A horrible movie

Rating: 1/10 (2 July 2007)

What a concept it was. Two rival factions of transforming robots crash land on Earth, and are re-awoken in 1984 to continue their epic struggle amongst a vastly inferior race. One side, the heroic Autobots, battles to save their homeworld from the evil Decepticons.
Humans took a back seat in this war. Seen by the Autobots as life that should be protected and by the Decepticons as insignificant obstacles, the characters that made Transformers so popular were the transformers themselves.
Alas, Michael Bay's vision was obviously something quite different.
After an outstanding exposition in which we meet the lead and supporting characters, the movie goes downhill. Fast. Full of plot holes that invalidate half the events of the movie, and stupid writing that just doesn't make sense, Transformers severely makes me doubt the abilities of its writers (then again, one of its writers did do Catwoman AND The Core - two more stupid movies).
Plot flaws? That's right! The better part of the movie is spent following the two factions as they race to find a map Megatron made to the 'Allspark'. Naturally, we later find out that the Allspark was moved by the humans AFTER the map was made, to a place specifically selected to prevent the transformers from finding it. But does that stop them from using the now invalid map to find it? Not at all! The map leads them right to it. Somehow.
So now the Allspark is found, but entrusted to Bumblebee. And what does a US special forces operative decide to do? That's right - drive it into the middle of a large city, where hundreds, if not thousands of people can be killed in the inevitable battle between 20 foot tall transforming robots.
A good story can be set in the present day, or in Shakespeare's time, or Ancient Rome, underwater or in space. Your characters can be humans, farm animals or robots, and if it's a good story, little will be lost.
So why did Bay find it necessary to give the transformers barely any lines or decent screen time? And why were half their scenes just petty jokes (I refer to the far-too-long scene in which the transformers act like complete idiots as Witwicky searches for his Grandfather's glasses. It was funny for about 2 minutes. The other 30 minutes were just painful.)?
I don't think I could ever run out of bad things to say about this movie. Seriously, don't see it - especially if you care about Transformers and have more than one brain cell.