Bad re-tread of a great original

Rating: 2/10 (29 June 2009)

Most of the other disappointed reviewers have said it all perfectly already: we came this movie enthralled by the original Transformers movie's CG effects, action and even to some extent the story! From the sequel I expected a movie building on these strengths, but sadly Michael Bay & Dreamworks settled on a crass re-tread of the original, and have ruined the franchise in the process. Revenge of the Fallen is bizarre pastiche of worn-out story lines, plot devices, character ideas stolen from the first movie, the Terminator movies, The Matrix, and interspersed with an unbearable number of stupid crotch-humor jokes.
In addition to the Autobots, Bay apparently decided it would be cool to have Fembots and Geezerbots. There is a Decepticon that can take the shape of a woman (What's the point of this? The whole story is that Transformers are machines, not people.) and one who's a crotchety old-timer Decepticon who conveniently decides to switch sides and fight for the good guys! (Again - are the Decepticons truly evil, or have they just gone over to the 'dark side' of The Force, able to come back again???) Mikaela was hot and capable in the first movie – an all-around heroine in her own right not to be messed with. This time she's a left-behind, tag-along girlfriend with no real independence, reduced to constantly nagging Sam about who will use the "L" word first.
As others have mentioned, the action sequences, while exciting and cutting-edge CG, are simply disorienting. Shot way too close up, there are only a few battles where you can actually enjoy what's going on. Worse, Bay must have figured viewers who liked the macho, heart-pumping military promo clips from the first film (AWACS planes calling in tactical strike fighters, C-17 gunships banking over the desert to train massive fire on the enemy, etc.) wouldn't mind seeing them again almost verbatim, with identical soundtrack. He makes virtually no effort to come up with new material, only new extras. Then there are the truly awful and endless scrotum jokes and retrograde ethnic stereotypes. (Why the poor buck-toothed guy in the butcher shop? Why?!?!) Every time the action gets going, we have to stop for 5 more minutes of a humping dog, a humping robot, a guy getting tasered in the balls, or a view under the 'scrote' of a  Decepticon??? Sad. And yes, Skids & Mudflap are absolutely the worst degradation of a marquis franchise since Jar-Jar Binks. The final insult is the shameless set-up at the end for a THIRD movie. With "The Fallen" "destroyed" (or not?), Megatron slinks away with Starscream saying "This isn't over yet!" Mr. Bay: You earn the right to make a trilogy; you don't just take it for granted.