A review of one of the worst movies of the year

Rating: Null/10 (14 May 2004)

In all of literature, there is only a handful of works that can be considered to be truly great. One of these is Homer's epic poem, The Iliad. This Greek tragedy revolves around the Grecian hero Achilles and his role in the battle for the city of Troy:
'It is the story of Achilles; or more precisely, it is, as has been frequently seen, the tragedy of Achilles, which develops through his quarrel with Agamemnon and withdrawal from battle, the sufferings of the Greeks in his absence, the death of Patroclus who tried to rescue the Greeks from the plight into which Achilles had put them, and the vengeance taken by Achilles on Hector, who killed Patroclus.' (Lattimore, R. 1961. The Iliad of Homer. The University of Chicago Press: Chicago)
The Iliad begins during the tenth year of the siege and ends a few weeks later with the siege still under way.
Oh the pain
Someone forgot to mention this to producer and director Wolfgang Petersen and screenplay writer David Benioff. At least they had some sense in slapping a 'Based on Homer's The Iliad' before the end credits of this mind-numbingly long 165-minute film.
In fact, the end credits are probably the best thing about this movie. I cannot understand this. Homer did all the work for them. They just had to transform it into a film.
The trailers leading up to the release of Troy led us to believe that we would be getting an epic. Instead, all viewers will take with them after watching Troy is a false sense of The Iliad that is as twisted as it is blatantly wrong.
In fact, given Hollywood's penchant for giving movies long titles, they should have called this Troy: How to rape a classic in three hours or less. Homer is probably on his way back from Hades to have a chat with Messieurs Petersen and Benioff.
Money-making machine
Unfortunately, this movie is going to rake in the money at box offices around the globe. Why is this? Well, there is a (potentially) brilliant cast on offer. Any movie featuring the likes of Peter O'Toole, Brad Pitt, Sean Bean, Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom has got something going for it. Alas, even a cast as strong as this has no hope of saving this wretched offering.
For some reason - in all likelihood the screenplay - the acting is as wooden as the Trojan horse. The much-anticipated special effects come across as being bereft of any emotion. Even composer James Horner seems to have been sucked into the black hole that is Troy.
This movie is a soulless example of just how badly Hollywood can waste the resources available to it. Warner Brothers would have gotten more value from the reported budget of $200 million if they had burnt it.
Pitt (Achilles), Bana (Hector) and Bean (Odysseus) make an attempt at saving the movie, but do not quite manage it. While the glaring inaccuracies are too numerous to mention, the characters of Hector and Paris (Bloom) are the best examples of how making 'artistic' changes can succeed in irritating anyone who has ever read The Iliad. Even the one-dimensional Helen (Diane Kruger) cannot contribute anything to the movie other than provide it with a pretty face.
Saving grace
Thankfully, there are two scenes in the movie which are worth watching. Of course, both revolve around two men trying to kill each other. The first instance is where Hector fights Patroclus (Garrett Hedlund) thinking that he is Achilles. The second being Achilles' fight with Hector. At least the choreographers did a good job.
Other than cashing in on one of the most popular stories ever, I cannot even begin to understand what the reasons were for making this movie. I have seldom watched a film that has left such a bad taste in the mouth. Perhaps next time, Warner Brothers should get Peter Jackson to help them bring a literary classic to the big screen. God knows, Petersen cannot.