Easily the Worst Movie Ever made

Rating: 1/10 (12 December 2013)

--WARNING: There are some spoilers ahead for those who haven't seen the film, so just a heads up. In order to accurately review this film, it may be necessary to talk about some key moments.--
I Don't make such a statement everyday, you know... "Worst Movie Ever". Actually I usually give most films quite the chance while watching them before condemning it to my never watch again list. I've probably considered only a handful to ever be so bad that I actually want to wish them away forever over winning the lottery or owning a Delorean, and this is one of them.
Now to be fair, the first Transformers film was a half way decent movie that I not only own, but have watched more than once. This film however, was a birthday gift from a friend, and I wish they gave us those hours of torment back after we actually managed to sit through the whole atrocity. Where to start?
For one thing there was no originality to the plot whatsoever, this however is to be expected, and is normally expected of most summer movie sequels nowadays, but this movie was the first to just go all out in managing to have nothing, and I mean nothing redeeming about its aggressively horrible existence. The parents of Sam, the main character played by Shia LaBeouff, who granted weren't the most serious of individuals in the first film, have been beyond watered down to the court jester's court jester standard, and the constant need to have some transformers use juvenile dialog made it clear that this movie was not thought for one second to be developed as a serious film.
The saddest part however is just how seriously it actually takes itself. For one thing, you don't spend millions of dollars on special effects in a movie if you're not taking it seriously, and this movie not only went for broke with the CGI, but there is so much going on during the films action sequences that it is near impossible to tell exactly what is going on. It just seemed like sparks and shrapnel flying everywhere, and the occasional epic angle used to emphasize the size and scope of an event...speaking of epic angles, I have a hard time remembering a scene in which Megan Fox wasn't running/moving/existing in slow motion, as if the writers of Baywatch worked on her part of the script and they had no clue what to do with her character in any verbal or intellectual sense.
The plot twists are something that not even the newest of movie goers could serious fall for, and it's almost insulting to any real fan of transformers to watch this movie just take everything that made the first movie interesting and basically decide that it was in the way. You really expect us to believe that you would kill Optimus Prime? This isn't 24. Also, apparently a giant robot urinating on a cast member is seen as quality entertainment over, oh I don't know, a new romantic story arch between Sam and Makayla maybe, or even an origin story would've been appreciated (hopefully that doesn't inspire anyone).
This movie single-handedly ended my experience for going to the movies during summertime the year it came out. It took literally years for my faith to be restored in summer movies before I was able to muster up the belief that whatever film I picked would never be as bad as this one.
Do yourself a huge favor and watch a B-rated film instead, even mystery science theater films are better...without the riff-tracking. Avoid this movie, or for that matter anything after the first Transformers film unless you really... really... really enjoyed it.