Just because it's about toys doesn't mean it has to be this kiddy

Rating: 4/10 (8 January 2008)

Good action movies in my opinion have three things: good action (duh), great characters, and great humor. "Transformers", Michael Bay's latest lackluster effort, does a decent job in the action department but fails miserably at the other two aspects.
I say "decent" job for in all honesty the action here is competent, but nothing you haven't seen before. The transformers themselves look nice, and the explosions even look very nice (explosions are probably the one thing Michael Bay is really good at), but the action sequences are all by the numbers.
Also, the characters are so poorly worked out that it's hard to care about them at all, and it's painfully obvious any way that this movie is gonna play it perfectly safe and not kill of any main characters. These factors combined kill any suspense there might have been, reducing most of the action to just pretty pictures that leave you totally cold.
Everything else about this movie is pretty much bogus too. First, there are the constant attempts at humor. Humor is an essential element of an action movie, but the jokes here are so lame that they probably won't even make a ten year old smile.
Secondly, there's the horrible dialog. Just about every line that is not a failed attempt at humor is some kind of overblown hollow heroic phrase or something that's perfectly obvious ("Look, here comes the tank decepticon again").
Oh, and since this is a Michael Bay movie, it's also full or false sentiment and bombast. Whenever something remotely dramatic or meaningful happens, everything goes to slow motion and the music swells to sickening levels. Meanwhile, the audience does not care one way or another.
If you're looking for a movie with plenty of explosions that lacks any kind of heart, humor, or wit. Look no further. If you actually want something you can enjoy for 2 hours and 15 minutes, stay way clear.
** out of *****