Not particularly Greek, not particularly good...

Rating: 5/10 (2 June 2004)

Troy is the sort of movie that tries to be many different things and fails at most of them. It tries to make a very Greek story more appealing to modern American audiences by condensing its time line, eliminating its gods, and focusing on the big "heroes" of the piece, but it retains the (mostly) simple-minded motivations and the (mostly) appalling behavior of the protagonists. It tries to be an "epic" but forgets that epic movies have to have high-minded goals. It tries to be dramatic, but badly miscasts the lead actors and badly directs them.
Unfortunately, the makers of this film did not realize that, while Ancient Greek can, for the most part, be translated into English, Ancient Greek values can not be translated into American ones. The Ancient Greek concepts of heroism and honor are such a far cry from modern notions of them that it is simply foolish to shoehorn the Illiad into a pat American action-adventure format.
In general, there is no one to root for in this film, because it is clear from the start that everyone in the film is motivated by base emotions, from the greed and power-hunger of the "villains" Menelaus and Agamemnon, to Achilles' sheer ego and misplaced machismo, to Odysseus' unquestioning sense of "duty" to fools, to Paris and Helen's immature, teenybopper love. In some films, this lack of true "good guys" and "bad guys" could be an asset, leading the audience to meditate on genuine issues of war and patriotism. However, the film at no time allows that sort of reflection, concentrating instead on the "heroic" biceps and glutes of Brad Pitt and the rest of the beefcake on display. "Troy" wants to be a rah-rah action film with no one to rah-rah for, and that is its biggest curse.
Its second biggest curse is Brad Pitt, who is one of the most startlingly uneven actors of his time. Pitt's career has featured both stand-out, star-making performances, as in "Seven" and "Fight Club," and also appallingly empty-headed and flat ones, as in "Meet Joe Black" and "Legends of the Fall." "Troy" firmly falls into the latter category, featuring Pitt at his most Keanu Reeves-esque. At no time does Pitt rise above the mostly pedantic dialogue or show any of the charisma he has demonstrated in other films. Pitt's Achilles is all muscular surface and no thoughtful introspection. Meanwhile, Pitt chooses to adopt a semi-British accent which is both utterly unconvincing and utterly unnecessary for an Ancient Greek. The entire blame should not fall to Pitt, however, for the character he is given to work with is an enigma- he is thoroughly unlikeable (doing such "honorable" things as desecrating the dead body of his foe and choking his recent lover), and yet the movie never actually admits it, treating him as a blonde demi-God through and through.
Though Pitt, as star of the film, stands out among mediocre actors, others share the blame. Orlando Bloom is neither convincing as a lover nor as a coward, and at no time is it ever clear why Helen would choose him, of all men, to run off with. On the other hand, Diane Kruger as Helen is such a non-entity in her role that you can't understand Paris' attraction to her, so perhaps they are the perfect couple. Meanwhile, the usually-solid Brian Cox is lucky he didn't choke on all the scenery he chewed during his performance.
Luckily, the combined talents of Peter O'Toole and the underrated Eric Bana and Sean Bean balance the scales a little bit- all bring gravity and conviction to their roles, making them believable, noble, and sympathetic characters. I would actually welcome "The Odyssey" if Bean could reprise his role.
As for the battle scenes and special effects (which, admittedly, people are going to see the film for, anyway), they are spectacular and well-done. However, they are also redundant- if the filmmakers had to eliminate important characters like Cassandra and the Gods, couldn't they have made the movie a lot shorter? By the time the Trojan Horse is finally wheeled in, there have been several "climactic" battles between the Greeks and the Romans- mercifully, the final funeral scenes are brief. Of course, by then you might be so tired that Josh Groban's lifeless singing puts you to sleep even faster than it's intended to.
In the final analysis, Troy is neither rollicking enough to work as escapist entertainment nor deep enough to work as a dramatic film. The hapless actors are given hokey dialogue and nearly-absent direction, and most of them don't rise above those limitations. And, call me a nit-picker, but is it too much to ask that the actors learn how the Greek names are actually pronounced? Every time I heard Helen's ex referred to as "Men-el-OW-us," I cringed.
But oh, those biceps and glutes!