this gave me a headache

Rating: 1/10 (27 April 2016)

After nine or so years, it's only now that I get to review this live action turkey. To be honest, I wasn't that excited to hear the news of a non-animated version of the Transformers, especially something that was to be shown on the big screen. It's not like I haven't seen giant transforming robots on the big (or small) screen before. For example there's that obscure and forgotten Power Rangers movie back in the 90s or how about the countless super sentai shows in Japan? I just don't think big mecha would translate real well in a live-action setting as they do in the animated format and after seeing Bay's movie, I was proved right all along.
Instead of Hasbro wasting all that money on big name stars and special effects, why not hire a competent Japanese anime director, hire Japanese animators (the studio behind "Transformers Zone" is highly recommended)and stick with the aesthetics of the original 1980s animated movie. I guarantee if Hasbro followed what I just suggested here, the spirit of the first two seasons of the 80s Transformers cartoon would be revived for both old fans and new.
Of course, judging from the current decisions of the present Hasbro management, this won't be happening anytime soon because they would rather be trendy and modern. Better to create more shows and movies to keep the hipsters in the populace happy right? It helps them buy more mansions, luxury cars and pay for the trophy wife's boob job. The toy buying sheeple of course would continue supporting Hasbro; they don't want their supply of garbage movies, shows and crap toys to end.
To get back to the live-action film, I don't think it's Bay's fault alone that it turned out to be this great steaming pile of horse dung. I actually like his Bad Boys films so I can't really blame him. I think what is at fault are the people financing the movie. They know the psychology of the demographic they were aiming for. Big dumb movie for big dumb people right? The type of people weaned on a daily helping of American Idol and Master Chef. The kind of people who gush about the Kardashians and listen to the latest insipid Justin Bieber hit. That is what this sorry excuse for a movie was made. For the non-discriminating masses who have simple tastes. They obviously can't tell or discern what makes a movie good or bad.
The designs of the robots were crap to begin with. And what about the transformation sequence? It sucks. None of the witty rearranging of parts like in the cartoon. All you see is a bunch of pixels morphing. And the story was written by people who overdosed on crack cocaine.
In conclusion, this is a film for the multiplayer gaming attention deficit disorder crowd. A barometer of modern civilization's decline and decadence.