Explosions, sexual exploitation and racial stereotypes.... all in a days work for Michael Bay

Rating: 1/10 (26 June 2009)

2007's Transformers was a pleasant surprise. Sure, it was a shallow action film with a severe lack of attention to it's plot, and yeah sometimes it was hard to tell who was fighting who but the film still had it's charm. As long as you switched of your brain for the duration it was an enjoyable film. 2009's counterpart on the other hand ramps up absolutely every aspect of the original in what Michael Bay seems to believe will make a better film. It doesn't! In fact it removed any charm and instead created a crude, non-sensical mess of a film that isn't far from the worst ever.
I'll admit on viewing the film i wasn't expecting there to be a plot that would challenge me or ask any deep questions, but the least i would expect (from this and any other film) is a cohesive plot that keeps me interested. Instead the plot floundered, at many points in the film plot threads would simply disappear with no explanation, as a result i found myself uninterested in why or what the characters were up to.
The absolutely abysmal editing contributed to the complete lack of cohesion in the film. There were many moments where i found myself double taking, unable to make the connection between one shot and the next. The best example of this is during a car chase through a village in Egypt, Witwicky and co. in one shot are driving through the village with the police hot on their tale, the next is a shot with Fox wearing a Burka.
I had similar disdain for the characters in the film. Witwicky was no longer the charismatic character he was in the first film. Megan Fox was reduced to a sex symbol and nothing more. Meanwhile the robots themselves (which the film professes to be about) had little to no characterisation. It was the twins however that i found particularly troublesome, while not going as far as saying they were racist and far from being offended myself, i would have to point out that if someone was to be offended by the characters they have a very strong case. As for the the humour they bring to the film the two characters contribute as much to Transformers as Jar Jar Binks did to Star Wars. In the end i found that i was wishing that the Fallen would just destroy the Sun so i didn't have any of these characters ever again.
One small point of praise on the character front that i would like to express is the added development of Starscream, an interesting character from the cartoon who was much maligned in the first film and is finally given some good and faithful screen time.
In spite of all of the negatives i was expecting to at least enjoy the action and the humour, it turned out that Bay couldn't even pull that off. The first action sequence of the film demonstrated some promise, however this was short-lived, from then on in Bay just throws explosions and metal at the screen expecting it to excite. Bay's complete lack of understanding for the importance of plot is demonstrated in the final showdown where the audience are given 20 minutes of explosions which contribute little to the plot, whereas the final fight with the Fallen, supposedly the villain of the piece, is killed with ridiculous ease. The humour on the other hand can be summed up by dogs humping, farting and THAT MOM! In short it was the sort of humour i would expect to see in Date Movie.
I cannot claim that it was a wholly horrific experience. The obvious respect for the work on the special effects needs to be expressed, similarly i would like to mention the brilliant work on the sound in the film. Other than that i would have to say that this has to be one of the worst films i have ever seen, it is the kind of brain cell destroying rubbish that i am worried will soon dominate cinema and that is the reason this film is one of the privileged 10 films that i will ever give...
1/10