Wrong Time, Wrong Place

Rating: 2/10 (4 December 2008)

Transformers was always going to be risky; 'transforming' what started as a series of toys and an apparently beloved animated series into a film screams "iffy!" in any film buff's ears. Unfortunately, it is a case of wrong time, wrong place for this CGI soaked blunder of a movie. In a world with Jason Bourne, a new, far more brutal Bond and the Dark Knight, Transformers can't help but take itself seriously. In my opinion, this is the wrong choice. After sitting through over an hour of this drivel, I was pleading for some Robocop-esquire satire, but none came. Surprisingly, it was the performances that I most enjoyed. Le Beouf is suitably awkward and bewildered and John Turturro puts in a show stealing performance. Where Transformers falls down is on its metallic heroes. They are truly the worst cinematic creation since the human/alien/basically a naked sloth in Alien: Resurrection. The fact that they talk is a huge mistake, funnily enough it is the little yellow mute one that has the most character. None of the others summon even the smallest smidgen of compassion, and consequently, you couldn't care less when they get crushed by Megatron, a dormant Transformer who, waking up after a century or so's hibernation declares that he IS Megatron. Well thanks for the heads up. If Transformers just had the integrity to abandon it's integrity, realise that actually, yes it is a ridiculous idea for a film and have some fun with it, it could have been much better. Instead it's just boring.