Bloated, overlong, messy, and that first half? Ugh

Rating: Null/10 (15 July 2011)

** out of (****)
Walking into "Transformers: Dark of the Moon", you don't expect Oscar caliber or anything good for that matter. You go merely to see gratuitous explosions, an attractive love interest that's as hot as butter, and this time around, it's in 3D! I'm all up for leaving my brain at the door, but when you ask me to do that for nearly 3 hours, where I'm bored the hell out of my mind for 2/3 of that, you can count me out. The problem with "Dark of the Moon" isn't because of the story or acting (we expected that since day one), it's because it takes a millennium to get going, the action scenes are way too repetitive, and the resolution always leaves something to be desired. I sound like a bitter old man but in actuality, I'm in the demographic for this film. When Michael Bay puts some originality into his set pieces, takes out the convoluted and tiresome story arcs, and trims about an hour off of his movies, then he can give me a call.
See, that's also the problem. For these movies, the plot is always so long and details, but it goes nowhere and doesn't make any sense. It's a movie about robot vs. robot, can't we just leave it that way? We don't need a long, unnecessary explanation that serves as filler. That's why the whole first two acts suffered. Nothing interesting, nothing worth my time. It's just filler. And by the time the action rolled around, I just didn't care. It's almost as if Bay copied and pasted the action from his last film into this one.
As for the 3D? While I disliked the movie, I cannot deny it, it was worth it. The depth is just outstanding and the explosions have layers. It wasn't at Avatar's 3D brilliance, but oh boy, was it close enough. And the special effects? The robots look the best this time around and it shows Bay knows what he's doing. Too bad the action is repetitive and the film is a total bore.
While I've had my rant, I have to say, this wasn't the worst "Transformers" and was actually an improvement over part two. Less corny jokes (thank god!) and this time, we can actually SEE what's going on!
All in all, I didn't hate "Dark of the Moon". It could've been worse, but it could've been so much better. The day Bay makes a solid popcorn flick, I'll give his film a good review. Yes, your film doesn't always need to rely on story and development, but when you make trash, at least put some effort and excitement into it. When you have over-inflated trash, I don't care if I see it in 20D, it's just trash.