Epic Tripe

Rating: 4/10 (16 May 2004)

Dear Gods, people, did anyone actually see the same movie that I did? This is a poorly POORLY done interpretation of Homer's works.
The script is atrocious, the dialogue is painful (though it scores high on the unintentional comedy scale), with few exceptions, the acting was very average (Eric Bana's Hector and Sean Bean's Odysseus were wonderful, and Peter O'Toole is brilliance personified, the rest were craptacular), the accents were ridiculous (gotta love those Scottish and Irish Greek men), the plethora of blonde haired, blue eyed Greeks and Trojans was ridiculous, the inaccuracies and liberties taken were appalling, and somewhere beyond the River Styx, Homer is weeping.
I wanted to slap Paris every time he was on screen, same with Hector's wife.
Orlando Bloom's acting was stiff and boring and he had all of about two facial expressions. He's nice to look at (far nicer than Helen with her wonderful German accent, in fact) but that's about where it ends for him in this movie. It was amusing to see that all the archery he learned for LotR didn't go to waste, though.
This is three hours of my life I'll never get back. I'm considering finding Wolfgang Peterson's house and demanding my $9.25 back.