transformers review

Rating: 1/10 (8 July 2007)

Michael Bay + Transformers = failure + pissing robots.... wtf?
PRO = ILM SFX CON = Michael Bay (and the chaos that ensues)
A family rambles on about masturbation, and one of the transformers pisses on a human....
Every person on this site I'm sure would know better then to have scenes like this in the new transformers movie. Michael Bay in his infinite wisdom of appealing to the "target demographic" knows no better. The movie was a disgrace, and I do not blame the producers for hiring (or subsequently not firing) the director since I'm sure he was a integral part of financing. I blame Michael Bay since his "style" is all over this film.
This is not a Transformers movie, this is a stupid action film with robots that transform. Bay completely disregarded the fans of this property (i.e. comments in Wired magazine stating since he's the director, he's going to do whatever he damn well pleases and put flames on the truck cause visually it looks cool) News flash Michael Bay, you're blinded by whatever you think "looks cool" and not about story, heart, the characters or the 99 other things that make a movie good.
I confess I didn't follow the story, and I didn't care to. The film starts out well enough, but the bland characters began to beat reality into my head that this was a very poor film. About 30 minutes into the film, where the transformers are standing around in the garden killing the plants etc, I gave up on this film. (shortly before the American pie 4 rejected scene about masturbation) The story makes no sense, and I don't want to point out the plot holes. By the time the action started at the end of the film, I simply didn't care. That's a hard thing to for a director to do, since for the last 20 years of my life I wanted to see robots transform and fight. Yet bay managed to undo 20 years of building excitement in a few hours.
I don't even know where to begin with Prime's lips or the robots designs. They are so completely asinine that words fail me. I only think of Bay thinking, "well, we'll make them have lots of moving parts, really complex cause that's cool". Another example of his flawed judgment as a filmmaker. They should have stayed true to the original designs of the Transformers.
While most will just say, "well I love the action, so this movie kicks ass". Well you're letting this movie off the hook. I don't agree with the style in which Michael Bay has his action sequences shot. Overly hyper kinetic and so frantic I cannot tell what's going on. The second this film starts, you know it's a Michael Bay by the filters they use and the generic butt rock. I guess that's why Bay is hired, cause he will give you exactly the same thing over and over again. While that's fine, and I know to avoid his films.... I have a problem when he disrespects everything that is special about Transformers.
This movie is a mindless action film. I guess that's all that Bay aspires to, since there is no characters to fall in love with. No hero to route for, no hero is despise. There is nothing here but a hollow, shell of a movie. You might as well just have ILM cut a version of this movie with just all the effects and sell that version. You tell me one person in the audience who gave a rats ass about any of the characters.... and who were not just waiting for the robots to show up? And mind you, Bay removed any kind of connection to the Autobots etc. that I had. I wanted to like this movie with every fiber of my being. I would have been the easiest to please with just a few things to latch onto. There was nothing there.
If I made the movie, I would embrace what is loved about transformers. Focus on the transformers (not about a horny teenager). I would have set the film in the 1980's and embraced that whole era of time. At least they had some of the original voice cast for this film, but it's too little, too late. My brain is breaking down now since I'm extremely upset that they ruined this film. Obviously the nostalgia was there since the film opened so well at the box office. Hopefully when they "re-imagine" this film, since they would be foolish to make a direct sequel, they will respect what we love about the transformers, and not dumb it down to nothing more then a action film with robots. I wish they didn't call this transformers, since now the name transformers is a little tarnished. shame on you Michael Bay. shame on you.