Read The Iliad instead

Rating: 4/10 (31 December 2004)

Troy was a disappointment. Aside from the liberties taken with Homer's epic poem - which is only to be expected - much of the acting is terrible. Brad Pitt bulks up and parades around looking hard and sensitive all at the same time. Orlando Bloom looks - well, like Orlando Bloom. Diane Kruger's boring, one-dimensional Helen wouldn't have launched one ship let alone a thousand. The best acting was by the Trojan horse; everyone else would have benefited from a different director and a better script. The viewers in our house found the film benefited from a bottle of wine and some crackers and cheese. All in all, eye candy yes, great cinema -- not by a long shot!