Not even a movie.

Rating: 1/10 (28 September 2011)

Absolutely abysmal. Made it 1h 30m through somehow. My head is spinning. It felt more like an anxiety attack than a movie. Sort of like "The Other Guys". Just bizarre moment after bizarre moment. Felt more like 6 or 7 hours of dialogue crammed into a very dizzying, very uncomfortable experience. Where do I start? The comedy failed. The action was pointless. The girl? Who cares. All I remember was something crashing on the moon and there being a government cover-up. Can't put into words how stupefied I was after viewing this crap. I watched the first Transformers and, I didn't have enough great things to say about it. It was amazing! The only vibe I got while watching Dark Of The Moon was that the directors must have been ingesting large amounts of amphetamine while directing this. I felt like it was one big RUSH to squeeze so much dialogue into 2h 20m of run-time. But for what!? 80% of the script was pointless! Maybe cut out all the completely useless scenes and you wouldn't have this horrendously distracting pacing issue. I spent so much time being dizzy and confused, I didn't really even get a chance to digest what was going on. I literally had to leave, and go to the bathroom and splash water on my face and calm down because the movie had overstimulated me to the point of having an anxiety attack.. Not a figurative anxiety attack, a literal anxiety attack. I spent the rest of the evening vomiting. No wonder it disappeared from the theater and landed on DVD and Blu-ray so fast!