So BAD! But Not too bad. SPIOILERS!!!

Rating: 1/10 (24 June 2009)

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen was the first movie I saw so far this summer, I'm not off to a good start. If you've seen the trailer you can pretty much guess what you're going to be looking at for a good two and half hours. And I say looking at, because for me I felt I wasn't watching a movie. I was just looking at stuff going on. Anyway I guess I should talk about the "plot"
The film starts in China with an anonymous Decepticon fighting a bunch of anonymous auto bots . Now this action is interesting because it's hard to tell who you should root for, because you can tell who is who or what is what. All the Transformers are new to this film, and they're all that gray metallic color. The close ups and unsteady camera is one of the problems I and many other people had with the first film. I was also hoping it would be rectified in this film, I guess not. In fact this time around the close ups and shaky cameras are even worse. So basically the first scene looks like a video of how cars are factory built in fast forward, with bad lighting, and transforming sound effects. Eventually Optimus Prime gets ready to join the fight. This is the part where my excitement builds. "Allright somebody I know is going to fight!", I said to myself. The way Prime enters the fight was pretty cool. He's seen in an airplane in truck form and drive out of the plane transforming to his robot mode while falling. While falling he release parachutes from his back to help safely land....Goofy. Huh? Anyway he starts fighting with The anonymous Deception. It was a horrible fight, It looks like a PS2 cut-scene. Yeah the CGI was pretty lame the entire movie. After beating the Deception Optimums learns about the fallen.
After all that we cut to Sam and his family. Sam is now in college and before leaving he touches a small remain of the all-spark., Which was used to destroy Megatron in the first movie. After touching it Sam is implanted with knowledge of the whereabouts of something that the Decepticon's need to conquer the planet.... or something. Now most of the scenes that have humans characters will have some sort of lame juvenile joke attached to it. While watching this movie you can play a game I like to call, "Count the Lame teenager jokes and visual gags Game!" While playing this game I lost count several times. In this movie I saw dogs humping dogs, robots humping (the very sexy and my dream fantasy girlfriend) Megan Fox's leg, Decepticon Balls, Robot's farting Parachutes, Robots talking about pubic hairs. and a guy Tasering his nuts. Yeah... If you thought the masturbation conversation from the first was awful, then boy are in for a treat.
So Sam goes to college goes nuts, write symbols all over the place, refuses to help the auto bots, get's kid napped by Decepticons, rescued by auto bots, and witness the death of Optimas Prime. Now the death scene had the potential to be really emotional. But ultimately it wasn't sad for me at all. Now if you seen this movie you might think I'm being cold and insensitive. But the build up to his death didn't work at all, I like Prime a lot but his death wasn't satisfying at all. Not to mention he comes back anyway. Also the trailer pretty much told us he would die when Sam Screams, "Optimus!" in it that was a pretty clear indication for everyone. The death in the 1986 film was way better that's how prime should go out one on one against Megatrton, "One shall stand, One shall fall!"
The rest of the movie is pretty much nothing. Sam and Friends get zapped to Egypt thanks to an old Decepticon who recently switched to the Autobot side(I actually really liked that character), They Search for the Matrix of Leadership, They find it, Get caught in a 20 minute robot battle, then Sam dies. Let me talk about this scene. When Sam dies he goes to heaven or something. He talks with the dead Autobot leaders(Which look more like Lego Bionicle more than transformers.) and they bring him back to life. Soooo Stupid!!! However I did get a pretty good laugh from this scene. Sam comes back to life and gives Prime the Matrix and for once a pretty cool fight occurs. Optimus Fighting the Fallen and Megatron at once. it was pretty cool.
This movie never really picks up. It accomplishes nothing, it introduces a million new Transformers that don't do anything or contributed in anyway, but if you want something nice to look for 2.5 hours go see it. Even though this movie sucked I'm really excited for the third movie. Maybe since all the boring crap and exposition in these films has been covered perhaps the third movie will have a decent plot. Oh and before I end let me say how much I hate what they've done with Soundwave. First of all he's not in it for long(He spends the entire film in space raping a satellite). second He's not a tape deck. What the hell? Although I'm glad they got Frank Welker to do the voice again. Now, this review mostly focused on what I dislike heres a list of what i did like.
I liked Megatron and Starscream relation, Devistator (for the most part) Bumble Bee's Fight towards the end, Primes Fight against the Fallen, Ravage, The Matrix, The Old Decepticon, The Soundtrack, Megan Fox