Autobots! Transform into Go-Bots!

Rating: 2/10 (25 June 2009)

Perhaps they should've gone with: 'Go-Bots: The Movie' because 'Transformers,' this ain't. I grew up on the original series/toys/movie/comics, even the United Kingdom ones. They changed so much in this; I don't know where to begin. Bumblebee was a VW Bug not a Camero, the boy's name was Spike not Sam, Megatron was a gun not a jet and transformers had their shape and that was it – they couldn't merely look at something to change to. I have never had so many "WTF" moments as I did in this horrible, treacherous insult to humans. Again Michael Bay shows why humans don't deserve to continue on. Sure, I would wanted to agree with all those brainless "Oh, it's just a popcorn movie, just enjoy" comments, and I've tried, believe me. But this movie was an insult. From the shameless product placements (every 2-3 minutes,) to the horrid dialogue, to the downright juvenile script, I wanted to throw up throughout. "This is such a felony!" and Shia's insistent repeating the same words multiple times; by God, if I heard "No! No! No! 10x" or "Go! Go! 6x" etc – you get the drift – one more time, I'd break his other hand. And the so called comedy elements (see the Johnny 5/JarJar/Spider transformer hiding while holding one hand up as if a 2-year-old; are you flipping serious? I wanted to think the incredibly bad humor was for minors until they threw in a masturbation conversation (another "WTF" moment.) I even despised George Bush, and when they attempted roast him, I felt sorry for him. Oh, and Megatron & Starscream are both MAJOR characters. Who's brilliant idea was to introduce them in the last ¼ of the film? Big budgeted movies do NOT have to be so DUMB. SEE: 'Bourne' Trilogy, 'Dark Knight' for evidence.
Side Note: This was one of my favorites. The military's wonderful idea to hide this All-Spark was to hide it in a big city with lots of expensive property, buildings and best yet, innocent bystanders. Yes, I know it's a cheap shot in bringing another big-no-brain action sequence to a city surrounding - No, Michael Bay, we're not all stupid. But, this is the perfect example of a WAY dumbed down script aimed at the 3-4 year olds. This is like giving a real life Syndrome (From Pixar's 'The Incredibles') a blank check to make a movie.