Do electric sheep dream of Michael Bay?

Rating: 3/10 (1 July 2011)

Watching a Michael Bay movie is like sleeping with a prostitute. There's that rush of adrenaline, the heart beats become faster, the pulse quickens and all your thoughts converge into making the most out of what lies in front of you, be it a naked body or bare knuckle metal. And while the act in itself, however long it may last, may very well be an apotheosis of pleasure, it will definitely be one of those acts which, once it's over, you'd desperately want to sweep under the rug or stash it away in a closet hoping that its skeletons don't tumble out years later the way Bill Clinton's did. And soon after finishing the act, you realize that you have a wife, seven months pregnant with your 2nd child, and a 5-year old kid to whom you are the Batman, Superman, Ironman and all other imaginary super heroes out there rolled into one. The screws of guilt start turning and tightening, leaving you conscience – stricken about the dastardly act that you just committed. That is exactly how you feel when the closing credits starting rolling after completion of a Michael Bay movie. All the excitement, the adrenaline, the eagerness that was there before the movie started snowballs into one gigantic sphere of guilt as the end nears, leaving you flummoxed as to why you went to see the movie in the first place.
It has been four years now that Michael Bay has been running a prostitution racket in all its metal glory. We know that racket as Transformers. And just like failure to contain one's carnal desires has led to flourishing of prostitution, Bay's metallic monstrosities, bereft of any emotion or storyline, have drawn audiences from all over the world if only to find out whether a robot's testicles are square or round. Almost every Bay movie has raked in substantial amount of moolah at the Box Office, resulting in rapid proliferation his racket and fueling his desire to find innovative ways to assault people's senses with every imaginable metal monstrosity. As if it wasn't enough, this time he has gone a step further and added an extra dimension thus launching the attack from all the three dimensions leaving us feel like a mosquito that has been squashed over and over again with a sledge hammer. Bay's movies are destined for two things 1) being lambasted by critics 2) striking gold at box office. Dark of the Moon will be no different.
I don't know for sure whether androids dream of electric sheep or not. But that Michael Bay is wet dream of every metal part that moves is unadulterated four-dimensional truth. The tagline of Bay's latest instalment is 'Earth's last stand'. How long an ordeal do the earth's population of 6 billion+ will have to undergo before they get the see the tagline 'Bay's last movie'??