Transformers 3 with the Extra "D"!

Rating: 3/10 (2 July 2011)

To explain the plot of TF3 is like trying to explain rocket science to a child. You just can't. It has something to do with some Spock-voiced robot crash landing on the moon in the 60s and some teleportation pillars having to do with the end of the world or something, but I digress. It's already giving me a headache. TF3 can be basically seen as an apology from Michael Bay after making the hated TF2. He said it would be 100% better. He lied. Sure, TF3 has a hint of a story this time around, and the film tries really hard to show us this, but it fails miserably. At least TF2 didn't try to have a plot (which is probably due to the fact that the script wasn't even finished when they began shooting the film), and at least it was entertaining.
Even removing the two annoying racist twin robots from TF2, TF3 is still worse. Why? Because it's a dull film. It turns out that watching the same thing thrice isn't as interesting as watching it the first two times. It tries to be different, but when you get down to it, it's more of the same, but with one huge difference: Bay decides to save all the action in the last 45 minutes of the film. And seeing how people watch these films for the action, we have to wait about 100 whole minutes to see it. Now this shouldn't be a problem had the film had an interesting story and characters to invest in. Well, it didn't. It's a LOOOONG 100 minutes of unfunny jokes and non-existent, incoherent storytelling. Seriously, Bay could have easily cut 30 minutes off the film, but you know how he is. His films just have to be over two hours, don't they?
But anyway, once we finally get to see the action, it's actually quite impressive. With the addition of 3D, it's pretty damn amazing. And because of the Chicago sequence alone, TF3 isn't a total lost cause. We eventually do get what we came for. As for the 3D, I liked the use of it. It was shot in 3D instead of converted into 3D during postproduction, so you really get to see the depth and stuff popping out during the entire film, especially during the Chicago sequence where you see the depth of the city and people flying around (among many other things).
The actors in here are efficient. It's not like they actually have to act. They just run and yell. Newcomer Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Megan Fox's replacement, is pretty decent too, although it's easy to imagine that Fox could have done the same. Veteran actors John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, and Leonard Nimoy give a response of pity rather than a warm welcome as we much prefer them not have their resumes tainted by this film. But anyway, they are in the film for good, and there's not much we can do about it. Ken Jeong is pretty annoying but (thankfully) does not appear in the film any more than 5 minutes. Alan Tudyk--why? Why are you in this? You're better than this!
Anyway, I'll get off my soap box now. Of the 157 minutes(!!) TF3 has, about 45 minutes are actually fun to watch. The other minutes....aren't. I mean, it's a Transformers movie. It's the third one in the series. You know what to expect. By this time, you already know if this is for you or not. If it is, watch it in 3D. Or maybe don't, just so they don't make a fourth film. I'd imagine people will get tired of Transformers soon enough (like me) as the case of sequelitis becomes increasingly apparent.