The Pain! The Pain!

Rating: 1/10 (24 May 2010)

This is possibly the first movie that has given me a migraine. I left the cinema with no other thought than that I should get home as quickly as possible to consume the pain killers sitting in my medicine cabinet.
For two and half hours, this wretchedly expensive technicolour yawn had jangled my nerves, eroded my soul and compromised my intelligence to such a degree, that I honestly thought my brain had engaged in a fight to the death with my skull.
For the record, I actually enjoyed Bay's first outing for the shape-shifting toy-range, and whilst I wasn't exactly waiting with baited metal & steel breath for their return to the big screen, I was thinking this sequel would at least equal the young-dumb-full-of-fun schtick of the original. Wrong.Wrong.Wrong.
The biggest sin committed in this bloated behemoth ( apart from the rotten racial stereotypes, rotten Mum character, rotten 'pirate' Transformer (WTF?!), rotten CGI 'action' and rotten way in which Bay cuts up every single scene into a million pieces yet still manages to mangle the pace) is that the real Transformers - Optimus Prime and the gang - are reduced to cameo bit-parts in their own movie! Again, WTF?!
Seriously Mr Bay - what were you thinking? I reckon you thought: "Yeah, I know this committee-written garbage has been assembled by a bunch of soulless greed-Meister's , but hey! - im a soulless greedmeister too, and they're paying me zillions to show up and direct it...so what the hell?!"
Bay and the producers of this skyscraper stinker, should be forced to watch their 'masterpiece' on an eternal loop until they succumb to the eternal promise of never making another Transformers sequel and never going near a movie/TV studio or piece of film making equipment ever again. Only then, will there be closure re this abortion. And don't get me started on Megan Fox.