What did you honestly expect?

Rating: 9/10 (30 June 2009)

This is less of a review, but more of an addendum for the masses of semi-pro critics that have been slating this film for its overzealous approach to Megan Fox, eye-blistering action and plot shortfalls. I have to ask you, what did you expect? Seriously?
A) It's a Michael Bay film.
As a rough guide, it will include at least 30 minutes of slow-motion, regardless of the run-time, at least 5 explosions, and one exposition- laden speech, (generally accompanied by said explosions...in slow motion).
B) You are all absolutely correct.
As a film, the whole thing is an atrocious work of writing, pacing and lacks any significant depth. The sheer amount of visual and aural stimuli is enough to send most who view this into a semi-catatonic state, a state carefully calculated by Michael Bay to allow maximum absorption of Megan Fox's deadly "Boob n' Ass" radiation.
C) *ATTENTION* It is a Transformers film. The entire reason to make this film, is to appeal to the younger kids who have grown up with Transformers, and the slightly older kids, who grew up with the classic cartoon films, and cartoon series. This was hardly going to be a high-brow, thought provoking piece of philosophical mastery, because it is not based on SCHINDLERS LIST it is based on "A cartoon series developed to market Transforming robots that live in disguise, with a war of Evil vs Good raging on, with humans caught in the middle."
Do you seriously go into a film based on action-figurines expecting a profound experience? Of course it will be corny, of course it will be cheesy; it is the product of nostalgia, and the only reason that anyone from MY generation, the kids that grew up with transforming Hasbro toys went to see it anyway, was for the iconic *SCHZ SHCZ SHUCHZ SHUZ* noise, and folding metal warriors.
The plot, in itself, is moot anyway. Do any of you remember a single plot from the cartoons? All I remember, is that either they'd be fighting over Energon, or smaller Robots to supplement themselves, and cartoon violence and action would happen in-between.
So Michael Bay, I congratulate you, your mindless action-filled CGI fest, was the truest addition to the Transformer's franchise that you could ever hope for.
And I loved it.

Oliver W