Almost like a spoof of Transformers, and a horribly unfunny one at that.

Rating: 2/10 (10 July 2009)

Wow! This Transformers movie...what can you say about it? It's so unbelievably bad, with the only positives being the occasional interesting fight scene, but even those only lift this movie up to it's still horrible level. The constant jokes and strange plot points and nonstop mistakes and cheesy love scenes make this movie very, very hard to sit through.
Sam Witwicky (Shia Labeuf), our hero from the first flick is now going to college. His wacky parents (Kevin Dunn and Julie White) are driving him, as Sam's not bringing Bumblebee, the lovable nonspeaking Transformer car. Also on Sam's list of leave behinds is his skin tight short short pantie wearing girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox). Meanwhile, the Decepticons are coming back to Earth to go after an ancient device that could end all life on Earth. Not only that, but Sam has wacky mishaps in college, and Optimus Prime is killed, and the government takes control of his body. And then...everyone transports to Egypt for the conclusion. Oh the humanity!
Where to start with the negatives? How about the robots. These are the most obnoxious robots ever! They linger on stereotypes and play the sole role of being comic relief, but instead add absolutely nothing. Mudflap and Skids (Skids is voiced by Tommy "Spongebob" Kenny) are the most horrible creatures to hit the big screen. Their entire role is bantering back and forth, and making bad jokes. They're like Jar Jar Binks times 100 in terms of annoying CGI sidekicks. Then we've got Wheelie, who is also voiced by Tom Kenny. Before continuing about the character, I'd like to comment on Tom Kenny. He is only good at doing cartoony voices, like the Mayor on Powerpuff Girls, Heffer on Rocko's Modern Life, and his most known character Spongebob. Him trying to voice an actual character is pathetic. Both his characters sound like Spongebob. This guy can't change his voice enough to make unique characters. Anyways, Wheelie is also annoying. He's a foul mouth, but due to our PG-13 limit, he uses the word "frickin'" like crazy. Very annoying!!!!
Time to talk about bizarre elements of the movie. The Fallen had a...hehe...scrotum. Bahaha! Man, that's some real clever stuff. Sam goes to robot heaven...well that makes sense! Sam has a bandage magically appear on his hand to cover up Shia Labeuf's real life motorcycle accident. It's fine to cover it up, but when it's unexplained, it seems more like a continuity problem. A little robot has fun with Megan Fox's leg. These script writers must've been pulling all nighters for these hilarious ideas. Speaking of hilarious, Sam's mom eats a weed brownie and starts tackling people. Is this Transformers or Disaster Movie? A female human...turns out to be a Transformer. Hmmmm, these guys really can fool us humans. Somehow, the Decepticons not only made one of their own to look and sound exactly like a human, but apparently they got her into college...all just to kill Sam? Those sneaky bots. Bravo, you magnificent writers, bravo! This is a poorly acted, horribly written and dismally directed mess of a film, and yet it's a hit financially. Don't go to see this! All that will result is a headache, and possibly a story to tell your friends about how bad this film truly is.
My rating: 1/2 out of ****. 150 mins. PG-13 for drug, crude, sex humor, violence and language