You've tried the rest - Now try the worst

Rating: 1/10 (19 November 2009)

I may lack the deep comprehension that others take for granted because it was unclear to me what the purpose was of having a shot of John Turturro's skinny white bum in a thong.
I wonder what kind of strange drug cocktail Michael Bay was taking when he shot this colossal turd of a movie. I'm going guess a mix of weed, shrooms, and meth - all at the same time.
Weed would explain all the horrible inconsistencies. Shrooms would explain the multitude of flat-out weird scenes. Meth would explain the completely spasmodic use of music and shooting sequences.
I can honestly say that Transformers II: Revenge of the fallen is the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. This bombastic cornball of a movie violates every single rule of effective film-making that ever was.
Director Michael Bay is to film-making what George W. Bush is to gangsta rap.
This movie should be renamed: Revenge of the Continuity Errors. Jesus Christ, there are endless continuity errors! Whenever Bey wants a prop in a scene, it just *magically* appears with no plausible explanation as to why it is there.
For example, Shia magically has a knife in the Smithsonian scene. Shia's hand magically appears in a full-cast even through they're in the middle of the desert when he injures it. Megan magically appears in new clothing several times. The military guys magically get a shiny clean Ford Ram out of nowhere. Shia and Megan magically have flashlights when they go to explore the matrix temple.
Further, the movie abruptly jumps from scene to scene like some crazed stoner running around a Safeway looking for the ice cream.
Speaking of "matrix", there are several complete rip-offs from "The Matrix" movies, especially the one where Shia "dies" and Megan says she loves him to bring him back from the dead. It's shot and worded almost *exactly* like it is in the first of the Matrix movies. - Lame.
Wait! Listen! What's that noise?
Oh, it must be John Turturro rattling off some pointless exposition for the upteenth time!
The two clearly Black robots in the movie can't read and one of them has a gold tooth. They both talk & act ghetto. The message I got is that black people are funny and have funny mannerisms.
Don't ask me about Asians, though, because there's not a single one in the entire movie. I guess they don't exist.
There are *so* many graphic sexual innuendos that it's a wonder this film isn't rated R. The first scene with the professor is off the scale. Also lots of humping. We see the dogs humping several times and even a Decepticon humping Megan's leg.
Every girl at the College that Shia goes to is a babe and dresses like a slut. That's realistic.
Nearly every scene with Shia and Megan is presented in melodramatic 90210 / One Tree Hill style complete with a montage and music. You almost expect Kelly to walk up and confess her love for Dylan.
Bay also makes up "facts" whenever he feels like it, has action music at completely inappropriate times, recycles both footage and dialog from the previous movie, has lots of pointless slo-mo shots, and lots of scenes that do nothing to advance the film in any way.
Congratulations, Michael Bay, you are the worst director in the entire universe.
You've even managed to beat out M. Night Shamalamadingdong and Rob Schneider. That's saying something.