Wheels Spinning, But Not Going Anywhere.

Rating: Null/10 (3 August 2007)

A seemingly unending war rages on between robots who are literally able to transform into most anything you can imagine (primarily cars and planes). The heroic Autobots and evil Decepticons take their war from the fledgling planet of Cybertron right to the middle of Earth. Now the fate of the galaxy and all mankind is left in the hands of Autobot Optimus Prime and his robotic soldiers. "Transformers" came about in 1984 and made a splash in the United States with a popular toy line and cartoon series. While definitely nostalgic and effective to a point, the concept is somewhat limited and simple-minded. This is what happens with this mainstream box office dominator which has cleaned up financially, but critically it needs a lube job. A wide range of actors have less personality and heart than the special effects-laden robots which are more reminiscent to those corny 1950s Asian monster entities than to 21st Century cinematic live animation. The film is too long, it lacks substance, it has no tone, it is short on brains, and its pacing is a total train-wreck. Even the visual effects and sound are annoying, distractive, and migraine-inducing. Director Michael Bay continues to make films that please audiences who just want to see lots of explosions. However, he fails to show any growth when it comes to mandatory cinematic elements like screenplay, characterization, storytelling, and even rudimentary aspects of cinematography and editing. Chaotic, loud, and ultimately pointless, "Transformers" was better left in the obscurity of its Japanese animated time capsule of the 1980s. 2.5 out of 5 stars.