Transformers.... by Michael Bay...

Rating: 6/10 (15 October 2012)

For starters... I am a "Transformers G1" fan and I love those good old 80s TV series. Because I think they were great! So expect a ranting that is kinda mix of Christian Bale and Lewis Black.
Now! Let's start with the people who came up with the retarded idea for this film and those guys are Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman and John Rogers. They are the "writers"... who ruined our childhood by their idea and thanks to Bay this idea was produced on big screen. The producers of this film said that they are a G1 fans and they wanted to make the same film. Well... they lied. The idea was to give us robots who don't talk at all... Have they even seen a G1 cartoon? Than Orci and Kurtzman come up with the idea that robots should talk, but they're will not be the focus of the film... And that's ladies and gentlemen... the Hollywood. They should rename it - No-idea-wood. So, take the original idea, turn it to a dump and hand it to Michael Bay.
Which leads us to Bay himself. This guy is unbelievable. Who just keep making expensive films that looks like giant commercials. His camera angles, plot holes... incredible! How come that this guy exist in the world of cinema? Explosions? Son of a... OK, we expect explosions in Transformers film, so... good for Bay. But, not good for us. Bay is really an expert to irritate audiences and ruin his own films. I guess what? He did ruined our childhoods. The G1 cartoons are cool even today. They were the best! Now, Bay's directing of the film... nothing but dumb plot holes, for one moment, it is a middle of the day, the next second - night. Who turned off the lights?! Shallow, irritating (human) characters, they seemed lost in the film. I mean, look at the actors, they looked so uninterested so... without emotions. I am not saying that most of them were bad actors, but they really looked kinda... "Oh, we are here, we are payed". I think that the only good thing is music score by Steve Jablonsky. And there are few more. We'll be back later on that...
Actors: Shia LaBeouf as Sam Witwicky (the name Sam... was it that hard to give him a real name - 'Spike'! His name is Spike!). Shia is not bad actor, but he seemed pretty irritating on some occasions, he is more like to be a future comedian in sweet, romantic comedies, or action comedies. Megan Fox as Mikaela. Megan was there just to look hot and sexy, for that's all she is... hot and sexy. To attract moviegoers that find leading actress pretty. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson... nothing special in their performances. Rachel Taylor, well she is not bad as an actress, but... she was here for cuteness too. Anthony Anderson was here for comic relief, but no luck, he was loud and irritating. Jon Voight and John Tururro? Two greatest actors in the film, they did this for the money. When you see Turturro as a g-man, you know that it's not gonna be serious. His character was designed as another comic relief, but... no luck. Kevin Dunn as Ron Witwicky, he was good (but they didn't address him to his G1 nickname 'Sparkplug', and he is not an engineer...) Julie White as Judy Witwicky, she was awesome! (but alas... Spike didn't have a mother in G1). We also had Bernie Mac in some of his last film roles...
Now, the robots. As Bay stated "he didn't want to make a stupid robot film" and "he didn't want for robots to look like some funny boxes from the cartoon". If you don't want to make a stupid film about robots... don't do it at all! Let's start with the design of the robots. Well, I can't argue with that, the design is good, it's very rational in many ways, rather to look like "boxes", but if you ask me, you could put "box robots" in the film, but the movie crew who works on design, on concept idea, they were to lazy to even try and test how would it look. But, the robots didn't look that bad. The wrong thing about them is their character. In G1, the robots were important, they were the focus. But, here, robots comes second. The autobots are heroic and decepticons are evil and that's it. They don't talk much, they didn't really give some stronger personality, instead, they are retards. Bumblebee for example, he is mute and he could communicate through the sounds and radio and that's a sacrilege! Bumblebee is one of the most famous autobots, if not even more famous than Optimus himself. Megatron for example is just evil and that's it. He wasn't that long on screen, he came out of nowhere and that's it "I'm evil and I am megatron!". Optimus was OK, just like we expected, so Peter Cullen (the voice of Optimus who did the voice in G1 cartoon), he was Optimus again and he was good. Hugo Weaving voiced Megatron. Hugo is a brilliant actor, but he was given to little to make something out of it. Decepticons are speaking in cybertronian language... what a waste of time and idea. Keep talking in English! Why don't autobots talk in their own language? Because it makes decepticons more menacing. Face it, robots look good outside, but inside - retards. The only transformer that I like is Bonecrusher, he looked cool and he had a cool, evil personality, alas... he was there very short. And that's your film... ruined forever with this piece of crap. Bay also did a sequel, because no one touches his "baby", well maybe it's your baby, but it's not your original idea. I give it 6 out of 10 because it is entertaining.