it's missing a heart and soul. It's sad to see such a great epic being turned into nothing more then a soapathon. If anything this movie pretty much destroys the legend of Troy and turns it from mythical into a cheap load of clichés.
So how are the actors?
Brad Pitt as Achilles doesn't have the intensity or the looks to be a believable son of the gods. The obvious mannerisms he uses to look broody and complex only make his face look like a trained chimp with no real direction. Considering the fact I have always liked his performances ever since Thelma and Louise, this is a real disappointment.
Eric Bana is pretty good as Hector, he plays an interesting character and makes you believe in him as a prince and man of honor. I'm glad to see the movie industry didn't give up on him after the pretty cool Hulk flop. But even his performance can't really save this movie.
Orlando Bloom as Paris is just a nightmare and should have been tarred and feathered for this role. The poor guy was completely out of his depth in this one. You do not believe for one second that two superpowers will go to war over the stupidity of this teenager. There is no life or passion coming out of him, no real desire for Helen. It's just a cheap fling with another mans wife, he is pretty much to scared to strut his stuff, like the character he is playing.
Sean Bean as Odysseus is pretty good but then again he is a proper real actor :P
Peter O'Tool is a bad joke in this movie which is a shame and once again I blame the director. Having the master play it down just so he doesn't run of with the entire movie, which is what he usually does.
Diane Kruger as Helen of troy just looks and acts like just another pinup and not a woman of such beauty and desire she would lead you into battle and the destruction of an entire people.
Brian Cox as Agamemnon is as evil and nasty as always and in his own way perfect. But it does make you wonder, where the Greeks nothing more then a bunch of brute barbarians who looked like they are right out of braveheart?
Rose Byrne is pretty good as Briseis and makes her falling in love with Achilles one of the few believable parts of the movie. Its funny but her scenes with Brad Pitt are the only thing that makes this movie sort of interesting even thought its only for 10 minutes out of 3 hours or so.