Brad i like your skirt!

Rating: Null/10 (26 May 2004)

I had read Homer's Illiad at school (no not Simpson) well I can tell you it truly is a blockbuster, the battles are epic & it all looks good.
That's the good news; sadly it comes across to me as emotionless; this classic has a script so wooden in places, that it's worthy of George Lucas and B&Q/Home Depot = providers of wood.
I could just hear Darth Vader deliver Hectors line.
'They underestimated us, let's not return the favour.'
In fact it is in many way's it's a cross between between Lord of the Rings Sur la mer & Star War's. In fact if you see it, look out for a scene when I thought for one moment Obi Wan himself was coming into a tent to have a chat with Brad Pitt.
Even with it's problems, it is a good film, the CGI was in places very good, Peter O'Toole is a treasure (even if he did turn into King Lear) but at least he had emotion, which is more than can be said for some members of the cast.
Brian Cox as Agamemnon, Eric Bana, Rose Byrne, Brendan Gleeson & Sean Bean are excellent, the same goes for a few of the other British character actors.
To me while he may look good, Brad Pitt comes across as an ancient Greek Robocop.
Orlando Bloom starts off a wet pretty boy who fancies someone else's wife & then in the last 15 minutes remembers he should be a hero & turns into his LOTR character.
Complete with bow & arrow.
The greatest mis-casting for me must be Diane Kruger as Helen (of Troy) the girl gives wood a bad name; she is without any on screen charisma, during the film, she switches from a bored teenager look to just being bored, could this really be the face that launched a thousand ships?
I would of given the role to Keira Knightley or to Rose Byrne who played Briseis the priestess; at least she can act and has the ability to show some emotion!
I did enjoy it, it did have lavish sets worthy of a epic, yes great special effects & lots of action/battle sequences, but we've grown to expect this!
But i just kept thinking how good this could have been!
But I can't fault the closing dialog spoken by Sean Bean's Odysseus!
'If they ever tell my story, let them say that I walked with giants.
Men rise and fall like winter wheat, but these names will never die.
Let them say I lived in the time of Hector, tamer of horses; let them say that I lived in the time of Achilles.
I fear not the shadows of Men'.