Absolutely awful

Rating: 2/10 (29 June 2009)

I wasn't expecting much going into this film. I'm aware of director Michael Bay's history and his habit of making mindless popcorn films with huge explosions, scantily-clad women, and awful cheesy dialogue. However, I thought the first film was okay for what it was, so figured maybe I would like the sequel. I was dead wrong. "Revenge of the Fallen" is the most ridiculous campy, poorly-written and poorly-directed piece of garbage to come out this year. The acting by Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox is average, and the special effects are extremely well done. That's about the only saving grace for this film.
The writing is so unbelievable you almost have to see it to believe it. At one point a character actually utters the line "not on my watch." No one in the history of the military has ever said this outside of a film. Reading over the screenplay, you would think it was some terrible Transformers fan faction written by a tenth grader and posted to the Internet. The dialogue is HORRIBLE. This would be a great movie if it was targeted to 9 year olds, but the overt sexual references and language suggest an older demographic. Maybe it's because Bay is trying to please a wide range of people, and maybe that's why we have jokes made about Transformer Testicles and there's a scene where a transformer (with a Jersey accent much less) tries to hump Megan Fox's leg. What possible reason is this robot trying to hump her leg? Is that the way they procreate? There is ZERO excuse for it other than a cheap laugh. And that's ALL the jokes are, cheap laughs. I honestly would not have been surprised to see a transformer fart in this film, or maybe a scene where a transformer gets high. It wouldn't matter if it made sense because an intoxicated transformer would be HILARIOUS. But don't worry, because there's plenty of scenes of Sam's mother accidentally getting high at college and proceeding to follow the Robin Williams/Jim Carey acting formula of physical humor. Then there are Skids and Mudflap - two Decepticons who can't read, speak in "jive," act like gangster-wannabes, and fight a lot. One of them even has a gold tooth (I am not making that up). I am one of the last people you will meet who cares about things being PC or will ever claim anything is racist unless it is blatant, but this was a BLATANT stereotype. I cannot believe this made it into the movie. I wouldn't call it racist, but if these characters had actually been human, the NAACP would have freaked out.
This movie is also insanely long, at a running time of 2.5 hours. This probably could have been avoided if there wasn't so much slow motion footage of people running. I was miserable after the first 45 minutes. Bay should have cut at a minimum, the last half hour off of the movie. The action scenes, while good, were way too confusing. The robots are so complex you can't tell what is happening since it's so fast and you can't figure out Transformers: "Revenge of the Fallen" is not Armageddon. It is not Bad Boys. It is definitely not the Rock. Say what you will about those films, they at least had somewhat decent plots and required some brain activity. This movie is nothing but pure mindless action, awful jokes, and gratuitous shots of Megan Fox (and only one of those is a good thing).