Transformers-Robots of Disguste

Rating: Null/10 (24 June 2009)

ONE out of TEN....(minimum available)
I came to the conclusion that I was watching a steaming pile of s%*t about 10 minutes into this debacle, and without sounding dramatic If I hadn't paid good money to see it I would happily have walked out of the cinema at that point.
I feel I have a duty to play my part to get the overall score of this movie as low as possible (at time of this review 7.2 out of 10, WAY to high).
Why such hostility towards the movie? I will explain what I hated so much about it.
1. First two minutes, 17,000 BC. Please.....
2. The whole Witwicky family, especially that annoying (now turned comedian) Mother. The college scene where she makes a complete twit of herself?? WTF....
3. Every supermodel/porn-star shot of Mikaela, cringe, cringe and lets all cringe again. Megan Fox can't act for toffee. The conversation at the start on the phone to Sam, the music during it. WTF....
4. In an age of technology (That Michael Bay is constantly making us aware of) How the hell do these Robots stay a secret. Causing carnage in Shanghai, anyone got a camera phone handy? Obviously not as Prime and his buddies still remain top secret after their mission, and what a confusing blend of CGI that mission was....
5. Characters that are annoying to the EXTREME or none existing in their development. The twins?? and who are all these other Transformers?? WTF....
6. Is this a kids movie? The first certainly catered for all ages but not this one. However I'm also confused as the level of pornographic/adult humour was intense, it wasn't even cleverly ambiguous or subtle, just totally in your face. So much so I'm pretty sure even the kids knew what was going on with some of the comments....
7. Shia having his mental breakdown stage. WTF....and ANNOYING....
8. Michaels constant (wet dream on film) love for the US Military. ENOUGH we know you're a boy scout, Superman isn't as bad as this idiot. Why, Michael do ALL your movies look and play out the same? (Explosions, slow-mo, golden sun, explosion, USA military rules, more slow-mo etc etc etc....) Give it up or at least try to evolve as a film maker....
9. The amount of running, goodness sake Sam had to run and run and run. Use Bumblebee? Also how BAD are the decepticons at killing people?
10. TOO many comic reliefs, Sam room-mate, the parents, the twins, Sector 6 guy, please too many STOP....
11. Plot/script....totally useless and almost non-existent.
12. Acting from EVERYONE (With the exception of a couple of voice actors).
13 Last but not least, the direction. Utterly disastrous.
I could keep going but will leave it at 13. I enjoyed the first movie, so was cautiously looking forward to the sequel, hoping it could grow the Transformers universe and build on the good foundations of the first. How wrong I was, this was appalling. MIND NUMBINGLY APPALLING....
Oh and as for the "What do you expect from a movie about giant robots" attitude to criticism of this movie. Well I expect EVEN a popcorn summer blockbuster to have some level of plot and depth. Certainly beyond the 5 year old humour, US Military recruitment video's and CGI warriors CONSTANTLY fighting each other we have on display here. I can switch off my brain and still follow at least some kind of coherent plot.
The spectacle of the CGI effects has ran its course,its no longer "WOW that amazing, look at Optimus transform!" You need to have more than that up your sleeve Mr Bay. Star Trek this summer indicates you can have crazy CGI, appropriate humour with some depth, and STILL have a popcorn summer blockbuster.
AVOID.