This review has major major major spoilers

Rating: 4/10 (5 July 2009)

Let me start out by saying that I'm ONLY giving this 4 stars because of Shia and the CGI (but there was way WAY too much CGI). If you don't want the spoilers, skip to the last paragraph...
Good LORD am I disappointed that I wasted my money on this movie. What happened, Michael Bay? Why did you have to abandon your success and go back to your signature style of style without substance? (And not even a particularly good style either.) And Mr. Spielberg, you should be ashamed of yourself.
I must say that I think Shia is following in Will Smith's footsteps; he's going to be unstoppable as he gets a few more years of acting under his belt. As expected, he did a good job, and the special effects were amazing...for about two minutes. Trouble is, they were so over the top - and they went on for such a long time - that it was hard to tell if there was a plot. There wasn't.
The movie went nowhere, and there were too many things that went beyond my ability to suspend my disbelief. I accepted the robots, but there were some serious holes that pulled me right out of the movie. Enough for me to write a novel about it, but I'll just give you a few of the highlights that I haven't blocked out:
The little scrap of the cube that Shia discovered he still had? The robots would have known about it. And the out-of-nowhere introduction of the contraption inside the pyramid? I'm guessing someone would have found it a bit sooner, with little more than a metal detector. The other bits and pieces being protected by the military? The robots were onto it in the first flick, but couldn't even track the kid with a piece of it in the sequel? Stupid, stupid, stupid. The compulsory-but-unnecessary Hot Chick being able to control one of the robots with a simple human-constructed length of chain? Good GOD, it just keeps getting worse and worse.
The biggest problem I think I had involved the electromagnetic pulse that knocked out all troop communications in Egypt. If an EMP knocked everything out, then the defibrillator "used" to revive one of the main characters would not have worked. Also, I find it strange that a soldier on the ground knew immediately that they had fallen victim to an EMP, but the general couldn't figure out why he could not communicate with his men. And why didn't the robots just knock out the entire Earth with an EMP? If they had the capability, why were they not intelligent enough to use it? Oh...right...it would have made SENSE.
It just didn't fit that the robots knew some things and not others. Details that seemed critical (and integral to either the characters or settings) were left out of some scenes, and these omissions were a large part of the movie's overall failing.
I also find it unpalatable when a movie calls for the destruction of major well-known cities and landmarks. Good luck integrating these major global changes into the next script.
The movie ground to a halt several times for a character monologue to explain pointless things. Worse yet, too many things were introduced in the sequel that were never referenced in the first - things the robots would have known because of the traits written into the script in the first place.
There were so many things in the movie that were completely unnecessary to the plot - put in just for a cheap laugh. The pot brownies? - give me a break. The Jar Jar Binks version of this film that started out as the ice cream truck? - sheesh.
The dialogue was trite and predictable. I think every single action movie cliché was used. The script was simply awful, ripped off from the most predictable portions of Star Wars, James Bond and Indiana Jones, among others. And I think the producers of The Matrix should sue for copyright infringement.
Finally, this movie was sophisticated only by way of the computing power necessary to create the CGI. I could go on and on (yes, even more than I already have...trust me). Do NOT waste your time and money. Thanks for reading my review.