Can I Have a Refund?

Rating: 1/10 (18 May 2004)

It's been a long time since I walked out on a movie.
Okay, not that long -- about 30 minutes in to last summer's "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake, I gracefully removed myself from the theatre before I gave way to hurling insults and popcorn at the screen.
But, Troy has set a new record for my tolerance. After two hours, there was still no resolution to the story -- if you can honestly sit there and believe there's much of a story.
This adaptation of Homer's legendary story is merely an excuse for beginning CGI artists to try their hand at a 'major epic' of a motion picture. Too bad this film stinks to high heavens.
The script is so bad - so cliché - you're waiting for one of the characters to batter down the fourth wall at any minute and to start laughing hysterically. It's like a Monty Python skit -- only, Monty Python is funny.
I'm waiting with baited breath throughout the film for Brad Pitt to crack in an Owen Wilson-esque, "Dude, I'm only kidding" punchline... alas, it never arrives.
Taking nearly three hours to tell a story that could have been tidied up neatly in two is unforgivable. Inflicting such a novice-effort script on otherwise talented actors, that's a crime beyond comprehension.
1/10