Revenge of the Fans

Rating: 2/10 (21 July 2009)

Or at least it will be...Joining 'Death to you Michael Bay'FanClub. I stand by my review of TF1. Did this EarthGerm ever *watch* the show? See it for my views how characters should look & sound reminiscent of their 80's selves. Optimus still looks like Optimus, so iconic, even non TF fans know who he is. Surprised with Spielberg on the job the other robots didn't look better. *Very* disappointing.
I've mixed feelings. Let's start the other way around.
The Freaking Ugly... The Fallen grossed me out. Megatron & Starscream. AWESOME in G1, now look like Terminators Skynet never talks about. And WTF with Megatron's feet!? Thought Bay worried about 80's TF'S looking chunky. Needn't've bothered. They already do. G1 Megatron has big feet, but They're cool, nowhere near as ugly & chunky as in "Fallen"...G1 Starscream actually had sex appeal! Optimus? I say again! Mouthplate, Bay, Mouthplate!! Must I beg like Starscream?!
The Baaaaaad & Stoopid: Devastator's whirlwind looked cheesy. Much voice-over work was disjointed. Optimus sounded different, not as good. Many characters-couldn't tell who's who, no intros, then they're blown up, sliced & diced before you even get to know them (Like poor Sideways...And Sideswipe was all cool about killing him? Some Autobot.) "Revenge" had more robots, but zilch character improvement. They even stuffed Optimus. Prime does NOT kill without a shred of remorse, or has no other alternative and even then wouldn't revel in it. I know Prime- don't blame him for bad scripting. Even in the first movie, he said he had no choice and called Megatron "Brother." Nor would Bumblebee crush Ravage, perhaps thump & render him sore & unconscious. Why do all 'bots that come alive with the All Spark turn into bad MF's? Again, where was Thundercracker? More robots, new ones, why not more originals? Took ages to get into the movie. Where were the promised Femmes? We see them speeding about, Arcee speaks once, then gets blown apart:( Their robot modes were silly, badly done as well. And Bay was worried about the G1 characters looking cheesy? The Blue one was Chromia, but I only found that out after when I saw the toy. Was the other meant to be Elita One, like the first movie toy? If so, nada mention of her & Optimus amor. Very disappointing on the Femme front. I don't count that Cyber-Slut, if it even was female. (But can I have that green dress...;) Bay seemed more interested showing off metallic testosterone, quite literally in Devastator's case. Idiotic fans say it was awesome & those looking for plot & good characterization should've looked elsewhere... A good movie by an *intelligent* director has ALL that and more. That's what the original had-So why can't TF movies have all that & then some like they should? Now THAT *would* have been AWESOME! These morons obviously have equal maturity to Bay, as someone said, a 12 year old ogling Play-Boy...PlayBot in this case & squealing like a cheesebot at Devastator's "Decepticles," a fan put it, or giggling at Michaela's cleavage. Man if this was the first I'd ever seen of Transformers, no way I'd be so taken as back in the 80's. RotF left me cold, unsatisfied. Bay's movies have less charm than an enema. And what on Cybertron was with Megatron!? (At least they didn't go the Galvatron road) He didn't have the expected presence. Flailing about as a sappy lackey of the Fallen? WTF?! Sickening. If the REAL Megatron ever sees this, he'll fire Bay quite literally. 4 words: MEGATRON HAS NO MASTER.
The Good, Interesting & Funny: The Primes and their mission, that they'd been here before. Despite originals getting the sad Bay treatment, I liked some new characters, The twins were cool, more modern (for me it didn't seem racial, but I can see reading other reviews how it could be seen that way), the kid in me loved the cussing in a TF film...Jetfire, the crusty old dude was awesome- in keeping with how he switched sides as he felt more suited to the Autobots. (Even if different from Skyfire) I loved the story of the Tomb of the Primes, the Matrix, Sam's test, ancient symbols adding mystery, how they came to Egypt...I hope they rebuild that pyramid. (Gigantic robots in ancient places, y'know there's gonna be restoration in order. They still need to rebuild those Incan Pyramids from Energon...) Were the Pharaohs were inspired by the Fallen's headdress? Simmons got better, not such a dweeb, had a backbone after all. Sam's parents were more realistic. I loved Soundwave. Upon seeing the action figure, I feared the worst. What is it with Bay's obsession with the chunky 'gorilla' look? Despite looking different, Soundwave's calming voice worked, came across nice & clear and his satellite mode worked for the Communications Officer . (Frank's 'Dr Klaw' voice suited the darker demeanor, rather than Soundwave's melodical voice which mesmerised me. Well characterized, like in G1, in the background, running the show. Liked Ravage, very sleek. Bumblebee was cool, more grown up, awesome action scenes. And funny moments...Judy being "Green," Resurrecting Prime with that 'pixie dust...' The twins' antics & Jetfire's "Oh B0ll0CKS..." He's quite a character and I'll miss him. Maybe Prime'll even forgive Bay-one of the soldiers said he weighed 10 tonnes. (He's actually 65 or was in G1;) Crash diet? (eep, pun sorry;) Car & jet modes cool. Transformers @ Midnight was awesome, too bad I wasn't 13;) Loved the interplay between Megatron & Starscream, very G1, taking me back, (even if short-lived & having to imagine them looking & sounding right)...So, I don't *completely* hate you, Bay;) The movies spawned new generations of TF fans & that's a good thing, even if you gotta tell 'em what the REAL Megatron is like;) Gods, I feel like Jetfire...'In my day, Sonny...' Hehe.
I hope the next one be better, if not, that's what fanfic/art & imagination be for.