The Worst Film Ever Made

Rating: 1/10 (8 October 2007)

"The Worst Film Ever Made" was a previous title I held for another Michael Bay film Armageddon. I'm not a fan of his movies but I was however willing to give this movie a chance as it looked like fun. I was never a fan of the original cartoon as I was too old at the time but I did see and enjoy the carton Movie in 1996. I'm aware that Transformers is a summer blockbuster and is supposed to be lighthearted fun so I can forgive it the terrible and clichéd romance between the beauty and the geek and the many corny lines but it kept throwing so many curve balls my way I couldn't ignore the many flaws and eventually I switched off the DVD. I neither know, nor care, how it ended. Why do I think it was so bad? There is the complete absence of a story. Robots come to earth and fight, the end. The acting went from mediocre to bad. When the robots are finally introduced the movie changes tone from semi serious mood to wise cracking silly antics  jarringly. The various Transformers are introduced in a sloppy, and anything but memorable manner, which shows what a clumsy director Michael Bay is. The robots themselves are badly designed and 'transform' in an abstract blur of fancy CGI only to distract that there is no cohesive design  there is a truck, spinning CGI, then there is a robot, they do not actually transform at all. The cheap plastic toys you could get in the 80s were more impressively designed. The flashy but inadequate robot design meant the fight sequences were an unchoreographed mess that completely lacked tension. On top of that there is a shocking approach to casual violence which is surprising considering Steven Spielberg's recent outburst against violence on TV. A man is flicked aside against a car which would obviously kill him for a throw away gag. A building is ripped through by two fighting robots as you see people running around on the various floors before they die. I'm guessing Bay thought it would be clever to see such detail but I felt it was gratuitous and sickening. Other utterly ridiculous ideas are weak but when the giant pyramid of Giza size cube folds itself up into a Rubix cube size key ornament my common sense just wanted to bail out of the movie altogether. I know it's only a movie and I shouldn't even be thinking about physics, I know the average age watching the movie wouldn't be bothered, and I'm no science geek but it is just so impossible for that much mass to disappear and I just had to laugh at the concept. The robots have such little 'humanity' in their personalities that during the 'death sequence' I really couldn't have cared less. At the final fight sequence I was so bored, as I said earlier, I just switched off the DVD and went to bed. The Worst FIlm Ever Made isn't hyperbole, Michael Bay worked hard to earn that credit.