Built by Robots

Rating: 5/10 (19 August 2008)

In his 1982 book "Danse Macabre", Stephen King predicted that the future of bad films was not cheap and cheesy films like the works of Ed Wood and Phil Tucker, but glossy, expensive films of the same quality; films which amounted to the celluloid equivalent of "a dead rat in a Lucite block". While he has had as extensive and successful a career as a writer as anyone could imagine, surely he has never written anything else as insightful or accurate. Exhibit A: Transformers, one of the biggest hits of 2007. Here we have a movie with a plot that would have barely sufficed for an episode of the cartoon on which it was based. You remember, that cartoon that existed exclusively to sell toys. This film also "treats" us to humour that would disgrace a "Police Academy" sequel (trust me, I would know), incomprehensible action scenes, the ugliest character designs this side of The Garbage Pail Kids and the most sanitised combat scenes in a film since "G.I. Joe: The Movie" (though less enjoyably). Military enrolment isn't the only thing this movie wants to advertise either, and boy, it isn't subtle about it. The one redeeming feature of this fiasco is that it features perhaps the most impressive CGI work seen in a film to date. It is also well handled and cleverly incorporated into the film, instead of sticking out like a sore thumb as CGI often does. That is enough to earn the film a pass mark. Though not a recommendation. Much as you wouldn't want the dead rat in the pretty cage, there is no need to see this film just because it looks nice on the outside.