Good but totally vacuous

Rating: 8/10 (6 July 2007)

That about sums up Transformers.
What you get here is about 45 mins of totally awesome giant-robot-mashing a$$ kickery interspersed with 95 minutes of Stupid.
I don't know what I was expecting though I mean Transformers is for kids right? OK yeah it was but most of those kids that watched the show when it was in it's heyday have now grown up. Well Transformers hasn't although I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing but it will possibly mean that people that remember the source material fondly will look at parts of this movie and think, man is this what passed for cool when I was a kid?
It often feels like Michael Bay has blended two movies together here, you get the stock action movie, with tense war room situations, stereotypical characters, big explosions, cliché dialog etc. And then you get the actual bits with the Transformers in which, while epic in spectacle are clearly aimed at kids with dialog and exposition worse than the original series. Some of it will make you cringe it's so corny.
The opening of the movie where one of the decepticons assaults an army base in the desert is really well done and when you see the first robot transformation your jaw will hit the floor. We're talking thousands of moving parts with panels twisting, hydraulics working, sections coming apart and coming together. The FX are freaking awesome. And thats what carries the movie and keeps you watching cos I'll tell you what, it ain't the story. There's isn't one. Thats right but what did you expect.
Transformers the live action movie was always going to be as successful as the FX and the action and thats what we get here by the bucketload. You can see most of the budget up on the screen. There are a few nitpicky things that fans will probably complain about. Bumble Bee isn't a beetle car since the film makers couldn't get permission to use the car for the movie. Optimus Prime has no faceplate for most of the movie. I didn't think that one was too bad myself but I've heard fanboys really whine and complain about it.
Shia Labeouf puts in the only decent performance of note throughout the whole movie which is the only reason to get behind his one dimensional character. I suppose John Tuturo is alright in his small role.
When the robots aren't on screen doing their thing we're treated to derivative "seen it all before" filler crap that aims for clichés and cheap gags to link the awesome bits together. None of them are really so lame as to spoil the movie but it's really totally by the numbers and surely the writers could have come up with something a bit better but they probably figured they could get away with it because with the subject matter they were onto a surefire license to print money.
In the end it's a movie you'll see and most will probably really enjoy it for what it is. A shallow but epic action movie with giant robots galore breaking stuff, destroying buildings and looking really good while doing it. A popcorn movie. Thats about all you get and for a lot of people thats probably enough.
Technology in movies now is getting to the point where epic spectacle and action is fast becoming the norm and if we don't get some story with our eye candy then things could be in danger of becoming very bland indeed.