Apollo wept.

Rating: Null/10 (29 May 2008)

Troy should've been an UNDISPUTED EPIC. The battle scenes were brilliant, almost Lord of the Rings-esquire, but a bit shorter in spans as true to history. Unfortunately, they ruined it by HAVING LEGOLAS SAVE THE DAY.
I couldn't believe how the movie ended. I knew Achilles would die, anyone who paid attention in history class knows how he died and the famous term "Achilles Heel". I just could've believe Orlando Bloom as ruined yet ANOTHER movie. Totally one dimensional, the producers decided to ride on his Legolas fame and destroyed this otherwise fantastic film. Bloom's character, Paris, can't fight for sheet with a sword or a spear, so he starts using a bow and completely owns everyone in the end. And people rip on Keanu Reeves for being wooden? At least he can play a larger variety than "Prettyboy" Orlando Bloom. I mean they totally ruined his character Paris by making him look like a coward. HOW DOES HELEN FALL FOR THIS DISHONORABLE BOY? No, it's not Paris' fault, it's completely Orlando Bloom. And it's all you teenage girls who swoon over him, that are encouraging him to continue riding on his Legolas fame-train and now every movie that needs a cheap boost in ratings and box office numbers just employ him for those lovey-dovey scenes. After he shot Achilles 5 times despite Briseis pleading with him, I wished Briseis would walk up and just stab him. And what's with this 'love' theme? I can understand heroes going home every night to love their wives, but they really overdid it in Troy. I mean think Titanic... think of the death scene.... then watch Troy. It's Titanic x 4. Yes that's right, every single death scene is a tear jerker for the preteen. It's sad to see Troy under the 7.0 mark at the time of this review, but the scores don't lie. Unfortunately "Troy" will not be remembered for very long after we die.
Please please don't let Wolfgang direct another Iliad classic like this, my heart can't take it anymore. And they didn't even bother to show Orlando Bloom's death. Yes that's right folks, he NEVER made it out of Troy, he was mortally wounded and his wife begged his former lover Oenone to heal him, who refused because of his playboy lifestyle and dumping her for Helen. And he died pathetically. Obviously this can never be shown in the movie as it would ruin the whole point of having Bloom in there now would it!!