Transformers 2: Please Don't Make a Sequel!

Rating: 3/10 (14 May 2010)

The first impression I got watching Director Michael Bay's Transformers 2 was that the transformers were the least interesting characters in the entire film - except for that yellow camaro and the tiny robot that tries to steal this rock that serves as a memory chip. In fact, the most interesting part of the movie was the first 35 minutes which can only be described as fun, goofy, easy-going silliness. We see Sam (Shia LaBeouf) and his hot girlfriend Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) have a silly, but amusing argument about why neither of them can say the "L" word -- even though they both love each other. We see Sam go to college and make a complete fool of himself in the classroom. We see Sam meet his crazy Spanish college roommate. And all of these scenes are accompanied by very quirky dialogue. We see a slutty girl try to seduce Sam and almost succeed when all of a sudden Mikaela catches them kissing. "Is that your girlfriend," the slutty girl asks. "Ex," Mikaela replies. Then we see the slutty girl turn into a transformer and try to kill Sam, Mikaela saving Sam and then Sam and Mikaela getting into a heated argument over his cheating while the transformer is trying to kill both of them - and, at that point, I was thinking to myself why did Roger Ebert only give this movie one star out of a possible four? I did not have long to wait for the answer to that question.
What I deeply resent about this movie is that it reminds me of how arrogant the director Michael Bay really is. Here is a man who does not care at all about character development or the plot or even the dialogue, who throws hundreds of millions of dollars (maybe more) in creating special effects for more than two hours, and then expects his audience to think that he has produced a great cinematic masterpiece. How stupid does he think people are? And that's the problem with this film. There are lots of special effects, lots of underwater footage, lots of aerial pictures. lots of CGI and even the pyramids were thrown in, but who cares? In the end, all the images thrown on screen don't amount to whole lot. Most of the movie is devoted to showing transformers beating each other up like they are in a wrestling ring, which is about as entertaining and as loud as slamming two metal objects against each other again and again and again. And all this noise and all this crashing of metal parts goes on and on and on.
In short, the problem with Transformers 2 is that too many special effects, too much noise, too many explosions, and too much CGI do not make a better film. They make a worse film. No doubt for Michael Bay, it was absolutely necessary for all this noise of transformers crashing into each other to last for 2 hours and thirty minutes. But if they cut out one hour and focused on developing the quirky, silly and funny set-up in the beginning - not to mention doing something more with Shia LeBeouf's comedic talents rather than have him dodge explosions (after all, you Michael Bay are paying his salary. So make the most of it) - then the film would not only be less expensive. It would also be better. I am tired of films that require their audience to passively take in one big explosion after the other. There are dozens of films that have done that already and there are many more with special effects - and the whole experience is getting tired and boring. We don't expect people to only listen to "The Animals" from the 1960s or Jessica Simpson from the 1990s again and again and again. So why should we have to put up with films that have no plot, no characters, lots of noise and lots of CGI again and again and again. Before I conclude, the other thing I despise about this movie was that Steven Spielberg decided to write a check that was probably worth millions to finance the production of it, when he knew better (we know he knew better, because "Schlinder's List" is proof that he knows how to make great movies). Obviously, Spielberg gets this year's award for biggest douchbag for accompanying Michael Bay on this ego trip and thinking that they can fool everyone into thinking that Transformer 2 is any good. It's not. Thumbs way down.