American Pie meets Transformers.

Rating: 1/10 (14 July 2007)

This was one crappy movie and a pain to watch. Just hearing Optimus Prime utter "Oops my bad", made me want to bolt for the door. Anyway, here is just a brief summary of all the good and bad this movie has to offer.
The Good:

The transformations- I'm surprised at how well they made the transformations work. Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and Megatron don't look half as bad as I thought they would. It's nice to see the parts warp and change instead of watching these big blocky characters that were in the cartoon.

The Bad:
On my, where do I start...

The jokes were awful. For some reason they decided to make this movie as a crossover between American Pie and Transformers. Bumblee "lubricating" the man and Sam masturbating, just wasn't funny. The only people who were laughing in the audience were little kids.

The humans stole the show. I thought Transformers was supposed to be about the Transformers themselves, who each had unique personalities with a little human action thrown in the background. Instead the tables are reversed, where we are FORCED to spend lengthy amounts of time with characters the audience truly doesn't give a rat's ass about. Who cares about Sam Whitwickey? Or that smart programming chick? Or that fat donut eater? Who honestly gives? This is a Transformers movie folks, not a love story with some dumb robots thrown in for kicks. Oh and Sam himself, was super, duper irritating and annoying.

The choreography was terrible. Some fight scenes were cool enough but the shaky camera movements and extreme closeups made it difficult to tell what was going on. The fight between Megatron and Optimus proved to be extremely disappointing, as we are only given a few shots of Optimus punching and tripping Megatron, while the army tries to destroy Blackout.

-They completely destroyed the Transformers back story. Those even remotely interested in the Transformers will know that they came from Cybertron and that their ship crashed on Earth only to be revived centuries later. But here Cybertron is destroyed to pieces with no chance of it ever being revived. Well, I guess the Transformers are screwed folks ... but they already were when Michael Bay decided to direct.
In short, if you were expecting to see a movie about the Transformers, you were sadly mistaken. Be prepared to spend hours focusing on Sam and his loser girlfriend instead. Also, why the hell did it take an hour and a half for Optimus Prime to show up in the first place- that to me, is a disgrace.