Fart jokes in robot form.

Rating: 1/10 (30 June 2011)

First, let me put this out here: this movie is 2 and a half hours....2 and a half friggen hours!!!
Yet I can probably explain the whole story and plot from start to finish in less than one minute.
Here, I'll give an example of how this movie plays along..it's not really a spoiler when you think about it:
1. Soldiers running away from an explosion 2. Soldiers shooting at something 3. Soldiers running towards airplanes 4. Airplanes flying through the sky 5. More explosions 6. Random shot of Megan Fox in miniskirt/slutty outfit 7. Soldiers shooting at machines, machines shooting at each other 8. Blur of CGI, followed by confusion (i.e who's the bad buy, who's the good guy?) 9. Two dogs humping each other on a couch 10. More shots of Megan Fox in slutty outfits. 11. 30 seconds worth of a Porsche driving down the road, filmed at different angles. Put this clip in every 5 or so minutes. Avoid letting the audience forget what sort of car it was by having a close up shot of the logo every so often. 12. More explosions...followed by people running around 13. More footage of two dogs humping
And there you have it ladies and gentlemen, that's the first 25 minutes of this movie.
The length of this movie is absurd..it could have been cut down to be told in 1 and a half hours...two hours max. And then, it might has passed of as watchable. Instead.."Director" Michael Bay decides to have "subtle" product placement and random, confusing, and unessential battle scenes. By "subtle", I mean there is a scene where one character takes out their LG phone...it's not enough to have a clear shot of the phone...no...the camera zooms in just that much more so audiences can clearly see the LG logo.
I'm not a hater of product placement. I'm in the advertising industry. I just hate when product placement is so stupid and blatant. It often ruined the experience. Well then again, this movie was so bad there wasn't much else to ruin.
Megan Fox looked nice but that's all we really see from her in this 'movie'. Her acting is... well let's just say it will be in the best interest of everyone if she just gives up on Hollywood already and releases a porn movie while she's still young.
Shia LaBeouf has superb acting. He does what he can with a dreadful script.
As for the CGI...Overkill..no that's not the right word...more like : overdose. Just too much..felt like I was going to die watching it. I could not tell the difference between more than one of the transformers. Word of advice: when you have a battle scene between 3 transformers and they crash together and roll around, and you BLUR the 'action' with dodgy camera movement, the three robots TRANSFORM into ONE METALLIC TURD!!!!
Camera work. Well, at one point I thought the camera man had a seizure or he just left to go home early. Wild movements of the camera: LEFT! RIGHT! CIRCLE! ZOOM IN! QUICK, ZOOM OUT!...it literally made me feel dizzy.
Don't even get me started on the plot. It's just like the first movie : "We have to get the boy!" *Chase Scene(s)* *Random Explosion(s)* *End of movie*
First movie was OKAY at best, this one is exactly like the first, except more ads and more jumbled storyline, with less of a climax. Seriously, 2 and a half hours, and the final battle between main good guy vs main bad guy lasts a total of 25 seconds MAX...yet an hour earlier the director could afford to have like 5 minutes of pointless sports cars driving around with no real direction. That means, the main bad guy, the one who this movie is named after...the one who is the reason the premise of this movie exists, is whipped out in less than 30 seconds. Great.
Unless you're a child, mentally disabled, or a redneck...don't waste your time with this movie.