I feel sorry for people who can't see through the filth

Rating: 1/10 (3 July 2007)

Tripe. Filth. Mud. Worthless. Blunt. Stupid. These are six words that aptly describe the idea behind Michael Bay's latest smash-fest "TRANSFORMERS."
As one of those "poor saps" (as I was called while waiting in the theater) who had never seen the TV show as a child, I went into the movie expecting nothing, especially considering that Michael Bay is one of the least artistic, most pandering directors of the present. But once the movie started, it was all right. Shia LeBeouf was charming, as was the quirky teen-humor that pervaded the first 45 minutes. In fact, the Transformers were pretty bad-ass.
...Until minute 46, when they began to talk. Not only was their behavior evocative of stoners and idiots, they lumbered around his backyard, and, later in the movie, peed on a federal agent. There was even one transformer (I forget the name, and I am all the better for it) that talked like he was from the "projects." The plotting was puerile and idiotic. There was even a subplot where Shia LeBeouf's love interest was discovered to have a criminal record, but that subplot was handily absolved five minutes later when Shia LeBeouf cuts a deal with the government. SO STUPID AND POINTLESS! Not to mention, the movie abounded with Michael Bay's never-ending car chases and slow-motion hoohah. Very very bad scripting like "I'm not leaving without Bumblebee!" and the leader of the good Transformers saying "Oops, my bad" made for a horrible experience.
The bulk of the movie was terrible. The acting, aside from noticeably realistic screams from Shia and others, was stilted and just perfect for the sort of film that doesn't even hide that it relies wholly on special-effects and the toy franchise itself, the kind of things that Michael Bay loves to beat over movie-goers' heads like a blunt object.