Worse than the holocaust

Rating: 1/10 (9 July 2011)

Michael Bay should be tried along side Muammar Gaddafi for crimes against humanity, his latest film is a travesty of international proportions. Re-broadcasting of any of his films should be banned under the Geneva convention, in fact the only difference between a Michael Bay film and Hitler's reign is that Bay's films will have a more profoundly negative impact on society.
The film starts out just as any other Bay film with a pointless mix of thoughtless dialog and meaningless characters. Witwicky (LaBeouf) is out being the unimaginable world celebrity that he would be saving the world 2 times has no job and for some unbeknown reason is now in a relationship with a new love interest Carly (last name is not apparent anywhere in the film). The character of Megan Fox is completely dismissed from the entire film with a single sentence despite it being the supposed focal point of the entire storytelling behind the first 2 films. Her blatant departure from the franchise is not even attempted to be cleverly masked and immediately gives you a bad feeling of what's to come. The fact that Michael Bay is comfortable with creating deep plot holes, detached storytelling and single dimensional fill in characters over a petty feud with a mildly attractive wan-a-be actress speaks volumes about his creative and artistic merit, however than itself is not even close to the overwhelming tripe that is Transformers 3 in its own respect.
Soon it is revealed through a convoluted multi-generational web of increasingly ridiculous government cover-ups that there is an alien craft on the dark side of the moon. Somehow despite this craft being the single greatest discovery in human history it is revealed that single NASA accountant smudged cost figures to point where it was deemed "infeasible" to return to the lunar surface. Considering the potential benefits to the US government and much less the entire Human Race its unlikely that anyone; not even the accountants in charge of giving Michael Bay 300 million to make this film could have convinced the government to stay away for 50 plus years.
The next question of course is why. Why would an accountant want to keep humanity away from this extraterritorial discovery? Simple; and something Michael Bay is very well rehearsed in -- personal greed. Somehow or another the Decipticon's revealed themselves to this single person and convinced him that they would take over the entire world with or without his help this responsibility is then handed down to Dylan the son of the mystery architect of human destruction.
By this point the film's true plot is revealed and the fight is on yet again. The Decipticons and Optimus Prime's superior, sentinel prime have devised a plan to inhabit earth for themselves and use humans as slave to rebuilds their world. This seems somewhat pointless when they are the respective leaders of the two sides and a truce on their OWN planet would have made much more sense. However that doesn't even pale in contrast to the robot race and the absolutely comparatively pathetic strength of human engineering. This is akin to human's inhabiting an asteroid trillions of light years away over a war on earth and using ants as slaves to build their new homes.
After the Autobots fake their extradition to gain an element of surprise they waste in the first 20 seconds of their return a single five by point-five meter rod is controlling the transitioning of an entire alien solar system through an inter-dimensional gateway with absolutely no gravitational effects on earth. Its destruction is the sole focus of one and half hours of completely mind numbingly pointless action sequences and over the top special effects.
The film ends with the same sappy sequence of unity and love in the face of horrific mass destruction of an entire city as the last 2 films and is exceedingly uninviting due to the previous 2 hours being nothing more than creative excuses to waste hundreds of millions of dollars on seriously injuring lowly paid extras, poorly executing slow motion 3D hero sequences and lining Tyrese Gibson's pockets.
All in all Transformers 3 is the worst film in the Trilogy and possibly the worst film ever created in its budget bracket. Michael Bay has spent too long inside his 500 million dollar Gulfstream 6 private jet to properly flesh out a movie plot or characters and has instead opted to blow sh*t up for almost 3 hours. This is a movie that will appeal to the same part of your brain that is activated by car accidents and terrorist attacks, it will leave you shocked, appalled and your trust and faith in humanity will be at an all time low once the soul crushingly horrible and inappropriate end credit music start rolling.