The Moose Hole - Review of Troy

Rating: 3/10 (19 May 2004)

When go to your local book store or library, what do you see? There's the Da Vinci Code, the latest Harry Potter book, quite possibly the latest thriller from Stephen King, and of course the latest crap-trap bashing the Bush administration (How many more of these damn things can there be? Hasn't it all been said by now? Or are some holding out for more money?). But what you won't see out in the front, or even in reasonable view, are the ancient myths, from both the Greek and the Roman eras. These stories, which were passed down from generation to the next by word of mouth alone for centuries, showcases the greatest heroes, the greatest villains, and the most enduring lessons man has encompassed into his society. Whether you heard these as a young boy from your parents or studying them in grade school (or in the case of public schools, even high school), these were the tales to live up to, to base moral values on, and to heed the examples of men and women who may not have even existed but were told in these stories to serve the benefit of future generations. Anyone can pick up the latest `hot book of the week' but few can say that these will last forever. The true legends, the greatest legends . only they will stand the test of time.
The story focuses more on the historical events that took place at the Siege of Troy rather then the mythological aspects, for which the tale is best known by and has been known by for generations. After numerous confrontations and mounting dead, King Agamemnon appears to have his goal of uniting all of Greece under one ruler at hand but there is danger afoot. Helen, wife of King Menelaus of Sparta and brother to King Agamemnon, has been secretly having an affair with Paris, prince of Troy, who has arrived in Sparta along with his brother Hector as ambassadors of peace who seek to unite Greece and squelch the years of fighting. In one fell swoop those hopes are dashed to pieces when Paris sneaks Helen aboard his ship heading back to Troy, thus enraging both Menelaus and Agamemnon to declare on Troy when they refuse to return her. But in order to defeat the Trojans, the Greeks will need the greatest warrior, Achilles, who is stubborn, arrogant, and refuses to bow to any king or ruler and the demands they impose on him. He goes forth into battle only at the expense of achieving ultimate glory, or immortality, amongst the people of the known world. Each individual has his own reason for involving himself in this war but what started as a war of love now stands as a war for honor, pride and the devotion to one's own country and everything its entails. The story for Troy is an absolute disgrace to the legend it claims to be based on. If you go into this film with knowledge of the legend of Troy, one must wonder what they were basing this film on as they manage to miss out on the key aspect of the legend. That key aspect of the story is the mythology (the gods, the magic, the fantasy) that is involved and by taking away that the filmmakers miss out on the whole message that the myth invokes and any credibility that try to sustain by the end.
Wolfgang Petersen, director of the film, manages to put together a stellar group of cast members who, more often then not, succeed in presenting entertaining performances in the roles they were assigned but even they can not stop this film from being a near-complete train wreck. There couldn't be a second thought on who to start off with other then the widely promoted Brad Pitt in the role of Achilles, one of the most legendary figures known in mythology. Unfortunately the character in the film is an absolute abomination compared to the legendary warrior that many of us grew up listening about. How could the filmmakers dare even think about taking the greatest warrior of all time (whether he was real or not) and turning him, by the end of the film, into the ultimate pansy? Leave it to a pacifist woman to do that to a man! Who might this be? Rose Byrne who plays Briseis, cousin to Paris and Hector and vestal virgin given to Achilles as a gift. The character is a total insult to women. She clearly stands against the concept of war, though she never clearly advocates her stance and only gives occasional naïve statements on war, and manages to change Achilles' view on warfare simply by bedding him a few times and manipulating his mind through sensual sex. How insulting! Diana Krueger, who takes on the role of the beautiful Helen of Troy, seems like a waste as she is given little to do outside of being eye candy and acting helpless. There is no emotional depth to the character and the reasons given for her fleeing with Paris are barely even touched on, which demeans from any point the filmmakers could be going for on that angle. And how can anyone have respect for the characters of Paris and Hector, played by Orlando Bloom and Eric Bana, who are played out as cowards and insults to the true warriors, who are for the most part killed off relatively early in the war. Audience members will be clamoring for their deaths after seeing Paris hide behind Hector in his battle with Menelaus, who is practically stabbed in the back by Hector in what is suppose to be a one-on-one fight to the death.
Overall . Be forewarned! Those going into Troy looking for a heedfully based and historically tweaked adaptation of the myth are well advised to avert their eyes from this horrendous gorgon. Director Wolfgang Petersen takes the concept of creative liberties and stretches far beyond the reasonable point for any adaptation and in the process severely damages the legend of Troy in the minds of the latest generation of movie-goers, who will go off spreading the inaccurate portrayal to future generations should the film be deemed a success at the box office. The film is just an absolute disgrace and those who have grown well-accustomed to both Greek and Roman mythology should do themselves a favor by avoiding this near monstrosity at all costs, namely in their wallet. There can be no greater insult to mythologists then turning the greatest warrior the world has ever known into the superlative pansy. Even when one looks past that fact, there isn't much more to the film to salvage any respect for the mad scientists behind this hideous creation. The dialogue is overly clichéd and dull, the immense use of CGI effects becoming increasingly embarrassing and more obvious as the film goes on, and the numerous all-to-close naked shots of Brad Pitt become increasingly annoying, more so for the males then the females of course. Without the whole mythology aspect to it, Paris' capturing of `Helen's heart' looks like a booty call gone out of control and only confuses the audience in their attempt interpret what should be taken from this film. If Van Helsing and Troy are any indication of what is to come this summer, this is set to be the worst summer on record at the box office in a long time.
My Rating: * ½ out of 5 (Grade: D-)