The Enigma of the Human Mind.

Rating: 6/10 (21 September 2013)

Well, I must say this is the most vulgar movie Schwarzenegger ever made. The profanity was so astonishing that I had to run the film again and count the number of loathsome words used by the man who was to become the governor of the great state of California. There were thirteen instances of the "f" word, seven of the "a" word, eight of the "s" word (including those cases in which the word was incorporated into the expression usually indicated as "BS"), five "q" words, four "x" words, and one case of the "z" word, for which I am willing to exculpate him because it's a well-known fact that all Viennese are fond of zithers. I suppose a man can't help being what he is.
That's certainly true in the example before us. Arnold, with his endearing accent ("Heff a nize day") is what he's been programmed to be by the folks who monopolize the Tympanium mine on Mars ("Mozz") and try to kill all the rebels and turn Arnold's identity so inside out that he doesn't know whether he's coming or going. His mind implants may (or may not) undergo a schizophrenic embolism, which is a neat trick all by itself, but he inserts himself into the rebel group on Mars as a kind of mole for the job creators. He does so with the help of a jive-talking black guy who drives his taxi. At least I think that's what happens. Whenever Arnold came up with his most quizzical look, I was right with him. If anyone can explain why Arnold is disguised as a middle-aged overweight woman at the Mars Airport, and why the get-up suddenly goes awry -- well, I don't know.
That's enough of the plot, I think. It's a kaleidoscope of strange images, non sequiturs, and appalling vulgarity. I'll tell you the truth, I was sickened by the odious imprecations. I'm still stunned. And to think this man was my co-star in the magnificent "Raw Deal." True, he accidentally knocked me on my dupa during a brawl in a gambling den. I leaped at once to my feet and informed him -- not in an unfriendly manner -- that my hands were registered as lethal weapons in the state of New Jersey.
The fact is that the language would have been tolerable, as would the popping out of eyeballs (twice), and the ridiculous menacing earth movers covered on all sides with giant worm gears, if only the movie had had some gratuitous nudity. But, no. Rachel Ticotin is a beautiful woman and doesn't even get to wear a skin-tight suit like Emma Peel.
So while away the hour and a half and watch the eyeballs pop.