What if we leave and you're wrong?  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Rating: 5/10 (23 June 2009)

My screening of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen ended around 10:00pm. What do we see in the lobby as we exit the theatre? That's right, a line already forming for the midnight show, less than two hours away, the premiere timeslot to expose the world to the ancient Decepticon Fallen. Those kids were ready for a good time, hoping that the sequel lived up to the surprisingly effective first installment. If any of them had asked me as I walked by what I thought, I would have told them the truth  it's not that bad. In hindsight, I think I gave the original too high a rating with an 8/10. It did entertain and the computer graphics were impeccable, but too often did it have me shaking my head at the clumsy script and abundance of cheese. It was a crapshoot on what to expect with a sequel from maestro of destruction Michael Bay. All I knew for sure was that he'd bring more robots, more explosions, and more carnage, because, frankly, that's how he rolls.
Let's put this phenomenon in perspective here. Not only are all local theatres playing a midnight show—yes, even the drive-in—but tomorrow's "first day" screenings begin at 10:00am. It's a Wednesday people. I understand it's the summer and most kids are off of school, but one can imagine how many people lining up in the morning are playing hooky from work too. This thing will be breaking the bank for sure, despite the early, mostly derisive, reviews. The people that will be pumping money into Hollywood's coffers aren't likely to be reading those critical analyses anyway. No, instead they are probably going to see it again. In all honesty, I don't blame them one bit. If I were a serious critic, looking at this thing in comparison with the great movies of all time, nitpicking every minute detail, I'd probably be hailing it as one of the worst motion pictures ever. But I am not, and I won't. Transformers 2 is a heck of a lot of fun and I can say with a straight face that, if you enjoyed the first, you will have a blast with the second.
The movie brings what you'd expect from Bay—more of everything. There is a ton more action, mostly robot versus robot fighting, that intrigues immensely. I could have gone without the quips and stupid catchphrases as they throw each other, but that is a minor quibble. Even the comedic aspect is increased, and as someone who thought the first was too campy, this actually isn't a bad thing. The humor is shored up and more honed with less headshaking and more laughing. Even little inside jokes thrown in, like a Bad Boys II poster hanging in Sam's dorm room, sparks a chuckle. I was also beginning to think that John Turturro redeemed himself for a dismally weak performance in the first until they had to put him underneath a robot with two hanging metal orbs, to which he spoke over the radio, "I'm beneath the robot scrotum". It was a very poor error in judgment, but, of course, the audience ate it up, along with the twins Mudflap and Skids. I don't know what was more offensive, the ghetto-bots' blatant caricature boarding on racist or the fact that every time Tyrese Gibson was on screen he was saying "that can't be good".
The true success here, however, is that the story revolves around the Transformers. If the first film was about Earth and humanity's discovery of this alien race, the sequel is about that race and what it is they are doing here. It is a time for them to prove themselves and show that the trust humanity has given is earned. As a result, we get a ton of computer-generated robotics to brilliant effect. The robots came to Earth to harvest its sun for energy, only to discover life, realizing they must find another sun because they will not destroy a civilization. Except that one Prime decided to stay and reap the power, forever being called Fallen, exiled by the other Primes and blocked from his takeover. That means the Harvester is buried, the matrix key guarded, and Fallen is in hiding awaiting a chance to return. Once Sam touches a remnant of the All-Spark, well, the map to destruction is embedded in his head and the search for Earth's survival is on. Yes, the mythology is convoluted, but if you buy into an alien race of robots coming to our world, well the plot will fall into place too.
So, yeah, the faults of the first are shored up pretty well, but the story loses something in the process. For being over two hours, the end comes with the realization that not much had happened, leaving us with an Optimus Prime voice-over, making us wonder if we accidentally just watched the first film again. Who goes to a Michael Bay film for the strong story, though, right? You go for a good time, an escape from the challenges of our world to watch the little guy defeat an impossible foe and save the world. Bay is the master of escapism and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is one more feather in his cap. You know what to expect and it will be delivered, so just sit back, relax, and enjoy a new adventure, much like the previous, but this time full of robotic goodness from front to back.