Petersen's Lost Opportunity

Rating: Null/10 (24 September 2006)

It's funny how your expectations of a movie can reflect how you like it. Word of Mouth for "Troy" had been negative, so when I finally sat down to watch it I wasn't expecting much. It didn't disappoint.
"Troy" is a retelling of the Greek Legend in which Paris, a Prince of Troy, seduces Helen, the wife of the King of Greek Sparta and brings her to Troy. The Greeks gather their Army and set siege to Troy, eventually overcoming the city. We've all heard about the Wooden Horse. Mercifully, Director Petersen doesn't spend too much time on this, instead concentrating on the aspects of the Legend most people won't be familiar with.
Where he fails is in the characterizations. He is restrained by needing to be somewhat faithful to the legend. Nevertheless, most of the characters are so profoundly stupid that you can't sympathize with their plight. Indeed, within fifteen minutes you've decided Troy *deserves* to be destroyed. The Greeks are so unlikable you watch the movie with no stake in either side.
Trojan Price Paris (Orlando Bloom) is a self-pitying impulsive womanizer. Helen (Diane Kruger) weeps that her adultery with Paris will see many deaths, but beyond weeping doesn't do anything about it. Trojan King Priam (Peter O'Toole) is a one-dimensional fool who repeatedly declares "The Gods will protect us" and thinks nothing of risking his city so his son can get a bit of nooky. It's an indefensible position, but a good actor should be able to carry this off. O'Toole fails. O'Toole alternates between fatherly smiles and the stunned Goldfish. He makes stupid decision after stupid decision, to the point you the viewer are grasping for your imaginary short-sword and muttering "Someone kill him already." Normally I like Brad Pitt, but he is miscast as Achilles. Even with his weight-lifting for the role, he looks too puny to be an epic hero. He doesn't look like a soldier; anything but. He doesn't look like he'd last five minutes on a real battlefield, certainly not one as physical as this. Yet he's *supposed* to be this epic warrior of Legend; perhaps even a demi-god. It just doesn't work. Not only is he unconvincing physically, but his acting here has to be his worst. His battle rally to his troops as his ship hits the beach has the rancor of a Tuperware Party. David Benioff's script doesn't offer Pitt much either; His character is stupidly inconsistent. His motivation is supposed to be a lust for fame, but spends most of the time acting like he couldn't care less. Too many holes and inconsistencies.
The only spark in the cast is Eric Bana as Hecktor. He looks and acts the part of an Epic Trojan Hero. He also has the benefit of being the only one who gets to say "Maybe this is a dumb idea..." You have to wonder why, in a city as large as Troy, no one else questions whether Paris' humpy-humpy is worth dying for. Bana does utter a line to try and convince us this hole in the plot has been covered, but it doesn't work; "We fight for our country (so let's overlook my brother slipping it to King Menelaus's wife)" There were some good actors in the cast, but they were wasted. Sean Bean does nothing but wander up to Achilles every thirty minutes and says "Come back and fight." There are good performances by some of the supporting actors in bit roles, but the script gives these so little time they're wasted.
Much of the Benioff's script doesn't make sense. It has many of the characters doing stupid things without giving you a convincing rationale as to why. Sure the actual characters in the actual legend did stupid things too, but the script fails to give us the "why". In one of the stupidest scenes, when Hecktor accidentally kills a 16 year old boy in the middle of a big battle, everyone stops, looks sad, cries and agree "No more fighting for today." Amid the carnage and all the other young men dying, this makes no sense. Neither does Achilles reaction.
What saves Troy is the fighting scenes and special effects. These alone make it watchable. The production qualities are generally good, and the Mid-Atlantic accents adopted by the cast work well. (Amusing Idea: Redub the movie in Greek Accented English.:-) One thing that doesn't make sense; despite being a war on the hot shores of Modern day Turkey, no one breaks into a sweat or ever gets dirty. Much of this movie looks like a soap commercial.
By way of contrast, I'd like to direct you to David Gemmel's own rewrite of the Troy Saga. He's written two books in a three part series about the Trojan War, the first being "Lord of the Silver Bow." So far Gemmel has introduced us to most of these characters, and they're far better than Benioff's script. Bit players such as Andromache (little more than a walk on in Petersen's film) come to life. Gemmel's Priam is much more interesting King. Behind Gemmel's Priam is a scheming, devious mind. Behind O'Tooles Priam is simply a perpendicular piece of cardboard.
Petersen's Troy is a lost opportunity, floundering on a poor script and a miscast Pitt. He is more Paris than Achilles, and perhaps not even that.
My Rating: 2 out of 4 stars (for the fighting).
I suggest you read Gemmel's "Lord of the Silver Bow" for a much better story. Petersen's version doesn't do it justice.