Trash- you probably won't believe me but this is pretty pictures and nothing else

Rating: 3/10 (26 August 2007)

What can I say? Okay me me rephrase that, what can I say nice? The actors aren't bad. The CGI looks okay...in the trailer.
Soulless unfunny big screen live action disaster based on the cartoon series. Michael Bay rapes the American public once again.
This is awful.
How bad? My dad fell asleep and I kept moaning this is awful this is awful.
I think one reviewer claimed something about this being a sign of the Apocalypse. I believe him. This is proof that most people want form over content and bread and circus' over anything meaningful.
The plot is something like the Decepticons trying to find a cosmic cube or spark or something so they can rule the world. The Autobots- who mostly don't show up until an hour in are also trying to find it but to protect man kind. I don't know, I don't care.
Don't get me wrong this is well made trash. It looks good, even if the CGI is never fully integrated into the film. Yet again we have these cool looking effects that seem unconnected with the people. Why are effects getting worse and worse? 200 million dollars and you can tell that the transformers are not with the people.
The problems mostly lie in the script. First off the movie is wildly silly, even the parts that are not suppose to be "funny". What can I say its so over the top as to be laughable. The comedy is dumb in a TV sitcom sort of way.Then again this is coming from a TV cartoon so it makes perfect sense. Worse a good many of the actors mug and play their roles for laughs for much of the early parts of the film so that when it comes time to be serious you don't believe them. There is no tension because you don't believe there is any real danger...or anything that is connected to reality. I never once believed this was real-or possible. No one acted nor did the plot spin out in anything other than the sort of reality found on second rate TV shows or movies.
I think the choices to play to the fans and keep things close to the TV show-using some of the voices hurt the believability of much of the film. Sure the scorpion thing looks cool and a few others seem plausible, but Optimus Prime just looks really stupid when placed in the real world.
and yet its well made. On some technical level this is a "good" movie. Not good enough to recommend it...but good on some scale of proficiency.
I'm at a loss for words-really.
What a waste this is. Its just an incredibly stupid movie.