Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Rating: 1/10 (22 September 2014)

So I've noticed that everyone in this film is covered in large amounts of tan makeup, everyone is quite orange at times. So Mr Bay brings us his second Transformers film, its got a good title and sounds like its gonna be dark and brooding, hopefully like 'Empire Strikes Back' it would be the sequel that betters the original. Alas I was disappointed hugely by yet another loud CGI filled mess which was overly long and actually became a little dull.
The main issue for me being the constant redesigning of classic Transformer characters into characters that are virtually unrecognisable as anything but a mass of shiny moving parts. Most of the transformers look terrible with some dreadful designs, I can't for the life of me work out why they have designed the Decepticons to look spiky and more insect like, there are specific Decepticons for that and they are called Insecticons. Plus most of the Decepticons don't even look like Transformers they look more like robotic aliens from another film 'Batteries Not Included' and 'Short Circuit' springs to mind, the Decepticon disguised as a female student was the worst offender.
I don't mind reinventing the characters for a new age but lets try and be sensible here and not go over the top, I mean what the hell was going on with Mudflap' n 'Skids?! talk about your politically correct Transformers for the black audience geez! not too obvious. Then you have the wildly bizarre looking Devastator, I actually didn't mind his new look too much but for some reason they make the large bots more like monsters in a 'Godzilla' way instead of characters with actual sense. Jetfire was probably the best looking new character but again like all the characters he's too much with a lot of needless extra bits 'n' bobs that make the overall design far too busy and very difficult to distinguish or decipher.
They keep totally reinventing what the Transformers look like and making them look poor, why not try to keep them reasonably similar to their original designs? For a start the original designs look so much cooler, if it ain't broke don't fix it.
As for the film itself I found the first half quite dull as we are introduced to Sam's life after the first film. Things pick up as the Transformers become more prominent and we build up towards a showdown in Egypt but the finale is so drawn out and actually loses its impotence because its just keeps on going. Its also rather stupid too as you have all these military guys running around trying to attack the Decepticons whilst looking all heroic but the film already established how useless humans are fighting Transformers prior to this so its just all noise and time wasting.
Not only that but the creators make the crucial mistake in any film by having faceless characters just for death sequences, in the finale when the Decepticons begin their assault numerous robots touch down and fight resulting in many deaths of unknown Decepticons. Add to that the fact they also killed off all the main well known Decepticons too! Devastator and Ravage dead!! what the hell!! they are main characters in Transformer history! and so cheaply too. I still don't understand why they didn't include more regulars in both of these films, regulars like Thrust, Ramjet, Laserbeak, Rumble, Thundercracker etc...same for Autobots too.
End of the day this film looks pretty yes, the CGI is very very highly impressive with the detail and blending of live action sequences but that's it, the film is a visual feast with nothing else to offer accept noise and a blur of unrecognisable images. The acting is pretty dire frankly and the whole thing is so cliché ridden eg. slow motion running with explosions behind and lots of amusing military cheese.
If this was a film unrelated to Transformers then I might be more kind to it, ever so slightly, despite the mass CGI it would be an imaginative film and bold. Seeing as its suppose to be an adaptation of a beloved childhood cartoon colossus of epic proportions with legendary historic status I simply cannot say it deserves any of the hype it got.
1/10