Utterly awful

Rating: 1/10 (5 July 2007)

I honestly don't know where to start with this movie. I will say however, that - like many other people - this is the film I've been waiting 20 years to see.
I suppose it's sensible to start with what should be the foundation stone of any cinematic experience - the script. It's cheesy, cliché-ridden, and poorly-structured. Characterisation (especially of the Autobots/Decepticons) is non-existent. Optimus Prime uttering the words "My bad" must go down in history as one of the worst moments in movie history. Actually scratch that - the "lubricating" scene is definitely worse. The writing of human characters is lazy at best, sticking with stereotypes such as the beautiful code-breaker, fat computer whizz, bumbling government agent etc etc. The performances (Shia aside) are instantly forgettable, but a great deal of that comes down to the script and direction. Megan Fox may be a great actress for all I know, but she may as well be a stripper for the purposes of this movie.
The effects are incredible (although not helped by Bay's erratic editing style), but when you've no reason to care about them it results in an empty experience. Effects DON'T MAKE A MOVIE.
With Spielberg as part of this project I allowed myself a little optimism, but it's patently clear that Bay and Co. had no understanding or respect for the Transformers franchise. GIANT "FLIPPING" ROBOTS BLOWING "STUFF" UP this may be, but it is most certainly not Transformers.