The only thing I might possibly hate even more than this is a Transformers film starring Mark Wahlberg. Oh, wait a minute

Rating: 1/10 (1 December 2013)

With Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, director (and I use that term in the loosest possible sense) Michael Bay hasn't just achieved a new low in his god-awful career but has quite possibly reached the absolute nadir of the cinematic art-form. An incomprehensible two and a half hour orgy of stupefyingly crass nonsense, this garbage substitutes loud smashes, rapid dialogue, insanely fast editing and a tidal wave of CGI for actual talent, the result being one of the least pleasurable film experiences of my life.
In addition to the digitally-enhanced audio-visual maelstrom that constitutes the bulk of this mess, the film also boasts a lousy script (featuring ridiculous comedy relief robots and a randy chihuahua) and some really wooden performances, with poster-boy-for-Dreamworks-SKG Shia La Beouf being the worst offender (let's hope that appearing in Lars Von trier's Nymphomaniac kills his career), and gratuitous eye-candy Megan Fox coming a close second.
My ten year old son, who presumably falls slap bang in the centre of the film's demographic, bailed about halfway though, bored to tears by the endless drivel being served up to him; unfortunately for me, I always insist on watching a movie in its entirety before slagging it off, and stayed to the bitter end. It's films like this that sometimes make me want to find a new hobby