As good as it could be

Rating: 3/10 (29 June 2011)

I don't know what there is to say about this film. It's headache inducing, has nothing even remotely resembling plot or character, and it runs nearly three hours. So in all normal circles of film criticism it tanked. Oddly enough though this thing might be Michael Bay's masterpiece. I don't like Bay's film making because it is all style with nothing close to substance. 'Dark of the Moon' is no exception but where I give Bay credit is that he has trademarked his own brand of filmmaking. You can look at a movie he's made and see the same trademarks and this deserves some respect. Some directors never find their niche and Bay has clearly found his and so all the power to him. I don't like Bay's style and so I don't like 'Dark of the Moon' Have you seen a Bay film before? About everyone has. 'Dark of the Moon' is a Bay film on steroids. All the clichés and loud action scenes are multiplied ten fold here. So as a word of warning your ear drums will bleed and the sap from his all American action montages will probably put you in a diabetic coma. The question becomes do I credit Bay for this or criticize him for it? Obviously this film is very expensive and he's really used that budget to stretch out the confines of what a Michael Bay film can be. In doing this however Bay showcases his weaknesses as a filmmaker and general storyteller. With all his 'Bay'ness brought out to it's utmost limit his shortcomings become all the more relevant because we miss them more. Bay essentially throws a lot of stuff at the wall and admittedly some stuff sticks and is impressive to look at. Bay throughly destroys Chicago in an epic action packed battle and it's action packed to the point where I just don't care. Why? Why is this war so damned important? Why am I supposed to care about Optimus Prime? There's no characters and no story and so I just feel as if everything in this movie is just filler to wrap around action sequences.
The problem I see with the film is that I don't care about the Transformers. None of these robots are characters at all. I maybe know Bumblebee and Optimus Prime and that's it. The rest of the Autobots and Decepticons are mere props. There isn't a villain or real conflict here. Oddly enough there is more setup than in previous films but so what? I don't care about Optimus Prime's mentor becoming a backstabbing traitor because I don't care about Optimus Prime. I mean what is he? He looks shiny and cool and that's about it. You see Sam our lead character break in tears when his car Bumblebee is about to be executed and I couldn't help laughing because no emotion is invested by the audience. Give me a reason to care about these toys even if it means giving us a break from the action.
I see the credit for Hasbro at the end and it is so utterly appropriate. This film is nothing more than a giant toy commercial. With Bay serving as the kid playing with his toys making things go boom ka-pew. I don't care for it but obviously people do. I won't begrudge his fans of any respect of their intelligence because I can see why he's popular. He has a style and he made it his and so good for him. To people who like Bay's films I say you will have a blast because it is the best one. That's all there is here a Michael Bay film with all of his strengths and all of his weaknesses shown front and center.