If someone offers you free tickets to this one, you're still being ripped off.

Rating: 1/10 (2 July 2011)

The first two Transformers films, while by no means exceptional, were vaguely entertaining and I expected the third to follow in the same vein; you would not think such moderate expectations could be disappointed, but Dark of the Moon managed it. Not since Mickey Blue Eyes have I so genuinely wanted to demand my money back from the cinema.
This film continues for about two hours after you've completely stopped caring what happens, and every time you think it must be nearly over there's another painfully predictable "twist" and an excuse for another twenty minute CGI fight scene indistinguishable from all the others. The storyline is virtually nonexistent - it could have been compressed into about ten minutes. I am not normally a film-geek or bothered by goofs, but the continuity in this one was poor enough to become confusing; Optimus seemed to vary in height between ten feet and skyscraper-tall, and Huntingdon-Whitely's character is apparently able to change her clothes several times in the course of running through war-zones. The funniest aspect of the entire film was the many ways they try - and fail - to disguise how much taller Huntingdon-Whitely is than Labeouf.
Every character in this film is a 2D cliché, from the sleazy traitorous boss to the hard-ass intelligence director who learns to bend the rules. What John Malkovich was thinking when he agreed to go near this, I have no idea. Honestly, honestly - save your money. It's beyond terrible, and I genuinely feel like I've just been robbed. I actually resent the fact that someone has taken money off me in exchange for this absolute, utter, mind-numbing and insulting crap.