Crapformers - Revenge of the Bay

Rating: 1/10 (26 June 2009)

When Transformers 1 got out in the movies, I was as hyped as any other guy who had played with the big and small robots in the 80s. I had Hot Rod with attachment and almost had the complete Devastator tank before I outgrew the toys. In short, I loved these guys, and the movie was a nice revisit to nostalgia.
The first movie had a decent story line, the transformations were moderate and the acting was at times semi corny (I don't blame the actors for that... *looks at Michael Bay*). But it was still entertaining, because you hadn't seen it before, it was a big thing seeing your old hero kick ass as you previously only could imagine it would look like in "real life".
Now, in what way does Transformers 2 differ? Not in a single way, except a weaker story line. There are no improvements, no proper introductions of the new robots, which simply just appear and starts whipping out dialogs, or more often monologues, that are supposed to be funny, but falls to the ground after the first two.
Do you remember back when Optimus would transform into the truck in the cartoons and you'd go "where the f*** did his trailer come from??", in this case you'll still be sitting "what the f*** is going on?" because Michael bay still does ultra close-ups, uses objects or terrain to cover the transformation, or there is so much going on that you won't see it. In other words, he still skips nice and easy over this part which is probably the coolest thing about both movies. To be honest, that was the biggest thing I was looking forward to in no. 1.
There is an upside for you fan-boys though: you'll see an excruciating amount of explosions big and small... just like Bay seems to like it. I guess he has an idea that that compensates bad directing.
For my part it was 2½ hours of pain... my girlfriend, who also like the first movie, walked out after 1½ hours. I only stayed to naively get value for money. As soon as the texts started rolling I was out of there, I didn't bother staying for any post-images that would only toss more shameful humor at me.
...Oh... if you're thinking that a digital presentation and THX sound is going to make this an experience, just like I did... you're wrong. Go to see this movie in the theater just to say you saw it, not because you want to watch a good movie.
When the next transformers comes out, I will read every critique about it, read every spoiler, then buy the DVD and then give it to a charity shop.