Transformers disguises its robotic flaws with stupendous amounts of adrenaline.

Rating: 6/10 (6 October 2019)

Give Michael Bay a budget and he'll spend it. Wisely or not is up for debate. But damn, the man-child that he truly is certainly is presented through his mind-numbing work. Enough pyrotechnics to annihilate an entire nation and an adequate amount of Megan Fox showcasing to transition into the adult entertainment business. So, Transformers. A franchise decimated by needless, unimaginative sequels that tarnished the reputation of the primary instalment. Also known as, the only decent entry Bay ever conceived. A group of Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, sent to Earth to prevent the Decepticons from reviving the antagonistic Megatron and retrieving an extraterrestrial cube.
This blockbuster opposes everything I stand for as an amateur critic, film buff and general human being. Its bombastic nihilism, riddled with blatant exposition, surmounts to an unquantifiable splurge of stuff happening onscreen. Seriously. It's the equivalent of being lobotomised and watching a sunset from a stained glass window. The colours, brightness and artificial heat would melt your retinas. That's Transformers.
But what people seemingly forget, especially those elitists too afraid to breach admittance, is that Bay's first foray into the franchise is actually tolerable. Good, even. And by that, I don't mean it's the epitome of blockbusting entertainment. Far from it. Yet Bay, a director incredibly easy to pick on due to his accessibly basic yet overly explosive features, implants genuine directorial talent that prove his integrity. Yes, about an hour of the film's runtime is explosive, with buildings toppling and metallic vehicular warfare ensuing.
However, what makes Transformers utterly re-watchable is the constant flow of its narrative. It never stagnates. For over two hours, Bay continually pushes the story forward. Whether it be sweaty soldiers exhuming mountains of testosterone, sweaty LaBeouf clamming up or sweaty Fox suggestively leaning over the hood of a car (realising Bay's wet dream...), it doesn't matter. The point is, there's never a dull moment through the frantic action. A commendable quality that provides motion to the narrative's mechanisms. Bay knows how to exploit a budget. You go big, or you go home. He clearly understood that literally.
Another reason as to why the first chapter is one of his best films, is the simplistic story. The actual plot is thin, with a couple of robots stopping some other robots from destroying everything. Basic foundations without convoluted lore that is constructed as if the writers are formulating random ideas as they're writing the script (*cough* Revenge of the Fallen...). Yet what furthers the script's memorability is the humorous characterisation. The Witwicky clan in particular. LaBeouf delivered a frenetic performance that solidified his leading qualities (which may have backfired on him!). His adolescent antics and heroic endeavours forced him to be both relatable and likeable. Fox, despite being presented on a suspiciously stained silver platter, held her own as well without resorting to the typical "damsel in distress" scenario. Supporting cast were buoyant also. The governmental world ending plot merged well with the teen angst situation, even if it was a colossal convenience. And a plethora of memorable quotes that I unknowingly recite on a daily basis. "Shut up Grandma! Drink your prune juice!". Classic.
It teeters on mediocrity at the best of times, however Bay's focus on the human elements for the vast majority of the first hour ensured that it was more than just mechanical beings punching each other to fluctuating bass drops. There is substance before the clunky visual and auditory extravaganza. Did I grow up with the original source material? Of course not. Regardless though, I think we all need reminding just how solid this blockbuster really is. "Autobots! Roll out!".