Oh what a BAD BAD film!

Rating: Null/10 (6 December 2004)

Brad Pitt whinges on about how soldiers aren't to blame for wars, Orlando Bloome can't hide his humiliation and the rest of the cast do their best to try and make the Hollywood pretty boy look good, despite his talent deficit, without looking too ridiculous themselves.
I never, for one second while watching this monstrosity, felt carried into another place; it failed, as epic, as spectacle, as even the rudiment of a well told story, which, given the source, is almost an achievement. I couldn't help wondering whether there was supposed to be a message about modern American behaviour behind the insanity of casting a bleach blond underwear model as Achilles, Greek Hero.
Peter O'Toole shines amongst the mire, as one would expect, and Eric Bana as Hector strikes a reasonable note. The anachronisms, even for a viewer who is not a classical scholar, were nauseating: swords piercing armour (that would be bronze piercing thick leather), and all-out charges because the special effects people used the same software that was used in LOTR. Any schoolboy knows that Greek warfare was a push and shove match with blades and arrows.
I really HATE this overlong, stupid epic-by-numbers, and is it just me, or does Brad Pitt use the same facial expressions as Ben Stiller uses in Zoolander?