All Kinds of Bad You Should See on the Big Screen

Rating: 5/10 (16 July 2007)

From the moment Optimus Prime began narrating, I knew I chose the wrong movie to see. From hokey narration we go immediately to senselessly blowing lots of stuff up. Michael Bay took the action coloring book, stayed in the lines well enough, but used all the wrong colors, maybe all the same color. Action movies can be brilliant, even some of Bay's own films. This one wasn't.
The Cube has crash landed on earth, and both the Autobots and Decepticons are looking for it. Without a doubt, the robots look absolutely awesome, these are simply the greatest special effects in a film to date. That said, the Decepticons, the bad guys, essentially all look the same. Honestly, this doesn't matter, because nothing in the script or the story does anything to distinguish any of them anyway. The Autobots on the other hand, are drawn to show plenty of character individually, but only two really get any attention from the film makers development-wise. Perhaps half way through the movie was just too late to start introducing the good guys.
It's impossible to tell if the acting is good or not. Like the Star Wars sequels, the script is just that bad. I'm pretty sure Megan Fox was pretty weak, though. LaBeouf has a style all his own, the way he delivers lines, he kind of attacks naturalness, but once you get used to it, it's actually easy to like.
Don't expect any surprises in plot. Don't expect any sort of sophisticated humor, besides a decent attempt when Sam (LaBeouf) picks out his car. Other than that, it's all pee jokes and boy/girl awkwardness. Dramatic lines like, "Megatron must be stopped no matter the cost," and, "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings," come off painfully banal and unjustified.
Halfway through, I realized I didn't care what happened, or, I already knew what was going to happen, and just didn't care to watch a story I could have told in 20 seconds. Go, take a nap, wake up and see some good special effects, then go back to catching up on some sleep.