Transformers......ummm WTH. My take/review, spoilers!

Rating: Null/10 (15 May 2008)

Like many I grew up with the 80's Transformers, but unlike many I did not over hype myself for this movie. The movie was entertaining, with that said let me move on.
What in the hell is with the overly used humor? Seriously, this movie should be categorized as a comedy. Some of the humor was just way too stupid, stupid to the point I felt embarrassed( Jazz's introduction and dialog, bumblebee taking a leak on a man, the knock on President Bush etc, etc). But then wait, after all the humor being shoved down you're throat out of nowhere we are given a heart felt scene with bumblebee being captured( this won't be the first time you are forced to have feelings for bumblebee). Mix in a little adolescent sexual overtone with the "kids" that this movie needs to revolve around, and you'll get the idea.
The story is also weak IMHO. It really felt "rushed", almost like it was the last thing created for this movie. The writers apparently were confused as well, seeing as a movie titled transformers and is suppose to be about ROBOTS simply revolves around the human characters way too much. Nothing really more to say on that.
Now we move onto the robot designs. While good, I felt they were a little too complicated and destroy any notion that megatron couldn't be a gun because he shrinks & unshrinks when he transforms. These robots definitely are "more than meets the eye", a LOT more.The over complication of the robot designs made the battle scenes a mess to watch half the time I wasn't even sure what the hell I was looking at. Even in HD it still looks messy. Not to mention Megatron looks like a mighty morphin power ranger villain and when I see Ironhides head I immediately think of a cat.
I'm not sure why Hollywood always insist on having movies revolve around teenage characters? Transformers is no different. Not only are we going to have teens the movie revolves around, but where going to kill a few birds with one stone. We are going to make the movie revolve around them and there subtle attraction for one another, THEN we are making her the "popular" girl who eventually falls for the geeky underdog on top of the fact that shes really a bad girl with a record and he's a sensitive yet goofy man. I couldn't make this **** up if I tried. I also really don't get adding Anthony Anderson or his character to the script? "The woman( character name escapes me ) proclaims He's the guy who can break the code, even though the she has already said no one on the planet could". Guess what, he doesn't, he just explains what "it" is.....which has already been done. Seriously what the hell was the point of adding him? Did they need to balance out the movie with a funny black man since they already had a serious one? The battle scenes between the robots really seemed short and rushed as well and none felt epic. The fight between bone crusher and prime was the best believe it or not. I would have hoped that the battle between prime and megatron would have been something to remember but the battle is one of many that are very forgettable in this movie. The over complicated desing of the robots makes the battles a real eye sore( literally ).
What is with the panning dramatic camera angle on the humans faces for? Transformers........robots. You would think there would be some of Bays signature epic panning camera on the transformers especially at the start when blackout is introduced. But no, we'll use that feature for the humans. Why the hell exactly would marines want to hide the cube in the city where the risk for casualties is immensely high? I understand disbelief needs to be thrown out for any movie but damn if its not completely destroyed on this flick. Last complaint. WTH is with Bay and his obsession with sweat? Seriously looks like he had the actors sit in the heat for two hours before shooting. Air conditions apparently don't exist in Bay's movies because this isn't his only flick where he does this. Everyone has a constantly sheen and in some cases drenched look. The last three times watching this I'm thinking through the whole movie "damn, I feel like taking yet another shower".
Now we draw near the end, the secretary of defense and company are trapped in a room trying to fight off a little tweaker robot( the comedic humor for this movie in case you didn't get any of the other humor throughout the movie ). The rest of the robots are battling it out in the city while managing to not really be too confrontational with each other( a shot here a shot there ). Then the secretary of defense is addressing the nation...wait wha, did I blink? Did they even show him & company get out of the room or deal a final blow to the tweaker robot? Seriously, I can't remember. Also what the hell happened to barricade at the end? The decepticons were sorely underused to begin with, I'm sure in favor of more screen time our teenage lovers.