This movie was the epitome of melodramatic suck.

Rating: 5/10 (3 June 2004)

Terrible movie, in my opinion, and it doesn't rate any higher than a mediocre 5.0.
Things that sucked about it:
1. The acting was awful, especially from Brad Pitt, who I usually enjoy. He was so unbelievably bland. I think he may have been doing his Keanu Reeves impression, actually. Seriously though, if this is Achilles, then there's no reason at all to believe he did anything to be remembered for. Pitt is woefully miscast and did nothing extraordinary. Hector's wife, Andromeche (played by Saffron Burrows) was equally awful. Also, her story was so predictable and badly acted ... "no, Hector! You'll be killed! Don't go fight ... stay ... stay for our ... our son! Ohhh! *faints from fear*" Lame.
2. Peterson and Benioff changed so much stuff from the original story that I was sickened. Paris did not steal Helen from Menelaus; she was given to him by Aphrodite. Hector did not kill Menelaus; Menelaus lived throughout the war. Briseus was not Hector's cousin and she was not a disciple of Apollo. She was the daughter of an Apollonian priest and she was given to Agamemnon who then gave her to Achilles (and later took her away from him and then gave her back again later). Briseus did not kill Agamemnon either; Agamemnon survived the war, only to be murdered by his wife and her lover (read his tragic story in "Agamemnon" by Aeschyclus). In fact, Peterson ruined Agamemnon's credibility and story in this movie. He wasn't the power-hungry barbarian they made him out to be. He was a leader who commanded respect. He was also a fighter. He did not sit back and let others do the work. He was a strong general and a king who clashed with Achilles, but had everyone elses respect.
3. The scene where Odysseus comes up with the idea for the Trojan horse was ridiculous. I could almost see a lightbulb flash over his head and hear "ding ding ding!" in the background.
4. Paris lives? Huh? In the epic poem, Paris is MURDERED BY MENELAUS!!! Paris living through the film made absolutely no sense. He already handed off the sword of Troy to Aeneas (which is correct ... Aeneas was given the sword of Troy, just not by Paris ... sidenote: Aeneas goes on to found the Roman empire in Virgil's "The Aeneid"). What sense did Paris being alive at the end of the film make if he already handed off the sword of Troy?
5. For an epic, Troy the city seemed like it was no bigger than the size of Bumsville, Idaho. We see about 5% of a city, including an incredibly bland temple and a sparsely populated courtyard. Where were all the Trojan soldiers that 12 hours earlier were guarding the walls with bows and arrows? In the epic, the siege of Troy is much more chaotic, with Greeks killing Trojans, Greeks killing Greeks (accidentally), Trojans killing Greeks, and Trojans killing Trojans (accidentally).
6. There's more chemistry in a meth lab than there is between Paris and Helen. "Everyday I spent with Menelaus I just wanted to walk into the ocean!!!" It's one thing to just say that, but you have to make us feel and believe it. "I can hunt deer and rabbits!" Of course you can, Paris. Of course you can.
That's about all I got for now. This movie was the epitome of melodramatic suck.