Transformers is a brash, loud, boring mess!

Rating: 4/10 (23 June 2009)

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN Director: Michael Bay Country: USA Year: 2009 Language: English Runtime: 141 Minutes Rating: 12A
I remember my Dad bringing me to the cinema to see THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980), I remember the sweets and I remember the bottle of coke but most of all I remember the film. And even though EMPIRE hasn't stood the test of time all that terribly well, I still pop it into the DVD player every now and then for a quick viewing.
A decade later I still loved going to the movies. A bunch of us would descend on the cinema still lapping up the sweets and coke but also lapping up tickets for films like GOODFELLAS (1990) or TERMINATOR 2 (1991). I pop both of those into the DVD player too.
When TRANSFORMERS (2007) was made it was such a monumental hit that the sequel was green-lit almost immediately and it hit out screens this past weekend. It's an exhausting experience. It's overly long and overly complicated, it's a brash, loud, boring mess.
In TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN, to give the film its full title, two years have passed since Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf), which is a ridiculous name, and the Autobots saved the human race from the invading Decepticons. Now Sam's preparing for the biggest challenge of his life – leaving home for college. Despite his extreme heroics, the battle of Mission City has become an urban legend believed only by conspiracy theorists. Sam is still an average teenager with everyday anxieties and excitement about heading off into adulthood, separating from his parents and vowing to be faithful to his girlfriend. You'd think as his girlfriend is the stunningly beautiful Megan Fox that this last shouldn't prove too difficult!
Any-hoo this leaving of home is something that the Autobots can relate to – the Autobots are the 'good' robots, by the way. Somewhere along the way the bad robots, the Decepticons, raise their heads. They were defeated in the first movie, but are back with a vengeance to crush all life on Earth. What follows is an ugly war between the good and the bad. No prizes for guessing who wins.
So did this movie move me? It did. But most definitely not in the way intended, as I sat in the cinema all I could think about were the movies of my youth and how sad it is that films like TRANSFORMERS get made. It has no heart and tries to make up for it with a preponderance of special effects and a thumping score. I really doubt that anyone who sees this movie, whether watching it with their Dad or with their friends will remember it with fondness. And that's pretty sad. And I bet that very few people will pop it into a DVD player in a decade or three and that's pretty sad too.