Megan Fox and shiny cars

Rating: 1/10 (11 July 2009)

Don't get it twisted, I am the biggest CGI fan on the planet, I mean to the point where it becomes ridiculous. I can hardly mention how intimate I got with myself during Jurassic Park and T2 back in the days. For me CGI is incredible because when it's done right it opens up new worlds and fantasies. Look at JP, Matrix, LOTR, these are examples where it works, in this movie it doesn't.
We've seen the first Transformers, they can transform and it looks good and that's why I actually kinda liked the first one. I agree that the plot was thin already in the first one but the new type of cgi used made it a worthwhile movie in my book, a great theater experience.
So these days you have to make a trilogy if the first one is successful, it's simply one of the ways the studios make bank. In some cases the sequel gets pushed through just for the sake of making a sequel. You saw it with Matrix and Spiderman how horrible it can be, but with Transformers we have found a new low, one that I think will not be beaten for a very long time.
It's simple, there is no creativity, no idea, no story, no message and nothing new at all. This is a 2 hours action ride that ultimately have you hoping for the doors to be kicked in to have the theater taken over by terrorists or something else to break the sleep hypnotic piece of crap you are watching (ouch, I went full out hate, ow well lets keep going).
Let's just assault the premise of the movie a bit.
Megatron was killed in the first one. You might think they would disassemble him, melt him down, send him to the sun or something to make sure this was it. Naaah, the American government and those in charge of security had a brain aneurysm here. Instead they thought "hmm what are we going to do with this dangerous creation now that it's dead?". The answer was of course to drop it in the ocean and keep like 10 cruisers and submarines around JUST IN CASE he should wake up again or someone might come to pick him up. This is early in the movie that this moronic premise is revealed.
So I won't reveal anymore because then it becomes spoilers but if you have a brain you HAVE to leave it at home if you want to see this movie. Seriously, do not think about ANYTHING. Look at the transforming cars and let out the occasional "wow" and you might actually make it out. My IQ dropped about 50 points from watching this movie which explains why I can't spell English words anymore I suspect but at least I made it out, I doubt everybody will be so lucky.
Trust me, the last 45 minutes you will be begging for the movie to end and you wished you would have never have to listen to 30 minutes of actors trying to justify the most ridiculous plot in movie history.
But Hey, Megan Fox's titties bounces around a lot and there is a nice shameless intro shot of her on a bike.
The people HAVE spoken, this is a commercial success but I dare ANYONE to try and watch this movie twice, it simply can't be done unless you are completely retarded.