I have seen the future of horror, and his name is Michael Bay

Rating: 1/10 (30 June 2011)

He has now made two blockbuster movies which make no sense no matter how many ways you try to put them together, and people don't seem to care. The critics have brutally trashed both this movie and "The Fallen" movie, yet audiences love both films although they seem to have been put together by a group of 2nd graders who playing out randomly strung together old cartoon episodes with their toys.
I am an old school fan who liked the first two movies, but "Dark of the Moon" makes "Fallen" look like Shakespeare. It's incredible how many people are saying that this movie is better than "Fallen". With all its faults, at least "Fallen" had humor, some incredible action sequences and effects, and an interesting, if incomplete, script. This movie has none of these things. This is a very long and boring movie that wastes the talents of good actors. The attempts at humor are painful to watch. The three Transformers movies cannot be connected now no matter how hard you try. To make another sequel would be ludicrous, but seeing how much money this drivel is making already, I bet they have already taken the five minutes needed to write the next one. The original writers were smart to bail out of this train wreck after Bay made them write "Fallen" in a couple of days and went on to butcher the little that they had time to write. This time there was no writers' strike, so I expected better--like explanations and connections across all three films. You'll get none of that here, just more incomprehensible nonsense that ignores the other films. You don't know what's going on half the time, and the final battle has no pacing, motivation, or orientation--it just drags on and on and on---like that 20 minute desert sequence in "The Fallen" multiplied by 10.
What happened to the Cube's knowledge in Sam's brain? Why was Sentinel Prime's ship shot down by the people that were working with him? How was Megatron going to rendezvous with him if they ended up finding earth in different time periods? Why did Megatron go after the cube if the original plan seemed to be to enslave earth and transport Cybertron there using the space bridge? How did Sentinel's ship crash on earth's moon if it was shot down over Cybertron? Why didn't Megatron go after the Space Bridge parts when he awoke in the first movie? Why didn't he after he awoke in the second movie? Why didn't they use the shard in the second movie to activate Sentinel on the moon instead of Megatron? How did Sentinel, the Cube, and the Sun Harvester all end up on earth? Why are the Transformers not even bothering to project human images in their car modes anymore? Why does Prime carry The Matrix of Leadership (a key to activate the Sun Harvester) inside of him and use it to energize Autobots which it is not meant to do? When, why, and how did an entire army of generic Decepticons hide inside of the moon? Why do the Transformers transform? These are just a few of about a hundred questions that this movie brings up. I suspect that not even Michael Bay knows the answers, and he doesn't care. it's insulting.
There are some good ideas, but it's all put together very badly, and not much is explained. Watching this movie gave me the feeling that Bay and the actors are here to wrap this up and are not interested in this material. The studios will be pressuring him to make #4, so he can get some 3rd graders together to write a script again---yet another group of Autobots has been buried in a volcano for 4 million years! They can transform to dinosaurs-- no explanation is necessary. Out of all of the planets in the infinite universe, their ship crashed on earth because...well because the script says so. They were looking for the cube, no-- the Harvester, no-- the space bridge, no wait...they were looking for the ancestor of Michael Bay. If Bay is never born, these movies would never exist and we can reboot.