Dramamine and Earplugs

Rating: 2/10 (24 June 2009)

Dramamine and earplugs.
I was in the Imax theater to watch Star Trek less than 2 months ago, and I spent the 1st 5 minutes of the actual movie hoping the ringing in my ears would go away. The tinnitus was caused by less than 3 minutes' exposure to the trailer for the Transformers sequel. At least it was fair warning. I made it a point to see the actual film in a regular theater and avoided Imax's 12,000 watts of sound. As a result, I am not totally deaf, tho not for Michael Bay's lack of trying.
No shot in the film runs as long as 5 seconds, and the camera never stops moving. You think I'm exaggerating, don't you?
There are some giant robots who want to destroy the Sun and other giant robots who want to protect the Earth. Except for one old-fart giant robot who just wants everyone to get off his lawn, it's close to impossible to tell them apart. They spend a lot of time duking it out with giant whirly hunks of metal and lots of flashing, smashing, and of course transforming. Everything goes by in a blur, which I have to presume was intentional. Little humans run in and out of the carnage, and I guess we're supposed to care.
Based on product-placement fees and quantity of gratuitously destroyed vehicles, I strongly suspect I've figured out why General Motors went bankrupt.
Every now and again the movie slows down just a tad and people stop shouting over the din enuf that you can actually understand what they're saying, and they get off a couple of clever lines, enuf to save this calamity from my lowest possible rating.
Dramamine and earplugs. You have been warned.