An ambitious, over-indulgent attempt at making the ultimate brainless summer film

Rating: 5/10 (27 June 2009)

When discussing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, one must disregard discussing issues typically inherent to most quality films, such as plot development, character development, and acting ability, because these aspects of film-making are clearly irrelevant to director Michael Bay, especially after considering that this movie is his latest entry in a lengthy resume of largely brainless blockbuster films. Rather, one must discuss what this movie is, and it is Bay's attempt at making the brainless summer movie to end all brainless summer movies.
Looking back on classic summer popcorn movies such as Independence Day, Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc., one will notice that most of these films tend to have one of a number of common denominators that draw the masses to them; loud and expensive special effects, a healthy dollop of action-adventure, an escapist premise, and at least one source of T & A. Some are critically acclaimed, most are critically panned for whatever predictable reasons that pompous critics who write for alleged high-brow publications typically come up with. But the bottom line is, these common denominators compose a formula for box-office success, one that moviegoers eagerly turn to time and time again. Based on his directing credits and based on how successful his movies have been, it's clear that Bay knows how to work this formula backward and forward.
With Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Bay is not merely trying to top his first effort in the series from two years ago: he's trying to top every mindless popcorn flick ever made. This might initially sound like I'm overstating his ambition, but if one thinks about the movie for more than the five seconds that Bay expects your attention span to be, one realizes that this is the case.
Bay's ambition must be commended. He knows that people don't go to see a movie about giant killer robots, or even a summer blockbuster period, for the interesting characters, or even a plot line that makes sense. So with this movie, he has masterfully attempted to eliminate all pretensions to the above, because his knows that those things are mostly irrelevant to bolstering a popcorn movie's bottom line. Indeed, after seeing this movie, all I could recall about the story was something about the bad robots needing to blow up the sun for some reason, and all I could remember about the characters was Shia LeBeouf's character running around screaming, John Tuturro's character making unfunny wisecrack after unfunny wisecrack, and Megan Fox's character looking unbelievably hot even while dirty and running for her life in the desert.
Logically, this movie should be the best summer popcorn movie ever made. It's 2 1/2 hours of pulse-pounding relentless escapist fantasy. The special effects are amazing. The action is intense. There are enough shots of Megan Fox looking sexy to fill a few issues of Maxim magazine. It has everything a film fan should supposedly want from a summer popcorn movie, and it's all cranked up to 11.
So why ISN'T it the best summer popcorn movie ever made?
The answer to this question is a painful, age-old cliché. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is unabashed cinematic junk food in its purest form. Cinematic junk food can be tasty, but as the cliché goes, too much of it can be tiring, and will eventually give movie-goers a bellyache from over-indulging. But this isn't even merely cinematic junk food: it's the cinematic equivalent of drinking five extra-large energy drinks in one sitting: it'll get you going initially, and you'll be excited and maybe even a little entertained for awhile. But after the rush is over, you'll realize just how unhealthy for you it is to gorge yourself on something so shamelessly devoid of substance...or you'll become addicted to it and crave it even more.
Considering just how much money this movie is likely going to make, it's safe to say that Michael Bay has addicted enough people to this franchise that he could likely get away with Transformers 3 being nothing but a slide-show of giant robots, explosions and sexy shots of Megan Fox. Don't tell me people wouldn't pay money to watch it, because people are basically paying money to watch it now.