The money is all up there on the screen, but not a lot else

Rating: Null/10 (6 July 2009)

There is one thing that you can almost always say about the blockbuster films of Michael Bay and his ilk, and that is that the money is very clearly up there on the screen. The money is there in terms of the locations, the expensive sets, the destruction of those expensive sets and of course the many robots who do always feel like they are really "in" the scene with the real aspects. In terms of all this the film is impressive and if you go into the film wondering how on earth anyone could spend so much money making a two hour film then you will leave the cinema with your question answered because it is all right there.
Unfortunately there is not much else there with it and indeed many of the problems with the film (and unsurprisingly there are many) cannot be addressed by simply having a lot of money in your hand to throw at it. The plot is the most immediate problem, partly because you have to keep the two human characters central to it whether it makes sense to do so or not. As a result we get a reasonable idea that is stretched too thin and loaded with convenience into a narrative that really never does anything other than provide the most basic of frames for stuff blowing up. The problem is that, because it is so contrived and basic, the viewer never really cares about the story but yet still has to sit through many clunky scenes where the characters explain to one another what is going on and why they are now going somewhere else to blow stuff up. Needless to say that the same writers struggling with this are not able to make much of the characters either. This conspires to undermine the one selling point of the film – the action. Without me caring one bit about the proceedings, the action becomes nothing more than special effects. My heartbeat never increased and my palms never got sweaty because there is no tension, danger, thrill or reason to have any emotional investment in the film whatsoever.
The writing produces the most painful problem as well, which is the lame and ill-fitting attempts at comedy. While watching it I thought to myself "Will Smith" does this very well" because the mixing of comedy with the action of big summer blockbusters is something he is called upon to do very often (I know it is not just him involved in making this work). However here the comedy is poor and it sits really badly alongside the action scenes because the humour is not part of the film so much as an aspect that is inserted in specific scenes. I say this because the film is not "fun" in the way good blockbusters can be but rather it feels like boxes were ticked without any intention of whether the various elements fitted together or not. The low points are generally associated with two of the Transformers who have clearly been scripted in a meeting that involved the word "urban" being used a lot. Mudflap & Skids are essentially urban stereotypes and I suspect that the people who wrote them probably think that Jar-Jar Binks is a great character as well. At best they are annoying and unfunny; at worst they are offensive race-related stereotypes.
The cast (real and unreal) add to the film's problems although I will acknowledge that the cast don't have a lot to work with when you consider some of the lines they have to deliver and things they have to do. Having said that though, it doesn't help that the film is led by two "stars" who we are told are the new big things but who still leave me wondering why on earth they get all this buzz around them. LaBeouf doesn't have the charisma to lead this film and he doesn't really work in comedy, action or romance. OK he jumps around a lot but that's about it – his material is awful at times and it does feel like he just "went with it". Fox's role is a lot easier. As with the promotion of the film at various premieres (Fox front and centre, posing for the many press), the film pushes her body to the fore – her first scene has her repeating her "bent over" pose from the first film, this time over a motorbike. Personally I don't really see it and am not sure why she is famous while countless equally attractive women have yet to get a breakthrough –outside of her body there doesn't appear to be much else that makes her noteworthy. Oh, and if she is going to continue working her body in action movies, someone needs to buy her a decent sports bra or she find her assets "depreciating" the more "running from explosion" scenes she does. Turturro doesn't escape the rot but at least he is a bit of fun and even though he is so-so he steals every scene he is in – easy considering he shares some with the annoying Rodriguez. Duhamel and Tyrese do the same as last time with little to offer. The voice work is all very gravelly and fine with OK turns from Weaving, Cullen, Todd and others but Wilson and Kenny should be ashamed – blackface is unacceptable even when if one is a black actor "wearing" it.
Transformers 2 is noisy and expensive but offers no more than this. A lot of the problems come with the territory but they have the knock-on effect of leaving the viewer apathetic to the action and ultimately I found it dull and unengaging which is probably its single biggest failing. Might satisfy those just looking for noise and colour but offers little else for anyone else.