May as well be an army versus robots film

Rating: 4/10 (26 June 2017)

When this film came out in 2011 I fully intended to go to the theater and watch it, but I never got around to it. Flash years later and I found it for cheap with the fourth Transformers film so I thought I would get it as I had seen neither film. I really enjoyed the first film and I thought the second film had its moments. A lot of people had told me that this one was a better film than the second one so imagine my surprise as I found it worse...a lot worse! I literally have to scratch my head as the first film had such potential and had the makings of an awesome franchise. The second one was not great as it was too long, but the action was cool and I liked how Optimus Prime was the one to take out the bad guys instead of Shia's character Sam. This one though just was bad. When I watch a film based on Transformers I expect a film where the Autobots must do battle with the dastardly Decepticons. I do not watch it to see an advertisement for the military and see Sam get another really hot chick on the heels of the last one. I also do not watch this film to see humans perform stunts while showing the minimum amount of robot fighting it can show. It is almost as if they have a limit of a few seconds before they have to flash to more human action!
The story, well it is rather a incomprehensible mess. We see that the moon landing back in the day was actually a way to examine a mysterious ship crashing onto our planet. Flash years later and we get to see Sam's latest girl's butt. We also get to see a man who has no business with her whining about not having a job and not feeling important because he saved the world so he deserves more. The humor is worse than the second film and the scenes of him interviewing are not fit for an action film. Once again, I want to see robots, not filler garbage. The film ran 2 hours and 20 minutes and they want to show a bunch of nonsensical crap. It adds nothing to the plot and is just a way to have humans relevant in a story they should not be relevant in. Meanwhile, the Autobots are doing missions for us and keeping a lookout for the Decepticons and there is something that ties in with that moon landing that may turn out to be a deadly secret and there is a boss who has nice cars and John Malkovich in a very bizarre role that makes as much sense as the rest of the film and an even more awkward scene with Sam and some guy in a bathroom stall. We get a battle at the end with the Autobots against some very nondescript Decepticons which makes me wonder if they even try. The only Decepticon that stood out was Shockwave who was sadly underused as he actually looked cool and Megatron was almost not relevant.
So the Transformer films seem to get progressively worse as they continue. I am finding part of the problem is that Bay wants to focus too much on the humans. Shia was insufferable in this one and I wanted to see him less not more. I did not want to see a guy who I could beat down in a fight in less than two minutes taking down a Transformer. The guy and his gal survive some stuff in this one that makes the old Indiana Jones action scenes seem less ridiculous. I also cannot stand the way the Transformers keep getting less distinct as the series goes on. I didn't even recognize Megatron at first glance and why is it so difficult to give him his trademark bazooka gun? Why do they keep using swords and stuff? Never did that much in the comics or cartoon. Why can't Optimus have his awesome gun and have it sound the same way it did in the cartoons?
So this one just was not enjoyable for me at all. I did not want to see humans versus robots, but rather Autobots versus Decepticons. That last portion in Chicago was just one long bore as you get to watch people paragliding, people in collapsing building and then you see Optimus and think, "Oh boy, now the action begins!" and he promptly gets caught in wires. Just does not make any sense, nor does the series. Lets have little cute annoying robots because the film is enjoyed by kids, but the first time we see Shia he you get to see his girlfriend's butt. I honestly do not see how this one did so well at the box office, it was just a mess with a overly complicated story to get humans more involved. In the cartoon, the Decepticons wanted energy from Earth and the Autobots tried to stop them, that's it! Oh, and during their movie they had a huge planet that transformed! Heaven forbid they do that. Speaking of that 1986 film, it was a way to introduce kids to a new line of toys, so I find it sad that it had a better story and better action than this film! Going to watch the fourth film as I got it as part of the set, but I do not have high hopes for it; however, at least Shia will not be in it.