Too bad this FILM can't "transform" into something else

Rating: 3/10 (30 June 2009)

I'll give the good news first- the movie has excellent special effects (9/10) and a decent soundtrack (7/10). The bad news is that effects and music are the only good news.
Almost the entire movie was over-acted, though I honestly don't think the actors can be totally to blame when they're given such awful lines. In addition, they're working with a plot that has holes so big, I could drive Optimus Prime through them. I can handle chick-flicks any day of the week, but the "romance" in this movie was almost painful to watch; it was so unbelievably cheesy. As for its comedic elements, I only remember laughing once or twice despite repeated attempts at humor. Probably 65% of the movie was action and fight sequences, so I have a feeling that (in a feeble attempt to maintain some balance of plot, action, drama, romance, humor, etc.) the writers overcompensated, trying to cram everything else into that remaining 35%. The voices for most of the Transformers are over-the-top stereotypical of certain groups and races of people, and I wouldn't be surprised if they were downright offensive to many people. At 2.5 hours, the movie is pretty long, and though I am easily entertained, I was actually bored by the end of the movie and wanted it to end.
Now, bad acting, plot holes, sappy romance, etc. are all fine if it's a kids' movie or something, but it can't even be classified as that because it is so needlessly crude- I think I saw humping no less that three times. There were several unnecessary butt shots and references to balls, testicles, and a scrotum. There was drug material, and there was twice as much foul language as the first movie. I mean, come on- these are hardly elements of a kids' movie.
On top of all that, I fail to see how this movie has anything to do with the classic Transformers universe. They just took the basic premise and the classic characters and completely fabricated a new universe and storyline. How disappointing for people actually familiar with the original!...
Anyways, to sum up- for all of the ridiculous hype, I would have expected this movie to be at least on par with the first movie (which was at least average), but it failed to reach even that mediocre level. I'm a sucker- I paid $10.25 to see this film, and I seriously regret it. Please learn from my mistake and do not give this movie anymore money. If you must see it, please wait for it to come out on video, then rent it. Then you will see what I am talking about.
I give 3 stars instead of 1, simply because the special effects rocked.