Transformers

Rating: 1/10 (22 September 2014)

Oh dear oh dear this must be the perfect example of a modern day film and how bad they can be ruined with the dreaded CGI monster. Where to begin! first off using Bay as director was probably the worst decision made when this film was being created, the man can make good action flicks yes but this sci-fi cartoon creation of epic proportions was not meant to be like this. The film is a mess from start to finish with loud noises and visuals that make no sense to the naked eye, yes it all looks very pretty shiny and flashy but you have no idea where the Transformers begin and where they end.
I wasn't expecting an amazing plot nor was I expecting an adult based film. Even though the original cartoon was actually quite dark in places and we all knew it would be hard to translate the robots to the big screen, but at the end of the day as an old fan of the original cartoon and toy line I hated how they made the Transformers look in this film.
Only Prime and Bumblebee actually looked visually pleasing as all the other robots were practically indecipherable, a huge maze of shiny moving parts which I couldn't tell if even a head was present! Yes the transformation sequences looked kinda neat but again I had no idea what was moving and where! a complete U-turn from the original cartoon where you could actually see how the robots transformed. I just hate how only Prime looks like the original concepts, I understand they updated the robots but the fact hardly any of them resembled their original designs killed me. For some reason all the Decepticons were very pointy and had spikes...why? also I noticed every vehicle was a US vehicle, a good example of how Bay and Hollywood totally 'transformed' (pun totally intended) this cool franchise into what they wanted. Bumblebee an ugly looking Camaro!? and what the hell did they do to Megatron and Frenzy!.
So apart from the mass of in your face CGI what else is there? what is left if you take away the effects? nothing, the film has nothing else to offer a tall. The acting is bad, B-movie bad, we're talking 'Godzilla' remake bad. John Turturro gave me some smiles but apart from that this is 'Independence Day' acting right here. Plenty of sappy jive talking' and Fox looking like she's made out of plastic with her bright white teeth and ridiculous amounts of orange body tan.
Kids will enjoy this film I'm sure as they have probably not seen the original material, its loud, got lots of plosions and slow motion fighting. I myself cringe at how gaudy and terrible this trash is, the whole human side of the film is totally pointless! the real live actors are completely defunct and could literately be sidelined. Whilst the big robots are all fighting away in an orgy of shiny CGI nuts n bolts we get little snippets of the actors running around driving stuff and trying to look busy or like they're actually of any use. Then out of the blue one soldier manages to shoot and kill a Decepticon easy as pie! (had to do it from jumping off a moving motorbike for some reason). It all leads me to think they should of made a fully CGI animated film like the old 86 movie.
Best thing about the film? they listened to the old school fans and got Cullen back to voice Prime. Unfortunately when Prime says 'sorry my bad' I had to put my face in my hands, yep they got Prime talking' like a hoodie. No...quite simply no, blow me back to the 80's please!
1/10