Desperately Needs a Diet Pill

Rating: 4/10 (8 November 2009)

Bloated. That is the one word I think accurately describes this cinematic experience. Michael Bay, a director of some talent and a filmmaker with credits like The Rock, Bad Boys, and the first Transformers film, goes out of control here with the special effects and opens one big can of cheese as story, logic, acting, and character development take the back seat - in a bus! The story is so convoluted and so ludicrous that I defy anyone to tell me that he/she really understood all that was going on, because it is clear the director and the actors haven't a clue. There is no way a child sitting through this maze of machines forming, transforming, and uttering ridiculous dialog would be able at any point to tell you what was going on AND why it was going on. That is how little time is devoted to exposition. Odd you might think considering the film is two and a half hours long! I am not one of those people that hates long movies - I only am bothered by them when they feel like long movies. This one felt like three or four hours long. I kept thinking to myself when will this mess end. Look, for those of you wanting to see the special effects. There is no way you will be disappointed. I need more of that. If you want sophomoric dialog, juvenile situations, and Megan Fox in huggingly tight shorts and white jeans - you are in luck too. If you want character acting devoid of logic with Kevein Dunn and Julie White playing Shia's parents like they were in an over-acting concert or Ramon Rodriguez hamming it up with a butt roast rather than slices - then you are in luck. I found few bright spots in this film for me. I need something more than one scene after another of mindless transforming and one-liners meant to be funny to a quasi-literate adolescent. The first film, also directed by Bay, was more of that. It was by no means a great film, but it was entertaining and did spend oodles more time in development of plot and characters. This film tries to feed off that development but fails miserably because those plot elements and characters were not wholly formed. Maybe I am getting all bent out of shape for nothing more than what this film was supposed to be - but I have seen it done better - even by this director who excels in that kind of film. The brightest spots for me were Rainn Wilson in a cameo as a professor with a great opening in a class and John Turturro reprising his role with much less dignity but nevertheless some acting skill.