as far as empty-headed summer blockbusters go, this is the empty-headiest!

Rating: 4/10 (10 June 2008)

For some Michael Bay can do no wrong. For others, he's the anti-Christ in cinema today. I'm nowhere near the former, though maybe not exactly the latter either. He does what he does and his films make money (with the exception of the Island, ironically since that film is somewhat more watchable than most). So he's a safe bet for the studios to do what he does, which are big, noisy, shiny, and completely empty-headed popcorn action pictures where the special effects triumph overwhelmingly over any human presence. This has never been more relevant a criticism than in Transformers, even if it might not an abomination like Pearl Harbor, or like Armageddon where its awfulness dawns on the viewer after a first somehow impressive viewing.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I should note that I wasn't a "fan" of the transformers by much when I was a kid (which, of course, is the best time to become a fan- they're cars that turn into fighting alien robots after all), and never watched the animated movie. So it wasn't a priority to seek out a film version directed by Michael Bay. After finally seeing the movie, it's a reasonable conclusion that it has either found its audience or never will. For those who might love a big, clunky, overlong and densely-plotted flick where the humans are given dumb-ass dialog in lieu of overpowering visual/special FX that moves at the speed of delirious light, it hits the nail on the head. For those who want, er, substance, look elsewhere. It's a film based upon a *toyline*, after all.
So, saying that it *is* empty-headed and silly may almost be a plus for some. And, in a sense, for Bay this has now become his forte. And indeed, needless to say, when one turns off their logic centers of the cerebral cortex and tries the 'go-with-the-flow' nature of the action sequences, of those giant alien robots fighting ridiculously with other robots all over some cube, it almost is kind of fun. Almost. But as soon as one is stuck with the human beings, characters like Shia Labouf's character, it's a little torturous when it's clear that Bay can't direct actors (it's not that Labouf is even not talented, as evidenced in the latest Indiana Jones picture). And there are a lot of scenes with these silly humans, far more silly than those with the robots, who work on a guilty pleasure level of excitement even for a viewer as reluctant to appreciate the finer nature of the movie's appeal.
Here's the bottom line, folks. It's a huge fantasy movie that has no real discernible plot, that often invokes "the world wide web" and "ebay" like they're sacred objects. It relies on dialog that any other filmmaker (well, maybe not Spielberg, who produced the movie) would find mostly laughable. It's cinematography is shiny, like an overpriced Christmas tree. It's got hot new young talents like Megan Fox, used mostly for eye candy. And Bay even tries to throw in "real" actors, like Jon Voight and, for a few cool moments, John Tuturro. And the work put into designing the robots by the VFX animators is commendable. Transformers, for me, isn't a total disaster, but a sign of the times, of marketing and packaging for a young and seemingly hungry crowd for loud, stupid action to lumber along at a frantic, uneven pace. In short, it's Michael Bay, as clear as alien-robot-transformer crystals.