Worst of 2004

Rating: 1/10 (25 March 2005)

I still can not believe how many people continue to actually praise this movie as one of the best of 2004 and an instant classic. Let me tell you the truth, Troy was a God-awful experience. The film follows many like to call what really happened during the Trojan War. Achilles and Odysseus traveling to Troy to help regain Menelaus' wife Helen.
The first few minutes of the film are enjoyable with Brian Cox and Brendan Gleeson prancing around in the company of Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom. Suddenly it takes a nose dive of epic proportions. Hector and Paris are on a boat, then they're in Troy, then suddenly we're confronted with Brad Pitt again.
Eventually they all get to Troy and somehow, Achilles and his 50 men are able to overtake a beach of near 1000 men. Hmmmmmmm. That sounds real accurate. The whole time the battle is going on, Achilles is smacking around play toys that we are suppose to believe are soldiers trying to kill him.
Eventually the story becomes more boring when a love interest enters into Achilles life so some of the women watching the film can be excited . From the first battle at Troy to the Trojan Horse scene, there is about an hour in between where only one thing that anyone cared about happened, the fight between Hector and Achilles.
The battle scenes with the large, CGI armies are well done but the up close up battles with real human characters and the corny music are bad. Achilles and Hector's battle is quite bland, just two guys jumping in circles and occasionally swinging their spears. The beahc battle was hilarious watching Achilles kill about 50 soldiers one at a time. Hmmmmm . Wouldn't soldiers attack maybe three or four at a time?
The main problem with Troy is almost nothing looks believable. The city walls, the Trojan Horse, and the army sizes for that matter are all way to big. The first battle outside the gates of Troy, the amount of soldiers present probably couldn't even fit into the city itself. Along with realistic is how nothing is ever dirty. We are made to believe that four thousand years ago that everything was kept clean and nice looking. I'm pretty sure there wasn't a Martha Stewart present in the Trojan War to do the cleaning.
There is something seriously wrong with Brad Pitt in the film. All he does is talk in a wannabe- tough guy voice that brings more laughs to the audience then fear. I;m not saying Pitt can't act, because he can, he's just seriously miss-cast.
I'm beginning to like Bana more and more every time I watch him. He has a sternness around him that helped to bring out the character of Hector, the only character in the film that really was developed at all. Sean Bean is completely wasted as Odysseus who only appears for short periods of time.
Orlando Bloom is a decent actor but trying to play a Paris like character had disastrous results. The film is suppose to be about his love for Helen. If love is just having you know what then well I guess they pin-pointed that.
Troy fails tremendously. The acting (minus Bana) is awful, the battles are totally unbelievable, and the adaptation of the poem is wretched. Try to avoid Troy at all costs and I do mean at all costs.
1/5 Stars