A lame attempt disguised as a blockbuster

Rating: 1/10 (16 September 2007)

While I know I'll get wailed on for this especially since its my first comment, I have to side with the haters on this one. I like so many others grew up in the 80's watching and loving Transformers. And when I saw that the movie was coming, I actually didn't have high hopes. With everything else that we loved as children being reinvented, revamped, reworked, retooled, reloaded, rehashed, and any other words that describe something wonderful being fed into a wood chipper then spat back onto our movie screens, this was no different than those three Wolverine plus ensemble films, or Willy and the chocolate factory. This movie could have been so huge, and everyone else other than me and my sister raves about it. I suppose I was immune to the LSD in the Pepsi. What film did they watch.
This is supposedly an action film that somewhere gets sucked up in a tornado and lands into a bad comedy. Practically every scene is laced with moronic jokes. The plot tries to focus on way to many non sequential characters. Am I watching a movie about robots? About military guys fighting a scorpion? About computer hackers? An American Pie teen sex comedy?
Shia Lebouff comes off as your typical done a thousand times teen underdog who is shy, and socially inept, yet gets the hot girl anyway. The girl comes off as very slutty to me for some reason. And the chemistry between the two just isn't believable. The girl's dialog is tedious at best with lines like "They know your name" yeah thanks I caught that 2 seconds ago when they said it.
The Transformers themselves are sad shells of their cartoon versions. The transformations themselves while cool are very confusing, many of the robots are similar in color scheme and you loose track of which one is which. I'm not even entirely sure what Megatron transformed into.....a jet of some sort? He was always a gun or a cannon in the show.
Basically if you loved this show as a child and don't get swept up by the hype and the thrall of "Its transformers, so I'll love it no matter how bad it sucks" mentality, you will hate this movie. You'll spend your entire time cringing at masturbation jokes, and peeing Autobots. Personally I think the taco bell dog joke was pretty bad, that social reference has been dead for years, let it go.