A very disappointing follow up to a fun first film

Rating: 2/10 (8 July 2009)

(I don't really know that anything I've written can be considered a spoiler but I do reference some minor scenes) This is a very dumb, loud, long movie. I could end it there but there's some things that need to be touched upon. Admittedly the first film isn't exactly Oscar caliber, but it managed to be humorous while also dazzling you with it's special effects. This movie on the other hand is so over the top ridiculous that I almost couldn't believe what was occurring in some instances; including, but not limited to, Sam's mom tripping on pot brownies at school, two gratuitous shots of dogs humping each other, stereotypical Italian and African American accented robots, and of course all the crude sexual humor you can cram into 2 and a half hours. Michael Bay is a man child, a perpetual 13 year old who just likes to blow stuff up, film incredibly attractive women and utilize humor that's about as tasteless as you can imagine. Now I'm certainly not above all these things when it works, but the movie has no real story, the plot is so idiotic and contrived that it's tough to follow at times. The characters are paper thin, and even the robots aren't that interesting (is Bumblebee ever going to have his own voice). Now don't get me wrong, it was an entertaining experience to be dazzled by how much money Paramount apparently gave Bay, because believe you me there are lots of explosions, lots of destruction, and some awesome CGI. But that's about it, and once the novelty wears off the movie basically deteriorates into a video game experience. Perhaps the most annoying aspect is how heavy handed Bay would get at certain moments of peril, complete with dubious slow motion and such a serious tone that you can't believe this is the same movie that five minutes ago was talking about robot testicles. I'll leave you with the thought of what John Turturro looks like in a thong, because you will have an answer to that query if you go see this film.