Transformers....now 95% Transformer free!!

Rating: 4/10 (14 August 2007)

I happily bough my ticket opening weekend and settled in to be entertained, instead I left massively disappointed feeling as if a part of my childhood had been stolen from me.
Michael Bay just should retire, and move to a small island where he can do no more harm to anyone else's beloved memories.
I was very anxious to see Shia Lebouf pull off a performance worthy of his ability as an actor, I badly needed the memory of "Disturbia" wiped from my memory. Although Shia doesn't seem to be having a bad year, it's "hot babe convenience" seems to be running his adolescent years quite well. I had no problems with Shia in this film fortunately, he portrayed a more realistic, less clichÃ© ridden teenager than in that waste of time Disturbia.
Once again Michael Bay's objectification of women shines through in brilliant clarity....taking the forms of Megan Fox, and Rachael Taylor (the former, a hot chick who also knows all about cars and really isn't snotty, the later, a top of the line computer "code hacker" of some sorts who is hired by the Pentagon to crack some signal code....she looks about 15 years old.) Never for a minute did I believe any one of these ladies...and i'm not saying women can't be beautiful and intelligent, but how about being realistically portrayed? Nothing in the "Pentagon mystery code" was complicated enough to convince me why the guy cleaning the building couldn't have made this connection!
Anthony Anderson shows up with the comic relief. This time, he's a super hacker trying to be funny, be amazed as the movie about giant transforming robots treats you to scenes of Anderson scarfing down an entire plate of donuts by himself, and yelling at his grandmother to drink her prune juice.
The storyline could've used more Megatron (esp a transforming Megatron), more Transformer scenes (they aren't revealed until late into the movie). Less emphasis on the angsty teenage portion (who really cares?!) Marvel at one scene where it's broad daylight, and the next when it's pitch black at night. (Guess your continuity people took a big nap.)
The forehead slapping, overlong scene of the Transformer's stumbling around the backyard like a bad episode of Mr. Bean, knocking things over, crushing flowers, and saying things like "oops" and "my bad". Awful. YOU feel embarrassed!
It's also really difficult to tell who's who in these robot battles, and all the decepticons look the same, so it's difficult to tell what robot is entering a battle or a scene. Also, why didn't they leave Prime's face mask on? He looks way cooler with it, without, he just looks like some sort of a metal bug with these weird lips.
The climatic battle? In the middle of a major city? Not likely, even for the most dull witted hero. As far as I can figure out they did this for "more stuff for robots to knock over, and for humans to climb on, and for Bay to blow up."
On the up side, Shia didn't annoy me, it was awesome that Peter Cullen voiced Optimus, I always liked Bumble Bee, but why change his car for the flashy stick out like a sore thumb Camaro? He could've at least been a new VW bug. Sam's dad is funny. (The mother however makes you want to hang yourself with a shoelace.) John Turturro, (i'm still wondering what he's doing in this movie, and if he really needs a paycheck that badly.) Not the worst movie i've ever seen, but nothing I care to watch again. 4/10