all the more maddening considering cast, director, budget...

Rating: 3/10 (11 June 2008)

Notwithstanding the debate over historical accuracy or artistic license in a classic tale, this movie stunk all on its own in and of itself. It was surprising to me to see such glowing reviews of this thoroughly lame duck, which haphazardly pieces together elements of what the movie-makers were hoping would be high-drama, epic themes, romance, poignant tragedy, and dazzling action. The individual parts, at times, had flashes of the above, but the whole utterly lacked that crucial intangible: damn good story-telling (it usually comes down to the writing, editing, direction). What emerged was occasional highs (relatively speaking) in action, cinematography, acting, drama; but they're so interspersed with sheer drivel that you just end up rolling your eyes A lot... And although the characters of Achilles n Hector are compelling figures (in literature AND in the movie) their titanic clash and tragic struggles of honor (which are the major impetus of the movie) are ultimately diluted by the mind-numbing stupidity of the characters around them. Helen's character, for example, was written as just a vapid, frivolous girl who's only claim to oxygen was above average beauty, inch-deep allure, and an even shallower personality. She is supposed to be THE reason two powerful cities, its strongest, most noble warriors and the countless lives of two apparently worthy peoples are going to be devastated. They needed to do a better job of making her someone you'd actually give a crap about, let alone fight for. They failed miserably. Paris (orlando bloom) was even more idiotic. Watching this sniveling, whiny, cowardly, do-nothing plunge everyone into total war, death, destruction and be ultimately REWARDED for kidnapping a queen, uncaringly starting a war, spinelessly ducking his personal battles, running around witless the entire movie n then escaping the burning city n carnage, with the girl, to supposedly start anew as a better leader (yeah right!) was just too much to bear. This is not epic, this is not poetic; the only thing tragic here is that someone failed to make the storyline 1% as epic as the budget of this disappointing dud of a movie