Give Me My Time Back

Rating: 4/10 (9 July 2007)

*SPOILER WARNING
I walked into Transformers with drastically lowered expectations. With such low expectations I could almost enjoy Fantastic Four. Sadly, Transformers fell below the bar considerably. I understand that story takes a back seat in a film of this nature, but did they have to drag it behind the chariot over a street laden with potholes and speed bumps? Overly long scenes that attempted humor were nothing more than filler for Michael Bay's inept storytelling ability. Every authority figure was treated as a complete moron, the only plot device Bay knows.
There was also a useless scene featuring an obscured view of George Bush asking for some Hostess Ding-Dongs, used as a bridge to show us the covert ops boombox robot hack Air Force 1 computer systems from the storage area. What? Huh? Yeah, I didn't get it either.
'Transformers' has a lot of bark, but no bite. The action scenes were heavily edited so as not to let us really sink our teeth into them. I wanted to see Bublebee trash Barricade. I wanted to see Prime get in some shots at Megatron instead of getting his trasmission handed to him. I don't care if Sam's parents are overbearing. Nothing in the movie adds to anyone's character arc. The only cool things about this movie are: The Bumblebee/Barricade chase (which wasn't even CGI), and the...wait, I can't think of anything else that was cool. Bay teases us cruelly with dramatic tension, then lets it fall flat by skipping what could have been the best part of the scene and giving us the results instead. He forgets that 'Transformers' is about gigantic robots in knock-down drag-out fights for the fate of humanity and themselves. The battle seemed only for the fate of the editing room under the crushing weight of the ego-maniacal director.
The Prime-Megatron fight started out to be the most awesome moment ever. "One shall stand, one shall fall." says Optimus in a classic moment, as we cut to Sam running around and his girlfriend towing Bumblebee before cutting back to see Optimus defeated and Sam killing Megatron. What? Huh? Yeah, didn't think it could get worse, did ya? *END SPOILERS* The special effects were abused horribly. I was cheated. This movie doesn't deserve the high rating it is getting. Probably due to Dreamworks shilling the vote system. I wouldn't be surprised. Hopefully people pick their brains out of the trash can once they've seen the movie and give it the 4 or less it really deserves. This movie does nothing more than to prove that Spielberg's Hollywood no longer cares. ADHD directors like Michael Bay should be blackballed. Hollywood should just die and let the knowledgeable independent filmmakers to rule, so that maybe yet again we can have movies of substance instead of bankrolls.
Skip this monstrosity of a film. And pray that a new director can be hired if they make a sequel. Heck, I'd even settle for Brett Ratner.