Good news everyone, they haven't screwed it up

Rating: 7/10 (1 August 2007)

Before you read the following review, I want you to be aware of something: I am a huge Transformers nerd. Not big enough to name myself after obscure Japanese Decepticons or anything, but still geeky enough to have amassed a sizable collection of merchandise and regularly cry myself to sleep muttering "oh Megatron, nobody loves you but me." Therefore it was with some trepidation that I approached the eagerly awaited live action movie, especially seeing as all the pre-release hype seemed to be focused on Megan Fox bending over a car bonnet. And that it was made by Michael Bay and the last time he made a film with "tremendous respect for the source material," we got the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Thus it is with some relief that I can sit here and tell you that the best thing about Transformers is that isn't a complete disaster. In fact it's really very good and one of the strongest no-brain blockbusters to turn up in a summer that's been filled with them. However, it's not without its faults.
Now given my little introduction above, you're probably thinking I'm going to spend the entire word limit complaining about the character designs but I'll try not to. This is an entirely new spin after all and moaning about how Ironhide doesn't look like Ironhide anymore isn't going to achieve anything, (did Frenzy really have to be an irritating gremlin with a comedy voice though?). However, what can't be denied is that the majority of the Transformers in this film have zero characterisation and consequently, in the huge mass of violence that closes the movie, it's sometimes difficult to tell who we are meant to be cheering for. In fact only Optimus Prime gets a decent depiction and even Bumblebee, for all his screen time, is robbed of significant development by being burdened with the irritating gimmick of talking through an in-car radio, effectively ruining any chance of a meaningful, ET-style friendship to develop between him and Sam (Shia Lebeouf).
On the plus side though, Lebeouf is really good. In fact, he's probably the best thing about the entire film, high praise indeed considering he's been cast as the human foil for audiences to cling onto when all they really want is two hours of robots smacking the living daylights out of each other. As Sam, he is nerdish enough to convince you that he could slip under the school hottie's radar for five years but at the same time, possesses a charm and sense of humour to ensure he doesn't go walking around with a "gee whizz, how cool" demeanour whenever a car explodes.
Furthermore, the Spielberg influence is rife and gives the film a welcome degree of comedy. Sam's attempt to hide five robots that are bigger than his house from his delightfully-odd parents is arguably, the highlight of the storyline. It gives the proceedings a very human element which is lacking in all the scenes where Sam doesn't appear - the attempts to humanise the soldiers in the generic military combat zone at the beginning for instance are horribly cheesy and serve only to let anyone who's seen more than five films know that they'll be dead within seconds.
And then there's the action. Where would a Michael Bay film be without action? And Transformers delivers the goods but sadly, doesn't deliver them enough. Three scenes really stand out: the Decepticon helicopter Blackout's introductory rampage, Prime's highway duel with Bonecrusher and Starscream's mid-air scrap with the US air force. Each of these moments is a terrific jolt of adrenalin but by and large, the robot on robot combat is a let down. Credit that to Bay's love of wildly over the top camera movements and inability to stay still for a second, as Bumblebee's ruckus with Barricade, and Ironhide scrapping with Devastator become confusing spectacles where it isn't clear who is meant to be hitting who. Alongside this is the fact that for large portions of the film, the robots, especially the Decepticons, are conspicuously absent, to the extent where your mind starts to wander while waiting for the next fight.
Aside from these few complaints however is the sense that they tried to make the scope a bit too grand. The majority of the story is told from Sam's point of view, but at time it veers off to show events from the perspective of the military and a team of code-breakers. This fractures the story development and in truth, the film would have been far better if they'd narrowed their focus a bit and concentrated solely on Sam.
But like I said, the good news is that Bay, Spielberg et al haven't ruined the franchise. Indeed, despite the impression I might be giving, Transformers is a very enjoyable movie and I welcome the prospect of future sequels, its just that I was always going to be bit extra-critical of this film. There is an undeniable degree of childhood excitement to be had watching the first transformation sequence and seeing Optimus Prime act like Optimus Prime, while at the same time sounding like Optimus Prime is a pure nostalgic treat. When it comes to it, for all the plot holes and complaints I've picked up on, the only thing that's liable to ruin Transformers for anyone is the fact that the Decepticons are rarely on screen, especially Megatron and Starscream who only show up for about five minutes each. If you're not a geek, add another two stars to the score.