Awful, confusing, and loud

Rating: 1/10 (6 July 2009)

For anyone wondering about the accusations of racism in this movie, let me sum it up for you. There are two robots obviously meant to be comedic goofs. Their mechanical heads look like monkeys, they speak with a stereotypically black urban vernacular, and they can't read. Though they're clearly played to be funny, they have no jokes. The joke simply seems to be, "Hahaha! They're black!" And that's what's offensive.
Lest you think I'm being an over-sensitive liberal, my Republican brother sitting next to me was just as offended.
But why harp on racism when there is so much else wrong with this movie? Actually, let me back up towards racism again by pointing out that Tyrese Gibson was handed all the most abysmal lines, seemingly picked from the poo bucket of action movies past. Every shot of Megan Fox is apparently inspired by the visual lyricism of Lowrider magazine. And she seems too hot to be with Shia LeBeouf, unless she is far too sheltered in far too small of a town, but that's beside the point.
Nothing makes sense. At one point, John Turturro (earning a paycheck) has a mini-rant in the direction of one elderly robot who can't stay focused on his story, exclaiming, "Give me a story..Beginning, middle, end!" I thought this clearly could have been Turturro running his own inner dialogue when the camera just happened to be rolling. It is revealed that the Deceptacons want to kidnap the energy of the sun. This isn't explained to us until it nearly happens, and yet everyone seems to know about it. Too loud of a sound effects and music mix makes 80% of the dialogue impossible to understand. When you hear the other 20% you find that you're not missing much the rest of the time. The incredibly intricate CGI work is the most intelligent thing happening. In fact it is so intricate, that you're never certain what you're looking at. Every fight sequence is just a ball of digitized metal clanking around with another one, and by the time it's done, you don't care enough about anyone.
I feel roughly %85 dumber after having seen this. If you haven't noticed, this may be the worst movie I've ever seen.