Tolerable Rehash

Rating: 6/10 (24 June 2009)

This is not a Transformers sequel - it's the first movie redone with more focus on the robots.
The film's plot is basically the same as the first film - Sam knows the location of the Matrix, and the Decepticons want him to find out where it is so they can conquer earth. The Matrix basically takes the place of the Allspark in that. Sam and Mikayla just run around while the robots fight overhead, track down Agent Simmons who explains what Sam is seeing, leading into a meeting with Jetfire and a plotdump, then a big fight scene.
Now, no sane person is going to expect a Transformers movie to be a masterpiece. All the original cartoon was is this: "these robots are good, those ones are bad, now watch them beat up on each other". And this time we get that, the military plays a smaller role and now we focus on the Autobots and Decepticons fighting. The fight scenes are much better, particularly the battle in the forest where Optimus goes 3v1 with Megatron, Starscream and a new guy they never name.
Now, in between the robot fighting, as before, we have the problem we had with the first one - the military. I don't know what Michael Bay's little boy fascination is with tanks and jets, but they don't belong in Transformers. At no one time should there be anymore than six humans on the screen, unless they're fleeing in terror from the giant robots. The military, unless my memory is spotty, never had a major role in the cartoon, and they shouldn't have one here. The only time we should see military hardware on the screen is when they're about to transform.
I really feel bad for Megan Fox in this film, she is quite pretty but they dress Mikayla in low-cut tops and high cut shorts and take any chance they can to shoot her from compromising angles. Alice is even worse with the clear panty-shot in Sam's room. The sex appeal and the humor in this film is overdone, they need to tone it down a bit. There's one scene where it cuts, for no reason at all, to Sam's (male) dogs humping. For ten seconds with no reason at all for it, they cut away to the dogs humping...why!? The sexuality and humor in this film is far too heavy for Transformers. I don't want it totally serious, every film needs *some* comic relief, but this one has too much.
The Transformers now are more than interchangeable robots, but they're still mishandled. Too many clichéd and uninspired personalities, and several Transformers are just not named. Like, there's one Decepticon that's basically a gray clone of Blackout from the first film, and he appears for ten seconds before he get killed. What was the point of that? Alice too, she ultimately served no purpose in the film except for a girl to ogle when Megan Fox wasn't on the screen.
The military is the problem with the fight scenes, I watch Megatron stumbling back from tank fire and am seriously irritated, the only one who knocks Megatron back is Optimus, not some puny humans! The final fight scene is cool, lots of robots fighting, but it's an anti-climax. Jetfire merging with Optimus is the coolest thing in the film, and the new Optimus is awesome, but the fight between Optimus and the Fallen is too short, and Megatron hangs back and watches as his master is beaten and just slips away. Yes, apparently Megatron is the Fallen's "apprentice". The Megatron I remember from the cartoons would never take orders, he'd give them, and if Optimus were fighting he would be in there fighting him back, not just watching his minions do it. That's what it ought to be - Optimus vs Megatron, not Optimus vs Fallen or Megatron vs tanks.
Overall, more robots, more dialogue, more fighting, better movie. But it has the same flaws as the first time - too much comic relief, too much focus on the humans, and too much flat Sam-Mikayla romance. All the iconic Michael Bay shots are there - the backlit military vehicles, the swinging and rotating camera around the people, the guy stepping from the car with a low-angle shot, the robot crashing through a building out the other side. Now that I know what to look for I see his stamp on his movie like a neon sign, and I now realize that Michael Bay and his filming conventions are the overall problem with the film. It's still good, but his obsession with hand-cameras and tanks are too much for a second movie. And while the flaws are the same, they've had time to clean up the flaws from the first film and haven't, so those same flaws are even worse for it.
I have no doubt there will be a third movie, and I do hope it's good. Transformers 2 is just as good, maybe a bit better, than the first, but it's still not the movie we fans want or the franchise deserves. The sequel is a strong step closer to the "true" Transformers movie, but still isn't there yet. But it's closer than the first one, so give it credit for that. I'd say it's worth seeing if you liked the first movie. But if you hated the first movie, I doubt you'll find this one any more tolerable.