Transformers: Michal Bay World

Rating: 3/10 (24 June 2009)

Spoilers warning:
I would give the general plot before the spoiler warning, but at this point I could not make up a plot for this movie if I tried much less try to describe exactly what I saw.
I should try anyway; Sam (Shia L.) is leaving his girlfriend (Megan F.) and his Autobot Bumble Bee back home to go to college and build a normal live for himself. While that is going on Optimus and his fellow Autobots are hunting down the remaining Deceptacons along side human military team called NEST. While that happens Sam finds a shard of the Cube (see previous movie) which infuses him with great knowledge of the astronomical world and ancient robot language symbols, while that is going on Deceptacons steal another peace of shard that they use to resurrect Megatron, but he is just a help for the bigger foe in the film who is the Fallen because 17,000 years ago he came to earth and... you know what I give up. There is something with a government agent and the primes... whatever. The plot really is this: first movie starts in the desert and ends up in a city, this movie starts in a city and ends up in the desert.
OK I have to confess I have not given much thought to Mr. Bay before, he is not a favorite director of mine by any means and I was somewhat entertained by both Bad Boys and Armageddon and even to a certain extent by the first Transformers movie. So it is fair to say I did not feel any kind of hate towards Bay... but that is before I saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
That is before I was sucked into the Michale Bay world. You know Michael bay world, where females ranging between the ages of 20-30 are ever present and no matter what profession they occupy, they are unequivocally well put and sexy (I did not say beautiful since that is basically subjective and based on personality, no sir these girls are just hot). It is a world where the college is occupied primarily by hot chicks and frat boys with a few nerd thrown in. It is a world where the U.S military is strong and ever vigilant and can kick anyone's but once they put their mind to it (I support the military as much as the next guy but this is overkill).
It is a world full of racial stereotypes, if not in shape of humans then robots. If you cannot have Bernie Mac and Anthony Anderson (although he does do a voice over) to play of a stereotypical (non-threatening) black man this time, why not just have Spongebob do it. So the voice of Spongebob gives you the robot twins that use black slang that could possibly be tracked back to early 1980's. But just to even things out why not let Buchemi do his best Pechi and give you the stereotypical Italian robot. And give the only black actor on screen (Tyrese G.) the most awful one-liners ever.
To travel further into this strange world: We find Marijuana (hash brownies) have the same effect as alcohol. We find robots that all of a sudden can teleport and transform into organic living beings. We find humor in seeing a robotic testicles and a 50+ year old man wearing a thong (with a clear shot of his buttocks). It is also a world where three different shots take place at three different areas in the world (Egypt, France, and United States) at roughly around the same time, and all three areas have clear sunlight.
Aside from all that there is one really good fight scene in the middle, which comes out OK even with Bay's frantic camera movement. The CGI is fantastic in the film although it still hard to tell most of the robots apart. Oh and the performances are generally awful especially one by Ms. Fox.
I am sure many will enjoy the film despite its flaws but if you are looking for anything more than frat-boy humor and stuff being blown up by mix pieces of metal, then for your own sake please do not see this movie.