In a word: awful-piece-of-clichéd-crap

Rating: 3/10 (27 June 2009)

I won't deny, i was looking forward to seeing this movie. I saw it before all the reviews were released, and still retained some shallow belief that Michael Bay could genuinely produce a decent sequel to his pretty damn good Transformers of 2007...I was wrong...Two hours and god knows how many minutes wrong! The plot: Megatron's dead (hurrah), Optimus and the Autobots are kickin' Decepticon ass (hurrah)...Sam is still going out with Megan Fox (yawn), Sam's going to college (even bigger yawn), Sam meets a new roommate, who appears to be extremely arrogant, self-involved, whilst still being a mega-geek with no friends (cue sticking rusty nails in eyes).
This could have been a strong plot, and really could have made an exhilarating thrill ride, immersing the audience deeper into the Transformers universe. However, instead this is sacrificed for cheap gags and sentimental crap, which we've seen a thousand times before! And may i add, done a thousand times better! I felt the same at the beginning of the movie about Sam and Mikaela's relationship as i did at the end i.e. i couldn't give a fiddler's f**k who says "I love you" first! Yes, it was necessary for Sam to move on, and it was only natural to have him in a university environment. But why spend so much time in the build up of him going to College, and then have him spend 5 minutes there before he becomes a fugitive? I wanted to see more of College life, or at least a mahoosive fight there between Bumblebee and that crazy bitch. But no, all we get is one lecture, one dorm scene, one frat party scene, and one alien with a tail trying to kill him sex scene.
Sam's parents are comic relief, and it was good to see a bit more of them. His mum and dad add a bit of much needed humour. For that, it gets a star. However, why not just leave it at that? Why milk everything for a cheap laugh; even to resort to Transformer testicles and dogs humping one another!?! The character of the Fallen, the so-called angel of death is rather diluted as a villain, who adds very little, and does very little to eclipse Megatron's villainy. It seemed as though Bay was buying time with the whole "I can't go to earth, because Prime will kill me" speech, and instead seemed that he had been given a villain, and had no idea how to use him effectively. So, kept him dormant for the duration.
The fight scenes are not unimpressive, but rather really confused. In the final battle, i struggled to tell the difference between good guys and bad guys. It was a shame Bay didn't utilise the massive landscape more effectively, as one of the faults of the final showdown in the prequel was the rather compact battlefield. However, the forest fight scene between Blackout, Megatron, Starscream and Optimus was impressive, and for that, i grant a star.
The script was about as clichéd as they come, and most of the characters just really got on my nerves my the end of the movie: the twins, the roommate, Mikaela, Sam, Agent Simmons...The list goes on really.
It is not right that an audience member ends up rooting for the bad guys, but by the end i had to question whether any of the miserable parasites aka humans portrayed in the movie were even worth saving.
The effects, as can only be expected are breathtaking. The intricate formation of each transformer shows skill and immense talent. For that it gets a star.
You don't have to take my word on the movie, and you may say i'm only echoing what many reviewers have said before me. Yes, i was very hungover when i saw it, but surely a no-brainer robot awesome fighting action movie is the perfect hangover cure? No, i would rather have gone to see 'The Hangover'.