Cab for Mr. Allen!

Rating: 1/10 (5 July 2013)

The scene opens with a small red haired guy sitting in a movie theatre staring at the flickering images on the screen. The black and white images are reflected in his black framed glasses. His eyes are wide in wonder and awe, he holds a bag of popcorn in his hands but he never eats any. The movie finishes and he remains transfixed as the sparse audience leaves the darkness of the cinema.
"I gotta make this movie in Rome, Fellini made his movies in Rome"
The red haired guy is now a grey haired old guy and he's talking to someone in staccato, stuttering phrases.
"Whaddya mean, I'm no Fellini? Did Fellini ever win an Oscar?"
A woman's voice replies like a patient parent trying to explain to a five year old he has to go to bed.
"And Bergman made his movies in Sweden but you never went there did you?"
"Yeah, I know but Sweden is cold and gloomy"
"So were all your Bergman homage movies"
"Whaddya mean? hey I gotta tell ya, I got great reviews for those movies and.."
"...very few paying customers"
"It's not all about money, Fellini never made any money either"
"That's the only thing you have in common with Fellini"
"Oh, funny! who writes your screenplays?"
"Not you, obviously"
"Listen, I'm going to make this movie in Rome and that's that"
"Enjoy your holiday"
"It's not a holiday, I'll be making a movie"
"With you it's the same thing"
"Listen honey, people will love it, I guarantee it"
"Sure they will, everyone loves to look at holiday snaps"
"Oh! you really gotta start putting this stuff down on paper"
"And you should stop making holiday movies"
"Fellini never had to put up with kind of stuff"
"He didn't think he was Woody Allen"
This is a terrible movie. Don't waste your time. Woody Allen has lost any plot he may have had, as has this movie. It is a hopeless attempt by the once great director to be Fellini and it fails on every level. Apart from the nice photography it is rubbish. It is with a heavy heart that I must write these words about a man that has produced a few of the truly great movies, but I'm afraid I must. Midnight in Paris was bad but this is even worse. Except this doesn't have Owen Wilson, which is the only saving grace I can think of.