Elaborate 2.5 hour GM commercial, teen love story, with some robots thrown in

Rating: 2/10 (10 August 2009)

I put off seeing this for over a month until all the fuss died down.
What a dragging dog of a movie! Just who was this movie supposed to be aimed for? Testosterone filled jocks?
The Bad: The plot, was really convoluted and awful. Half the time it moved so quickly, and so many new twists were thrown in at breakneck speed that I had no idea what was going on.
The toilet humor & general unnecessary grossness. 2 dogs humping each other repeatedly, really overlong and embarrassing stoned scene involving the mother eating a pot brownie and running around campus like a fool. Every minute she's on screen is excruciating.
Bots performing bodily functions such as puking, farting, and crying were terrible, and absolutely unnecessary.
That small "Pesci-bot". Even worse later in movie when Pesci-bot humps Megan Fox's leg.
The 2 "ghetto-bots" who were the worst "comic relief" and blatant racist characters i've ever seen. Jar Jar, take a seat, you might've met your match. How they got away with them is beyond me.
This movie has an obsession with testicles like you wouldn't believe. Whiny roommate complains at least 2-3 times about his being flattened, squished, fell on, tasered, etc. Not to mention the large "destructo-bot" than assembles itself at the end has big balls....literally. The bot has 2 large wrecking balls hanging between it's legs. Who's idea was this?!
Female decepticon ripped right from "Terminator." That's right, hot chick who's really a robot....she even walks in menacingly slow style, expressionless and all.
Once again during the drawn out big battles, it's hard to tell who's who, and who's on what side doing what. Bots are left and right, and often times changing so quickly it's difficult to appreciate the complexity of the robot, or all the thought that went into the CGI as everything's so dam fast all the time.
I still see not much reason for Megan Fox other than the eye candy love interest. She doesn't say or do anything interesting, or add much to the story. Revlon and Collagen must be happy for the promotions she's brought to them.
The "Say I love you first" sub plot is painful and ridiculous, it's would be like watching a movie with two people on the phone saying "hang up." "no you hang up.", "no YOU hang up first." Crossing borders with armed guards is as easy as saying "We're from NY." and they're waved right in, no passports, no searches, nothing. Are you kidding? I've been given bigger hassles at Canadian bridges WITH my passport.
Human visits robot heaven...'nuff said.
"Old fart" robot. Complete with cane, he can barely walk, and mummers his way through long boring stories, but he's a sophisticated jet who flies and warp travels with no problem.....give me a break.
The tag-along roommate was irritating as hell.
How is it with all these major daylight battles, some of which are at prominent famous landmarks is the gov't still managing to keep these robots under wraps? They must be working hand in hand with the guys at MIB.
These are just some of the generalized things that make no sense.
Nitpicky: I thought it was strange that Sam's father remarked about him being "the first Witwicky to go to college." They live in suburbia California, in a pretty nice modern home with all the creature comforts, and look to be at least a comfortable income. Just what in the hell does his dad do for a living to afford all that? There's not a whole lot of people I know who didn't go to college who are living that comfortably, and some of the one's who did don't.
Elaborate 2 1/2 hour commercial for GM, and the Army. Not that I have a particular problem with either but most of the robots function little other than to show off GM's new line of cars and the cool things they can do. Likewise the Army guys over the top parachuting antics.
The good: Optimus Prime is awesome. Though the story about the primes is kinda hokey, he's still kicks butt.
Bumble Bee: Always did like him, they still haven't given him the screen time he deserves, but it's pretty cool to see him back in one piece and fighting fearlessly. I do still wish he'd remained as the VW bug. Camaro, although cool, is too noticeable....too flashy.
Some of Shia's humor is OK.
The sound effects can be pretty cool at times.
Sam's dad isn't actually all that bad. He's funny without making you want to jab something into your eye.
John Turturro. period. I like John, i'm still trying to figure out what he was doing in the first one, more or less the sequel. Picking up a little vacation paycheck apparently. I was mildly amused at the butt shot tho, as I was amused by his Sector 7 under-gear in the last movie, I don't know, he's a good actor, i'm just still trying to figure out what he's doing in these movies.
A real dragging headache inducing classic Michael Bay boobs & explosion fest. 2/10