"Whoa, we got us a little Mexican standoff!"

Rating: 3/10 (24 December 2017)

There's so much I could write about Transformers: Dark of the Moon that I'm not sure where to begin. I think I'll start with my one word review - wretched. It's one truly wretched movie. I'm not sure how you spend almost $200 million and make something this bad, but Michael Bay found a way. I usually begin one of these with a plot summary, but with Transformers: Dark of the Moon, I don't see any point. The plot here doesn't really matter. The plot is pointless. It's all about big explosions. And if there's one thing Michael Bay can do, it's make a movie with big explosions. The problem is that without a story I cared 2 cents about, the big explosions get pretty boring pretty fast. At 2 hours 34 minutes and with no interesting story, this thing is like running a marathon in mud. It takes forever. By the time the film's big finale rolled around, I was done. I couldn't take anymore. What a bore! But to be fair, I went back and watched the last part about three times because I kept falling asleep. You would think that any movie that ends with giant robots doing battle would have an ending that would hold your interest. That's not the case here. And if you're going to begin your movie on the moon, why not end it on the moon? We've seen Transformers battle on Earth before, so why not take the final battle back to where it all began? What a missed opportunity. And does Michael Bay believe in editing. There's so much fat here that could have easily been cut out. For example, ss I said when writing about #2, why are Sam's parents even in the film? They add nothing but minutes to the runtime. That's just one example of the many I could cite.
And I realize I'm starting to ramble, so I better stop here. I could go on and on about the poor CGI, the bad inside jokes, and the embarrassing treatment of Leonard Nimoy's legacy, but I won't . I don't want to overstay my welcome like Transformers: Dark of the Moon.