Light our Darkest Hour!!!!!

Rating: 3/10 (2 July 2009)

Johnny: Tell me a Story Michael Bay.
Bay: Okay so this guy Sam has a car that becomes a giant robot named Bumblebee. They had many adventures together, like when Sam goes off to college, but can't because the giant robot Semi OPTIMUS PRIME needs Sams help instead, and they go off to that one place to do that one thing and meet those one guys. Then Giant robots start fighting and break a lot of things, Then there's these 2 Retarded (Steve Urkle wannabees) robots that follow him around for no reason. Anyway the world will blow up unless they find the Matrix.....The End.
Johnny: WTF was THAT! You didn't even try, did you even work on this film?
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Firstly, lemme say "STOP DESTROYING MY CHILDHOOD ICONS". Every fanboy knows that in Transformers there was a set of Twins named SIDESWIPE and SUNSTREAKER. If we wanted twins in this movie, why did we disregard Sunstreaker and create the 2 worst characters in cinema since JAR JAR BINKS? Okay so we at least added a new G1 Face (Sideswipe), but lets ruin it more, he's not even red.....in fact, lets make him Silver like every other robot in this film. Okay, so lets add 3 more classic favorites...ARCEE, CHROMIA and MOONRACER, the only Female Autobots we've ever had.....and completely ruin them into these UNICYCLE-riding Worms with no form of a body whatsoever, and show them for about 10 seconds. Instead lets follow the RETARDICONS, which are so annoying that even BUMBLEBEE slams on them...physically.
Secondly, there was no character development at all in this movie. We added new robots, barely mentioned any names, didn't explain who they were, where they came from or why we should even care. That goes for both sides. There's an army of Decepticons who apparently won't die. We see dead robots from the first movie return as well as multiple Constructicons, some being part of DEVASTATOR and some fighting singly at the exact same time over the next dune.
I can't even glorify this movie as a 2 hour car commercial nor a Toy Commercial. It might as well have been 2 guys rolling 20 sided dice for what each characters next move was, because it felt that long and drawn out. They might as well been throwing POKEMON cards in saying "MY DEVASTATOR WILL ATTACK YOU". "Yeah, well I play my INSECTICON". "I see your Insecticon, and call on my RAVAGE". "You killed my Optimus PIKACHU".
You can't throw in all these things with no explanation of what a CONSTRUCTICON is, what an INSECTICON is, what a RAVAGE is, and most interestingly enough....what a PRETENDER is. This would be the Hot Blonde College girl who tries to kill SAM. There used to be toys called PRETENDERs. They were SKIN on the outside, but a robot underneath. This was the only cool thing I saw in this movie and it lasted 3 minutes maybe. Fanboys recognized also JETFIRE and WHEELIE, which in no way came close to their predecessors. I understood this movie for the most part, but then again 30 years plus of Hardcore FANBOY living, ya pick up a few things. NEWBIES are completely freaking lost.
Megan Fox just spoke out about this not being a film about ACTING, and MICHAEL BAY tore her apart for it calling her childish and immature, knowing nothing about what the fans want. I think the real problem here is MICHAEL BAY. I haven't heard anything out of his mouth that's not I, ME or MY. Judging by these reviews, the Lovely Miss FOX is Absolutely right and BAY doesn't know what the fans want. I've seen and heard about things that were supposed to be in this movie that could only make it better. One being the return of more of the original voice artists, aside from Welker (who still should've been Megatron, and Soundwave sounds like Inspector Gadget should be chasing him.) I'm tired of Hollywood telling us to shut up and take it as they butcher our beloved treasures, claiming artistic rights or it'll make it better. If it's not broken, don't fix it. If you think I'm wrong, try making ROOTS with an all white cast, or Little Orphan Annie with the JONAS BROTHERS. And lets keep letting them shove IGNORANT characters down our throat like SKIDS/Mudflap, JAR JAR BINKS, Will Ferrall...etc. After this disappointment, all I can say is that GI JOE had better be DAMN GOOD! Until All Are One...and we are all watching a better TF movie from Stephen Spielberg.