Oh, immortal Gods, what a drag...

Rating: 3/10 (17 May 2004)

Really, this movie is bad for so many reasons that it's easier to say what's good in it. Battle scenes, sets, costumes - those are great. Technologically this is an achievement. Although historians might have an issue with some or all of the details, their case is weak if only because, although the city on the Turkish hill was besieged and taken a couple times 3000 years ago, Greeks, most probably, never did that under their own banners.
I wish it was all about battles, costumes and history, I would've really enjoyed a movie like that on Discovery or History channel. Unfortunately there is also a "drama" here. Apparently poor Homer did not know much about that because the script writers of 'Troy' decided to dramatize this "old blah blah blah". Like this thing with Menelaus, husband of Helen. Apparently he's nasty, and we don't like nasty people, do we? So let's kill him - why would he get his wife back as Homer has intended? Or Paris - he's cute, right? Let him survive, and with Helen too - since the husband is dead, who cares? And why should Greeks besiege this damn city for 10 years - 2 weeks is enough. Etc. Apparently the motto is "Happy end no matter what and in 3 hours".
So, okay, you rewrote Homer, which proves that doubts are foreign to you. But with what?! With this pink and syrupy love story that allows Orlando Bloom to strut some? With dialogs that where even good actors struggle, not really sure what kind of feelings they are supposed to express? Oh, I know with what! Brad Pitt's butt! Though I am straight, it really looks nice... Enjoy it, there is not much else.
My advice: don't go. Let the producers lose money and release it on DVD. Then rent it and fast forward from one battle to another. Believe me, you are not going to lose much in between.